gifts for grandkids
- Thread starter travelbug
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My parents have organised via their wills that each grandchild has access to a percentage of their estate (when the time comes), but cannot access it until they reach 25.
The reason was that (hopefully?) by age 25 they have the "fast car" thing out of their system and will be mature enough to use it more wisely than if it was given at 18 or 21.
If they should be gone before all the grandchildren reach 25, then we, as executors, have the option to release some money earlier for education or similar, but no cars or big holidays.
As each grandchild reaches 25, they can leave their money in the trust, where it will continue to grow until they want to remove it. Once removed, the rest of the trust continues to grow so leaving it in is a good idea, unless it is needed for a house deposit or similar.
Our oldest son will most likely reach 25 before the wills come into play, but the younger ones probably not.
The "pool" of money is a percentage of the asset value, so leaving it means as the total asset value increases, so does their share.
We agonised over how to do this, and we ended up with this plan.
The reason was that (hopefully?) by age 25 they have the "fast car" thing out of their system and will be mature enough to use it more wisely than if it was given at 18 or 21.
If they should be gone before all the grandchildren reach 25, then we, as executors, have the option to release some money earlier for education or similar, but no cars or big holidays.
As each grandchild reaches 25, they can leave their money in the trust, where it will continue to grow until they want to remove it. Once removed, the rest of the trust continues to grow so leaving it in is a good idea, unless it is needed for a house deposit or similar.
Our oldest son will most likely reach 25 before the wills come into play, but the younger ones probably not.
The "pool" of money is a percentage of the asset value, so leaving it means as the total asset value increases, so does their share.
We agonised over how to do this, and we ended up with this plan.
Um, I didn't say anything like that, actually.I was talking about how I think it's important to have a work ethic. I didn't draw any black line.
The way your post read it did suggest that you can give money or teach them to fend for themselves... I was suggesting that bits of both can work too.
Just cause you admittedly dont understand does not mean it's wrong.
Some peopel mdecide to work anyway even if mum & dad bought them a car, maybe they need the money for petorl and clothes etc and for savings - which should be easier now that they dont have to save for a car...
Whilst the parents teach the kids ayway about financial reality, the kdis my realise they are head of the pack by a bit and tke advanatage of that opportunity - or not...
My parents offered me their quite new car today (I'm 33.9 though, not 18). I'd rather have all these subdivision fees I'm feverishly saving for paid if they're giving away money.
My parents helped me out a lot and I appreciate it so much and I know I'm so fortunate to get that help.
Same for all of us. My step bro will never forget when my dad helped him out with his first car. My dad wasn't around for much when he was growing up but he was always there for him when it mattered most.
We are so grateful for our parents. Now, we help out our own siblings (for our parents sake), we give money to our parents, we buys them gifts, we bought them a car. It's not cheap...but they come first and we want them to enjoy their retirement years.
Kids are so impressionable, especially when they're older (teens), they will be grateful for help and why not if you can afford to help? they're your own flesh and blood.
You can raise them without spoiling them and help them out financially without spoiling them. My husband and I think a like when it comes to family.
Life's tough, honestly, it's not easy being a child...we need to put ourselves in their shoes. If u can help your child, please do..financially. they will appreciate it..well depending on what values you instilled in them from young.
My mum and dad did so much for us. My dad paid for 50% of my first car..there's nothing I would not do for them.
I take my mum on holidays frequently, give her money, pay for my dad's flights to visit us, give him money (000s) each year.
We are taking my mother in law to US for 3 weeks holiday. All expenses paid (and she's rich) by us. Hubby is going to take his mum for a show in Vegas whilst I tend to the kids in the hotel room.
Whilst I'm a mum now, I am not that old and can remember clearly my feelings when I was a teen. I needed help and I'm grateful I got the help.
My bro in law also got so much help from mother in law. She put him through Uni, Professional Studies, MBA (full fee) and supported his living expenses. Now that he's successful, he's such fillial boy. He's so appreacitive and he show sit to her each time he comes back to visit. She has many branded bags. So lucky..I'm so envious!! the latest one was a $1.5k LV and a matching wallet.
