17 year olds

While we were away for a few days, the 17yo asked if he could have 7 school mates over to watch a soccer game on Thursday night (school hols already).

First time on his own, so we say yes setting the ground rules etc etc.

Last night I noted a few things missing around the kitchen.....he says oh, they broke when I was making breakfast for everyone, so I tossed them.

Smelling a rat, I decided to check the wheelie bins. Below are the 13 spirit bottles I found in the bin.....also, there were 3x4Litre wine casks, 3 slabs of stubbies, several mixers, and half a dozen broken stubbies dumped in the bin without being wrapped.

Fortunately for him, he was at a friend's place last night, when I found out.

What I am disappointed in most, is not the extent of the transgression, but being so stupid to not cover his tracks.

I usually don't air my dirty linen on SS, but I'd appreciate what others thought was reasonable retribution.....because I am likely to go too far. He gets home this afternoon, and I am going off for a bike ride beforehand to try and stay calm.


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While we were away for a few days, the 17yo asked if he could have 7 school mates over to watch a soccer game on Thursday night (school hols already).

First time on his own, so we say yes setting the ground rules etc etc.

Last night I noted a few things missing around the kitchen.....he says oh, they broke when I was making breakfast for everyone, so I tossed them.

Smelling a rat, I decided to check the wheelie bins. Below are the 13 spirit bottles I found in the bin.....also, there were 3x4Litre wine casks, 3 slabs of stubbies, several mixers, and half a dozen broken stubbies dumped in the bin without being wrapped.

Fortunately for him, he was at a friend's place last night, when I found out.

What I am disappointed in most, is not the extent of the transgression, but being so stupid to not cover his tracks.

I usually don't air my dirty linen on SS, but I'd appreciate what others thought was reasonable retribution.....because I am likely to go too far. He gets home this afternoon, and I am going off for a bike ride beforehand to try and stay calm.


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Just think when you were still young Winston,maybe go for a ride up too Noosa and back,because what you are about to say to this young man will stay with him all his life and yours..willair..
 
Wow they are quite elequent drinkers. CC, Jager and I guess Midori and Malibu were for the girls.

Im always the believer of letting your children 'conduct' their drinking whilst there is adult supervision. They are always going to drink, no matter what you do, so why not educate him on the possible dangers of drinking and let him know that he should ask permission next time to drink.

I personnaly wouldn't discipline him. Instead make him feel remorseful for his actions by letting him know that he can tell you anything.

Please tell us how it all goes and your approach to this matter.
 
Wow, that's a good effort. More than seven mates I would think. Pretty dopey to leave the evidence in the bin.

I would leave the evidence on display and let him start the 'conversation'.

I'm about 10 years off facing this scenario with my kids, so I'm curious to hear the responses of other people who have been through it.
 
Was that than more one soccer game or more than 7 watching the game :p.

My experience is that even when your own son is trustworthy and has good intentions, when word gets around that the parents aren't home, it becomes difficult for them to set limits and tell the tag alongs to leave or to tone it down when things get roudy.

My son has had a few 'small' gatherings with me present and I've found it hard to keep things toned down myself, and these are good kids :confused:.

I probably wouldn't make a huge deal of it, but would send out a clear message of what your expectations of him are.

On the bright side if he's 17 and this is the first major incident, then I don't think things are so bad.
 
Perhaps ask the neighbours what went on? Maybe the neighbours had a huge party and asked your son to put their rubbish in your bin?

Hahahahaha

No, this is just optimistic thinking. :)
 
What I am disappointed in most, is not the extent of the transgression, but being so stupid to not cover his tracks.

We were all 17 once, but what is your real concern? would it be more acceptable if he covered his tracks? is it more important to teach covering your tracks than acceptable drinking levels?
 
If all that was drunk on one night, then I'm guessing there were at least 15 people there, but maybe they were drinking from late afternoon until the early morning? Or maybe it was over two nights?

I wouldn't be too hard on him, I'd tell him that i'm very disappointed with him lying to me, and just a little annoyed that things got broken.

