How to make elevators more interesting

HOW TO MAKE ELEVATORS MORE INTERESTING




A collection of ideas for making elevators more entertaining!
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking. (only do this with your friends!)

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

Regards
Simon H
 
Employer's Lingo

Employer's Lingo


> --
> "COMPETITIVE SALARY"
>
> We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
>
> "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
>
> We have no time to train you.
>
> "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
>
> We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of
> the real daring guys wear earrings.
>
> "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
>
> You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
>
> "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
>
> Some time each night and some time each weekend.
>
> "DUTIES WILL VARY"
>
> Anyone in the office can boss you around.
>
> "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
>
> We have no quality control.
>
> "CAREER-MINDED"
>
> Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
>
> "APPLY IN PERSON"
>
> If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been
> filled.
>
> "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
>
> We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
>
> "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
>
> You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
>
> "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
>
> You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
>
> "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
>
> You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or
> respect.
>
> "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
>
> Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do
> it.
>
>
Regards Simon H
:D
 
Actually my school has elevators which makes "beeps" when you press the button. So usually when I am with a group of guys we play space invaders in the elevators (annoying everybody else).
 
Subject: Friday Funny


How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way...Unique Up On It.

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko...

What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
Nervous Wreck.

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile
 
Hi All,

Too much to read in the previous posts, looks like they were onliners.

However - if you want to make elevators more ineteresting try installing

MIRRORS ON THE FLOOR !! :D

keg75

p.s. unfortunatley there's no sleezy smily..so the grin will do.
 
keg75 said:
Hi All,

Too much to read in the previous posts, looks like they were onliners.

However - if you want to make elevators more ineteresting try installing

MIRRORS ON THE FLOOR !! :D
I once did a property inspection on a house with no mirroes.

I just couldn't see myself in a house without a mirror.
 
Brain Cramps


Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would
not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were
supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

``````````````````````````````````

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but
not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
`````````````````````````````````````````

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are
the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and
I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
```````````````````

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another"
--George Bush, US President
``````````````````````

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
``````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
```````````

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from
the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
`````````````````````````````````````````

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
`````````````````````````````````

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP
``````````

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
```````````````

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply
if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And
the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

````````````````````````

Simon H
 
geoffw said:
I once did a property inspection on a house with no mirroes.

I just couldn't see myself in a house without a mirror.

work this out - my ensuite has no mirror.....what idiot thought of that :eek:

the main bathroom has a recessed mirror and i don't use this one....how hard is it to install one in the ensuite - i don't think it would break the bank (but the PM does)

Ecogirl

P.S. maybe i shouldn't be so vain :rolleyes:
 
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