fussy eater frustration
- Thread starter lizzie
- Start date
Hello Lizzie...
By no means am I an expert, since my first one is just on the way, but as as school teacher/principal here are my opinions/recommendations:
Fussy eating has numerous sources. The fact remains though, that your daughter is hungry and chooses to not eat. What I think may be a pertinent question here, is HOW hungry is she? For example, I haven't read all the posts, but does your daughter play a physically exhausting sport? Her saying she is "hungry" may only reflect that she is superficially hungry and is willing to go without...in essence, she isn't really hungry. Am I making sense? Her saying she's hungry after going without could also just be a cover...
Secondly, are meal times regular? Mostly, children conform to anything if there are boundaries and routines. If dinner for example is on at 7.00pm every night, her body and mindset may adapt to this routine and, a bit like Pavlov's dog, the Home and Away music may elicit a "it's food time" response.
Kids at school know it's reading time after lunch. They come in, and just do it...
Thirdly, is there too much attention being paid to this problem? There is an off chance that it's attention seeking behaviour. IE. if I don't eat, I will get Mum's attention for a little while longer. Perhaps try a mutual activity before and/or after dinner, like reading time, helping with homework etc. You say it ends in tears, this to me is a positive thing....she did not get her way. It's hard on you and her, but consistency in your boundaries may be the key.
Finally, I dread this quote from you Lizzie:
"happy to say, plate was practically cleaned tonight and is now hungry and hour later (and after desert) - more than happy to provide a slice of cheese."
This would have been a perfect opportunity to reinforce dinner-eating. Did you discuss this scenario with her? Furthermore, a slice of cheese??? Were there leftovers??? A certain level of "love for food" has to be established, not through a piece of cheese when she does actually say she is still hungry.
OK, before everyone jumps down my throat, I have seen much much more bizarre situations than the ones I have written above, perhaps one could help you.
Finally, I recently had a reminder about Social-Emotional Learning at a national principals' conference I attended. Sit her down and ask these sorts of questions. See how she responds:
1. Why do you think Mummy always worries about how much you eat?
2. Why is it important to Mummy (or if you're like me and hate third person referencing, use "for me" instead of Mummy") that you eat/finish your dinner?
3. Who is going to benefit if you eat the meal in front of you? How are you going to benefit? (you could always bring up the healthy skin, feeling better, having more energy for learning, socialising, sport etc. etc., and for little kids at school I always say it allows you to grow up, works a treat).
Good luck, I know it's a hard road.....can't wait to "have the battle" with my little one.
By no means am I an expert, since my first one is just on the way, but as as school teacher/principal here are my opinions/recommendations:
Fussy eating has numerous sources. The fact remains though, that your daughter is hungry and chooses to not eat. What I think may be a pertinent question here, is HOW hungry is she? For example, I haven't read all the posts, but does your daughter play a physically exhausting sport? Her saying she is "hungry" may only reflect that she is superficially hungry and is willing to go without...in essence, she isn't really hungry. Am I making sense? Her saying she's hungry after going without could also just be a cover...
Secondly, are meal times regular? Mostly, children conform to anything if there are boundaries and routines. If dinner for example is on at 7.00pm every night, her body and mindset may adapt to this routine and, a bit like Pavlov's dog, the Home and Away music may elicit a "it's food time" response.
Kids at school know it's reading time after lunch. They come in, and just do it...
Thirdly, is there too much attention being paid to this problem? There is an off chance that it's attention seeking behaviour. IE. if I don't eat, I will get Mum's attention for a little while longer. Perhaps try a mutual activity before and/or after dinner, like reading time, helping with homework etc. You say it ends in tears, this to me is a positive thing....she did not get her way. It's hard on you and her, but consistency in your boundaries may be the key.
Finally, I dread this quote from you Lizzie:
"happy to say, plate was practically cleaned tonight and is now hungry and hour later (and after desert) - more than happy to provide a slice of cheese."
This would have been a perfect opportunity to reinforce dinner-eating. Did you discuss this scenario with her? Furthermore, a slice of cheese??? Were there leftovers??? A certain level of "love for food" has to be established, not through a piece of cheese when she does actually say she is still hungry.
OK, before everyone jumps down my throat, I have seen much much more bizarre situations than the ones I have written above, perhaps one could help you.
Finally, I recently had a reminder about Social-Emotional Learning at a national principals' conference I attended. Sit her down and ask these sorts of questions. See how she responds:
1. Why do you think Mummy always worries about how much you eat?
2. Why is it important to Mummy (or if you're like me and hate third person referencing, use "for me" instead of Mummy") that you eat/finish your dinner?
