experiences and opinions on long distance relationship pls.

M

motivated 5555

I have met someone really lovely who i really like so much about and really enjoy his company, character etc. We are both around 50 years old.

but they live interstate, an hour plane flight away and i dont know if i would ever leave my kids, grandchild, future grandchildren, and move away
and i wouldnt expect him to move from his successful work.

Time will tell i guess

Some of my friends say i'd move away and it would be the best thing for me
and actually to get used to a new relationship without distractions if it will progress in future to that can be a good thing

My kids adore me and we enjoy each others company so much and learn from each other too, just as any adult friends enjoy company and learn from each other.
But my children just want me to be happy.

There are phones email skype and cheap air fares these days.


Someone once said that they prefer a quality person far away than a mediocre person nearby, but i wonder long term what will be.

Its not like first time around , i have kids and a grandchild and future grandchildren which i love spending time with its a huge joy for me.



what are other peoples experiences or info on this issue pls.
 
We live quite a distance from my parents. We make the effort to ensure we see each other at least 3 or 4 times a year. Our experience has been that it works really well. We're always either reminiscing over a recent visit, or looking forward to the next one. In some ways, I think it's better than having them nearby, because whenever they see each other it's always exciting and something novel. They talk on the phone a lot, and email. It gives me great joy to see how close my parents and my sons are. :)

I'm a firm believer that you have to do what's best for your own household (ie you and your spouse and dependents) first, and make all your other relationships work around that. Your kids are obviously grown now. I think it's emotional coercion for your adult children to feel that you're still making your own life decisions based on their circumstances. If you send them the message that it would be terrible for you if you lived in a different state to them, you're effectively limiting them ... do they feel free to live interstate themselves? Or do they worry that you'd feel abandoned if they moved interstate? I think it's a great gift to your children for them to know that you have your own, full life, and can get by without having to have them in the next suburb. :)

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Motivated
Since you have a lovely circle of people around you won't be happy leaving. Regarding your relationship with your kids and grandkids, once you move, it won't be the same anymore. From my experience when my parents moved away the bond they had with their grandchildren was also gone.
 
Life is short. Good relationships are hard to find. Your loved ones will always love you regardless of where you live. One hours flight away is not that far.

There are phone calls, skype, email, facebook.

Go with what your heart and gut tell you.
 
Has the new partner asked you to move? He may be happy with the ways things are going now.

Do you need to get a new job if you moved, or is the partner going to support you..how does he feel about that?

Are all your children finished school and moved from home? If not, where would they live.

Some things to consider.
 
Rather than thinking about moving to him, get him to move to you. That way you'll find out how committed he really is to the relationship ;)
 
Thanks everyone . you make alot of good point and also good questions and i also would like hearing of situations others know about or have experienced pls if there are any more.

i'd never ask hiim to leave his thriving practice absolutely not i wouldnt mess with a very successful income, maybe in retirement but not now. His home is also much nicer.

I have a couple of kids still finishing school
but i also have a very involved mum and older siblings and my kids are more independent than most so choices are there in the future possibly.

i guess i cant imagine moving, i enjoy their company and any time i can help the. Time will tell. He is very much what i've wanted and dont always find in one person including among many things, interest and active in property investment.

kathryn he moved so far to be with you and in the winter, wow and canada is freezing for a long winter, i lived there when i was young and wouldnt do it again!

my work is easily moved.

i dont know if kids would still be in my home or with my mum or in other family properties all of which are close to each other and close to older siblings.
 
My sister lives in the UK with her 4 children, but they know their grandparents and their aunty very well thanks to skype.

I have seen first day of school, dress up days and birthday parties.

When she got married I was lucky enough to be there but for the rest of the family... they were involved in the morning as she made the final preparations at home before stepping into the car
..... and that was ages ago before skype was a word and it was yahoo messenger and dodgy webcam with fuzzy delay!

living a plane hour away is a piece of cake nowdays thanks to technology.
 
Yeah 1 hour plane ride meh... is that classed as long distance? ;)

Yeah i'm 24 hrs away from my family, I was 24hrs away from my now fiancée for about 6 months on and off and I knew I had to make a decision in the end and I chose it. Worth it for sure but it brings about my goal for my property investing to be able to become less attached to work so i can see my parents more often.

I'm sure you'll work it out :)
 
My experience?

It can work, but rarely does.
I see very little point in living life as an individual in a relationship, when you're not in a relationship if you know what I mean.

I find you are very easily led astray by human nature and the desire for physical touch and/or emotional intimacy. It's basically fighting against human nature. Pretty hard to do and could also prove pointless in the end.

There are other people out there and as I found, better matches than the one you may be currently be with in the long distance relationship.

There are for's and against's of-course but put it this way I wouldn't want to be the poor soul in that predicament again. Each to their own and as long as you are happy then that all that matters. It doesn't sound like t though if you have to question it.
 
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but how can you even consider leaving your children when they are still in school?

They may very well be well-adjusted and "independent" kids, but they are teenagers and still need their mum!

Why don't you support your children through school, then consider moving, when they have finished, assuming you still love this man at that point in time. With only a one hour flight seperating you in the meantime, there will still be plenty of opportunities to see each other, without the need to shift away from your school-aged children.

Your children may have great support from their grandmother and older siblings, and they say they want you to be happy, which is great, but they may very well feel abandoned if you are to leave them at a vulnerable time in their lives. You could be damaging your relationship with them - no man is worth that.

Good luck,
 
I'm with Lily - I wouldn't leave school age children to care for themselves long term at that vulnerable age, if I wanted what is best for them (I'm assuming they're 15 to 17yo :eek:).

They might be independent, but they need guidance and a watchful eye.

I'd commute between cities a bit longer. If the relationship is a good one it will survive.
 
I love hearing of any other experiences with interstate dating please

and thanks for all the input

i agree and hear what you are saying and i like to be around for when i can contribute my life experience and any support. I value that immensely having been alone so much many times myself.
at the end of the year i will have 2 less school children and one is doing yr 12 but as an older student.
I do have more support and therefore more choices and freedom.

but nevertheless i wonder whether at all i coulda t any age leave a group of kids who are also my best adult friends and joy aswell as such joy bringing grandchildren

I love hearing of other peoples experiences though.
 
Tonight on ACA or TT (forget which ) they did a story on this. Seems 1.1 Mil Aussies are in a long distance relationship. What it didn't specify, was how many were actually married. I wondered how many were actually the "other woman".
It mentioned some may be doing this to protect the family assets. Also some are just too set in their ways and don't want to compromise.
 
I wonder if that's the one I saw where some were interstate but others lived next door or nearby to get both love and space and less issues with having to get on living tigether in the same space .
 
I wonder how many of that 1.1M are youngsters still living at home with their parents, or just people who are only dating and haven't got around to cohabiting yet. I imagine a lot of people would date for a while without cohabiting, and perhaps break up before they even made that step.

When I first started dating the other half, he lived with his parents, so that would technically qualify as 'long distance'.

I'd imagine it would be a lot less people once you ruled out early relationships and only looked at long-term ones.
 
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