How do you tell your kids the truth and when?
- Thread starter INVSTOR
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Nope, no way! If I ever am lucky enough to be able to have kids (by some miracle) then there's no way I'd ruin the magic for them. Could you seriously imagine your life without Christmas?
Yes I had a deal that if the tooth was lost they would get the $ (to stop them dipping in the dunny for retrievals) provided they wrote to the tooth fairy.
I still have a letter of demand written to the tooth fairy to the effect "You owe me for 2 teeth thats $10 pay up"
My son lost his tooth at school and the teacher sent a note home for the Tooth Fairy.
Another time, the Tooth Fairy didn't come, but the next night she left double the money cause she felt so bad. She left a note telling my son she hurt her wing, and that was why she didn't come the night before.
Letting kids believe in Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny/Bilby is not lying.It's continuing a tradition that many other kids enjoy. When they get older, they will understand.
Children are not mini adults. Let them be kids.
Parents are required to lie when it is necessary.
Everyone lies, it is all in "degrees"
Another time, the Tooth Fairy didn't come, but the next night she left double the money cause she felt so bad. She left a note telling my son she hurt her wing, and that was why she didn't come the night before.
Letting kids believe in Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny/Bilby is not lying.It's continuing a tradition that many other kids enjoy. When they get older, they will understand.
Children are not mini adults. Let them be kids.
Parents are required to lie when it is necessary.
Everyone lies, it is all in "degrees"
I think it's cruel to lie to a child, then enjoy seeing them believe the lie? Not my cup of tea.
My boy is 3, hasn't asked yet, but when he does, just like all of his questions, i'll tell him the truth. I wouldn't stop giving him presents from santa until he told me to stop however, it's cute i think. Lying at around xmas is ok in my book, as we are all on the same page/all in it together/no-one's getting tricked.
I also can't wait to give him control over his bank account and let him earn money for chores!
Absolutely NO HARM DONE in a little magic in a child's life. More harm done I reckon if yours is the arrogant child annoucing loudly in Prep or Kinder, "There's no real Santa, Daddy told me!".
Go with it for as long as it lasts, hopefully, when they are old enough to lose that magical innocence they will be old enough to understand why it's special for others to believe. Also by then, they will have learnt about the real meaning behind Christmas.
You will find yourself telling a lot of porky pies when you live with a toddler. It saves your sanity and stops them being miserable about life.
Telling lies (successfully) is actually a sign of intelligence in a young child. Who's their best teacher?
Go with it for as long as it lasts, hopefully, when they are old enough to lose that magical innocence they will be old enough to understand why it's special for others to believe. Also by then, they will have learnt about the real meaning behind Christmas.
You will find yourself telling a lot of porky pies when you live with a toddler. It saves your sanity and stops them being miserable about life.
Telling lies (successfully) is actually a sign of intelligence in a young child. Who's their best teacher?
Argh! My eldest is a very good liar. Sometimes (ok, rarely) it is obvious because she's lying about something we know about, but when she pulls it off successfully she does it EXTREMELY well. I've found out about some doozies well after the event, which means she's got away with many, many more.
You're right about lying to toddlers though. Mummy has gone to the shops when Mummy is out getting a wax. Oh look, we've run out of biscuits when they've had 6 in a row and we know full well there's a new packet at the back of the cupboard and just aren't going to open it now. Toddlers don't need to know the truth
I'd rather have a child who knows that the arrogant child is correct about santa.
My boy started lying to me at about 1 year old, i forget exactly when, it's on one of the videos.
I must be doing something wrong, as I never lie to my boy, and he's pretty happy and confident. He's had many girlfriends, starting from when he was 11months old, and he always wins the fight when a bigger kid tries to push him around - got these two things on video aswell actually.
My boy started lying to me at about 1 year old, i forget exactly when, it's on one of the videos.
I must be doing something wrong, as I never lie to my boy, and he's pretty happy and confident. He's had many girlfriends, starting from when he was 11months old, and he always wins the fight when a bigger kid tries to push him around - got these two things on video aswell actually.
This is not entirely correct and looks like a mass made article for search engines.
Im southern EU it was the Epiphany that brought presents on the 6th on Jan (from ancient calendar).
It supposedly commemorates the visit of the "Magi" or wise men to Jesus who went bearing 3 gifts.
As for christmas and santa, that article has no explanation of it's origin, though as far as I can tell it's the same as who invented the diamond engagement ring: commercial interests pushing their products to a market that has nothing else to hang onto but fantasies.
Rings were originally a "tagging" device for wives.
You're right about lying to toddlers though. Mummy has gone to the shops when Mummy is out getting a wax. Oh look, we've run out of biscuits when they've had 6 in a row and we know full well there's a new packet at the back of the cupboard and just aren't going to open it now. Toddlers don't need to know the truth
Parenting sure is varied. I prefer Vincenzo's style. My 1 year old gets told the truth and spoken to like an adult. None of this 'ta' when we really mean 'thank you'. Detecting a lie requires intelligence too.
