Hubby & I work shiftwork around each other so that one of us is always home for the kids. Would love the Grandparents to help out but they rarely offer. We only ask for help for the odd wedding attendance or special event. Personally I think that my kids and the Grandparents are missing out on some precious time together. Our kids are very polite & respectful according to their teachers, friends parents - we run a tight ship in the behaviour & manners department. Cant understand our parents general lack of interest really but I guess they have their own lives to a major extent. it frustrates Hubby more than me.
Grandparents Looking After Grandchildren
- Thread starter redwing
- Start date
im sure theyll feel it when theyre old and the grandkids hardly ever come and visit. too late then of course
i recognise that it's a cultural thing but it's something i genuinely cannot understand. i choose to spend a hell of a lot of time with my remaining grandparent (and grandfather when he was alive), similarly they chose to do the same. why have families if theyre viewed as a burden or chore? just get a bloody pet instead and end the blood line there
My parents didn't want kids. They made that clear, and mentioned that I was the result of a broken condom on many occasions growing up. They told me not to ruin my life by getting married & having kids.
When I got married, they weren't exactly impressed, and even less so when I had kids. The first wasn't too bad, but when I fell pregnant for a second time, well, they let their feeling be known in no uncertain terms.
It's a long & emotional story that I wont go into, but cutting it short and giving a brief outline, both my kids had a great relationship with their paternal grandparents & extended family. My father passed away when they were little, and they haven't seen my mother for, probably about 15 years now. Neither one of them wants to & I don't blame them in the least.
My mother hasn't called me in probably 20 odd years, but I have every so often tried to get along. We've visited her a couple of times in her retirement home (she moved to Port Macquarie long ago), but haven't been made to feel overly welcome. I have long ago ceased making contact with her, as every time I do, I end up an emotional mess, so have decided that I don't need this in my life, and yet, here I am once again when thinking about this tearing up.....
Skater that's pretty sad... I had both sets of grandparents around when I was a kid, but mostly spent time with maternal side. We moved to the city when I was little but we'd spend our summer holidays with our grandparents, and in Poland that was nearly 3 months worth so we were close. Then in 91 we moved to Australia and have only seen them twice since then. 
When I had my own kids and had to move to Perth for work, I decided this isn't how I want things to be and after 2 years moved to Tassie so the kids could have their grandparents around. Luckily my parents love having the grandkids, I can't imagine not having any contact. Such a shame Skater that your parents were so distant.
And on the topic of looking after the grandkids, my parents live about 45 mins away so not really practical to do school drop offs and pick ups but they've been warned they get the kids for a week or two at a time when we decide to do some extended hikes!
When I had my own kids and had to move to Perth for work, I decided this isn't how I want things to be and after 2 years moved to Tassie so the kids could have their grandparents around. Luckily my parents love having the grandkids, I can't imagine not having any contact. Such a shame Skater that your parents were so distant.
And on the topic of looking after the grandkids, my parents live about 45 mins away so not really practical to do school drop offs and pick ups but they've been warned they get the kids for a week or two at a time when we decide to do some extended hikes!
I've been reading about Malignant narcissist personality disorder and malignant narcissists. I was quite horrified people like that exist, up until a couple of weeks ago I had no idea. Sometimes family members are better off having no contact. I think that would explain some part of the debate about grandchildren being close to grandparents, etc. Some people are just nasty. I would recommend everyone google it! Such an eye opener!
Sorry to hear you had it so tough Skater!
Obviously Sanj doesn't have people like this in his Family.
Sorry to hear you had it so tough Skater!
Obviously Sanj doesn't have people like this in his Family.
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My family is really screwed up. Lots of little lies that you see through as you get older.........
I've also got a sister. She is close to mother, and they talk all the time (or so I've been told by mother, years ago). She moved away with no forwarding address about 15 years ago. Mother told me that she didn't want to see me, so she wouldn't give me contact information, but I don't believe this as we were on good terms. I haven't seen or heard from her since.
You never really get used to the rejection......
Luckily I've got a fantastic Hubby, kids & extended family.
I've also got a sister. She is close to mother, and they talk all the time (or so I've been told by mother, years ago). She moved away with no forwarding address about 15 years ago. Mother told me that she didn't want to see me, so she wouldn't give me contact information, but I don't believe this as we were on good terms. I haven't seen or heard from her since.
You never really get used to the rejection......
Luckily I've got a fantastic Hubby, kids & extended family.
Just to keep in mind, according to Wikipedia, 'Malignant narcissism is a hypothetical, experimental diagnostic category'. It's not listed in the DSM either.
My mum is a classic BPD (borderline personality). We talk, but not much. I recall a lot of emotional and (some) physical abuse growing up. Once I got past the guilt, dealing with her has been a lot easier. When I say 'dealing', I mean not feeling guilty about the minimal contact (well, that's part of it at least). Took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't the one with the problem.
