I hate the home we bought - what now??

I hate the townhouse we bought. what now. Friday 13th July 2007 settlement. coming up for three years. Ruining our relationship. I'm so unhappy here.

Options. None of which will happen because two toddlers no energy, hubby no job as yet (just graduated uni), me p/time work.

1. Rent somewhere, rent this out.
2. Sell it. Rent elsewhere.

Why do I hate it.
No usable outdoor space. courtyard faces SW - cold winds, no sun, building works over back fence.
No character, soul.
Neither of us a handyman so nothing gets fixed, hung, or repaired (eg saggy curtains, no pictures up, 'little jobs' never get done, like lacquering the slate kitchen floor so it's all faded and dirty-looking even after I scrub it.)
Ugly ugly ugly non-views (of carparks). Or the neighbouring brick walls

No outdoor space is main gripe bec I'm such an outdoor person.

Why did we buy it?
Rushed, was sick of looking, tightly held suburb so this came up and we got it; hubby wanted this area, I hate the area it's BORING BORING BORING (but didn't know that before) and ugly, but practical for kids and amenities. Bought the place thinking it would be a good investment property in future, and thought we'd be here 2yrs max. Now it's three years and no end in sight. *sigh*
 
Where is it, and whats the least amount you will accept for a cash settlement? ;)

Seriously tho, we cant tell you what you should do, only you can decide.
 
Does your husband feel the same way about it? It sounds like he wanted to live in the area, so maybe he would be happy to rent this townhouse out and rent somewhere else for yourselves.
 
He is fine with the place, doesn't have the same aesthetic sensibilities I have. I don't think he's ever noticed the carparks, for example. He would like me to be happy, and is fine with moving although it's a hassle.

Seems like it could be expensive, to move and pay rent and rent out this place. Plus moving all our gear. And what we'd want to rent is a house, this is a townhouse, so rent would be more than what we would earn, but that's to be expected. In a way it's a good idea, to rent in a different area to 'get a feel for it' before buying. It all seems very daunting.
 
Plus moving all our gear.

If you're worried about the hassles of "moving" then just stay stuck in the crappy existence that you already hate. Umm, moving will be worth it! Don't sound so flat and depressed. Get up, get out and get moving!

Moving isn't that bad, if you fire up and get some energy, you can knock it all over in 1-2 days - it'll be well worth it.

I've moved that many times, even countries (Tokyo!). You have to jump around and be nimble and be open to change in order to adapt with the times.

I would:
- Get motivated
- Get some tools/handymen and fix up the courtyard/outside area as best as possible. Consider installing a skylight or something? Fix the place up just enough to make it nicer or a tenant without spending heaps. If you hate it, then most tenants probably will too.
- Move out, rent it out, keep it as an investment hopefully getting some decent rent because you've fixed up a few superficial issues.
- Get on with your life elsewhere!

Now tell Hubby that he also needs a full time job and that uni is no excuse whatsoever, because I too worked full time while doing full time uni and paid my HECS up front as I went through. Get motivated people!!!
 
It may cost you more to rent a house than you receive in rent for your townhouse, but your interest becomes tax deductible plus your rates, insurance and ongoing maintenance. I think anything you spend before you rent it will be added to the cost base and depreciated, but check this out before spending too much.

If you chose well you can minimise the cost and try to get out of the doldrums you seem to be in. Are you at home during the day? If so, then it is really important to like where you spend hour upon hour.

Just do it!!
 
Why do I hate it.

Though I haven't seen it is there the chance that you're seeing it worse than others see it?

And some of the problems with it are only seasonal, temporary or easy to fix. Eg

No usable outdoor space.

Any courtyard I've seem has room for a seat, washing line and/or plants to look at, so it's of some use.

courtyard faces SW - cold winds, no sun,

Sounds like a nice shady spot during a hot summers day

building works over back fence.

Will eventually be complete. When finished it will drag up the area's average value.

No character, soul.

Hard to define. Tastes vary. One man's meat etc.


Ugly ugly ugly non-views (of carparks). Or the neighbouring brick walls

Some sort of fence or bamboo screen with creepers should fix the views. Ditto for the neighbouring walls.

Rushed, was sick of looking, tightly held suburb so this came up and we got it; hubby wanted this area, I hate the area it's BORING BORING BORING (but didn't know that before) and ugly, but practical for kids and amenities.

Sounds like an OK property and suitable to hold on to as a rental (even if you do move somewhere else). If you can afford to hold but sell the only beneficiary will be the selling agent.
 
Hi, just wanted to stick my nose in this thread... you've had some very helpful replies already but I wanted to say that this miserable weather is really getting to me and I live in a house I LOve.

i have been cooped up with the kids (school holiday time in Winter is not all that!). Just wanted to offer moral support.

