JOKE: The Successful Man & Woman

[Rixter]

Here's my definitions of the Successful Woman & Successful Man.

The Successful Man is the man who can out earn what his wife can spend.

The Successful Woman is the woman who can find that Successful Man!

:D ;)

[Sunstone]

Rixter,

Now how politically correct is that one?

Maybe you need to share more goals with your better half?

Cheers,

Sunstone.

[Rixter]

Sunstone,

I dont give a stuff about Political Correctness! That's whats wrong in this world today - there should be more people who call a spades a spade instead of all these people who just pussy foot around!;)

[Sunstone]

Rixter,

Diplomacy and patience are virtues.

There is a flip side to everything and stereotypes can be dangerous as are pre-conceived conceptions.

.....maybe it's too deep for a Saturday...... Well nine hour plane flights and no sleep do wonders for the mind.

Cheers,

Sunstone. :-------------)

[prunster]

I had to laugh the other day at a program on T.V.

In these times where EQUAL RIGHTS is a BIG issue, a women had the gaul to complain that nobody stood up to offer their seat on a bus.

The women would have had a valid point if she was an invalid or frail, neither of which she displayed.

Whatever happened to first in best dressed?

[geoffw]

PC bah humbug!

I went into maccas today. I was nice, I opened the door for the lady with a child, and also for the young girl behind her.

Barely a thank you from either.

I stood behind the young girl in one queue. Her family of six rejoined her quickly.

The lady with child was in the other queue, and got served quickly. As did three others behind her.

The girl (and her family) in front took her time.

The item I ordered was now out of stock.

All up, 15 minutes delay because I was nice. Hungry family were p*d off because I took so long.

And I got slated because I got into work late.

[prunster]

Originally posted by geoffw
PC bah humbug!

I went into maccas today. I was nice, I opened the door for the lady with a child, and also for the young girl behind her.

Barely a thank you from either.



So they did say thank you. At least that was something. ;)

[Jakk]

G'Day geoffw,

Should have gone to Hungry Jakks, the burgers are better there and the queues are shorter.

regards

[prunster]

Originally posted by Jakk
G'Day geoffw,

the burgers are better there

regards

Hey, that quote would make a great catch cry. ;)

[john doe]

My 2 cents worth....

The successful man is the one who realises the immense worth that lies in a woman and can let her strong business intellect, which is not mutually exclusive to either gender, reap both of them wealth; rather than letting ignorant prejudice stand in the way.

50% of the planet is populated by women guys...learn to work effectively with them or lose out big time.

John

[Rixter]

C'mon Guys & Guyesses,

This thread is suposed to be a "Team Effort". Lets all pull together & do it my way!


P.S. "John", thats a funny name for a female?

[Steve Navra]

Behind every successful man is a woman.

Telling him he has been WRONG every step of the way!!

Hmmmmm,
And now I'm running for cover . . .

Regards,

Steve

[john doe]

Hello,

Yeh, John would be an unusual name for a female wouldn't it? But it makes a great name for a smart and switched on guy.

Cheers

John

[asy]

Hmmm... Interesting topic...

I will never understand the dichotomy of the women's movement.

Let me start by saying that I believe in absolute equality. But you can't be MORE equal than someone else...

I can't understand how one moment a woman wants to be treated equally in the workplace, and at the same time, goes yelling discrimination when she doesn't get a promotion. (Don't misunderstand me, if it WAS because of sexism, yell loudly!!! Just examine your motives before crying out)

Or the woman in parliament who demands to be given a seat because she is a woman and then wants to be taken seriously?
Sheesh, if you can't get in on your own merits, um... you shouldn't be there.:rolleyes:

Where did it all go astray... seriously.

What do we, as women want? I know for a fact that many men are confused.

I can tell you what I want. I want respect.

If I get it, I will give it.

Trust me when I say that I can hold my own. I would rather treat and be treated kindly and respectfully than rudely, as is quickly becoming the norm.


