fussy eater frustration

[RumpledElf]

Ever tried agreeing with her? Like - "Yeah, you're right...and I think there's an asteroid heading for Earth..."

Funny you should mention this, about 2 months ago we had the huge burning comet headed for earth that is going to kill everyone discussion. It dragged on for over a week. The problem was, she was immensely looking forward to it and thought it would be cool for everyone to die and we were trying to explain statistical probability and the fact that, say, the BOM website might have a forecast so we'd know it was going to happen in advance.

If it wasn't for her allergy to anything that isn't pink and fluffy she'd make a great emo goth. She's always been like this (well, since she learnt that death existed); that or it is the longest phase on record.

On the upside it is great for fussy dinner time, because she knows her food used to be animals and you have to kill animals before you eat them and that is just soooo interesting she could never be a vegetarian

 

[Nards]

Yes, I am with Kathryn D on this one....Fighting over food, is just not worth it...I have never subscribed the "eat everything on your plate, or you wont get dessert" theory (so long as the child is not just skipping dinner to get to dessert faster!). It just doesn't seem like a good message to be sending to the child, especially with the obesity problem this country has. My kids will often lose dessert priviledge for other reasons though! And we dont have dessert every night anyway, sometimes just fruit - and they dont know if it is a dessert night til dinner is done anyway...Why not try not having dessert at all for a few weeks - that way there is nothing to have tears about..might take a while to sink in...maybe reward her with something else??

Try presenting a variety of foods at each meal and let her choose what she wants from them - does it really matter if she eats a plate full of mashed potato (or whatever she likes) and nothing else, as long as it is healthy. Also, just dish up a small serving..seems a lot of parents put a huge, overwhelming amount of food in front of their child, and expect them to eat the lot..

Fruit (and carrots and celery) is something that is pretty much acceptable and accessible at all times in our house..my daughter (6) had an apple before bed every night for about 2 yrs...eating fruit or veg when peckish is healthy, nutritious and a great habit to take into adulthood.

Good luck!!
Nadia

 

[marg4000]

I really see no need for a "reward" for eating dinner, and sends entirely the wrong message. Dessert is NOT a reward, it is simply the next course. If she can't eat her dinner then she can't be hungry and does not need another serving of anything.

If a child is hungry, he/she will eat (unless a teenage anorexic but that is another subject entirely, and a completely different problem). But a grim reminder of how food can take over a whole person's life and become the means of control.

Maybe she is a "grazer" and may do better with a substantial snack at around 4pm - cheese, carrot sticks, boiled egg etc.
Maybe by dinner time she is over-tired and everything is a huge drama.
Maybe try a bigger lunch, so that lunch is the main meal of the day (possibly not practical if she is at school.

Try what Ozperp says - let her dish out her own food. If she isn't eating much anyway then you won't be worse off if she only serves herself a small portion.

So long as you only offer healthy food, all day - no exceptions, she will be fine.

And if food becomes an argument, she will win. You may win a few battles but she will win the war.
Marg

 

[RumpledElf]

And if food becomes an argument, she will win. You may win a few battles but she will win the war.

We won our last food argument. She decided she didn't need to drink. She had nasty dehydration so we had to really put our foot down and dictate nazi style how much she drinks - a glass of something with EVERY meal and snack. We've got her teacher in on this too as summer is coming up and this is something we can't let go in hot weather.

Left to her own devices she would have no drinks at all.

 

[marg4000]

I was talking about solid food.

Drinking is an entirely different matter and needs prompt action. Dehydration will lead to a major health crisis relatively quickly.
Marg

 

[The Y-man]

On the upside it is great for fussy dinner time, because she knows her food used to be animals and you have to kill animals before you eat them and that is just soooo interesting she could never be a vegetarian

Hmm.... could be a great fan of those "live sashimi" where the head of the fish they serve is still moving....

Cheers,

The Y-man

 

[ianvestor]

So long as you only offer healthy food, all day - no exceptions, she will be fine.

The first thing I'd do would be cross the icecream off the shopping list completely. Kids are spoilt if they take dessert for granted.

we had to really put our foot down and dictate nazi style how much she drinks - a glass of something with EVERY meal and snack.

I think during a meal is the absolute worst time to be drinking. It's far healthier to drink and eat separately so that the stomach acids don't get diluted while trying to digest food. This has the effect of slowing down metabolism.

No drinks at our dinner table. We try to drink an hour beforehand or afterward in general.

 

[keithj]

Most things with (our) kids are a phase - they'll get over it eventually. Ours currently don't like cooked carrot, but beg to be allowed to eat it raw. I think it's pretty had for a kid to be malnourished these days, so fussy eatering isn't a big deal from that POV. However, if it's a principle thing 'you must empty your plate before you leave the table, then give them some control occasionally - let them serve themselves, let them choose the menu, let them choose a reward/dessert, or choose a couple of things never to have (eg brussel sprouts).

And look at it from their POV - we only cook things that we like & the kids have to endure it.

We're fed up (sorry) with repeating the same things at the dinner table, so our kitchen chalkboard has a list of the most common - the kids just get a number called out when they transgress.

 

[Minxdamanx]

Keith,

What's #2?

Does no talk mean no talk or just no nasty talk / arguments?

 

[Dazz]

Hang on in there - soon she will be a teenager

Smack her bum every night and send her to bed at the slightest whinge.


Only 2,555 nights to go with this nonsense Lizzie......then she'll be a teenager and everything will be alright.

 

[keithj]

Keith,

What's #2?

Does no talk mean no talk or just no nasty talk / arguments?

