Earthquake hits Balga WA

I got sent this late breaking news last night! (I actually live in this suburb :eek: )

Associated press 10th November 2006: Earthquake Rocks Balga.
A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter Scale, has hit
Australia at 10:18am yesterday morning, with the epicenter believed to
be the Perth suburb of Balga. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly
muttering, "F**in ell" and "whadda ****".

The earthquake has completely decimated the area and damaged
hundreds of homes, leaving a damage bill expected to exceed $300, which
could go as high as $350.

Several priceless collections, including mementos from the Torana
Appreciation Society and the Balga Progress Hall, were destroyed
in the quake. In addition, three areas containing historic burnt out
cars were disturbed and many locals were woken well before their
welfare cheques arrived.

Perth radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the area. One resident - Tracy
Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of 6 said, "it was such a shock, my little
Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest
two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking
when I was watching Jerry Springer in the morning."

The people of Balga are a resilient community and evidence of a full recovery can already be seen, with looting, muggings and car crime carrying on as normal.

The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red
Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Vegemite to the area
to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include
Centrelink booklets, AC/DC T-Shirts, Priceline Jewellery, prams and
fine bone china from Copperart.

The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be air dropped as parcels for those unfortunate caught up in this disaster. Donations of clothing are also in demand. Items most needed include baseball caps, Kappa tracksuits with hoods (his and hers), flannelette shirts, white sport socks, XXXXL mumble shorts (female), sturdy steal capped boots, and any other items usually sold in Crazy Clarks.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the
same. Required foodstuffs include, Hot Dogs, Yiros, McDonalds, KFC,
Ice Cream and cans of Woodstock Burbon and Coke and Emu Bitter. Please
don't send bread, milk, tinned food, meat, fish, chicken, fruit or
vegetables or any other healthy food, because such food is alien to the local dietary requirements will not be consumed.

Donations of Home brand nappies, loose fitting t-shirts, which
allow easy breast feeding, and cartons of Winfield cigarettes would be
greatly appreciated.
Charities are also accepting cash donations through
any Liquorland outlet. $0.25 buys a ball point pen for filling in
compensation forms, $5.00 buys chips and Coca Cola for a family of
nine, $10.00 will buy a packet of Winfield Blues 25s and a lighter to calm the
nerves of those affected.

Aid Agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the affected suburb, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the
population of the neighbouring areas.
 
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