Does a 10 year old age gap make a material impact?

Good on you- seems like a lovely family.

Rabbaj.

I am in fact "19 years" older than my wife :eek:
Please see our photo in my profile.
We don't have any issues at all,in fact in the relationship she is the older acting one and I am the younger acting one.

We have three beautiful children.

Sometimes as a joke I say I am her daddy,(Sugar Daddy).

I do spoil her but only because I know what she has been through :(

My son and daughter are similar ages to her,no problems there :eek:.

I know people on this forum will be saying I brought her over here (Mail order bride) however it is far from the truth.

We met at my brothers cafe in the city,she was already an Australian citizen before I met her.

I say go for it,don't worry about it at all.
If anyone says anything it will be because, they are jealous :D
 
I assume this question is related to a younger woman, as opposed to a trip to Cougar Town?

Hey nothing wrong with Cougar Town!

Seriously, I think society makes way too much of a big deal about age gaps between spouses. When I was in my early 20's my (now) ex-fiance was 32 so about a 9 year difference in age but a 9 year difference in the other direction in maturity levels. Some men just never grow up no matter how old they are, so younger women may suit them more than women their own age.

Of course the ages of both men and women matter for having kids with women having a shorter time frame to pop them out, but don't forget that after 40 men's fertility also declines and the chances of healthy babies also decreases.

I'm quite happy being with a slightly younger bloke now, but if I was single and met a hot, good looking 45 year old or a hot, good looking 30 year old it would not make one ounce of difference as long as we had interests in common and were compatible etc.

I think you'll have more issues with the distance not the age gap.
 
hubby and i have 9 years difference ... although he looks fairly young for his age.

in most things we are excellent together ... except, as we get older (been together 12 years now), i find he acts a bit more often like an old fuddy duddy. i'm not ready to go there yet so pull him up. i'm finding that the older one gets the quicker one gets older - so the older partner is getting older "faster" than the younger partner.

i'm also finding that i am still in the "risk" frame of mind whilst he is moving into the "consolidation" frame.

he's 50 this year and i'm 41.

we also only had one kid as he has 3 from a previous marriage, first was born when he was 26, and ours was born when he was 43, so he didn't want more - a total of 36 years of bringing up kids, by the time junior will be out of school, was enough for him.

makes me sound like there are issues - but nothing more than any relationship. all is good.:D

i know several couples who are are around 10 years apart who are going great - and others not so well - so it comes down to the partnership itself.

the most important thing to remember is that there are two people in the relationship. they need to keep their own identity and own space - and as long as they "grow/mature" together yet remain individuals then all should be good.
 
my parents are 10 years apart and about to have their 50th anniversary. Not bad for a second marriage for both ( both widowed).

I sometimes think a gap is a good thing because women often tend to be more mature than men of the same age( in my experience).
 
This is one of the big issues (I am assuming admittedly) to bring forward the decision to have children.

From a female's perspective, how does that affect the dynamics of the relationship?

For the record, as a (nearly) 28yr old, I don't think 39 is too old. Although my DH is actually a year younger then me.

All my friends of the same age are just now starting to think about kids, those in relationships trying to convince their partners it is a good idea, and those without partners looking for someone they can settle down with and have kids with in the next couple of years.

Fertility declines slightly after 30, and much more rapidly after 35. This is true of men as well as women.
 
Cougar town for real

hehe, am I the only cougar here??? I'm 53 and my partner is 36 (17 years difference).

We have the best relationship and I'm the happiest I have ever been (I was previously married for 30 years to a man only 4 years older than me).

My current partner and I have been together since I was 47 and he was 30.

It was very different at first but now I never think of it (hehe, unless I look I the mirror but he definitely does NOT want me to have any "work" done).

I'm a very lucky lady.
 
OK Buzz....here's some real life stuff.

- the first 10y+ relationship I was aware of was between a tenant (uni lecturer) in my parent's flats and one of his university students. My Dad was so disgusted the guy could date someone so much younger, he jacked his rent (this was in the 70s when you could) and eventually found some reason to terminate his tenancy (selling the flats or some such thing). so moral of the story? be aware that some people are going to judge you poorly for shacking up with a much younger woman.....though if she is approaching 30, it shouldn't be as bad as a doe eyed uni student.

- the second relatonship was between a guy at work (art director in an ad agency) and his young protege. He got sacked within 3 mths because management thought it was immoral. but this was more like a 25 y age gap.

- third relationship I was aware of was between a female workmate and an older prominent Sydney architect. She was constantly struggling with her conscience, because he didn't want to go out with her younger friends to talk innane nonsense. And she felt she needed a break from his more serious, philosophical, and cerebral perspective on all and sundry. at the end of the day, I saw the fault was within her moreso, not him. She was the one allowing intellectual elitism to effect the kind of guy she wanted.

I think in the end, he dumped her, because he realized he'd always feel insecure about her leaving, and that she wasn't a true intellectual equal.

