2 yo manipulation - does it exist?

mary&mat

mary&mat

Hi all,

It's been a while; good reading all the success updates too :)

Bit of advice please from mothers, fathers, guardians:

Is a 2yo capable of manipulation? I think yes, although in very basic forms ie tantrums etc to get own way.

What techniques have people used successfully to get their 2yo to eat proper meals?

Is it horrible of me to send her to bed without a meal at that age if she won't eat what's served at dinner? Will she understand the 'lesson' & eat next time?

I believe in boundaries, rules & discipline to make a child feel safe to start exploring the world & also to know what's expected of them in life.

Please help as I'm doing my head in & would really appreciate any tips/advice!

Thanks :eek:
 
Since when have 2yos eaten proper meals?

The little nuisances can go for ages living on one peanut a day, then they decide they can eat an entire roast chicken in one sitting every day for a week, then they're back to living on thin air again. You leave enough snacks around the house they'll just eat when they feel like it.

I wouldn't bother, pushing kids to clean their plates is just asking to send you insane.

We just feed anything the toddler won't eat to the baby. Works great, no stress, no waste, everyone is happy. Life is too short to get yourself worked up every dinner time.

Disclaimer: I'm a big fan of eating what you feel like when you feel like eating it. You're not hungry? Don't eat. You have a craving for strawberry omelettes? Have some. Thirsty? Have a drink.

Drives my eldest mad, she's really into routines and clockwatching and gets quite frustrated when we have dinner late or have something a bit peculiar for dinner. And if she forgets to watch the clock she can go an entire day without eating or drinking, so internal cues don't work for her at all.
 
mary&mat said:
What techniques have people used successfully to get their 2yo to eat proper meals?
Click to expand...
Million $ question and please let me know if you ever find an answer. Many people simply said "starve them"!

Fortunately my monster drinks her milk if she doesn’t eat. I add a bit of PediaSure to the milk to add any missing nutrition.

Never ever fill them with junk just because they are hungry.
Also try to feed them just before they get too hungry... if that makes sense.

I'm looking forward to see what others are doing.
 
Thanks for your replies :)

So R.Elf, you reckon ease up a bit with the Gestapo routine & let her eat what she wants?

I just worry she's not getting enough nutrition from just Sakata biscuits, bananas & museli bars.

Thanks devank. Heh heh, I think I'm one of the 'starve em' brigade.

Her dad has an eating disfunction (is the polite way of putting it), so I don't want her to get into bad habits this early.

Keep the tips coming, I have no idea what I'm doing here or how to tackle it so please feel free to suggest anything :)
 
My 2 year old eats proper meals.

But heck yes they are little manipulators. He's started saying NO to everything followed by making a spitting sound and grinning.
So i grab him and make him brush his teeth.
 
2 year olds are brilliant manipulators!

Mine was a good eater so I never felt I had to push her to eat, however I do slip the vegetables (frozen carrot, pea, corn mix served frozen as she likes 'em better) into a bowl for her when she is watching television and not otherwise paying attention.

When she doesn't want to eat, I say 'fine' and then she goes to bed without dinner. If she's faking it, she rushes to the food when she hears the bath running and quickly wolfs it down.

Another thing I've heard is not to judge how much they're eating day by day, but to measure if they've eaten enough over a five day period.
 
My 8yr old has always been a hopeless eater. If left her own devices she would eat nothing but pasta, milk, cheese, bread and butter sandwiches and chocolate ... actually ... that's most of what she eats - although at dinner time we do try to get a couple of peas, some carrot, meat and potatoes into her.

She will go for weeks eating everything in sight - do a massive growth spurt and then barely anything for the next week.

She is also the the tallest girl at school for her age, above average in all topics at school, plays saxaphone and is shockingly healthy

I wouldn't stress. Last thing you want is to make food an issue in her life. I was always made to clean my plate so even now, 40 years later, I still clean my plate even if I am full beyond stuffed ... makes weight control an issue.

