Financial infidelity

How widespread is this? Do most couples operate as one unit money wise or are they each on their own game plan and just telling the other what they please? GoMichael and I are very much on the same plan and I can't imagine how awful it would feel to discover that my partner was either secretly spending money against our agreed plan or stashing money away in case things don't go well between us.

http://money.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=284357
 
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I've never been able to fathom long term relationships with separate banking. Doesn't seem right to me though I'm sure others feel the same way about pooling it all.

For me it's 100% pooled and all decisions and responsibility are joint.

Though not 100% strict on all spending. Discretionary is fine to a point but we have an unspoken understanding that any big ticket item will be discussed before purchase but we're also both willing to listen to any given case for spending (or not). If either one can convince the other it is un-necessary (for valid and agreed reasons), then it isn't purchased but neither would ever try to force curtailed spending on the other against their will. I think the later is where this sort of thing creeps in.

Cheers,

Arkay.
 
Only been together 13 months, so probably a bit different.

Everything still seperate, but my finances can be quite messy. I don't mind showing my GF everything, but don't know how we'd go about combining it :confused:
 
We dont live together yet so all is seperate but when we move in together it will be combined.

I'm the self appointed financial controller as the other half as a habit of frivoulous spending which I am very much trying to control ;)
Looking forward to having control over his weekly pay and allocating it on an "as needed" basis :D
 
I handle most of our (wife & self) finances etc, i.e the running of investments.

Banking details etc are all joint.

When purchases need to be made, we discuss before proceding.

It appears to me that in most relationships, one partner, for one or more reasons, seems to take the reins for finances.

I would love for my wife to be more involved but it seems I am responsible for the majority of the big (financial wise) decisions which my wife does not mind at all.

Regards
Marty
 
It appears to me that in most relationships, one partner, for one or more reasons, seems to take the reins for finances.

Agreed. I didn't mention that above but I do believe there is a dominant manager of finances regarding day to day spending. It wouldn't work to have two people try and budget down to the micro spending.

Fortunately for me my wife does a fine job of that role :) Not saying that I couldn't do it equally as well but it's the little day to day things that are more likely to cause varying opinion and tension (in my experience), and are therefore better left to one individual with the other being accepting of the decisions made.

Cheers,

Arkay.
 
I was fascinated to learn that in some Eastern cultures it's very common for the wife to have her own stash from her wage, family, etc which is kept separate and untouched even while the husband is out struggling to pay the family's bills It appears to be a custom that has been handed down through generations, I'm guessing it originates from pre-suffrage days when a woman could be left middle aged and alone with no means of support. But it's rather quaint these days when wives earn as much as husbands now, and it ends up completely reversing the reins of power in retirement :)
 
We both work and have our own accounts as well as a joint account where we both place most of our salaries for bills, IPs etc. It's no secrete what's in our own accounts but my husband made the good point that he couldn't treat me to a lovely dinner or present if he didn't have any of his own money.

So it is quite fun to say well this is on me or to splash out on a present for him that I can save up for and he wouldn't spend on himself. Also I don't have to feel bad if I want to spend money on cloths etc. as it is my own stash I'm using. Guess it's a mindset but it works well for us.

kaf
 
I also forgot to say that I do all the day to day stuff. I also do all the big stuff, which can be really frustrating. I call the bank with a query, hand the phone to hubby to identify himself.

Bank person invariably asks "What can I help you with?".

Hubby says "Not sure, here is my wife. Please talk to her".

If something happened to me, in one month the electricity, gas and telephone would be cut off. After sitting in the dark for a little while, hubby would have to learn how to use internet banking :D .


Wylie
 
My wife is just like you Wylie, except for the big stuff. She pays all of the bills and does all of that stuff. I call that the "defence" side. She's good at it - better than me - that's for sure.

Utilitlies wouldn't get paid if I was in charge either.

I play for the "offence"....being tasked with bringing the money in, both on a cashflow income side and the capital investing side.