- there's been three relationships I've seen work of around 10-15yr gap. both were between science academics and their PhD students. The thing that bound them was a genuine passion for science and the research they shared. The girls were in their late 20s-early 30s. The guys in their late 40s or 50s. After coming to know them intimately, I have to say they made it work nicely. But I'd also say the girls ended taking a more submissive role......stay at home Mums until kids are over 3, part time work til kids are 7. But in each case, the male partners had secure tenure and good income. I suppose it helped that their young wives shared their passion and could more easily tolerate the long hours they spent at their careers.

- besides the extreme examples above, I've met a lot of divorced 30 and 40 something women who curiously seem to gravitate to the Gold and Sunshine Coasts, after divorcing older husbands. These types seem to have been psychoemotionally underdeveloped when they latched onto the apparent security associated with an older guy. But they started to feel suffocated when they realized the older guy chose a younger woman because they wanted more of a doormat partner they could perpetually control. As these women matured in relative security, they started to realize they no longer needed a father figure to protect them from a world they now felt comfortable in.

So, beware of your motive.....and be doubly aware of her motive and psychoemotional developmental stage.
You make it sound so dramatic! Age is just a number. Its experience and attitude that quantify how 'old/young' a person is.
But I do agree with your last comment...Young girls with daddy syndrome and a clouded perception isn't appealing or even fair on either person in a relationship.

To counteract your stories though, a close family member of ours met her now husband, as he was a friend of her dads.
They've been happily together for 6 years, married for 3 and have a 2 year old together. He's 62 and she's 32.
The fact that he has children her age from a previous marriage (who were all present at the wedding) did make it a little weird but she's a reasonable woman who understands that he "could die soon so I'll need to be able to go back to work to support our little girl" (her words).
And before anyone asks; no, it wasn't about the money. She had a great career before meeting him.
 
hehe, am I the only cougar here??? I'm 53 and my partner is 36 (17 years difference)..

My late auntie Ivy was with a man nearly 40 years her junior,
They were happy for many years.
This is her around 80y/o ,her boyfriend 42 ;)
Thats good Irish Gypsy blood for you :D
 

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If a man is 30 and woman is 20... that's great.

If a woman is 30 and a man is 20... that's stupid. (the woman must get pregnant right away in order to have healthy kids and a 20 yo bloke is stupid and immature at best with no money to back him up)

If a man is 35 and the woman is 20... even better :)

As long as the guy is older, then that's all that matters.

Unless off course you like to adopt kids or have a high risk od down syndrome children... then you may want to go for much older women and start a family.
 
When I met my man (in a nightclub, so 90s :rolleyes:) I had just turned 18 and telling Mum I was going out with a 25 year old man was scary for me. So here we now are, me 33 and he 40.

A lot of teasing goes on about the different teenage years we had. He teases me about liking 'E Street' and I tease him about the daggy 80's fashions that I managed to dodge.

It hasn't all been easy. I used to get really jealous because he had a few previous relationships (and I'd only had a deadbeat ONE :eek:) And sometimes he does get a 'fatherly' tone about him (especially when I scratch the car). But as has been said, you will have more trouble with the distance.

In regard to having babies, I used to want them before I turned 25. It was just part of my 'plan'. I had my first at 27 and second at 29. Sooo glad I did as it truly takes every ounce of energy and I honestly don't think my body at 40 would handle it. I know other women do it and I truly admire them. Maybe I'm just unfit.

Good luck with it all though, enjoy yourselves :D
 
actually, I just remembered two other scenarios where I found myself with foot in mouth.

One was in Nambour Hospital ICU. I was caring for a guy in his 60s, obviously quite ill and kept in an induced coma.

One afternoon when I was doing my rounds, he had a visitor, a male in his 20s. I had a chit chat and then asked if he was the patient's son. He tersely replied "No, I am his partner". reasonable mistake under the circumstances I think.

Another time, I was at a health retreat, Hippocrates Health Centre at Nerang. A very plain obese woman in her late 50s had just finished a week there, and was preparing to leave. A slim young fellow around 22 came in asking for her. I said I had just seen her upstairs packing her bags. I chit chatted and then asked if he was her son. He quite tersely replied, "No, I am her lover".
Once again, reasonable faux pas.

What's my personal view about such things?
I appreciate life is a holiday for some and a hell realm for others.
And we all use whatever resources and values we have, to make it through.
 
If a man is 30 and woman is 20... that's great.

If a woman is 30 and a man is 20... that's stupid. (the woman must get pregnant right away in order to have healthy kids and a 20 yo bloke is stupid and immature at best with no money to back him up)

If a man is 35 and the woman is 20... even better :)

As long as the guy is older, then that's all that matters.

Unless off course you like to adopt kids or have a high risk od down syndrome children... then you may want to go for much older women and start a family.

I have several friends with a older wife and younger husband... and all have had healthy kids naturally... your post seems like a value judgement, without much thought behind it.

On the other hand, my husband is around 10 years older than me, with a daughter from a previous marraige, and I became a grandparent at 39, when my oldest child was 9. (and he didn't bring any money into the marraige.. we got married when he was 35 and had gone back to uni... I was the breadwinner for the first few years)

For most of our marraige, it hasn't made much difference. The areas I notice it are with his family (his siblings are all older, and his parents were much older than mine)and with music (such different tastes!!)