Parenting sure does vary... just wait till you get to join the school mob. Thats when your eyes really get opened.
Look, some kids can handle the truth and that's fine as long as they don't try to ruin it for everyone else. Some are dreamers and love fantasy etc, like mine. I encourage their daydreams about fairies, magic and Santa because they love it. My daughter loves all things 'princess' and mermaids. Why burst that bubble? Soon enough she'll discover she won't be either one day (more than likely). My son, a pirate. Should I tell him what a real pirate is? No, he's happy at the moment and dosen't need that information yet.
Kids don't process the information the same way as an adult so we naturally adjust how we talk to them (this helps prevents tantrums, on both sides). They are very literal and 'in the moment' creatures so talking to them like an adult sometimes wouldn't work.
Vincenzo, you say you never lie to your boy...
"Dad, what were you and Mum doing in bed this morning?"
Look, some kids can handle the truth and that's fine as long as they don't try to ruin it for everyone else. Some are dreamers and love fantasy etc, like mine. I encourage their daydreams about fairies, magic and Santa because they love it. My daughter loves all things 'princess' and mermaids. Why burst that bubble? Soon enough she'll discover she won't be either one day (more than likely). My son, a pirate. Should I tell him what a real pirate is? No, he's happy at the moment and dosen't need that information yet.
Kids don't process the information the same way as an adult so we naturally adjust how we talk to them (this helps prevents tantrums, on both sides). They are very literal and 'in the moment' creatures so talking to them like an adult sometimes wouldn't work.
Vincenzo, you say you never lie to your boy...
"Dad, what were you and Mum doing in bed this morning?"
Who is 'we'?
I prefer the tantrums, if that's what it comes to... Like "Yes, we have heaps of biscuits left, and they're really tasty too, but you're not allowed any because you'll get fat and the sugar in them will keep you up all night which will be highly inconvenient for your mother and me.".
Vincenzo, you say you never lie to your boy...
"Dad, what were you and Mum doing in bed this morning?"
I'd probably say the same thing as to anyone else who asked... "That's private.".
"don't stand on my plants, you'll hurt them" I like better than "I'm trying to add value to this house so I need to landscape and you stepping on my plants means I have to go spend $5 on a new one". "The TV computer is broken, we need to fix it" is better than "mummy needs the motherboard out of that computer because we need to upgrade the other computer and <long technical discussion> and we thought now was a good time because we just had a powerfailure". Saying we've run out of rubbish junk food is essential if you want a toddler to eat anything OTHER than the rubbish junk food they found. Once the biscuits aren't an option, fruit (or even better, their dinner) suddenly becomes valid food. Little nuisance is cluey enough to know when the jar or packet still has something in it but hasn't figured out spare packets ... yet.
Again, toddlers really don't need the truth, and its not like its going to scar them for life or anything.
Other kid doesn't seem to notice things like us going out or computers going off or me planting new plants or even several kilos of junk food appearing in the pantry cupboard so it doesn't seem to come up as often with her, and she's old enough to either handle complex explanations or stick her hands over her ears and go "blah blah blah" if you tell her something gross in response to one of her questions *evil grin*.
Again, toddlers really don't need the truth, and its not like its going to scar them for life or anything.
Other kid doesn't seem to notice things like us going out or computers going off or me planting new plants or even several kilos of junk food appearing in the pantry cupboard so it doesn't seem to come up as often with her, and she's old enough to either handle complex explanations or stick her hands over her ears and go "blah blah blah" if you tell her something gross in response to one of her questions *evil grin*.
Does this even work on kids who don't know what fat, sugar, or staying up actually means yet but do understand "gone"?
Probably not, so teach them. I don't dumb things down for her. She'll get even the most complicated concepts eventually.
Thought about that one before we started the lying and figured we'd rather teach by example the different reasons (good and bad) why people lie and so we don't appear like hypocrites later on
.eg. signed a note to say my son was not well this morning so he could stay home and study instead of going to two lessons that won't benefit his end of year result.
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I think it may take several years first to get the toddler to actually recognise sleep is a GOOD thing before I even attempt to introduce the concept of something that can keep you awake ... the other one gets it just fine though.
And after putting up with years of pain when the school told the older kid fat was bad, the little one doesn't need to know. I'd pretty much do anything to undo the damage of those healthy eating classes. They were done SO badly
Meantime, butter is just that delicious stuff you eat out of the tub whenever someone is fool enough to leave it out of the fridge.We're onto germs more than fat now. One kid drops food on the table, picks it back up and eats it, other one immediately goes into major overreaction mode about germs. Can't convince her that you won't die if your cutlery or food touches something other than your plate. At least the little one eats all the percieved fat or germy food (often perfectly good meat) the big one studiously cuts out and leaves to one side ...
