Bullies

My youngest daughter (16) has just quit school due to some really nasty bullies. This started 2 years ago & hopefully now will finally stop.

My 2 girls are totally different. The eldest has always been a target for bullies, but keeps to herself & usually gets by OK. She has just graduated year 12 & started work doing a traineeship in IT. Only 4 days back from our trip & she started her first full time job. No surprises there as this is what she wanted.

The youngest, however, was going to be a Sports Teacher. She couldn't get the electives that she wanted at her school, so needed to transfer to a senior only school. There are 2 in the area. One was already closed for enrollments before we went away & the other one is the local senior school that her sister went to.

There is a long story as to why I didn't want her to go there, starting 2 years ago where a group of kids from the junior school made her life a living hell. She is a bright bubbly girl who makes friends easily & has never been the target of bullying. Always the centre of attention, so much so that her sister is always jeolous of her. The crux of the matter was the boyfriend that she got rid of & all the nasty girls that just would not leave her alone. We went through sheer hell with her & eventually she agreed to change schools.

The change was great, she immediately changed back to the happy girl she was instead of the horrible broody creature she had become. It was a pain as it would take her a long time to get to & from school each day, but it was worth it.

Then earlier this year, she started getting phone calls from the ex-boyfriend. She eventually agreed to get back with him because "He has changed so much Mum". We were very wary but gave her the room she needed. She eventually saw that he was a very manipulative controlling person who was obsessive about her, so decided that even though she still had feelings for him, it was in her best interests to break it off.

This is when all the niceness gave way to a bitter twisted boy & his bitter twisted friends. He immediately started up with one of her ex-friends (one that is known for her very loose morals) to "get back at her". Then the phone calls & text messages started & didn't stop.

While we were away was when they were at their worst. It was during this time that she said she was going to leave school as these people would be at the school she was going to go to.

She decided to do a hairdressing apprenticeship & applied for a few while we were away. One gave her an interview a couple of days after we returned & hired her on the spot.

Her reasoning for this course of action was simple. Hairdressing was always the second choice for a career & she said that in 4 years she will have a trade behind her & then if she still wants to, she can go to Uni as a mature age student. She will only be 2 years behind her peers as she won't have to do the HSC, plus she will have a job that will be easy to get work while studying.

Being a bright girl, she didn't want to apply for any old apprenticeship either. Nothing near home was good enough for her, as she wants to NOT be known for working out West. So........where did she apply for? Double Bay. It is a long trek each day, but she is at a salon that looks after many celebrities. She is hoping too, that training in a more prestigious salon will mean that she can command a higher income later on.

So now, 1 week after returning we have 2 children with full time jobs. Neither of them have cars, one of them has a license & needs a car for work, so Hubby & I now only have the use of one of our cars until No1 daughter gets her own.:rolleyes:
 
Hi Skater.

Bullying is such a huge problem. My two oldest boys have both been bullied or excluded. Both incidents were very hurtful, and it took a while in both cases for them to agree for me to step in and contact the school.

The oldest boy ended up being quite good friends with one of the boys who bullied him in year 8 but the middle boy went from being outgoing and confident in year 7 to wanting to leave ten weeks from finishing. But I was so proud of him when he confronted the bullies and stood up to them. It was very much a bitchy girl driven thing, and started when my son's best friend was keen on a girl from school. This girl didn't like my son, so his mate had to choose between them. He chose the girl. My son was devastated and he was excluded by the bitchy girls as well as his best mate.

This was so hard to watch.

One of the girls excluding him was a teacher's daughter, so not much hope of the school stepping in, but his male teacher did sort things out, and told me that this pack of girls was making life miserable for other boys, not just my son.

Anyway, he has bounced back and once he left primary school, that problem was left behind.

It is hard to stand by and watch your kids go through this stuff, and I know that bullying is EVERYWHERE. It is a big problem.

Glad your daughter has come through it with a positive attitude.

Wylie
 
Sounds like a great outcome. As a hairdresser there is a lot of potential if she decides to be a business owner.

