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Law Talking Guy: So would you care to explain how you managed to load your gun so quickly? Dude: I was cleaning it. Law Talking Guy: Really? You were cleaning your gun at 3 o'clock in the morning? Dude: Yes. Law Talking Guy: You'll have to excuse me, but I find it a little difficult to believe...

I saw a great sticker recently on a bloke's van that said 'There's nothing in here worth stealing that risks getting shot'.