Dispicable situation: What would you do?

[investor2009]

Hi!

I've been friends (kinda) with this bloke for about 8 years, Lets call him Bob, and we used to hang out together when we were single and just get together and have a few drinks, it was that type of relationship. Just two knockabouts having a laugh.

That was a good 4-years ago when it came to an end and we stopped hanging out late at night, it's been more we see each other for an hour every 1 or 2 months because I'm a totally different person and now happily married.
this mate was my best man at our wedding by the way, even though we don't see much of each other these days.

This guy is about to get married and I'm due to be best man, but I'm not really happy for him because he has problems and I don't believe this marriage is built upon anything particularly strong whatsoever. Here's why..

Last night's Bucks party
I've just woken up with that sickening feeling, but not caused by alcahol.
I did have about 6-7 beers but over the course of a good 6 hour period so I was a little bit toasted but otherwise fine. We went boating at 3pm with the entire party of 6, it was good for a laugh and to get to know each other a bit, I enjoyed the first hour, but then a couple of peoples angry sort of nature begun to shine and then not so much. You know that yobboish sort of 'tough nut' nature? I see no reason to even pretend you're tough let alone act like you are. It shows you are not happy or comfortable in your own skin or life.

Anyhow, we get to the Bucks party which was at my best man's house, here's where the trouble really starts. Suddenly my best man and his tough not friend, who is by the way about 50 years old and a father type figure to him are absolutely *****faced, I don't exactly know how this happened so fast but I heard that they had a full glass of Jameson on the rocks to get started. My mate was in his wife-to-be's lingerie and dresses acting stupid for a while, no-one had anywhere to sit and the house was an absolute mess and the 6 people were scattered around the house either chatting to just one person, or even sitting by themselves. 9pm comes around and there is a big fight around back. I go to look and it's Bob's brother screaming at the top of his lungs saying 'I'm sick of you being like this, you need help' and so on. Then, the father type figure (who is also total mess) walks toward Bob's brother to try and calm him but he pushes this guy with an almighty force and lands him on the floor about two metres away. It was on from then. Bob comes running over and jumps on his brother. I try to break them up and succeed. Then Bob and the father figure type guy start fighting!! I don't know why this father figure guy started fighting with Bob but he did and I said calmly to him 'Hey, let him go' he just stared at me and I said it again 'let, him, go' He then says, Bob, if you don't tell him to go away I'm gonna' smash him' And then Bob (wasn't even aware I was 2 feet away from him) says 'f*%k him man, you're like a father figure to me' (Thats why I'm referring to him as 'Father figure guy, lol) I know that Bob said this in a manner only to calm his fiend down, but it still peeved me off and I said, I've had enough, see ya' and went home. There was a car with a guy who works with him out front and he'd had enough too so I got a ride home.

Now, I do not want to have to put up with any more of this abuse, I do not want to have to be best man. I'm thinking of just saying to him, man, you need help and I'm not prepared to bring my wife to your wedding when there's a good chance of history repeating itself,

The way he treated me last night is not the way friends treat each other.

What would you do?

 

[wylie]

Assuming the wedding is a week away, I would call him this morning, remind him that he told "father figure" (which was basically giving him permission to hit you) and tell him you cannot be in his wedding.

Of course, if you fear for your safety, then go ahead and be best man and then quietly remove yourself from his life.

They all sound like jerks.

 

[Ace in the Hole]

Tell him to find another best man, how about the "Father Figure" guy?

 

[Macca]

I wouldn't do anything today. I would wait until I had calmed down and let him sober up a Lot

So, tomorrow night I would ring him and say I need to talk to you, go around and see him and tell him what happened at the party.

Depending on what he remembers/says I would then decide whether I want to be at the wedding.

 

[redwing]

'Bob' is an apt name you chose, you should call his friend 'Weave' as it would be a good reminder to 'Bob and Weave' at their parties, if they are throwing around fists like that?

Bob's brother's probably not to happy the day after with what went down either, reading the attached?

If you don't go the wedding, you should at least attend the reception, sounds like it will be a riot

 

[investor2009]

Oh, and I forgot to tell of the crying that went on between about 8 and 9..
Bob was crying his *** off in his room while his brother consoled.

I went in there and told him I though he had a problem with alcahol, to which he replied 'seriously man, who told you?' I said, ummmm.. Actually it's quite easy to tell.

I'm also concerned for his animals. While the fight was happening his fiancee's rabbit hutch was knocked over, and the dogs both had flees quite bad because the garden is an absolute mess and all the nice grass in now dead and all there is is dust and rubbish everywhere, that's how bad he's gotten.
The dogs looked at me as if they were pleading for me to take them away.. It's very sad for them. I don't really care about him because all he has to do is stop drinking beer, really not that hard. I see it as just a guy feeling sorry for himself and wrecking many innocent living creatures lives.

 

[Dazz]

What would I do ??

Hmmm....good question. Well, seeing as though we are talking Darwin, men drinking lots of beer, not willing to give up....hmmmm, after long and careful consideration....

I'd buy a drive through bottle shop.

 

[cu@thetop]

This is what happens when the strippers don't show up on time.

 

[shuggy]

This is what happens when the strippers don't show up on time.