School Bullying has been in the papers a lot lately as students seek damages from the education departments for their inaction. That might even fund her own business premises in Double Bay someday :)

She really sounds like a sensible girl who has made the most of a terrible situation and not just collapsed in a heap. Good on you for bringing her up!
 
Whilst I probably shouldn't suggest this, when in high school, I found that a one on one demonstraition of a willingness to stand up to bullies and if necessary fight back (win or lose) worked wonders. In most cases it never actually came down to anything more than a quiet threat.

This is a very unpopular method of dealing with the problem, but the ability to look someone in the eye and tell them to stop is occasionally useful as an adult as well.
 
This recently happened in Cairns & the bullied kid took a knife to school to protect himself as the bullies were threatening to kill him. The kid's father walked his son to school, met with one of the bullies, told him to stop, & then was approached by the school's principal who in turn suspended the father for 30 days from entering school grounds. Bloody ridiculous - father trying to help his son, & the school bans him!! See news article below.

http://www.cairnspost.com.au/article/2007/11/22/4617_news.html
 
I thought Skater's story had a positive outcome and that's great. I hope both girls do well with their new careers.
Life experience for me is like making a cake, we get to choose what we want to put in our cake and also we get to choose which ingredients are unnecessary and can be left in the cupboard. Not all ingredients are good for us but we get a choice to focus on whatever we choose to.
Cheers
Simon
 
skater
such a bright young girl - so dumb when it comes to boys:D

personally i think it is a great outcome - she has set up a choice of paths , rather than a path which is great

bullying has always been and will always be , its really hard as a parent to watch , but at the end of the day , the bullied often turns out to be a lot stronger person than the bullier - and that is a fact
 
Hi Granev,

the bullied often turns out to be a lot stronger person than the bullier - and that is a fact

You sure? I always thought that those were who abused, became abusers..............:confused:

ciao

Nor
 
Hi Granev,



You sure? I always thought that those were who abused, became abusers..............:confused:

ciao

Nor

reckon you are talking about abuse from the home - not from the school norwester , abuse from the home is way worse than bullying

i was bullied at school - should have stood up for myself - but in hindsight i learnt a bit from it and i reckon i am a way better and stonger person than any of the tormenters will ever be , they only ever do it because of peer group pressure , they are just followers , and i am really happy with my lot in life !!
 
My view is always do something about bullies immediately.
Don't wait.

If the school won't defend you, learn to defend yourself.

Self defence is something every boy and girl should learn....if you do, maybe you will have a greater sense of justice when you get older, then the baby boomers who gutlessly choose to turn a blind eye to this stuff today....
 
PTBear put it well.
The other option is for parents to go to the home of the bully and intrude on the familys life from which the bully comes. Expalin eye ball to eye ball what is happening.
A stranger intruding into a families life can have quite dramatic effects.

Regardless of the parents reactions i am sure behind closed doors their will be a change in th bullies behavior.
If it continues go back again, threaten to call th police or take civil action. Threats work wonders , but carrying them out if necessary can give peace of mind.......obviously a case of last resort, rather than shifting school.
Parents aren't always aware of how their children behave.

Bullies get away with what they do ,because no one really stops them.

Now this may not work but the worst that can happen is that bulling continues.
If it escalates into physical threats then then call in the police.....rather dramatic but one is entitled to feel safe in society.

I was bullied only by one person and eventually had to fight this person as I was getting upset. He was pathetically weak and I realize now it was intimidation by fear. he misjudged my ability and he kept his distance from me for the next 6years.
i had no problems with anyone else after that.
He moved on to bully someone else.

A solid course in self defense gives one more confidence and also helps you to avoid being hurt.
A public announcement where the bully is embarrassed is also effective , but how to implement this strategy need a lot of thinking.
It s a mistake to only try and let the school handle the problem.
 
If the school won't defend you, learn to defend yourself.

Self defence is something every boy and girl should learn....if you do, maybe you will have a greater sense of justice when you get older, then the baby boomers who gutlessly choose to turn a blind eye to this stuff today....

The problem is that it is not physical bullying, it is more emotional. AND it is not at the current school. These are kids from her former school & the tormenting is mainly over the phone. It would only escalate next year if she was to go to the same school as them.