But every couple have their differences that you have to work through. Age is just one potential difference amongst many. I would say that if your values are different, it would be more challenging.

Pen
 
i'm just gonna lay it on pretty simple.

the difference between 20 and 25 is 10 years.

the difference between 25 and 30 is 5 years

the difference between 30 and 35 is 2 years

the difference between 35 and 40 is a month.
 
The only problems you have will be the ones you allow to happen.

Some things to consider are children etc and when to start having them.

My daughter is just turning 2 and next one is due in a few months and I'm nearing the big 50. The other half is under 40 by a few years. We share similar interests and have adapted to each others age differences but as we get older the age differences seem a lot less (Bluecard is close to spot on). Recently celebrated 11 yrs of marriage first time for both. Our situation is very different to most especially in Japan as I'm the primary care giver and semi retired. The other half works because she wants too and not because she has too. The situation suits both of us quite well. Being active is also a good thing to consider and the fitter or healthier you are now the better in later in life for all concerned.

Sometimes I get the odd comment about age differences and different nationality but that is normally from bitter western women who seem to be divorced or separated and don't like seeing others happy.
 
Sometimes I get the odd comment about age differences and different nationality but that is normally from bitter western women who seem to be divorced or separated and don't like seeing others happy.

They don't actually say anything but you can see it in their eyes ;)
 
Buzzlightyear,

A few questions: how did you meet? How mature is she? How secure is she (financially and emotionally)? Have you met or is this an internet thing? Assuming things stay as they are, how often do you see each other? As in, do you normally fly into Melbourne or does she often come to Sydney? I think there are a lot of factors that play into this and each one effects all the others.

As someone who has a lot of experience in helping men with dating (not so much relationships) and I'm not talking about my friends but guys I don't know who come to me for advice.

As well as receiving a lot of advice about dating, I can tell you that you're risking wasting a lot of time, energy and opportunity 'cost' by focusing your attentions on a woman you don't know very well considering the speed at which you could expect your relationship to develop.

There are millions of women out there, so I wouldn't get too caught up one who you may be idealising. But again, this is a guess based on experience, I'd need more info in your case.

If it sounds too draining to meet women, then your question should be: how do I meet a lot of high quality (whatever that means to you) women in the fastest possible way without disrupting my preferred lifestyle?

As for the age difference, I'd say you should look at it as a positive, not a negative. Girls want a guy who knows what he wants, has some experience, and a man they can trust to know what to do, lead, make the decisions and make them feel like the best woman they can be. An older gentleman can project and engender these attributes with ease and our cultural programming reinforces these notions (think movies, books, etc...).

It's not a coincidence that you see most successful, well-rounded men find and enjoy the reinvigorating and re-energising company of younger women. Just try to be more like a Michael Douglas type rather than Woody Allen (ewww).

Oh, and will meeting her parents be an issue? No... so long as they have respect for their elders :p
 
I haven't gone past 5 years. First bf back in the dim distant past was 5 years older, current partner is around 5 years younger. Who says the man always has to be older?

I'm going to have two kids 9 1/2 years apart though. I can see that creating a few issues, as my eldest already has a dramatically different personality to me and I'm much the same as my partner and youngest kid. But she'll have left home while the little ones are still pre-puberty. After tonight's dinner, I'm quite looking forward to her turning 18 and flying the coop :mad:
 
There is an old rule of thumb that you should halve your age and add 7.
This figure should be at least her age.
So if you are 40, your partner shouldn't be younger than 27, if you are 50 your partner shouldn't be younger than 32 etc.

I know a lot of guys in relationships with younger girls (10-20 year age gap) and from what i've seen they work well but admittedly the finances are a major factor -- this is in a south east asian country.

I'm nearly the same age as the OP and i'll also be looking for a partner in her mid-late 20's so i can start a family... if i was looking for a partner around my own age there is a higher risk of birth defects plus they don't look as hot and i want her to call me pappa :D

Pa1nter: kudos to you mate... you have a great looking partner and family.
 
Nothing wrong with 10 yrs gap. It depends on the two people in the relationship:
-) do they mind that the older partner will look a lot older than the younger partner? ( which will happen sooner or later)
-) Will the younger partner regret or think he/she can do better and start looking for younger man/woman?

If the answer is no, then there's no problem there sport.


A theoretical question ;) for the collective wise heads at SS. I have been having an internal dialogue about this question recently and whilst have thought of many possible things that could be issues, it might be better to see what actual issues are in the real world.

Has anyone been in a personal relationship (successful or otherwise) with the age gap in excess of 10 years? Were there any issues that you could attribute to age differential? Of course, even if you haven't, feel free to comment.

No, not quite ready to have this conversation with friends yet as this "friendship" that I refer to, is only relatively new. Call this personal relationship due diligence :). And just to add to the issues, she lives interstate. (And yes, she is the younger one).

I realise a property investing forum would not usually be on the initial shortlist of places you would actually go and ask this question, but I do respect a lot of the opinions here, so wise property investors may also shed some light on these 'non-property issues. Thanks
 
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