Being the "capital allocator", I get to decide where the big chunks of OPM goes. Anything over 10K is in my lap, anything under 10K is usually her realm.

I have to ask politely for some lunch money every Monday morning. I normally get a pat on the head and a kick up the bum as I trot off to work.

With our constant graphing and monitoring, it would be impossible to have things slip through unaccounted for. The best way to make it grow is to count it often.
 
We both like to have a very open and honest relationship (in regards to anything-finances included).

I do the majority of bookwork, internet, legwork-IP's and finance stuff, only because of who has the most flexible time to play with. Partner has enough balls in the air :) to juggle with already...he is probably more interested in the financial stuff and better with figures and calculations etc, but I am able to rearrange my day to fit around almost anything that crops up or requires attention.

No hierarchy issues over finances with us, we work together and help each other to understand stuff we may not be proficient at...no secrets, no stashes...that's not what we want our relationship based upon.
 
I also forgot to say that I do all the day to day stuff. I also do all the big stuff, which can be really frustrating. I call the bank with a query, hand the phone to hubby to identify himself.

Bank person invariably asks "What can I help you with?".

Hubby says "Not sure, here is my wife. Please talk to her".

If something happened to me, in one month the electricity, gas and telephone would be cut off. After sitting in the dark for a little while, hubby would have to learn how to use internet banking :D .


Wylie

Same here. Hubby only uses the ATM when I give him my card & pin no as he doesn't have one of his own.:eek: The bank thing is a laugh, but it's not only the bank as there are other organisations that we have had to do the same for. Really frustrating.:(
 
I have to ask politely for some lunch money every Monday morning. I normally get a pat on the head and a kick up the bum as I trot off to work.

Made me laugh Dazzling. Just what Mr (don't call me) Sunshine has to do! I try to make sure I put enough in the "play" account to cover his lunches.

I'm referred to as the "Director of Finances" by hubby. He has been having a bit of a spit lately about lack of funds he says "I'm earning S@@t loads of money and I can't even buy a blah blah blah" (insert nail gun/new car/new boat/new shoes). I say "very soon darling you will be able to have all the toys you need". "You been saying that for a long time now". grugh grugh and off he goes.

He knows the goal is now here, but he needs proof before he believes it!

Back to the question. Um yep we have joint accounts and everything is pooled - but I dish it out to where it needs to go and pay all bills etc.

Hubby gets to earn and I get to spend - and really I can't think of a fairer system:D :D

Sunshine
 
My money and assets are kept totally and completely seperate from my partners. We each have our own investments in our own names and really can't see any reason to do it differently. To me, pooling my money with another persons is inconceivable.

We are both happy with this arrangement as there are no arguments or discussions about what we spend our money on. We can each buy ourselves whatever we want without having to justify it to the other partner. Seeing that the majority of relationships break up over money issues, I think this is the way to go and there are no issues or arguements about money in our house ever.

For the record, we have been together for 4 years and living together for almost 1 year and the arrangement will not be changing in the future no matter how long we are together.
 
After 44yrs you'd have to think we'd worked that out long ago. :)

Mrs T would drive anything so it up to me to find "our" new car, bring it home and ask if she likes it. Bit like that with most things really.
 
We have joint accounts and separate share margin loan accounts. I do have one account in my name ( husband has more super so it evens out ). I manage all finances plus keep an eye on grown kids to ensure saving money etc.

Any purchase over 1K hubby and I generally discuss.

The internet has made paying bills so easy!
 
For the record, we have been together for 4 years and living together for almost 1 year and the arrangement will not be changing in the future no matter how long we are together.

If you have childen together how does it then work?

At the moment GoMichael works part time to supply the cash flow while I build up the property portfolio and do the majority of child care. So he is freed up to work and his money frees me up to invest. If we operated on a singular basis neither of us would achieve much. I like to think that if we ever split we will just have a bigger pile of cash to split. We don't EVER argue about money which makes me feel very fortunate.
 
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