I suspect there is more going on here then you just hating the house you live in.

Hubby just graduated! Should be happy time and optimism. He'll get a job if he has a good atitude and there's always night shift factory work (my hubby did nights packing tea bags for a while just so we could pay our rent/bills, now he's a pilot... worth hanging in there for the guy you love ;))

I totally understand how it is with little tots and babies, the day (and half your night) goes and you have no time, let alone energy to do anything. This will improve too. Maybe see what gov. benefits you could get and have a 'childcare' day? Then have a go at the odd jobs around the place, if you get a day alone to think you might surprise yourself.

I know I'm always complaining about the pure lack of 'thinking' time due to children. A quiet few hours is just bliss (and well worth the might effort orchestrating it).
 
Honestly, your problem doesn't sound like your home, so much as you just aren't happy in general and thus your home feels even worse then it is?

I can relate to all the things you are saying, I have three kids, 4yrs and under. Our house is much to small, the backyard is poky and not very user friendly. There arfe alot of things we have been 'planning' on doing, but just never have the time patience or motivation. I would love a bigger better place, BUT the truth is that most of these issues can be overcome (ie, hanging photo's, doing gardens, some of the other suggestions you have already had). We are going to get around to our to do list sometime. My bet is that you don't want to even think about solutions to your problems, because you are so desperate to hate this place and blame it for being the root of your problems. In my experience, houses don't cause marriage problems, nor do they cause lethargy. Houses are just places to live, they are what you make of them.

Going out on a limb here, but it really does sound like there is some other issue at the bottome of your post. You are unhappy. Perhaps even depressed? I don't know. But I don't think you will be happy even if you move unless you sort out the real issue.

Sorry if this comes across wrong - tact isn't my strong point.

Aside from that, whether you sell and buy elsewhere, keep it and rent elsewhere or whatever - it really is a very personal decision and depends on your goals and personalities - not everyone is cut out to be a LL. If you aren't willing to maintain a house as an owner occupier, then what kind of LL will you be? Or maybe you would outsource that work? But then that requires money.

good luck.
 
Do something, anything.

Firstly, get yourself to a doctor for a checkup. From your first email it sounds as if you may be verging on depression which will respond to medical assistance.

Once you have your health checked out, make a list of "those little jobs that never get done".

Take yourself down to Bunnings and find the most helpful assistant you can. Buy whatever is necessary to tackle the easiest (to you) of these jobs.

Go home, and DO IT.

Nex, tackle the next boring little job.

You will develop your skills and the achievement will do wonders for your outlook.

Even I can (and frequently do) bang a picture hook into a wall - it's not hard and costs a few dollars for a bag of hooks. Saggy curtains should be fixed with a packet of new curtain hooks. Buy a can of lacquer and coat the kitchen floor once the washing up is done and the kids are in bed.

Good luck!
Marg
 
He is fine with the place, doesn't have the same aesthetic sensibilities I have.

I 100% relate to this and very much sympathise with your situation. In contrast to some opinions expressed here, I believe it is very possible to have a house be the root cause of great unhappiness.

A courtyard facing SW is really depressing, car parks are really depressing, looking at walls of buildings are ghastly. a boring suburb is the pits...you need to get out of there before you become so depressed that you have no energy to act.

Really analyse what is important to you in a home and start keeping a notebook to jot these down. Go to open houses with a new eye - note what makes you feel good.

After you've made a list of things that you now know are really important, then decide on the areas that you could live in. This will of course mainly be dictated by finances and a job your spouse hasn't found yet - so he really needs to get cracking on that.

After you've narrowed down those choices, then figure out the financial part of renting out the townhouse versus starting over with a new place.

Take it step by step, regard the whole thing as a very valuable learning experience, but do start making plans to leave.

I'm bought and sold way too many times and have learned over the years that some things are vital. E.g. a property where the main living spaces were not facing dead north is not worth living in. I've also learned that what is vital to me, my partner couldn't give a stuff about, a situation which sounds like the one you are in. This changes the dynamics about decision making.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll manage to find a happier home. :)
 
I hate the townhouse we bought. what now. Friday 13th July 2007 settlement. coming up for three years. Ruining our relationship. I'm so unhappy here.

Options. None of which will happen because two toddlers no energy, hubby no job as yet (just graduated uni), me p/time work.

1. Rent somewhere, rent this out.
2. Sell it. Rent elsewhere.

Why do I hate it.
No usable outdoor space. courtyard faces SW - cold winds, no sun, building works over back fence.
No character, soul.
Neither of us a handyman so nothing gets fixed, hung, or repaired (eg saggy curtains, no pictures up, 'little jobs' never get done, like lacquering the slate kitchen floor so it's all faded and dirty-looking even after I scrub it.)
Ugly ugly ugly non-views (of carparks). Or the neighbouring brick walls

No outdoor space is main gripe bec I'm such an outdoor person.