The only point would be is that when child is hungry offer healthy food - a plate of cut apple and cheese or grapes/strawberries or carrot/celery or cut into small squares wholemeal/vegemite sandwich and only water/milk (no juice of softdrink) etc, not junk or sugar.

Small children listen to their bodies and, as a species, we are designed to graze. We only started on the 3 meals deal to fit it in with a work schedule. Make sure you have plenty of grazing food available (see above) and you would be quite surprised how much they eat.
 
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mary&mat said:
Hi all,

Is a 2yo capable of manipulation? I think yes, although in very basic forms ie tantrums etc to get own way. :eek:
Click to expand...

Answer- YES
Children learn very quickly how to get their own way. You've no doubt seen children in shopping centers nagging mum for things. Eventually mum gives in. The kids know that. That is why they do it.

My kids learnt very early that No means no. They never nagged once it sunk in. At first they would start and I'd just say "I answered that question". If there was a chance I'd say maybe or I'll think about it. Then they'd ask me again later and I'd give them a definitive answer.

I don't believe you should let kids eat what they like. Bad habits go into adulthood. I don't believe in punishing kids for not eating though. Just dish up the dinner. If they don't eat it just leave it. BUT I wouldn't let them eat rubbish after dismissing the meal.

If they are hungry they'll eat (unless you're dishing up brussel sprouts).:D

I believe in having high expectations for kids. One of my favourite quotes (which hangs in my classroom) is "children are likely to live up to what you believe in them".
 
I'm undecided whether a 2 yr old can manipulate or not.

I think that a 2 yr old is in the phase of 'me!me!me!'- its not within their capacity to realise their effect on others... by about 3, a child will know how to lie to protect their interests (remember the don't look at the toy test?)

On the otherhand, a 2 yr old is smart enough to grasp inconsistency between carers.

I wouldn't make a huge fuss about not eating the food/ they'll eat when they need to-I'd divert the situation by hiding nutrition in the food that your child likes and reducing any milk replacement for food.
 
Thanks everyone, much appreciated & needed advice.

I think I will try hiding healthy foods where possible (puree vegies in spag meat sauce etc).

I will take on board all your advice about eating a lot one wk & not being interested in food the next. I will also try to relax my attitude a bit towards her food choices at the moment.

Soft drinks, sweets etc are a treat when we're out at dinner or a kids party. Other than that, I don't buy them.

I have never been an avid cook til lil miss came along & then I realised I had better get the balanced meals happening. It's really disheartening to cook a meal & have someone completely reject it. I know she doesn't mean it as a personal affront, but it just sucks & I find I have to remind myself I'm the adult, don't take it to heart.

Kids eh; I really understand why this is the toughest gig in the world. If it takes a whole 'village' to raise a child, I'm scr*wed! (heh heh)
 
When it comes to meals, all of mine (2yrs, 4 yrs, 5.5yrs) get offered a choice of things. So we put a little of everything on their plate (ie, a little meat, a little rice, a little carrot, a little patatoe, a little beans, etc). It is up to them what they eat (usually the meat, maybe occaisionally something else) but if they don't eat any vege, they don't get any desert or treats after dinner. Also their dinner gets put aside until after they go to bed, so that if they complain they are hungry, then it is again reoffered to them. Even the 2 yr old can understand those simple rules. It is just then a matter of remaining consistant. They have occaisionally gone to be hungry. But it doesn't hurt them, and as a parent you just have to remind yourself that they 'choose' to go to bed hungry, because they did / do have the option of eating if they truely wanted too.

As my parents always told me as a kid, "if you don't want what I'm offering, then you're not really hungry".
 
Oh, and my little 2yr old is a master manipulator. Mind you he has he's big sister to teach him everything she knows. ;)
 
Thanks again!