3. Who is going to benefit if you eat the meal in front of you? How are you going to benefit? (you could always bring up the healthy skin, feeling better, having more energy for learning, socialising, sport etc. etc., and for little kids at school I always say it allows you to grow up, works a treat).
Good luck, I know it's a hard road.....can't wait to "have the battle" with my little one.
Hmm..I agree with Rolf.
I'm really strict on food because I really hate food go to waste. I think it's a behaviour worse than swearing. Josh threw something across the room which I gave him to eat once coz he asked for it, he was being silly but he got the smack for it. It's not funny to be wasting food.
We have a rule that nothing can be spit out.
I think it's just discipline in general, and he respects us and listens to us, not just with food but everything. So if I know he's just being naughty then I just have to tell him to finish it all and he will. He's quite good. Other times if I know he's really full then I let him go. We don't bribe with desserts. He knows that if he has been good he will get dessert without even having to ask and if he hasn't well he knows that too. We have a rule that if you say "i want i want i want", u get nothing.
we always reinforce that eating is important to become big and strong like daddy and to keep healthy.
we also have strict meal times. before i used to be really strict with only 3 meals a day which worked really well but now I do give him morn and aftrenoon tea which sometimes is bad coz he's not as hungry at lunch and dinner. I think 3 meals a day is better to start from young. tecah them no snacks so they clean up everything at set meals and they can eat as much as they want.
I wouldn't worry about eating at friends house. If my nieces and newphews came over and they wouldn't eat what I cook, well that's not my problem. I just make sure their parents know so they can be fed more when they get home.
I'm really strict on food because I really hate food go to waste. I think it's a behaviour worse than swearing. Josh threw something across the room which I gave him to eat once coz he asked for it, he was being silly but he got the smack for it. It's not funny to be wasting food.
We have a rule that nothing can be spit out.
I think it's just discipline in general, and he respects us and listens to us, not just with food but everything. So if I know he's just being naughty then I just have to tell him to finish it all and he will. He's quite good. Other times if I know he's really full then I let him go. We don't bribe with desserts. He knows that if he has been good he will get dessert without even having to ask and if he hasn't well he knows that too. We have a rule that if you say "i want i want i want", u get nothing.
we always reinforce that eating is important to become big and strong like daddy and to keep healthy.
we also have strict meal times. before i used to be really strict with only 3 meals a day which worked really well but now I do give him morn and aftrenoon tea which sometimes is bad coz he's not as hungry at lunch and dinner. I think 3 meals a day is better to start from young. tecah them no snacks so they clean up everything at set meals and they can eat as much as they want.
I wouldn't worry about eating at friends house. If my nieces and newphews came over and they wouldn't eat what I cook, well that's not my problem. I just make sure their parents know so they can be fed more when they get home.
I saw this on Oprah, too, and thought it was really great. You've motivated me to track down and buy the book - thanks! http://www.deceptivelydelicious.com/site/
oh man - your dinner times sound like ours.
our dinner times always end up as screaming matches. i hate it. i wish the oldest two would just shut the f*ck up and eat it. it's beyond frustrating - it's borderline insanity.
so now i have a new approach, and 3 of the 4 nights we've tried it, it has worked.
our kids have a naughty spot (ala supernanny). we found that if we give them a chance to protest, it gets worse. so, we don't.
" eat your dinner please ".
" no. it's yuck. i hate (*insert impossible item to pick out of meal*) "
" chalise, eat it or you're going straight to bed, no story (they love story time), no bath ( they also love baths). just a wipe down with a cold cloth (they hate this) and bed."
" i said it's yuck. i can't eat it."
" okay, on the count of three if you haven't started eating you're going to bed."
now here's the trick. if you count them down while looking at them they use their superpowers as children of the corn to persuade you to extend it or offer another bribe, which is then taken advantage of and refused...again. so i look up when i count. i can;t see them, they have no recourse and no way of pleading with any kind of visual effect.
*looking up* " one....."
" FINE! I HATE THIS MEAL!"
" two......"