Hubby loves my parents and family and I love his...when it comes to family we're always supportive of each other's decision.
I just don't understand people that would think twice about buying a gift for their parents if it was $10 above their budget...after everything they've done for you.
Anyway, this is my culture.
do u want your kids to say 'oh my mum was so tough on us, we had to work for everything' or do u want them to say 'i love my mum so much, i m so grateful for so many things that she did for me when she didn't have to'?
and I still had a part time job. I was working since 14y.o.
Same for all of us. My step bro will never forget when my dad helped him out with his first car. My dad wasn't around for much when he was growing up but he was always there for him when it mattered most.
We are so grateful for our parents. Now, we help out our own siblings (for our parents sake), we give money to our parents, we buys them gifts, we bought them a car. It's not cheap...but they come first and we want them to enjoy their retirement years.
Kids are so impressionable, especially when they're older (teens), they will be grateful for help and why not if you can afford to help? they're your own flesh and blood.
You can raise them without spoiling them and help them out financially without spoiling them. My husband and I think a like when it comes to family.
Life's tough, honestly, it's not easy being a child...we need to put ourselves in their shoes. If u can help your child, please do..financially. they will appreciate it..well depending on what values you instilled in them from young.
My mum and dad did so much for us. My dad paid for 50% of my first car..there's nothing I would not do for them.
I take my mum on holidays frequently, give her money, pay for my dad's flights to visit us, give him money (000s) each year.
We are taking my mother in law to US for 3 weeks holiday. All expenses paid (and she's rich) by us. Hubby is going to take his mum for a show in Vegas whilst I tend to the kids in the hotel room.
Whilst I'm a mum now, I am not that old and can remember clearly my feelings when I was a teen. I needed help and I'm grateful I got the help.
My bro in law also got so much help from mother in law. She put him through Uni, Professional Studies, MBA (full fee) and supported his living expenses. Now that he's successful, he's such fillial boy. He's so appreacitive and he show sit to her each time he comes back to visit. She has many branded bags. So lucky..I'm so envious!! the latest one was a $1.5k LV and a matching wallet.
Hubby loves my parents and family and I love his...when it comes to family we're always supportive of each other's decision.
I just don't understand people that would think twice about buying a gift for their parents if it was $10 above their budget...after everything they've done for you.
Anyway, this is my culture.
do u want your kids to say 'oh my mum was so tough on us, we had to work for everything' or do u want them to say 'i love my mum so much, i m so grateful for so many things that she did for me when she didn't have to'?
and I still had a part time job. I was working since 14y.o.
I think your family sounds fabulous, sue78, but I think a lot of it is your culture, as you acknowledge. I think most Aussie teenagers that I know would not be anywhere near as grateful, wouldn't have a part-time job, and wouldn't "return the favour" when they become adults, unfortunately.
There are many other options, one of which is my situation: "I love my parents so much, I'm so grateful that they resisted the temptation to give me money (which they could easily have afforded), but instead instilled in me a work ethic and entrepreneurial spirit which gave me the opportunity to earn the pride that comes with having stood on my own two feet".
Speaking of black and white thinking...
There are many other options, one of which is my situation: "I love my parents so much, I'm so grateful that they resisted the temptation to give me money (which they could easily have afforded), but instead instilled in me a work ethic and entrepreneurial spirit which gave me the opportunity to earn the pride that comes with having stood on my own two feet". Having "been there" and "done/doing that" I guess I can see merit in just about all posts.
Yes, we have helped out our kids, one more than the others but the need is greater. All kids have worked since the age of 15, and all went through uni receiving only home and board from us. We paid for the first 3 semesters HECS, and also paid for their books as we strongly believe in education. Luckily for us our local schools were excellent and so we saved on private school fees. All went on to post-grad qualifications which they financed themselves. Our son is 2 subjects from completing his second masters degree. All are heavily involved in professional development in their chosen careers.
