dr phil always urges people to try to get on, that you never know when somene is suddenly out of your life forever and you dont have another chance to fix things up and you feel really stupid for not getting on. He urges poeple to talk about things that wont inflame the situation and try to get on , be gracious to each other.
i had a tough year mostly full of challenges that various of my children had, but in general we all got on and helped each other through so much. that should be a wonderful thing to focus on except that currently its all gone haywire.
one family member had a crisis which caused larger problems and rifts and people blaming each other or feeling blamed where they actually werent being and instead of everyone talking, learning and moving forward , 2 members of my family have started causing rifts even doing crazier things when we all just need to calm down and recover.
a bit of a conversation, or time out, or ignoring some things keep families working but not everyone seems to be mature enough to take those options and its so draining, time consuming, frustrating when they choose crazier unnecesary options instead.
i wish 2 of my adult children could just practice skills taht make families work and get on
-egtake time out
-ignore things
-calm down
-focus on the good
-get counselling on their own or together
-talk calmly, even a few times, resolve things, sometimes they are resolved so easily with a bit of talking
- make positive things bigger and negative things smaller rather than inflaming anything possible,
instead of going crazy things or creating rifts or doing really crazy crazy things.
how many other poeple i wonder are actually happy when there are rifts with others as it is one way of getting some peace from them. rifts are painful but they give us some peace aswell.
Xennias post of what we put up with is sometimes not so clear cut
of where we forgive, get counselling maybe together, make allowances, take breaks, reconnect, or simply cut off forever.
I seem to be the only sane calming voice in my family. Others at present are happy to inflame things fast or make rifts when simple skills like conversing could clear many things, and i'm sick of it.
i beleive my kids have seen that i am an easy target to abuse or use as a scapegoat or behave crazily to, because there is no other sane adult calming voice with a backbone in my family saying ' hey what are you doing, stop that!" so they've learnt they can get away with absolutely crazy behaviour towards me that they would never ever do to anyone else, especially if anyone had done so much for them as i have or even a hundredth of what i've done to get them through daily life or bigger challenges.
I have been through alot without having people there for me, so i really try to understand and help others tht they dont feel alone, especially if i have the lifeexperience to easily help them and they are hardworkers themself in their lives. I dont think people need to feel always alone. people do better when tehy have supportive friends and family, a listening ear, a bit of understanding or affirming is all so energising.
this year things went well and we could have felt ' who needs friends when we get on so well and enjoy being with many members or our family'
but currently i feel the opposite of ' who needs enemies when you have family like that'
How i feel at the moment I dont think i want to reconnect w it a couple of my adult children when they decide to grow up ,calm down and want me around in their life again. I will go to all extremes for them when they need it so many times and then when they are troubled at the slightest thing i'll ge t kicked in the face big time.
i'm sick of their dramas, immaturity instead of simple chats to clear things up when things arise.
Why do adult kids reserve this special kind of idiotic dramatic totally crazy behaviour only for their parents?
I can enjoy this break now while they are troubled
and then after either
forgive them, realise they were very troubled and make allowances,
but get counselling so i dont keep getting used abused then kicked in the face at the slightest thing
so that they try simple conversations instead of doing idiotic things, often thigns can be resolved so easily but they cant be if people dont even bother talking and then wonder why they arent resolved,
i may find other things to fill up my life with after 3 decades of being devoted to my family, and stay out of their lifes for alot longer than what they would have ever liked, because i'm sick of being used and abused and kicked in the face by troubled adult kids.
though if i dont reconnect with one of them it means i dont get to see my grandchild.
i also find it hard that some traumas you can tell others about eg my friend was diagnosed with cancer or had a heart attack, but you cant very well say,, well i'm having a hard day because my family are fighting each other instead of just conversing and resolving simple things,.
I'm sick of being the calm ,forgiving, understanding, supportive, giving one, surrounded by toxic hotheaded immature troubled ones. and yet it seems a reality. pity after quite a good year, full of challenges, not mine but ones we all helped each other with whoever was going through a hard time, but its gone sour currently. time for other interests.