She is much better off without them in her life.
 
Some resources:

http://www.education.unisa.edu.au/bullying/

http://www.bullying.com.au/school-bullying/

http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=319

http://www.healthinsite.gov.au/topics/Bullying

....and sometimes it doesn't even take much to stand up to bullying; there are many more avenues available these days (to bully: eg internet, mobile phones, school, workplace!) but there are some great resources to call upon.

I am a great believer in educating people/children, many schools are taking on board *Bullying:NoGo* at their schools, starting with the kids at a young as age as possible....

I can only imagine what technology has made available for kids today....our local Policeman and his wife, (who is also in the Police Force) run self defence classes for all the kids! Every child goes, not just their martial arts but education scenarios on bullying; and importance of bystander intervention (kids making a stand and expressing how unacceptable bullying is, plus sending for adult help).

We had 2 x boys at one of my schools the target of a group of boys bullying; the two boys were quite slow mental development wise; from quite obviously a very poor home life....and yet very tall and physically developed, but had no idea how to defend themselves mentally or physically.

I have zero tolerance for bullies and made a point of standing up to the bullies (we were all about 10 yo)...they never bothered them again...the mere act of someone standing their ground and confronting them was enough in this case, but probably in hindsight a little grandiose, (but I knew how to think, distract, fight and defend myself-sheer survival skills I had, had to learn)...(nice to share what we know:p)... thing is we have come a long way, lots of different techniques and help available; even for mobile phone crap, have a look through the sites Skater, bound to be some handy stuff.

Educate, empower teach self defence skills (verbal/physical), understand the pay off for bullies, nip it in the bud. Good skills to have anyway....
 
i was bullied at school - should have stood up for myself - but in hindsight i learnt a bit from it and i reckon i am a way better and stonger person than any of the tormenters will ever be , they only ever do it because of peer group pressure , they are just followers , and i am really happy with my lot in life !!
Ditto for me. I was bullied up until 6th grade and no matter what my mother did to help, the bullying continued until I changed schools. Life got better.

I was a very shy person back then, but have grown into a woman who knows what she wants and where she is going. I won't stand for any type of bullying behaviour anymore.

I do know of Skater's daughter's dilemma as she was telling my b/f and I while we were all in Qld. I'm glad she has found a solution. She is a very bright young girl and I do hope she takes advantage of her current situation.
 
Are you really suggesting that is the answer to my daughter's dilema???:mad:

What a sorry state the world would be if we all took that approach.:eek:

Please ensure you read posts correctly before jumping to conclusions....

Quote: "I" had to learn....

I do however have to add that with "bullies" there are many solutions...your daughter, it appears from your post, is using a method of removal, which is one way to go about facing this horrible scenario....I have to say that unfortunately, sooner or later, it will happen again and she will have to respond again.
 
I know there are many solutions to this problem. One solution is to only intend good things into one's experience. It is my guess that we all live in our imagination and when we want or don't want something in our lives we focus our attention to that thing but with those thoughts comes a contrast of all sorts of possibilities. If we were to only focus on the possibilities that are in line with our intention then a pathway through to what is wanted opens up more clearly to each of us in our own way. Unfortunately, what sometimes tends to happen is that we get caught up in that contrast and get lost for a while.
Simon
 
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Congratulations to your daughter.

It takes a very strong person to stand up to bullies - and in saying that, I am considering when I was at school and the bullying was mostly physical.

I cannot see a way to confront and confound bullies when they choose methods such as mobile phone stalking. Other than the time-honoured divide and conquer, manipulate the bullies and turn them on each other - and in doing so, you become a part of a diseased cycle that benefits no one long term. (You also need to have your own inbuilt nasty streak ...)

Your daughter has made a good choice - she has stepped away from a situation in which she was a victim and taken positive action to control her life. - twice, with the bullying and the boyfriend! This speaks volumes about the way in which she was brought up, and the self-confidence you have instilled in her. It sounds like you have an intelligent, confident young woman on your hands ...

DJ
 
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