Does a 10 year old age gap make a material impact?

A theoretical question ;) for the collective wise heads at SS. I have been having an internal dialogue about this question recently and whilst have thought of many possible things that could be issues, it might be better to see what actual issues are in the real world.

Has anyone been in a personal relationship (successful or otherwise) with the age gap in excess of 10 years? Were there any issues that you could attribute to age differential? Of course, even if you haven't, feel free to comment.

No, not quite ready to have this conversation with friends yet as this "friendship" that I refer to, is only relatively new. Call this personal relationship due diligence :). And just to add to the issues, she lives interstate. (And yes, she is the younger one).

I realise a property investing forum would not usually be on the initial shortlist of places you would actually go and ask this question, but I do respect a lot of the opinions here, so wise property investors may also shed some light on these 'non-property issues. Thanks
 
Leventi you are a gun ;)

Age, aside from her (probably) outliving you whether she's 10 years younger or the same age, of 10 years difference would not be a high consideration for me.

I am of course assuming she is over 18 :p

What do you have in common as far as interests, values and life paths?

Look at also where you are different. As one example: If one is a stress head and the other can be calm when it's needed some balance may wash off and equilibrium result.

With major emotions it is probably an idea that there is some difference so this balancing out can occur or being too much the same....well, fuel to a fire.

And ofocourse follow your heart as well as the head stuff.

Carlos Castenada said........."try each path closely and deliberatly then ask yourself and yourself alone one question. Does this path have a heart? If it does the path is good. If it doesn't it is of no use."

Buy an IP in the state/city she lives so you can tax deduct your visits.....to collect (the rent) :D
 
Yeah, I was going to say, I though buzzlightyear was in his early twenties... :eek::D

Cheers,

The Y-man

Hah! :) No, for the record ages are 39-28.

...Different states can be an issue though. How far away?? I've found as your parents age you want to live closer to them to look after them

I'm in Melbourne, she's in Sydney. The issue of parents is one of those issues I have thought about. I agree with your comment and sentiments, and further to that, have always thought, that especially when women are looking to start a family, having their own mother close by is important.
 
One of my sisters likes older men. She's happily married to a man ten years older. Her first marriage was to a man about 20yrs older and they didn't end up having much in common.
Different states can be an issue though. How far away?? I've found as your parents age you want to live closer to them to look after them. My husband and I are from different states, it's hard work!
 
Hubby and I are 10 years (or 9.8 as he likes to put it) apart. The only effect it's had is making me think about kids earlier than I would have.
Actually the other downside is most people (including close friends) think I'm older than I actually am (one suggesting a couple of years ago that I was of an age to join the Vet's cycling team - females needing to be 30). A lot of our friends are closer to his age than mine, but it's been that way most of my life anyway so nothing new.

Comes down to personalities - he's "young" for his age, I'm "old" for my age. Works well.
 
Interesting question. One I've been throwing around in my head for various reasons ;)
I've reached the conclusion that, all other things being equal, the age isn't really a showstopper.
Of course, it's not without it's issues:
Like when you talk about how you stayed home from school to watch the moon landing and your'e asked "What, they landed on the moon? Why? There's nothing there".
I think (know) it can work and if it doesn't, it probably wouldn't have even if the age gap were less.
I assume this question is related to a younger woman, as opposed to a trip to Cougar Town?
 
When I was 22 I was dating a 35 year old. I think I was old and boring at 22 and he was very immature for his age. His friends used to say I was more mature than him! My dad was only 5 years older than him which was a bit weird and his mates were around that age too. Sometimes felt like I was hanging out with my dad's mates. He had a 7 year old daughter so that was weird having a potential step daughter at 22.

As far as differences went, I really only noticed it when he was with his female friends as they would listen to music I didn't even know (music they listened to as teens) and they used to hassle me a bit. As for kids, I knew I would've had to have em fairly young as he was already 35.

I think 22 is much different to 28 though. I feel that the age gap closes considerably by that age. If she makes you happy and you have a lot in common then I'd go for it.
 
From a female's perspective, how does that affect the dynamics of the relationship?
She has nothing to worry about until she reaches 30+ and that would happen regardless of whether you were 1 year old than her, 10 or 20.
You on the other hand, have plenty of time up your sleeve to father them as long as you're fit, healthy and not acting like a grandpa. ;)
 
I'm in Melbourne, she's in Sydney. The issue of parents is one of those issues I have thought about. I agree with your comment and sentiments, and further to that, have always thought, that especially when women are looking to start a family, having their own mother close by is important.

That's not too bad. Is that about an hours flight? Yer a girl needs her mum when she starts a family. Flying from Bris to Perth with newborns and toddlers is not much fun. Once my son cried and screamed for 2 hours straight. :eek: When he finally stopped crying the stewardess asked me if I wanted a wine and told me to just press the buzzer and she'd bring me as much as I wanted. :)
 
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As we are approaching retirement, we are seeing the effects of large gaps between partners.