Lips together when there's food in there
Knife & fork down when you're not using them
No talking when there's food in there
Sit on your bottom at the table
Take small bites
& Eat your veggies - the I'm not hungry excuse means No dessert for me thank you

 

[Minxdamanx]

Gotcha Keith.

 

[silversands]

Hi

There have been some great comments on this.

You've not mentioned what her breakfast, recess and lunch eating habits are like?

If these are good, perhaps there is not so much cause for concern?



My 9yo and I have an understanding. These meals especially breakfast, are non negotiable and must be healthy - although a bag of chips or a processed treat of some description are allowed each day at school.
Typically fruit and raw vegies are sent to school with homus dip or similar with rice/corn cakes, or even cold steamed basmati rice left over from the night before (she loves this but it must be kept very cold!). Different vegies every day, because kids get bored with same old same old.

If she complies with this healthy eating plan, then I don't fuss too much about dinner.
Not only is it common that kids prefer raw veg, it is also much better for them. (and us)
My sister was like this growing up, as were myself and my older daughter, who at almost 15, has now developed a healthy appetite for most things healthy, (although she is happiest only eating quality cuts of meat a couple of times a week.)

I don't ever harp on about all the under privileged kids wishing they could have what my kids refuse to eat, they're smart enough to know their scraps can't exactly be packaged up and sent off for consumption by others. It amazes me how many parents still do this.

I reason with them as best I can in a relaxed setting that garbage in = garbage out.

I also make it clear that if they wish to be invited to meals at their friend's houses, then they'd be wise to make an attempt to be agreeable, at least having the good manners to taste what has been set before them.
I am often pleased to hear other families reports, regarding my children's good table manners. It seems that as guests of others, they eat the majority of what they're given, even if portions are large, without complaint. Yes, even cooked vegies!

I believe this tactic has had the greatest result. The girls are highly social creatures and the thought of not being welcome at their friends houses because of antisocial eating behaviour, really seems to get through to them.

Hope your little problem is short lived!

 

[joanmc]

great post silversands!

we also have made the point to our kids about eating at friends houses and we have always been pleased when other parents say how lovely it is that our kids eat whatever is put in front of them.... I wish I could say the same for some of their kids!

We have always said to the kids that it doesn't matter what is allowed at our house in other peoples houses it their rules. I do expect the same from visiting kids though but not many parents enforce good manners these days unfortunately.

we had one kid (12 yrs old)secretly ring his mum on his mobile to come and get him because I said that in our house we eat veges with our dinner (wasn't forcing him, just made the comment nicely). he had been coming to our place for years but had recently been challenging his mum on everything and she just gave in all the time. he hasn't been invited back.

 

[RumpledElf]

Heh, ours is very good visiting other people. She's basically The Perfect Child during dinner at other people's houses. Complains about their food after the event when she's back home though.

The reason? She knows she'll get told off for misbehaving at home, but she doesn't know she will at other people's houses, so she behaves when she's not home

I will admit that the person she visits the most is a VERY good cook though so there's usually not much to complain about (and they have a bottomless supply of chips and green cordial which apparently every other mother in the entire universe except me supplies for their children).

 

[craigb]

i shaped the food into funny faces and love hearts, clowns and flowers for my little one , sort of worked , it changed the subject at the dinner table .
eg from i dont like carrots to wow funny ears, good luck , these can be frustrating times,

 

[lizzie]

gosh - maybe i grizzled myself a little to much considering some of the replies.

- i do "not" expect her to clean her plate.
- i do expect her to try everything on her plate and if she doesn't like an item then she is not expected to eat it.
- i do expect her to eat (what i consider) a reasonable amount - which amounts to more than 3 pieces of carrot.
- she goes thru eating and not eating stages depending on her growth pattern, and i understand this cycle.
- if she is not hungry for dinner, then there is obviously no room for desert.
- some days the lunchbox comes home empty (a variety of food groups) and sometimes it comes home untouched. it is emptied out and not mentioned.
- she often only wants a glass of milk for breakfast, although this morning had two slices of toast with vegemite.
- do not put much food on her plate (usually only around 1 cup worth) as she can always have more if still hungry after eating the first amount.

i try not to make food an issue as the "clean your plate" dictation has lead to my own weight problems. i was frustrated because of the "refusing to eat dinner, but demanding food an hour later" stage.

happy to say, plate was practically cleaned tonight and is now hungry and hour later (and after desert) - more than happy to provide a slice of cheese.

 

[lizzie]

p.s. already raised three "step" daugheter teens ... very well versed on what is to come

 

[kathryn d]

Have your meal just before bed time?
Supper , then off to bed.
Any baths etc are done before and she has her PJ's on.

 

[bespoke]

Hide the veggies in her food!

Have you tried "hiding" veggies in other foods that she likes?

I saw on Tv some time back about a cook book that was written by Jessica Sinefeld (comedian Jerry Sienfelds wife). Cant remember the name, something like Deceptively Delicious. Anyway she basically purees foods like pumpkin, broccoli, carrots etc and uses them as ingredients in other more desireable foods like ummm rissoles or cakes or fish fingers or hamburger patties etc.

The child thinks it she eating her favorite foods and is actually also eating her veggies without knowing it. You also should put veggies on their plate to reinforce that veggies are important.

There are actually a number of books along the same lines. If you do a google search for Jessica Sinefeld the book should come up and a bit of digging will reveal a few others the same.

I must admit I havn't purchased these books yet as my 3 y/o daughter actually likes her mashed veggies and asks for them, but thanks for the heads up on whats to come!