TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
• You have two cows.
• You sell one cow and buy a bull.
• Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
• You sell them and retire on the income.
CALIFORNIA CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You don’t eat meat or diary, nor slaughter cows, so you give them away.
• You shoot a movie in the cow pasture and sell cow video and cow merchandise.
TEXAS CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You take one and make steaks. The other cow has more grass to eat and poops more.
• As you shovel the poop, you strike crude oil and natural gas.
NEW YORK CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You sell one and invest the money in stocks, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
• You are surprised when the remaining cow drops dead.
FRENCH CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You go on strike because you think you are entitled to four cows.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM
• You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
• You break for lunch. You drink wine.
• You make love. You sleep the afternoon away.
GERMAN CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
SWISS CAPITALISM
• You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
• You charge others for storing them.
BRITISH CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• Both are mad.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size and produce ten times the milk in half the time.
• You create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market globally.
INDIAN CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You worship them.
• You stay broke and hungry.
CHINESE CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You have 100 people milking them in a space designed for 10 people.
• You claim full employment and high bovine productivity. You behead the newsman who reported negative news.
MITT ROMNEY CAPITALISM:
• You have two cows.
• You sell three of them to your new Bermuda special purpose corporation using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank in the Bahamas.
• You execute a debt-to-equity swap with an associated general offer to receive four cows back through a repurchase agreement, with federal tax credits for five cows.
• The milk rights of the six cows via a commodity derivative instrument are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island shell company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your new Bermuda special purpose corporation.
• The annual report published for yourself as sole shareholder says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more, arranged by your brother-in-law, based on the collateral value of 10 cows in a 120% loan-to-value financing.
• Sell one cow to buy the Presidency of the United States, leaving you with nine cows, but still with the rights to ten cows. Nobody understands the transaction and no balance sheet is provided.
• The public buys your bull and elects you President.
• You have two cows.
• You sell one cow and buy a bull.
• Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
• You sell them and retire on the income.
CALIFORNIA CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You don’t eat meat or diary, nor slaughter cows, so you give them away.
• You shoot a movie in the cow pasture and sell cow video and cow merchandise.
TEXAS CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You take one and make steaks. The other cow has more grass to eat and poops more.
• As you shovel the poop, you strike crude oil and natural gas.
NEW YORK CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You sell one and invest the money in stocks, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
• You are surprised when the remaining cow drops dead.
FRENCH CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You go on strike because you think you are entitled to four cows.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM
• You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
• You break for lunch. You drink wine.
• You make love. You sleep the afternoon away.
GERMAN CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
SWISS CAPITALISM
• You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
• You charge others for storing them.
BRITISH CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• Both are mad.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size and produce ten times the milk in half the time.
• You create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market globally.
INDIAN CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You worship them.
• You stay broke and hungry.
CHINESE CAPITALISM
• You have two cows.
• You have 100 people milking them in a space designed for 10 people.
• You claim full employment and high bovine productivity. You behead the newsman who reported negative news.
MITT ROMNEY CAPITALISM:
• You have two cows.
• You sell three of them to your new Bermuda special purpose corporation using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank in the Bahamas.
• You execute a debt-to-equity swap with an associated general offer to receive four cows back through a repurchase agreement, with federal tax credits for five cows.
• The milk rights of the six cows via a commodity derivative instrument are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island shell company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your new Bermuda special purpose corporation.
• The annual report published for yourself as sole shareholder says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more, arranged by your brother-in-law, based on the collateral value of 10 cows in a 120% loan-to-value financing.
• Sell one cow to buy the Presidency of the United States, leaving you with nine cows, but still with the rights to ten cows. Nobody understands the transaction and no balance sheet is provided.
• The public buys your bull and elects you President.