We financed cars and they paid us back. The public transport to uni simply did not commence early enough to get them to some of their early lectures. It also meant a 10 minute journey rather than over an hour or so. Important when they only had to attend a 1 hour tutorial, many students used to skip them because it was too difficult to get there for such a short time. Also assisted with their part time work and saved drop-offs and pick-ups by me!!
We have loaned money to our two eldest when they bought houses, just to tide them over that first couple of expensive months. Our son has completely paid us back, but then again his income is very high. Our daughter owes us relatively little so we are not concerned.
Within the next year or two we hope our youngest daughter and her partner will buy their first home. Due to circumstances we will probably give more assistance than to the other two, as more is needed. We still have to work out the nuts and bolts of the arrangement, but will ensure we are being fair to all "kids".
And yes, they all appreciate it. All three have privately thanked us at various times for going the extra mile and ensuring they had a good start in life, particularly in making sure they had tertiary education.
I think it is important to differentiate between a "hand out" and a "hand up". We have only ever advanced monetary assistance if we see the value of the use of it, and that it serves a purpose we consider important in life.
Marg
PS: Even got one who became an accountant - and hasn't THAT been useful!!
Yes, we have helped out our kids, one more than the others but the need is greater. All kids have worked since the age of 15, and all went through uni receiving only home and board from us. We paid for the first 3 semesters HECS, and also paid for their books as we strongly believe in education. Luckily for us our local schools were excellent and so we saved on private school fees. All went on to post-grad qualifications which they financed themselves. Our son is 2 subjects from completing his second masters degree. All are heavily involved in professional development in their chosen careers.
We financed cars and they paid us back. The public transport to uni simply did not commence early enough to get them to some of their early lectures. It also meant a 10 minute journey rather than over an hour or so. Important when they only had to attend a 1 hour tutorial, many students used to skip them because it was too difficult to get there for such a short time. Also assisted with their part time work and saved drop-offs and pick-ups by me!!
We have loaned money to our two eldest when they bought houses, just to tide them over that first couple of expensive months. Our son has completely paid us back, but then again his income is very high. Our daughter owes us relatively little so we are not concerned.
Within the next year or two we hope our youngest daughter and her partner will buy their first home. Due to circumstances we will probably give more assistance than to the other two, as more is needed. We still have to work out the nuts and bolts of the arrangement, but will ensure we are being fair to all "kids".
And yes, they all appreciate it. All three have privately thanked us at various times for going the extra mile and ensuring they had a good start in life, particularly in making sure they had tertiary education.
I think it is important to differentiate between a "hand out" and a "hand up". We have only ever advanced monetary assistance if we see the value of the use of it, and that it serves a purpose we consider important in life.
Marg
PS: Even got one who became an accountant - and hasn't THAT been useful!!
Wylie - my husband is 35 & he will never be 'over' fast cars! That will always be a part of life I reckon & he will always have a toy / s of some sort. Isn't that just a normal bloke thing?!
You're not the first person to ask if I'm giving my kids investing books instead of Dr Seuss for XMas! The kids will be involved with our share portfolio as soon as they understand money. At the moment, they know a $5 note will get them something to add to their dollhouse. Sometimes we encourage them not to spend their coins they may have - if they save it, we'll give them another and they can buy more. They get the idea pretty quick!
We sponsor a child who the kids have gotten to know through conversation, photos & letters. They seem to understand the meaning of waste more than other children their age and to be grateful. They're certainly not perfect or have a full grasp on it - they're only 3 & 5yo. We remind them how lucky we are all the time, without putting pressure on them ie "wasn't that a fantastic day out on the boat together. We wish everyone could do that but unfortunately they can't so we should be grateful". Just so they get the message. We tell them how lucky we all are that we love each other, that they've got each other as sisters, that we share things etc
I grew up in two worlds. Mum was in Management and Dad, although worked, was Mr Mum most of the time. We watched them work their butts off. We had it better than most and we knew it. We saw it around us. Our extended family & friends were a mix of well off people and very poor - in Australia & abroad.I believe being exposed to that extent, aswell as growing up an Aussie with a part-time cultural background (NZ) shaped me.