This seems to be magnified when the man is older. A man in his late thirties or forties can be in his prime, and attractive to someone in her twenties. But it is a different story when he is 70 and she is 55.

Among are acquaintances are a couple where the wife is mid-sixties and the husband is early eighties. The actual age gap is just over 20 years. She still wants to go out, socialise and travel, he is an old man who wants to sit in the sunshine. As it was a second marriage for him, there are no children. Step-children are in their very late fifties. Tensions are rising as she feels very isolated and unsupported in caring duties.

Conversely, another couple has the wife at 65 and the husband at 50. She wants to go out and party, he is a stay-at-home type.

Guess it all depends on the individuals.
Marg
 
This is one of the big issues (I am assuming admittedly) to bring forward the decision to have children.

From a female's perspective, how does that affect the dynamics of the relationship?

For us it's not an issue because I've also been told I need to have kids young due to possible health issues. If it weren't for that it wouldn't matter too much either way - I've been wanting kids longer than he has, age nothing to do with that (he's still trying to grow up a bit and stop being such a big kid :D )
 
OK Buzz....here's some real life stuff.

- the first 10y+ relationship I was aware of was between a tenant (uni lecturer) in my parent's flats and one of his university students. My Dad was so disgusted the guy could date someone so much younger, he jacked his rent (this was in the 70s when you could) and eventually found some reason to terminate his tenancy (selling the flats or some such thing). so moral of the story? be aware that some people are going to judge you poorly for shacking up with a much younger woman.....though if she is approaching 30, it shouldn't be as bad as a doe eyed uni student.

- the second relatonship was between a guy at work (art director in an ad agency) and his young protege. He got sacked within 3 mths because management thought it was immoral. but this was more like a 25 y age gap.

- third relationship I was aware of was between a female workmate and an older prominent Sydney architect. She was constantly struggling with her conscience, because he didn't want to go out with her younger friends to talk innane nonsense. And she felt she needed a break from his more serious, philosophical, and cerebral perspective on all and sundry. at the end of the day, I saw the fault was within her moreso, not him. She was the one allowing intellectual elitism to effect the kind of guy she wanted.

I think in the end, he dumped her, because he realized he'd always feel insecure about her leaving, and that she wasn't a true intellectual equal.

- there's been three relationships I've seen work of around 10-15yr gap. both were between science academics and their PhD students. The thing that bound them was a genuine passion for science and the research they shared. The girls were in their late 20s-early 30s. The guys in their late 40s or 50s. After coming to know them intimately, I have to say they made it work nicely. But I'd also say the girls ended taking a more submissive role......stay at home Mums until kids are over 3, part time work til kids are 7. But in each case, the male partners had secure tenure and good income. I suppose it helped that their young wives shared their passion and could more easily tolerate the long hours they spent at their careers.

- besides the extreme examples above, I've met a lot of divorced 30 and 40 something women who curiously seem to gravitate to the Gold and Sunshine Coasts, after divorcing older husbands. These types seem to have been psychoemotionally underdeveloped when they latched onto the apparent security associated with an older guy. But they started to feel suffocated when they realized the older guy chose a younger woman because they wanted more of a doormat partner they could perpetually control. As these women matured in relative security, they started to realize they no longer needed a father figure to protect them from a world they now felt comfortable in.

So, beware of your motive.....and be doubly aware of her motive and psychoemotional developmental stage.
 
Buzz.

I've just turned 40 and been in a relationship for 5 years.
My lady is about to turn 31.

We have nothing in common,no interests, but we get on like a house on fire.

Her mother took it bad but all is ok now.

My parents are 15 years difference and my fathers saying is always marry
a younger women, so she can look after you in your old age.:D
I didn't take his advice its just the way the cards were delt to me.

Sorry I just remembered one thing we have in common, we both don't want kids.
 
Has anyone been in a personal relationship (successful or otherwise) with the age gap in excess of 10 years? Were there any issues that you could attribute to age differential?

I am in fact "19 years" older than my wife :eek:
Please see our photo in my profile.
We don't have any issues at all,in fact in the relationship she is the older acting one and I am the younger acting one.

We have three beautiful children.

Sometimes as a joke I say I am her daddy,(Sugar Daddy).

I do spoil her but only because I know what she has been through :(

My son and daughter are similar ages to her,no problems there :eek:.

I know people on this forum will be saying I brought her over here (Mail order bride) however it is far from the truth.

We met at my brothers cafe in the city,she was already an Australian citizen before I met her.

I say go for it,don't worry about it at all.
If anyone says anything it will be because, they are jealous :D
 
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