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Just goes to show how often we get ourselves worked up about nothing. Human's are a strange species.

She can't pull out and keep deposit as contracts signed and exchanged. The OP can force settlement and is legally entitled to an inspection. The ball is in her court if she wants to settle smoothly ... the ball is in the OP's court is she plays hard.

Then delay settlement until she has fullfilled her obligation of allowing a final inspection ... ball in her court.

Have to also remember that the vendor is elderly, recently widowed, selling the family home ... probably doesn't really understand all that she signed for (early access for you is different to allowing dozens to troop thru "her" home) ... head not in the right place ... emotions all over the...