My parents work ethic and take on life is only and has only ever been positive. Dad was poor as a kid & never complained about it, it was just fact. He told us that's why he works hard and that will give you a better life than what he had. I suppose we felt sorry for them and would never want to disappoint them by being ungrateful. We realised they go to work, we don't see them as much as we'd like so we can have a better life than they did when they did have the time off / weekends. I still look up to my parents & they're some of my biggest role models. We know they're proud and they know we're grateful for everything. We tell each other all the time.
You're not the first person to ask if I'm giving my kids investing books instead of Dr Seuss for XMas! The kids will be involved with our share portfolio as soon as they understand money. At the moment, they know a $5 note will get them something to add to their dollhouse. Sometimes we encourage them not to spend their coins they may have - if they save it, we'll give them another and they can buy more. They get the idea pretty quick!
We sponsor a child who the kids have gotten to know through conversation, photos & letters. They seem to understand the meaning of waste more than other children their age and to be grateful. They're certainly not perfect or have a full grasp on it - they're only 3 & 5yo. We remind them how lucky we are all the time, without putting pressure on them ie "wasn't that a fantastic day out on the boat together. We wish everyone could do that but unfortunately they can't so we should be grateful". Just so they get the message. We tell them how lucky we all are that we love each other, that they've got each other as sisters, that we share things etc
Agree. My parents have helped me in the past and we've paid them back (our business).
I grew up in two worlds. Mum was in Management and Dad, although worked, was Mr Mum most of the time. We watched them work their butts off. We had it better than most and we knew it. We saw it around us. Our extended family & friends were a mix of well off people and very poor - in Australia & abroad.I believe being exposed to that extent, aswell as growing up an Aussie with a part-time cultural background (NZ) shaped me.
My parents work ethic and take on life is only and has only ever been positive. Dad was poor as a kid & never complained about it, it was just fact. He told us that's why he works hard and that will give you a better life than what he had. I suppose we felt sorry for them and would never want to disappoint them by being ungrateful. We realised they go to work, we don't see them as much as we'd like so we can have a better life than they did when they did have the time off / weekends. I still look up to my parents & they're some of my biggest role models. We know they're proud and they know we're grateful for everything. We tell each other all the time.
I think your family sounds fabulous, sue78, but I think a lot of it is your culture, as you acknowledge. I think most Aussie teenagers that I know would not be anywhere near as grateful, wouldn't have a part-time job, and wouldn't "return the favour" when they become adults, unfortunately.
Speaking of black and white thinking...
What does that say about our culture & our belief in ourselves ?
If mum / dad bought a teenager a car, no teenager would keep a part-time job, is that what you said ?
My mum was poor, she worked really hard, literally did not have a day off in 10years and the business went through a lot of fown and difficult times. Yes, she always put us on before herself. Private schooling, holidays, she even bought me a horse (only $200 but a lot of money in thsoe days plus she had tod rive me up to the farm each weekend). She gave us everything she could and even when she couldn't, she borrowed for us.
I admit, I was probably naughty and spoiled. I took piano lessons then quite, I took many lessons but it didn't last. But now I see that at least I had that opportunity. I feel really lucky now.
Then I see friends whose parents are well of but they don't get anything. Never allowed to go on school excusions, extre curricular, no piano etc
To me, it makes my mum even more amazing. and we all turned out the same way still. But my friend has a grudge against her parents and she has decided she will do so much more for her own kids. She felt like she missed out a lot.
another thing is that what if something happened to me one day. then I won't even be able to give money and buys things for my children whom I love more than anything in the world.
I admit, I was probably naughty and spoiled. I took piano lessons then quite, I took many lessons but it didn't last. But now I see that at least I had that opportunity. I feel really lucky now.
