contacting victims of serious crime.

how would someone go about this?

i have their details and would like to contact them to see how they're doing. i used to know this person very well growing up together and for some reason i've had this itch to contact them lately and see how they are all these years later.

i was very close to both the victim and the offender at the time and have been ex-communicado with them both since it happened many, many moons ago. each one knows i haven't talked to the other since.

i'm worried that my contact will stir up awful memories and do further damage.

help...?
 
One thought - contact them through a third party that the other person knows and trusts. Their mother, father or sibling may be the best thought.

You contact any of the above, ask about the person involved, and then mention to that person (mother, father or sibling) to ask the other person if they are interested in hearing further from you.

If not, let it be. But you have showed the thought and respect in trying it in a discrete and passionate manner.



g
 
I think g's advice is spot on.

I like to catch up with childhood friends and have a slightly different dilemma... One of them is "semi-famous" now, and I'd love to get in touch with her, but don't want her to think it's because of her celebrity. (Which it's not; if anything, that puts me off. :p) But because of her profile, probably the only way to contact her would be through an agent... which just feels weird!
 
Why would you want to bring up painful memories?

He doesn't want to "bring up painful memories" but to get in touch with someone who he was close to in the past. Big difference.

The fact that it COULD bring up painful memories is what is stopping him. I understand that.

I think the third party idea could be the way to go.
 
how would someone go about this?

i have their details and would like to contact them to see how they're doing. i used to know this person very well growing up together and for some reason i've had this itch to contact them lately and see how they are all these years later.

i was very close to both the victim and the offender at the time and have been ex-communicado with them both since it happened many, many moons ago. each one knows i haven't talked to the other since.

i'm worried that my contact will stir up awful memories and do further damage.

help...?
You never know "BC",if you were close back then ,then i don't see a problem, just depends who you contact first the victim or the offender
i have a mates wife that i still help after he shoot himself several years ago due too builders not paying and the banks winding him up,the problem with that one is he shoot himself 2 times in the head,always had me thinking that one,how does someone shoot themselves twice he must have been in a very low state of mind,to reload and fire again,or as i have always thought someone helped him on his way..willair..
 
i can't contact a third party because i can't locate the parents and we have no mutual friends anymore (it's been about 15 years).

i have found them on FB and it was pure chance.

i think i'll leave it. we were close, they may contact me - after all, they're nearly 30 now too so they'll probably start thinking about these thigns soon anyway.

i really want to avoid that "why are you contacting me?" response.

cheers.
 
There is the risk of bringing up painfull memories, but you'd be letting them know that you care about them just by asking how they are doing, especially if you come across in a way that they'd appreciate. If the memories are still painfull and hard to deal with, then the sooner they are dealt with/resolved/discussed until things are gotten over, the better. Not meaning to try and resolve it in one night, it can take weeks or months for some people... more if things really aren't being discussed well.

Some people are very gratefull for help, but some are very independant, and being offered help, especially with something very personal to them, can be considered quite offensive.

If you were worried about coming across in a bad way by asking them how they are doing, as in you don't wanna be interpreted as saying "Are you strong enough to handle it or are you just too weak of a person?" then maybe just invite them somewhere that you guys used to go and have a good time, such as: "Hi, how are ya? I wanted to go see *insert movie*, wanna come see it?"
 
facebook is a killer for all the old memories coming back to haunt you?

I went on do keep in touch with a few friends and family how don't live locally and then all these acquaintances from school etc who where absolute arses at the time contact me to catchup.....no thanks a leopard doesn;t change its spot.

if you want them to notice you send an invite they'll accept you if they want you in there life or reject or ignore if they don't atleast you'll know :)
 
they've definitely moved on with their life, been to UWA, got a partner etc etc.

we would be beyond that whole nastiness, but i don't want there to be any animoscity (sp?) or guilt or making them deal with it all over again. i certainly wouldn't want to bring it up again, anyway.

cheers guys.
 
facebook is a killer for all the old memories coming back to haunt you?

I went on do keep in touch with a few friends and family how don't live locally and then all these acquaintances from school etc who where absolute arses at the time contact me to catchup.....no thanks a leopard doesn;t change its spot.

if you want them to notice you send an invite they'll accept you if they want you in there life or reject or ignore if they don't atleast you'll know :)

yeah i had the same thing - just ignore them. they get the message.
 
On the other hand, the "victim" may appreciate the fact that someone from the past is thinking of them and interested in their well-being.

Can you find an address? If so, send a short note saying what you told us - you were thinking of them and hoping things were going well. Leave it open-ended but with full contact details, and the person can then contact you if they want to.

My mum felt very isolated when she was nursing my dad who had Alzheimers. On occasions she would bump into old acquaintances who would gush "oh, you have no idea how often I am thinking of you". After one encounter mum sadly said, "well, of course I don't know if they don't tell me".

Obviously you care. Let the person know. What they do with the information is up to them.
Marg
 
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I was also going to suggest writing a letter, give your contact details and then it is thier choice whether they contact you. If you have this itch to make contact I think you should. Who are you concerned about with the memories, being dragged up you or them?

I had a similiar strong desire to make contact with someone of my past years back, certainly not under such circumstances as yours. I wrote a letter with my home address, email and phone numbers, never heard from them at all, and I really did want to have contact with them, but respected the fact they obviously did not want to know me now, and I had got it off my chest, so to speak.
 
our pasts are linked so it's going ot be painful for whoever makes contact - i wasn't the victim but i knew both the victim and the perp.

i just want to make sure they're okay all these years later - help close some doors for them (and me i guess...).
 
If you've found them on FB, I would send a friend request and an explanation in the friend request that youd be thinking of them, and hope you might be able to catch up.
I think there is often a reason behind the "itch" to contact people. So, I would definitely follow through... even if there is some pain involved!

Pen
 
I am really feeling you need to contact them. You will never know how you are going to be recieved until you do it. You appear to know a little about them now, despite the passing of the years. I think it will give you some closure to make contact.
 
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