This is a very good point especially in Darwin and maybe you should take some responsibility for what happened. You say you're the best man but you didn't organise strippers Sounds like a great party but it would've been better if some girls turned up before 9pm, or even before that when your mate was wearing lingerie and dresses

My mate was in his wife-to-be's lingerie and dresses acting stupid for a while, no-one had anywhere to sit and the house was an absolute mess and the 6 people were scattered around the house either chatting to just one person, or even sitting by themselves. 9pm comes around and there is a big fight around back.

 

[HandyAndy888]

I read it; I lol-ed.

 

[Belbo]

If I understand it right, your old mate's got himself a pretty serious drinking problem, his living conditions have degenerated to something close to a feral state, he's hanging out with and taking his lead from violence-prone dipsticks, and he's about to marry a young woman into all of this?

I think you might be very worried for her, right? You don't think he's ready to get married, and you don't want to bless a trainwreck of a marriage in the making?

If so, the ideal outcome I think would be if he went to his fiancee and said, "Can we put the wedding off for 6 months? I really need to sort out my lifestyle first and make myself into somebody worth marrying."

I think you've got to tell him what's on your mind when he's fresh-faced and sober, because there's probably no-one else around him who will.

(But if you do, be very careful to avoid emotive judgemental language like 'despicable' and 'wrecking lives' when you do, no matter how appropriate they are. It'll almost certainly just make him shut down and not listen to you.)

Good luck.

 

[Deena]

Listen to your gut, I think you already know the answer. Very sad state of affairs.

 

[Jamie M]

What would I do ??

Hmmm....good question. Well, seeing as though we are talking Darwin, men drinking lots of beer, not willing to give up....hmmmm, after long and careful consideration....

I'd buy a drive through bottle shop.

Haha, I like it

Cheers

Jamie

 

[investor2009]

FWIW, He specifically said no to any type of strip show at his house. I know it's typical of many men who have not had much action throughout their lives to say such a thing and sadly enough it's common these days. He praises himself on his specific love and lust for just one woman and good on him. If only more men had the same morrel. I know I do but I also know that 95% of other men do not. Why get married if you don't really want to be married? I see it alot, just the other day some knob said to me 'I don't even have to wear my wedding ring' I just took one look and thought to myself 'you're lucky someone took you, not only does he have the personality of a wet mop but he looks like one too.

 

[investor2009]

He tried to call earlier but my phone was off, I tried calling him about 4 hours ago but haven't heard a thing back.

I have a feeling he would have cracked a bottle first thing this morning so I will not try calling until tomorrow. I will be telling him what I think straight off the bat. Thank you.

 

[lizzie]

This is what happens when the strippers don't show up on time.

Weeeeeelllllll ... at my ex-husbands brothers' buck night the groom-to-be and another married brother spent most of the night in a brothel - then pleaded with my ex not to tell their respectives.

Not the best way to start a commitment IMO - although both parties are still married after 15 years.

 

[luckyone]

I'm also concerned for his animals. While the fight was happening his fiancee's rabbit hutch was knocked over, and the dogs both had flees quite bad because the garden is an absolute mess and all the nice grass in now dead and all there is is dust and rubbish everywhere, that's how bad he's gotten.
The dogs looked at me as if they were pleading for me to take them away.. It's very sad for them. I don't really care about him because all he has to do is stop drinking beer, really not that hard. I see it as just a guy feeling sorry for himself and wrecking many innocent living creatures lives.

Please call the RSPCA if you're worried about the animals. I hate seeing animals suffering.

 

[VYBerlinaV8]

What a crappy situation.

I have a step brother who gets drunk at every family event and shoots his mouth off. Most of the family let him get away with it, but at New Year he did something very inappropriate to my cousin's girlfriend so I told him he was out of line, and needed to lay off the grog because he turns in an ***hole everytime. The idiot shaped up and took a swing, so I just pushed him (hard) onto his back and walked away.

This guy is in his 30s and is a teacher at a private school in Sydney.

The way I have dealt with this is that I don't have anything to do with him any more. I suggest the OP does the same.

Unfortunately, some people are just idiots.

 

[evand]

Mate, get over it. Hes a bit out there wearing his wife's undies but so what. We dont all share the same values.

Alcohol caused a bit of a scuffle at the bucks, big deal. Nothing new there. maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental. These things happen in life. Its not all plain sailing.

Sounds like you've had a bit of a sheltered upbringing and were shocked by these goings on. If you dont want to be best man and even if you dont want to be his mate, tell him and move on. Whats the big deal?

By the way, how do you know the father figure guy was 'pretending to be tough' and therefore wasn't 'happy in his own skin and his own life'. Maybe he is genuinely tough (some guys are) and is as happy as Larry with his life. Did you ask him? Again, why are you judging people so much.

And are you serious about the dogs. They are animals, not people, they dont care where they live or how messy it is. As long as they get food, water, exercise and companionship. How has he wrecked innocent animals lives? Seriously!

How do you know this?

If only more men had the same morrel. I know I do but I also know that 95% of other men do not.

 

[weg]

The world is full of people who we wouldn't like if we knew - and not all of them are drunks.

I think your biggest problem is how you got yourself so involved with people you don't like and whose lifestyles you detest (even though you don't know all of them and met them for the first time at a bucks show)?

I don't really see your problem. It's not like they're neighbours or relatives .