Also, let's not even begin to discuss the imbecillic idea of 'Positive descrimination'.

Let's leave it at:

I am not a feminist, I am an equalist.

asy :D

(I would have said thanks, geoffw, and I would have let you in the queue in front of me if there were that many ppl with me, I do it all the time at the supermarket, when the person behind me has 5 items and I have 2 trolleys)...

[prunster]

Originally posted by asy
Hmmm... Interesting topic...

I will never understand the dichotomy of the women's movement.

Let me start by saying that I believe in absolute equality. But you can't be MORE equal than someone else...



Bravo Asy. Well put and you have my vote as a pollie.

I get very irritated by the Rad Fems out there that pull down male domains and then turn around and create women only clubs. (eg. Scouts are now unisex but Girl Guides are not and recently in Canberra, there has been a few women only gymnasiums open up.) A classic case of do as I say not as I do.

I must add though, that the problem of attitude is on both sides of the fence. I am sure that everyone has seen this and I won't dwell on the issue.

I have to admit that I do not recall having a female open a door for me though but I have had thoughtful ladies allow me to jump the grocery cue because I have only 1 or 2 items.

Something else to ponder;

Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at
home.

Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at
home.

Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at
home.

Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.

:)

[Mark Laszczuk]

Asy,
In regards to respect. How's about: If you give it you will get it. Why wait for someone else to give it you before you give it to another? Do it like that, and you'll be waitin' a REAL long time.
For everyone: If you want something given to you, give it first. It will return to you ten times over. Be the first to offer. Be the first to smile. Be the first to say 'Hello!' Be the first to tell someone you like 'You're great!' It's when you see the smiles on the recipient's faces and feel that positive energy flowing through you that you'll understand my ten times over statement.
Now I would just like to take this moment to say to everyone on the forum: YOU'RE GREAT! Thankyou, I really appreciate all that you have done for me, guys. You're all a REALLY BIG part of my success, cause you all make this forum what it is. A learning centre full of great ideas and knowledge. I wish every single one of you the very highest successes and achievements, cause I know that youse are all very capable, just like me!
Ahhh, there's that positive energy, I can feel it running through me as I type. And remember kiddywinkles, "You are where you are and what you are because of yourself. Your thinking determines your attitude, your conduct and your behaviour and they in turn largely determine your success or failure in life. Because you are always free to choose the content of your concious mind, you are always fully responsible for the consequences of what you think. Accept complete responsibility for who you are and for everything that you become." That goes for blokes AND chicks. That quote was from 'Maximum Achievement' by Brian Tracy for those that are interested.

Mark
'no hat, some cattle'

P.S. Rixter, I thought your joke was pretty funny.

[asy]

Originally posted by prunster

I get very irritated by the Rad Fems out there that pull down male domains and then turn around and create women only clubs. (eg. Scouts are now unisex but Girl Guides are not and recently in Canberra, there has been a few women only gymnasiums open up.) A classic case of do as I say not as I do.



This is what I was talking about...

If you want to be able to have exclusive women's groups and facilities (A-la Girl Guides, Women's Medical Clinics, Womens gyms[fernwood...]) Then you can't complain when men want the same thing.

Don't think I don't like the women's facilities, I do... but I don't complain when men want their own space too.

Oh, and I forgot to mention...

Trixy Rixy... I loved your joke too!! :)

asy :D

[Lily House]

asy

As a woman I have no problem in calling myself a feminist. That is, I believe in equal opportunity for all. In fact, I am very grateful for the women's movement. Yes there are still problems out there but thanks to some determined and hard working women in the past, my life is so much better than some. I can have an education, a career, and can take out a loan, and buy a property. Even simple things like being able to vote are largely due to the efforts of feminists. Feminist bashing is all too easy - why not look at the positives that have been achieved? I am also incredibly grateful to be living in Australia as a woman. There are many parts of the world today, where woman are basically just slaves to men and don't have access to education or any of the wonderful opportunities we take for granted.