Then I see friends whose parents are well of but they don't get anything. Never allowed to go on school excusions, extre curricular, no piano etc
To me, it makes my mum even more amazing. and we all turned out the same way still. But my friend has a grudge against her parents and she has decided she will do so much more for her own kids. She felt like she missed out a lot.
another thing is that what if something happened to me one day. then I won't even be able to give money and buys things for my children whom I love more than anything in the world.
No, that's what you said.
I don't know why you're so determined to put words into my mouth in this thread, but whatever...
We're buying our grandson a blackboard, does that count?
We put money into a savings account from the day our kids were born (not a lot, cos we didn't have a lot) and gave it to them on their 21st birthdays. I put $10 a week away for our grandchild at the moment but will probably invest it in some shares when it gets to about $1000.
Apart from that we do practical stuff for our kids like babysitting and lawn mowing.
I've never really thought whether it was the right thing to do or not - whether it was 'good' for them or not, but they're both fine and cope well with life and are getting ahead - neither of them were interested in uni but both have valuable trades now behind them and their own homes.
There are so many things we can do for our kids - financial education is important as are lessons in personal responsibility... but my parents helped us when we were struggling and I love that I can now do that for our kids.
Every day the two of them and the bub 'pay us back' with phone calls, dinner invites, loves and cuddles. In return we keep our opinions to ourselves unless asked!!
We put money into a savings account from the day our kids were born (not a lot, cos we didn't have a lot) and gave it to them on their 21st birthdays. I put $10 a week away for our grandchild at the moment but will probably invest it in some shares when it gets to about $1000.
Apart from that we do practical stuff for our kids like babysitting and lawn mowing.
I've never really thought whether it was the right thing to do or not - whether it was 'good' for them or not, but they're both fine and cope well with life and are getting ahead - neither of them were interested in uni but both have valuable trades now behind them and their own homes.
There are so many things we can do for our kids - financial education is important as are lessons in personal responsibility... but my parents helped us when we were struggling and I love that I can now do that for our kids.
Every day the two of them and the bub 'pay us back' with phone calls, dinner invites, loves and cuddles. In return we keep our opinions to ourselves unless asked!!
No, that's what you said.
I don't know why you're so determined to put words into my mouth in this thread, but whatever...
Determined to put words in your mouth lol ?
I was trying to understand you
and no I havent
what did you mean by this if not what I understood ?
I think your family sounds fabulous, sue78, but I think a lot of it is your culture, as you acknowledge. I think most Aussie teenagers that I know would not be anywhere near as grateful, wouldn't have a part-time job, and wouldn't "return the favour" when they become adults, unfortunately.
I have a different viewpoint. My parents were always extremely generous with gifts for their grandkids (and for us children). While they got lots of little presents, that they didn't care too much about, my parents bought most of the "big" presents, which we couldn't afford - the trampoline, bicycles etc. I think it really connected the kids to them in a way that a savings account couldn't, and there is a clear difference btw how their relationship was with my parents than with my hubby's parents, who gave them no gifts.
All of us kids are hard workers and those grandkids who are grown up are studying or working hard, investing etc, so I don't think it ever did us any harm,
Pen
All of us kids are hard workers and those grandkids who are grown up are studying or working hard, investing etc, so I don't think it ever did us any harm,
Pen
My parents do the 'big' present thing too. Unfortunately a lot of them have fallen flat - the bicycle especially was a dead loss - but that is more to do with the child than the gifts. We hauled out the bike a few weeks ago under great threats. 3 years that bike has gone hated and unused before the penny dropped that eeeeeeeeeeeveryone else has a bike and can ride it except her ... I think her being teased for being the only one not able to ride a bike actually pushed her into our camp of "bikes are really fun and all kids should know how to ride one"
Probably a good thing someone with more money than me wasted their $$ that year to buy the thing. Nowadays they do books and lego ... they buy lego new, I get it secondhand, it also sat there unused for years - hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of lego - before she realised it was fun this year.
Probably a good thing someone with more money than me wasted their $$ that year to buy the thing. Nowadays they do books and lego ... they buy lego new, I get it secondhand, it also sat there unused for years - hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of lego - before she realised it was fun this year.
