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That's actually the best response I've heard! It's not lying and side steps the question in a humorous way. The sub communication is 'I have a few, but we are not going get specific about how many'.

Hi Jane! So what answer do you give to the 'generally curious / trying to start a conversation'?

Interesting story. The question in the OP / subject however was what is your response to the question. We all already know it's a dumb question that doesn't mean anything for the very reasons outlined in your post.

Care to share how many properties you own, their value, your LVR, your cash buffer and your income? Do tell, don't be a douche :)

First world problem here. Once a friend learns I'm into property investing I am usually asked how many properties I have. It's almost always an innocent question, they don't realise they are asking what can be a private financial question for many (or that the number of property doesn't...