I suppose I am taking Mark's stance - being positive and thankful for what we do have in life.

I'm sure Rixter was just having a little fun, and probably didn't mean for things to get so heavy. Men and women are different and there is no harm in having some fun with that. All people, whether male or female, deserve respect and opportunities. 'Feminist' does not mean 'man-hater'. You can be a feminist and have a sense of humour as well.:)

Lily

[john doe]

Well said Lily. You sound like my wife.

John

[asy]

Lily,

I agree with you absolutely

I thank goodness that there were were/are feminists, and suffragettes, and bra burners (Actually they should have burned them all, darned uncomfortable things...)

I wasn't having a go at them, only trying to say that some (not all) people take feminsm and 'political correctness' a little too far... In fact to the point where they become the very thing they are fighting against.

I agree that there are many places in the world where I would not want to live, and in these places things still need to be done.

Also, I did not say that feminist meant man-hater. I was just pointing out some of the inequality that does exist. It still exists in both directions, although I feel it is getting better...

Perhaps we all still need to watch lots more Star Trek

asy


Some times this is worth noting...

[prunster]

Originally posted by asy
Lily,

Perhaps we all still need to watch lots more Star Trek

asy


I agree with you asy. We need to base our lives on Star Trek. For one thing, nobody goes to the toilet so that alleviates the up or down problem. ;)

[geoffw]

Did people ever sleep on Star Trek? In double beds?

Nah, life should not be like that..

[prunster]

Actually Geoff, they did. Will Riker has a double bed in his quarters and has been seen lying in on at least one occasion.

[geoffw]

Lying in the double bed alone?

Nah, still prefer life here.

Especially given the lack of loos in star trek.

[asy]

Hmmm,

there have been quite a few couples in various star treks:

Riker and Troi (as mentioned), then Worf and Troi

Worf and Dax (After Troi)

B'Elanna and Parish

Miles and Keiko O'Brien (they had a married quarters on DS9 and had 2 kids)

Kes and Neelix

Yar and Data

Picard and Crusher

Kira Nerys and Odo...

need I go on??


Seems they did have a little time for extracurricular entertainment...


asy :D


Also, um, how DID Naomi Wildman get on board Voyager??

[pjb89]

Hi all

It sounds like we have a Trekkie in our midst.......


Go Asy!!!


Peter:D

[asy]

I have to admit I love this song:


Star Trekking


Chorus: Star Trekking, across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekking, across the universe,
Only going forward, 'cause we can't find reverse.


Lt. Uhura, report!

Uhura: There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow,
starboard bow.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow, [again].


Analysis!, Mister Spock!

Spock: It's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it,
not as we know it.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it, Captain.


Uhura: There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow,
starboard bow.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow, again.


Chorus: Star Trekking, across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekking, across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.


Medical update, Doctor McCoy

McCoy: It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim.
Dead, Jim.
Dead, Jim.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim.
Dead, Jim, Dead.


Spock:It's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it,
not as we know it.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it, Captain.


Uhura: There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow,
starboard bow.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow, Jim!


Starship Captain, James T. Kirk

Kirk: Ha-ha! We come in peace, shoot to kill,
shoot to kill,
shoot to kill.
We come in peace, shoot to kill,
shoot to kill, men.


McCoy: It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim.
Dead, Jim.
Dead, Jim.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim.
Dead, Jim, Dead.


Spock:Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it,
not as we know it.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it, Captain.


Uhura: There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow,
starboard bow.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
scrape 'em off, Jim.


Chorus: Star Trekking, across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk!
Star Trekking, across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!


Engine room, Mister Scott

Scotty: Ye canna change the laws of physics,
laws of physics,
laws of physics!
Ye canna change the laws of physics,
laws of physics, Jim!


Kirk: Oh, we come in peace, shoot to kill,
shoot to kill,
shoot to kill!
We come in peace, shoot to kill,
Scotty, beam me up!