*child puts food in mouth and protests by sooking*.
i'm happy to repeat this for as long as it takes, even if i have to count down every single mouthful.
my oldest is the fussiest eater of all - always has been, i assume always will be. middle fella is great with food, but lately he is VERY easily distracted by his older sister's bleating so his food is suffering as well. youngest is 15m and she's nicknamed "protein baby" - anything with protein she'll neck it - quinoa, rice, meat, legumes - it'll go. she also digs broccoli...!
it's been a very hard transition getting out kids off wheat. all three are now intolerant to it - actually - processed wheat and cheap "wholemeal", which is really just unbleached regular flour. they still take sourdoughs and spelt/rye/wupper breads.
our oldest is the carb queen - potatoes, bread, pasta, noodles. middle one is a fruit bat reincarnated. third is protein anything.
oldest isn't a meat fan, but eats fruit. middle picks at carbs and picks at meat but mainly focusses on fruit'n'veg. youngest hates carbs but eats fruit.
all hate tomato - but love pasta sauce.....
thanks for sharing lizzie. you made me realise it's not just our kids.
We had apricot chicken yesterday. It was really, REALLY nice. Child instantly decided it was the most disgusting meal ever (she liked it last time she had it), whinged both that she hates *and* likes rice in practically the same breath, and ended up only eating the chicken and vegtables she individually picked out.
Now she's counting down the 7 days until after school snacks ...
I'm currently dreaming up rice dishes just to annoy her but the other half won't eat curries so that limits things ... how many sweet rice dishes can you have in a week? I'm thinking orange pork and lemon chicken.
Now she's counting down the 7 days until after school snacks ...
I'm currently dreaming up rice dishes just to annoy her but the other half won't eat curries so that limits things ... how many sweet rice dishes can you have in a week? I'm thinking orange pork and lemon chicken.
Hrm, started posting at 8:50am, is this a record length of time between starting to post and hitting submit?
Mine has stubborn down to an art form - if she doesn't want to eat something she won't eat it. We tried "no other food until you eat your dinner" with something she hated that would keep in the fridge and could be eaten cold but she went a scarily long time (more than 24 hours) so we've never done that again.
Don't panic, Bespoke.
It's all luck.
I've got two kids (7 and 9) and they've always been good eaters. And I haven't done anything out of the ordinary. They go through stages of liking/disliking particular things, but that's okay.
The little one comes home from school and eats an apple, a banana and a couple of mandarins and then asks when dinner is ready. I find that feeding them early before they get tired and stroppy works best.
Scott
It's all luck.
I've got two kids (7 and 9) and they've always been good eaters. And I haven't done anything out of the ordinary. They go through stages of liking/disliking particular things, but that's okay.
The little one comes home from school and eats an apple, a banana and a couple of mandarins and then asks when dinner is ready. I find that feeding them early before they get tired and stroppy works best.
Scott
Oh, I'm finding some of these stories hilarious!
Especially this from Blue Card - I am sorry, but it's funny!!!
I was the bad eater in our family, still am. Mum missed me when I moved out of home, but she loved the fact she could cook anything without thinking about whether I'd eat it or not. Ahhh, just think people, you only have about 20 or so years of it.
Especially this from Blue Card - I am sorry, but it's funny!!!
I was the bad eater in our family, still am. Mum missed me when I moved out of home, but she loved the fact she could cook anything without thinking about whether I'd eat it or not. Ahhh, just think people, you only have about 20 or so years of it.
Blue Card -
that is the funniest thing I've read in ages.
I'm so sorry, I know that it ISN'T funny, it's your life and you have to put up with it, but oh dear I have tears running down my face (and I'm at work so getting some odd looks).
Just to make things worse for you, we had grandbaby 1 over for dinner on Saturday night who eats EVERYTHING that you put in front of him. Olives, chili cheese, salami, pate, watermelon, pork, pears, parsnips, potatoes, preserved lemon and salad were all consumed with relish on the night. Followed by a bottle. But I would bet my life that starting at about 2.5 years old he will become fussy - I think they all do to a greater or lesser degree.
that is the funniest thing I've read in ages.
I'm so sorry, I know that it ISN'T funny, it's your life and you have to put up with it, but oh dear I have tears running down my face (and I'm at work so getting some odd looks).
Just to make things worse for you, we had grandbaby 1 over for dinner on Saturday night who eats EVERYTHING that you put in front of him. Olives, chili cheese, salami, pate, watermelon, pork, pears, parsnips, potatoes, preserved lemon and salad were all consumed with relish on the night. Followed by a bottle. But I would bet my life that starting at about 2.5 years old he will become fussy - I think they all do to a greater or lesser degree.
Hehe our baby will eat almost anything, preferably stolen off our plate. She's not keen on bananas though, when we go to playgroup and she gets her bowl of fruit she picks the bananas out and feeds them to me
She's almost 2 and very, very enthusiastic about food. Food is "yummies" or "yum yums". Always amusing when you stick the dinner on the table and one says "Mmmmm nice dinner! Yum yum!" and starts wolfing it down and the other looks morose and starts complaining about it.