It also makes it easy for me that I feel very little emotion in general.
Yes, true, I remember reading that now.
I'm definitely not an expert in this area.
Ok mr. Fabulous. Well maybe not do fabulous at the diplomacy.
My excuse. It was 3am and I'm in Casablanca after travelling for 28 hours. Finally got to bed and slept for 2 hours then wide awake. I don't normally spell check anyway (have enough of that at work) but noticed the mistake as impressed post. Blooming iPads change things to anything they think makes sense (or not).
Have a great day criticising others. You know about karma I assume.
Maybe that explains it! Try assuming others do have emotion and feelings, it might help.
I've had a few hours sleep so I'll just go and explore Casablanca now.
you have fun looking for spelling mistakes in posts.
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Everyone has at least one weirdo in their family and if you don't, it's probably you.
Luckily, my immediate family is really good and there aren't any issues. I do have two rather peculiar uncles though.
Oh so true and you are lucky if its only one
I have a friend who is Belgian. English is his third language. Funnily enough, he speaks (and spells) better than most people for whom English is their first language.
The times that I have corrected his spelling the only thing he's ever said to me is 'thank you'.
Poor spelling is a pet hate of mine. Making excuses for poor spelling is even higher on the list. A teacher with poor spelling... don't really know what to say about that.
It's pretty damn easy to tell that it isn't poor spelling, rather typo's, and auto correct, so how about you get off your high horse.
It is all just an inferiority complex/compensating for something lacking, easier to ignore it all.
Back on topic, I spent my childhood with all 4 grandparents. Only one left now who lives in remote NSW with my Aunty. Cherished every moment I had with them back then and still reflect on it now and miss the ones I've lost constantly.
I think as long as they are good people, spending time with grandparents is important.
It doesn't take much effort to read through a post to check for spelling errors before posting. In fact travelbug even claimed she did look for errors before posting.
Our son gets very little interaction with his grandparents - my side around once a year (they live in the USA so it's logistically difficult), hubby's side once every four to six months - for some reason my father in law delights in scaring my son (19months). Hubby's folks live about seven hours away - they've made one visit to us, rest is us to them. They're quite old as well (late 70s) so find it tiring, it's more a visit than a babysit.
Mr Fab, did you mum get diagnosed or did you do the diagnosing? I have known a couple of people with BPD. It's not something you would wish on anyone. There is a lot of suffering involved. It's very difficult to live with someone who has BPD. Dr Lynehan , who herself suffered from what doctors called the worst BPD they had ever seen, developed a great therapy for BPD called dialectical behaviour therapy.
I wished I had had my grandparents around when I was a child.
We're probably in the minority where our Kids Grandparents whilst are present in their lives, sees them often yet very rarely offers or agrees to babysit.
I get a little bit sad when i see or hear my friend's parents literally debating who gets to babysit the grandkids this weekend or next weekend, mine are just too busy going to dinner parties and planning overseas trips.
Fair enough, they had a tough life and now seem to be well and truly enjoying their freedom and lifestyle. I don't blame them for wanting that but i do wish they were more willing to offer to babysit.
On the rare occasion we do get them to babysit for a wedding anniversary or something, within an hour of dropping the kids off the text messages start rolling in...."don't forget to hurry home" or "have you finished your meal yet?" or "dont' forget you've got young kids so you shouldn't stay out too late". Kinda ruins the mood and we just normally end up scoffing our meals just to hurry back and put the grandparents out of their misery
I get a little bit sad when i see or hear my friend's parents literally debating who gets to babysit the grandkids this weekend or next weekend, mine are just too busy going to dinner parties and planning overseas trips.
Fair enough, they had a tough life and now seem to be well and truly enjoying their freedom and lifestyle. I don't blame them for wanting that but i do wish they were more willing to offer to babysit.
On the rare occasion we do get them to babysit for a wedding anniversary or something, within an hour of dropping the kids off the text messages start rolling in...."don't forget to hurry home" or "have you finished your meal yet?" or "dont' forget you've got young kids so you shouldn't stay out too late". Kinda ruins the mood and we just normally end up scoffing our meals just to hurry back and put the grandparents out of their misery
On the rare occasion we do get them to babysit for a wedding anniversary or something, within an hour of dropping the kids off the text messages start rolling in...."don't forget to hurry home" or "have you finished your meal yet?" or "dont' forget you've got young kids so you shouldn't stay out too late". Kinda ruins the mood and we just normally end up scoffing our meals just to hurry back and put the grandparents out of their misery
Why not pay for a sitter?
We never had the option of a free sitter. Obviously my parents were total right offs, but we couldn't use the In-laws either, as they were an hour away. So, we rarely went out, but when we did, we paid for a baby sitter.
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