I've been told I'm mean if I send her to bed without her having eaten her dinner. I was brought up same as you rugrat, 'if you're hungry, you'll eat it & if you don't eat that, there's nothing else'.

But do others think that's too mean for a 2yo or is this just the start of setting her up to believe if she throws a tantrum, she gets what she wants?
 
Stay strong!!!!!! I never ran a restaurant for my kids. If they are hungry they will eat dinner, if not -that's fine, but don't expect dessert. I look at home as being where they learn. mine were all expected to eat their dinner even if it had a "yukky" part to it. Otherwise how do they learn good manners when they go to a friends house? I really am disappointed when I put a meal in front of a visiting child and they say "I don't eat-whatever-". I had one kid ring his mother to go home because I said "In our house we eat our veges".(he was 12!!!):rolleyes:
 
Thanks joanmc :)

Her father suggested cooking an alternative if she didn't like her '1st' meal. I agreed so long as he cooked it. Of course, he opted out of that deal the first time he had to do it :rolleyes:
I tell her now that there are things she has to do in life that are not fair or that she won't like, but she has to do them anyway.
I don't want her to be a bratty, snotty, rude, spoiled young lady that no-one wants to be around except other spoiled brats.
That's quite alarming that that child rang his mother to go home - how rude - what are they teaching him/not teaching him?

So the general concensus is one meal, eat or don't eat, but there's nothing else...if they are truly hungry, they will eat?

Is it ok to have a banana/museli bar instead of the meal served up at dinner?

Am so confused as I don't want to give her a complex about food, I just want her to eat properly. Do they understand when you tell them there's nothing else if they don't eat dinner?
 
The rule in our house was that you had to eat your dinner or you could not expect anything else later on. We didn't always have dessert, and sometimes dessert was rather strange (eldest used to request a can of corn for dessert), as they didn't grasp that dessert was a sweet treat.
 
I think 2 y.o's can be manipulative.
Dinner time tantrums are frustrating, particularly when you go to alot of effort.

I guess we use a number of approaches.
Firstly, we try to cook things that we think they will like (but are still healthy). So, my daughter doesnt eat much meat... we give her beans/lentils instead if we are having a steak. We try to cook a range of veges that they will eat (although their preferences seem to change like the wind!)

We expect them to be grateful for what they are served (ie if they whinge and complain, they are sent from the room and can return when their attitude has changed and they can speak nicely).

We expect them to eat all their veges, but they can leave meat/starch if they are full. If they dont eat all their veges (or what we judge to be a sufficient amount of them), they cant have any other snacks afterwards. (also if they are too full to eat meat/starch, nothing afterwards). We try to encourage them not to keep eating if they are full.

We also hide veges regularly! and find the kids prefer raw veges than cooked etc. and we keep an eye on what they are eating in the afternoon... make sure they are not filling up on afternoon tea
 
mary&mat said:
Thanks joanmc :)

So the general concensus is one meal, eat or don't eat, but there's nothing else...if they are truly hungry, they will eat?

Is it ok to have a banana/museli bar instead of the meal served up at dinner?

Do they understand when you tell them there's nothing else if they don't eat dinner?
Click to expand...


Yes, they can understand that there's only one option. Don't offer a banana or a muesli bar- you'll undermine yourself- dinner is dinner.


Just nonchantly (sorry i know this is a spelling error) take the dinner away/ put it away in case she's hungry later.

My guess is that you'll only get a complex about food if you end up making a big fuss ;)

My kids are getting more fussy- some battles I bother with ( ie there's dinner- if you think its yucky, then thats ok but its dinner and that's it ..soon you'll cook dinner soon (rolls hands with glee)) and some I don't (my daughter hates mushrooms..)

My kids don't eat a lot of dinner- they eat an awful lot of lunch. its a regal PIA to cook dinner so we get grumpy when they don't!!

And don't get me started on TTg. My son at 3.5 has no idea- and my MIL tells me that DH didn't TT until 5!!!!!
 
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