Francine.
i had a tough year mostly full of challenges that various of my children had, but in general we all got on and helped each other through so much. that should be a wonderful thing to focus on except that currently its all gone haywire.
one family member had a crisis which caused larger problems and rifts and people blaming each other or feeling blamed where they actually werent being and instead of everyone talking, learning and moving forward , 2 members of my family have started causing rifts even doing crazier things when we all just need to calm down and recover.
a bit of a conversation, or time out, or ignoring some things keep families working but not everyone seems to be mature enough to take those options and its so draining, time consuming, frustrating when they choose crazier unnecesary options instead.
i wish 2 of my adult children could just practice skills taht make families work and get on
-egtake time out
-ignore things
-calm down
-focus on the good
-get counselling on their own or together
-talk calmly, even a few times, resolve things, sometimes they are resolved so easily with a bit of talking
- make positive things bigger and negative things smaller rather than inflaming anything possible,
instead of going crazy things or creating rifts or doing really crazy crazy things.
how many other poeple i wonder are actually happy when there are rifts with others as it is one way of getting some peace from them. rifts are painful but they give us some peace aswell.
Xennias post of what we put up with is sometimes not so clear cut
of where we forgive, get counselling maybe together, make allowances, take breaks, reconnect, or simply cut off forever.
I seem to be the only sane calming voice in my family. Others at present are happy to inflame things fast or make rifts when simple skills like conversing could clear many things, and i'm sick of it.
i beleive my kids have seen that i am an easy target to abuse or use as a scapegoat or behave crazily to, because there is no other sane adult calming voice with a backbone in my family saying ' hey what are you doing, stop that!" so they've learnt they can get away with absolutely crazy behaviour towards me that they would never ever do to anyone else, especially if anyone had done so much for them as i have or even a hundredth of what i've done to get them through daily life or bigger challenges.
I have been through alot without having people there for me, so i really try to understand and help others tht they dont feel alone, especially if i have the lifeexperience to easily help them and they are hardworkers themself in their lives. I dont think people need to feel always alone. people do better when tehy have supportive friends and family, a listening ear, a bit of understanding or affirming is all so energising.
this year things went well and we could have felt ' who needs friends when we get on so well and enjoy being with many members or our family'
but currently i feel the opposite of ' who needs enemies when you have family like that'
How i feel at the moment I dont think i want to reconnect w it a couple of my adult children when they decide to grow up ,calm down and want me around in their life again. I will go to all extremes for them when they need it so many times and then when they are troubled at the slightest thing i'll ge t kicked in the face big time.
i'm sick of their dramas, immaturity instead of simple chats to clear things up when things arise.
Why do adult kids reserve this special kind of idiotic dramatic totally crazy behaviour only for their parents?
I can enjoy this break now while they are troubled
and then after either
forgive them, realise they were very troubled and make allowances,
but get counselling so i dont keep getting used abused then kicked in the face at the slightest thing
so that they try simple conversations instead of doing idiotic things, often thigns can be resolved so easily but they cant be if people dont even bother talking and then wonder why they arent resolved,
i may find other things to fill up my life with after 3 decades of being devoted to my family, and stay out of their lifes for alot longer than what they would have ever liked, because i'm sick of being used and abused and kicked in the face by troubled adult kids.
though if i dont reconnect with one of them it means i dont get to see my grandchild.
i also find it hard that some traumas you can tell others about eg my friend was diagnosed with cancer or had a heart attack, but you cant very well say,, well i'm having a hard day because my family are fighting each other instead of just conversing and resolving simple things,.
I'm sick of being the calm ,forgiving, understanding, supportive, giving one, surrounded by toxic hotheaded immature troubled ones. and yet it seems a reality. pity after quite a good year, full of challenges, not mine but ones we all helped each other with whoever was going through a hard time, but its gone sour currently. time for other interests.
Francine.
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