She's almost 2 and very, very enthusiastic about food. Food is "yummies" or "yum yums". Always amusing when you stick the dinner on the table and one says "Mmmmm nice dinner! Yum yum!" and starts wolfing it down and the other looks morose and starts complaining about it.
Lizzie (and other fussy child parents),
What does your spouse/partner do ?
Do they ignore the situation and it only bothers you?
It was sort of funny, to start, but quite upsetting to read in the long run.
Imagine how unpleasant it must also be for the child.
Look at the power this food is having.
Dangerous lesson /tool / attitude to be giving the child.
Anorexia and Bulemia here we come?
Maybe the parents should just back off.
Offer some alternatives at the table your child will eat. Let them fill their plate. Try this for a month, and maybe the "fussy" will want to try something.
Also do they hear the parents say "I wont eat that"? Why should the kids then.
I'd be more concerned when a child would eat anything put in front of them.
You may have an overweight child very soon.
What does your spouse/partner do ?
Do they ignore the situation and it only bothers you?
It was sort of funny, to start, but quite upsetting to read in the long run.
Imagine how unpleasant it must also be for the child.
Look at the power this food is having.
Dangerous lesson /tool / attitude to be giving the child.
Anorexia and Bulemia here we come?
Maybe the parents should just back off.
Offer some alternatives at the table your child will eat. Let them fill their plate. Try this for a month, and maybe the "fussy" will want to try something.
Also do they hear the parents say "I wont eat that"? Why should the kids then.
I'd be more concerned when a child would eat anything put in front of them.
You may have an overweight child very soon.
asides from saying that partner supports verbally, at the table, what is said - and that her cheese for supper is a large slice (slab) that she requests ... i'm not saying any more.
this thread is getting all out of proportion as to what is actually happening in our household and definately not pressuring unreasonably or heading for anorexia.
only parents who have had truly fussy eaters can understand (like bluecard).
this thread is getting all out of proportion as to what is actually happening in our household and definately not pressuring unreasonably or heading for anorexia.
only parents who have had truly fussy eaters can understand (like bluecard).
Lizzie, both of mine were a little fussy. Eating things one day, but not the next. We did accommodate to particular dislikes. Eldest loves corn (always has), youngest hates it with a passion (still does). The same with tomatoes in reverse.
We had a rule that they must try everything, but this didn't work all the time. Another rule was that you didn't get dessert unless you ate your dinner although I didn't buy much in the way of sweets and often did not have dessert.
The funniest thing was that eldest used to often ask for her choice of dessert. I still remember her sitting at the table saying "Can I have corn for dessert please?" Sure! You can have corn for dessert every day.
We had a rule that they must try everything, but this didn't work all the time. Another rule was that you didn't get dessert unless you ate your dinner although I didn't buy much in the way of sweets and often did not have dessert.
The funniest thing was that eldest used to often ask for her choice of dessert. I still remember her sitting at the table saying "Can I have corn for dessert please?" Sure! You can have corn for dessert every day.
Lizzie, Gee this topic did get a bit heavy hey? I'm sure you are doing just fine and in 6 months time there will be something else to cause concern. Every kid is so different and I'd say if she is drinking milk and eating cheese well, heck, they contain so much good stuff I'm sure she's doing fine.
Apparently I once asked my Mum for a block of cheese for my birthday. Nothing else, just the cheese. For me to eat as much as i want when I wanted.
Who ever said kids seem to crave what their bodies need is right. For my daughter this even comes down to weeks not eating her salad and then one night she's asking for more lettuce and tomato. I particularly notice this with meat too.
Here's what I do (just to lighten this thread up a little)...
Serve dinner. Open a bottle of wine. Pour large glass. Sit down, smile and sip.
Apparently I once asked my Mum for a block of cheese for my birthday. Nothing else, just the cheese. For me to eat as much as i want when I wanted.
Who ever said kids seem to crave what their bodies need is right. For my daughter this even comes down to weeks not eating her salad and then one night she's asking for more lettuce and tomato. I particularly notice this with meat too.
Here's what I do (just to lighten this thread up a little)...
Serve dinner. Open a bottle of wine. Pour large glass. Sit down, smile and sip.
George Costanza said:
Lately our bub (7 months) is starting to get really cranky if we try to feed her any more sweet potato (I hate it too). It's all smiles again once we shovel in some banana.
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Agree,
all of the above, preferably in a nice hot bubble bath. And then I thank god my child has all her faculties and is capable of expressing her likes and dislikes.
Just don't give in!
