Dispicable situation: What would you do?

I see the biggest problem is getting out of being his best man. I'd guess you never really thought you would be asked to be best man and now you realise you and he have nothing in common any more.

I have a similar situation with a friend. We really have nothing in common any more, if we ever did... so we see each other only occasionally, and then I come home and download to hubby :D.

One day I will say what I really think, and that will be that.
 
Forget the pets , they'll be right . In the wild they're covered in flees and mess.
Your mate resents you because your not a yobbo , he sees you being a little stuck up and him and his mates not being good enough for you.He also resents you being happily married and going your own way, growing up, changing.Bogans are really easily offended in that way.
I've had that at a few parties with not so well matched mates once the alcohol starts flowing and feelings come out.
The best man thing , drop out now and it'll cause more of the same. I'd get a bit better acquainted with him again over the time left , which will kill you , ride it out and then move on with your life. His fiancé will know what they're like , she's probly as bad- don't worry about them.
Gonna be a long week .

Good luck
 
The world is full of people who we wouldn't like if we knew - and not all of them are drunks.
I don't really see your problem.

I don't see the problem either. Many people change as they get older. You admitted that you don't see this person as much as you used to. If you find that you no longer have anything in common or that you don't like him or his life choices anymore, then move on. I am sure there are plenty of other people who you would prefer to spend time with.
 
Haha, Ahhh Evan.. If only you knew. You could not be further from the truth.
I know pretend people when I see them because I used to be one.
I was boxing semi proffessionally at age 18 fwiw.

Just briefly, I was an alcoholic at the age of 13. I was brewing 2x home brew tubs and drinking them both before the next were ready to drink. In fact, I was drinking them before they were ready to drink, green with no bubbles.

I lived in a caravan when I got lucky, because I lived on the street alot before that. My parents didn't want me, I had no hopes or dreams until one day I say 'No' no more, and I have excelled ever since.
So what were you saying again?

ANDTHE ANIMAL COMMENT evan.
Sorry, but you're an idiot.
Mate, get over it. Hes a bit out there wearing his wife's undies but so what. We dont all share the same values.

Alcohol caused a bit of a scuffle at the bucks, big deal. Nothing new there. maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental. These things happen in life. Its not all plain sailing.

Sounds like you've had a bit of a sheltered upbringing and were shocked by these goings on. If you dont want to be best man and even if you dont want to be his mate, tell him and move on. Whats the big deal?

By the way, how do you know the father figure guy was 'pretending to be tough' and therefore wasn't 'happy in his own skin and his own life'. Maybe he is genuinely tough (some guys are) and is as happy as Larry with his life. Did you ask him? Again, why are you judging people so much.

And are you serious about the dogs. They are animals, not people, they dont care where they live or how messy it is. As long as they get food, water, exercise and companionship. How has he wrecked innocent animals lives? Seriously!

How do you know this?

If only more men had the same morrel. I know I do but I also know that 95% of other men do not.
 
Sorry mate, i feel for you, but whats all that got to do with your post?

Haha, Ahhh Evan.. If only you knew. You could not be further from the truth.
I know pretend people when I see them because I used to be one.
I was boxing semi proffessionally at age 18 fwiw.

Just briefly, I was an alcoholic at the age of 13. I was brewing 2x home brew tubs and drinking them both before the next were ready to drink. In fact, I was drinking them before they were ready to drink, green with no bubbles.

I lived in a caravan when I got lucky, because I lived on the street alot before that. My parents didn't want me, I had no hopes or dreams until one day I say 'No' no more, and I have excelled ever since.
So what were you saying again?

ANDTHE ANIMAL COMMENT evan.
Sorry, but you're an idiot.
 
People show you who they are and it's up to us to decide whether we want to keep frequenting them or not.

evand, as far as your comment on animals, animals show fear/playfulness/anger/excitement/affection/anxiety/get cold/hot/bark and howl.
We are NOT superior.

sounds to me like these dogs were getting stressed over sensing aggression.
id call the RSPCA too....

and distance myself from this "friend" till there is nothing left to share.
He sounds like a complete idiot to me.

good luck and move onward and upwards...........
 
I'm very much an animal lover. My cats are my children and I would never allow them to have flees or suffer any unnecessary distress. However, this 'call the RSPCA' business seems a bit hysterical. Sadly, there are many less-than-perfect animal owners. If we were all to complain to the RSPCA whenever we came across a slightly irresponsible pet owner, the RSPCA would be entirely overstretched and a helluva lot more animals would be put to sleep. If an animal is being severely neglected or abused, then the RSPCA must certainly be notified. However, calling the RSPCA because the dogs had flees and wore beseeching expressions and a rabbit hutch was accidentally overturned is a bit of an overreaction.
 