I'd also tell him that I would rather him get drunk with his mates at home, rather than doing it out in public and probably gettting into trouble. The money saved is another relatively small advantage. So next time just be honest with me, and put anything delicate out of harms way.
 
thx for feedback so far. keen to hear more.

yeah it is a co-ed school, so there we knew a couple of them were girls.....and there were a pair of girl's socks left in one of the beds :rolleyes:

I didn't know all those who were invited but it included the school captain, so I thought things would be reasonably tame.

And yes, obviously there were more than 8 people here.

The lad is in the First 15 (rugby) and is supposed to be on a health kick and strength and conditioning program. He usually drinks nothing at home, and has always declined it at barbies in our presence.

Willair, appreciate where you are coming from, but I thought I did a good enough job on the conditions and consequences speech, for him to remember for longer than 24 hours.

At this point, he is losing the new iphone he got 2 days before we went away. Internet access and his phone account are in our sights.

And yes, I had a few party nights before leaving school. But we were always careful to clean up after, and had gained a reasonable degree of trust and independence on multiple occasions left alone, prior to the first pess up. As I alluded, considering he knew there'd be consequences for going against what was agreed, it was just reckless and stupid to defy us on his first opportunity.
 
Does he have younger siblings you need to set an example for?

If not I think you could be more lenient.
17yrs old. remember going out and drinking and partying with your friends.

I would consider being calm when you talk to him. Stating how extremely disapointed you are in him (disapointment from a parent is horrible). You may choose to instate some punishment like being grounded, confiscating something he values (ie, computer, mobile), or ban him from something he is looking forward to or enjoys (sport, an outing with friends, riding motorbikes, etc).

Whatever you do decide, state your decision calmly. Ask if there is anything he would like to say (but don't push him to say anything, it would likely just cause a fight) and then drop the subject.
 
A few things to think about:
1) Ask him if he did it. If he denies it, ask him where the grog bottles, etc, came from.
2) Keep it under control, or you will alienate your son. That said, don't be a pushover, or he'll try it again.
3) Find out where the grog came from. 17 is too young to be buying, don't let him off the hook on this, as it's a clear breach of the law.
4) Make him replace the things that were broken.
5) Get him to make a committment that this won't happen again.

We were all young once - but that doesn't mean we didn't kicked our backsides kicked when we needed it. Keep things in perspective.
 
First time on his own, so we say yes setting the ground rules etc etc.


What were the ground rules you laid down as acceptable expectations ??


If it's any consolation to you WW, I did that when I was 15.....and haven't touched a drop of heavy spirits since, and probably only had a dozen beers since. Looking back, it was bad at the time, and having avoided alcohol poisoning, ended up being great - getting all of that **** out of my system early. Hopefully your son does the same.


I bet the smell was horrific.
 
that aint no 7 person party....that amount of alcohol would have killed 7 people.

i'd ask for an explanation in full. don't interject - remain dead silent and wait for the truth to spill.

silence is a negotiator's greatest weapon.
 
3) Find out where the grog came from. 17 is too young to be buying, don't let him off the hook on this, as it's a clear breach of the law.

PMSL

I was able to buy grog no problem at 17yrs old (which isn't that long ago ;) ), you just walk in and buy it, if they asked for your ID 'oh damn, I forgot it' and move on to the next bottle-o. I was only ever asked twice for ID, and then only because I had a friend with me who looked really young. Plus all you need is one friend who is 18 and they'll get it for you....
 
Yep, calm is good.

I remember once when I was that age we did something similar at a mate's place. His was the house we would always congregate at and a few times things got out of hand. It wasn't planned, but situations escalate.

After one occasion - the last one - his dad called all us together via his son. I remember him telling us that we had to come to the house Saturday morning at 9am because his dad wanted to talk to us all. He gave us the 'talk'. He was very calm. Somehow it was even more potent coming from a mate's dad. He was also a cop - mentioned in Underbelly - and we were all a bit wary of him. He talked from experience about stuff that can go wrong - the house had a pool. He said he didn't think it was necessary for him to speak to all our parents. The threat was implicit.
 
We were all 17 once, but what is your real concern? would it be more acceptable if he covered his tracks? is it more important to teach covering your tracks than acceptable drinking levels?

Covering his tracks would indicate he took us seriously, and was smart enough to do it.

Now, I'm off on my bike.
 
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