McCoy: It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim!
Dead, Jim!
Dead, Jim!
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim!
Dead, Jim, Dead!


Spock: Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it,
not as we know it.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it,
not as we know it, Captain.


Uhura: There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow,
starboard bow.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow,
starboard bow, aaagain!


Scotty: Ye canna change the script, Jim! Och, the engines
McCoy: It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim!
Kirk: Bridge to engine room, warp factor nine!
Scotty: Ach! If I give 'er any more she'll blow [, Captain]!


<< boom >>
Na..na..na..na..na..na..na..na..na

Chorus: Star Trekking, across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk!
Star Trekking, across the universe,
Only going forward, 'cause we can't find reverse!

Star Trekking, across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekking, across the universe,
Only going forward, 'cause we can't find reverse.


Isn't it great!!

Also, before anyone sends psychiatric assistance ;) no, I didn't know it by heart, I got it from here (http://www.fondazionevulcaniana.it/fondazione/startrekkin.html)


Sing it LOUD!!!


asy :D

[prunster]

Doh! I gotta put my hand up in the air as to knowing the words from memory.

That song came out about 15 years ago didn't it?

[asy]

I remember singing it in high school, which was '85 and '86...

AAArgh!!

Was it that long ago... hehehe

and yes, I remembered most of the words...

Especially my favourite lines,

Ye canna change the laws of physics....

heheh

asy :D

[bundy1964]

assy said "I remember singing it in high school, which was '85 and '86..."

assy your making me feel old......I finished my appretiship in 84:rolleyes:

[geoffw]

assy your making me feel old......I finished my appretiship in 84 Assy- do you know something about Asy that I don't?

And I can certainly beat 84. Youngsters.

[geoffw]

As comment has been made in this thread about feminism and being a woman, I thought this was appropriate

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment - If you keep quiet it's male indifference
If you cry, you are a wimp - If you don't you're an insensitive beast
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain - If you don't you're a slob
If you buy her flowers, you're after something - If you don't you're thoughtless and uncaring
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her - If you don't work hard enough, you're a good for nothing
If you are proud of your achievements you're full of yourself - If you're not then you're not ambitious

[cornflower]

If a family picture is on his desk
He's a solid, responsible family man
If a family picture is on her desk
Her family comes before her career

If his desk is all cluttered
He's obviously a hard worker and busy man
If her desk is cluttered
She's obviously a disorganized scatterbrain

If he is talking with his co-workers
He must be discussing the latest policies
If she is talking with her co-workers
She must be gossiping

If he's not at his desk
He must be in the meeting
If she's not at her desk
She must be in the ladies' room

If he's not in the office
He's meeting customers
If she's not in the office
She must be out shopping

If he's having lunch with the boss
He's on the way up
If she's having lunch with the boss
They must be having an affair

If the boss criticized him
He'll improve his performance
If the boss criticized her
She'll cry

If he's getting married
He'll be more settled and mature
If she's getting married
She'll get pregnant and leave

If his wife is having a baby
He'll need a raise
If she's having a baby
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits

If he's going on a business trip
It's good for his career
If she's going on a business trip
What will her husband say ?

If he's looking for a better job
He knows how to recognize a good opportunity
If she's leaving for a better job
Women are not dependable

If he works a lot of overtime
He's a dedicated employee who will probably be promoted
If she works a lot of overtime
She's shirking her family responsibilities

If he seeks additional training
He's seeking to upgrade his skills
If she wants additional training
She wasn't capable of the job in the first place

If he dresses neatly and in style
He's concerned with the company image
If she dresses stylishly
She's a slave to fashion and spends too much on clothes

If he sometimes flirts
He's engaging in some harmless office banter
If she sometime flirts
She's a ****

[geoffw]

Love it Cornflower... thanks

[asy]

I laughed and laughed!!

Well done, Cornflower and Geoffw!!

asy :D