Are you guys serious? The dogs witnessed a bit of drunken biffo in the backyard and you want to call the RSPCA? What is this world coming to?

Fifth, cats are not children. They are cats.
 
investor2009, if you don't like drunken behaviour you should have known that attending a bucks show in Darwin, drinking capital of Australia, would more than likely result in, well, drunken behaviour :p.

I'm still not sure what the problem is apart from realising that you all of a sudden think the groom isn't a good person.

Personally if it were me I'd attend the wedding (if I thought it was safe ;)), as he was a reasonably good friend for 8 years, held you in high esteem, and up to that point there were no issues. Then I'd back away.
 
Hi!

I've been friends (kinda) with this bloke for about 8 years, Lets call him Bob, and we used to hang out together when we were single and just get together and have a few drinks, it was that type of relationship. Just two knockabouts having a laugh.

That was a good 4-years ago when it came to an end and we stopped hanging out late at night, it's been more we see each other for an hour every 1 or 2 months because I'm a totally different person and now happily married.
this mate was my best man at our wedding by the way, even though we don't see much of each other these days.

Sounds to me like your heart wasn't really in it to begin with. He's 'kinda' your friend and you don't see much of him anymore, because you've changed and he hasn't. I don't think you really wanted to be his best man in the first place.

The issue is, you have made a committment to him to be his best man. I think you have to go through with it, regardless of whether he wears his wife-to-be's undies or not.
 
I would have to agree with others who say that you've made a commitment and you have to follow through. Pulling out this late is the meanest thing you could do and no-one deserves that. Think of something positive to say on the night, maybe remind him of how good he used to be. The worse thing I can think of is that he might get off his face before your speech. But you can't pull out because of something that might happen.

Do you have other concerns, eg: his health, or his wifes safety?
 
Do you have other concerns, eg: . . . , his wifes safety?

From what little I've heard, that's the paramount question here: Is this bloke even fit for marriage in his present state, and so is Investor2009 in good conscience able to go through with being the best man?

I agree with Graingrower: To refuse may be just about the meanest possible thing to by the groom right now, but I suspect it may be just the only right thing to do by the prospective bride. Silence can sometimes itself amount to complicity.

I don't know the situation personally so can't come to hard and fast conclusions. What I do know is that violent drunken miserably messed up men can be a terrible danger to women. That's all I'm saying needs thinking about when you're looking at being instrumental to the very consecration a marital union.

Mateship above honour? No, not a very hard choice at all, to my mind.
 
The OP hasn't said anything about the prospective bride as yet. Maybe she is very suitable, maybe he's marrying down.

I think she'd know what he's like already if she's marrying him. I doubt shes a barrister living in Vaucluse, Sydney.

There are some incredibly ridiculous assumptions and judgement calls in this thread.

From what little I've heard, that's the paramount question here: Is this bloke even fit for marriage in his present state, and so is Investor2009 in good conscience able to go through with being the best man?
 
FWIW, He specifically said no to any type of strip show at his house.
ok, but as best man you could've arranged something to do for 6 guys instead of turning up to a messy house and sit around mumbling to each other with no plans for the evening except getting drunk.

I would have to agree with others who say that you've made a commitment and you have to follow through. Pulling out this late is the meanest thing you could do and no-one deserves that. Think of something positive to say on the night, maybe remind him of how good he used to be.
this is the best thing to do and then cut your ties. He made a one line remark off the cuff while drunk on his buck's night which upset you but being best man has more significance. Good luck with it all and i hope you attend the wedding.
 
Hi Investor 2009

We all know that friends are important in our lives and apart from family are probably the most influential people in our lives. Is that influence a positive or a negative influence though, is something needed to be assessed on an individual basis and only something we can decide ourselves in order to be happy with the decision?

As you’ve stated above, you’ve changed over time (as we all do). Questioning your relationship with this person and openly putting it out on the forum is a huge step, no one wants to give up on their friends and it shows heart. Not all friends are forever though, we all move on.

On another note, you may be a positive influence in this person’s life, you never know; asking you to be his best man from his circle of friends would indicate something?

Sometimes you also have to defer to the wisdom of others…

You can learn something from every person you meet, even if it's what not to do. But that's still learning ~ Abraham Lincoln

“You are a product of your environment. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyse your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?” ~ W. Clement Stone
 
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