Why did we buy it?
Rushed, was sick of looking, tightly held suburb so this came up and we got it; hubby wanted this area, I hate the area it's BORING BORING BORING (but didn't know that before) and ugly, but practical for kids and amenities. Bought the place thinking it would be a good investment property in future, and thought we'd be here 2yrs max. Now it's three years and no end in sight. *sigh*

What i always find is you don't have to walk down the street too far to see someone that is holding up the ladder of life while everyone around them climbs up higher,because if you let go of the ladder everyone falls..

I would be looking at the upside,the outdoor space start a herb garden watch the sun go up and go down,find a local park and start walking each day step by step all you worry falls behind,go and do a Tafe course on property maintenance,and also what Marg has said may also help because anyone that has been down that road can understand what you are saying,the first step is ask for help..good luck..willair..
 
Focus on the future and try and stay positive about what it holds. Your husband is soon to graduate and soon to have a career, think of the changes that can happen then. Then will be more money coming into the household income, so you can either look at moving elsewhere or at least improving a few of the downsides of the current property.

You have to stay strong. Every couple will go through hardship in their life and what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. At our home, we feel like we are getting no where. We can't wait to finish the place so we can move out to a new home, but there is so much to do and we don't even much money at all yet - so some days it's frustrating and it's a struggle. But after we've cooled down, we realise that our future holds much more. So we keep plotting along.

Talk to your partner about the issues you are having with the current place. Maybe look at taking some time out to do a few things to the house like a coat of paint or hanging some paintings. A few changes could make a big difference, maybe even more bearable for a little longer!
 
Sounds like a difficult situation.
I was also going to suggest that it sounds like you are a bit depressed, and that a medical check up might help.
sometimes these type of things are also just a matter of timing. I would like to move from our PPOR, but my hubby not. I'm not nagging (never!! ;)) but it takes him alot longer to see things and come to a decision. In the meantime, try to do little bits around the house, set projects and deadlines and get to work. Having lots of jobs hanging over your head is also depressing, and if you do end up selling/ renting, you'll have to do them all anyway.
I had post natal depression, and the things I found helpful were to have a very clear schedule and plan for the day.....Try to get plenty of sun, even if it means you need to go to the local park.....
St Johns Wort tablets are really good for depression (clinically proved to be effective, but you need to take the full dosage recommended, and probably find an improvement after a couple of weeks).... but if you do go to dr, they interfere with other anti depressants, so pls let the Dr know.
You might also need some marraige counselling.. it seems like you are both either finding it difficult to communicate, or not hearing one anothers point of view.
Good Luck!
Pen
 
Sounds to me that your home is only part of your problem, and you're blaming it for everything.

I suffered post-natal depression for many years until a Dr picked it up and still now (after 13 years) take medication for it. All OK now and have to give myself a good kick up the butt to get going sometimes. It's very hard, I know.
BUT, guess what? Things do get better. Little by little, until one day you look back and realise you've come a long way.

Not saying that this is your problem, but could be worthwhile seeing a Dr you trust/like and see if there's something going on. The Dr can really be your best friend.

Home: Well if it's causing you so much angst, then get in and do SOMETHING. Even if it's very small. If sagging curtains are too hard to fix, can they just be taken down? If the courtyard is depressing, close the door and take the kids for a walk to the park instead (take a tea/coffee with ya, let them run wild and chat to some of the other Mum's there).
If the floor is a disgrace and too difficult to fix, buy a large rug suitable for the kitchen.
If the kids leave a god-awful mess on the floors, buy a plastic rake and rake up the toys into a corner each evening.

And, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. You don't have to have a terrific floor/ nice curtains etc for anybody to like you.

Best wishes to you.
 
It sounds to me like the outdoor conditions are your biggest bugbear. I'm an indoor person, but the outdoor thing matters a lot to my husband and I could see a place getting to him over time if outside was bad enough.

I would also mention that this is an abnormally cold winter across the eastern seaboard. It's getting to everyone, especially people who like outdoors and the sun.

I think it's worth makig the courtyard your first project. Buy an outdoor heater and some sort of screen to deal with the wind. Paint the walls, put up some cheap outdoor decorations from the Reject Shop. Rug up with the kids and get out there for winter picnics and play. If you really need sun, go for a walk with them.

It does sound like you need to get out, but that will be hard to achieve right now. Hubby needs to get a job and stay in it for a while, and you need to get enough small enjoyments in your life that you get your energy back. Moving does suck, but you can pack manageably over a couple of months. We did one box a day while awaiting settlement.
 
I hate the townhouse we bought. what now. Friday 13th July 2007 settlement. coming up for three years. Ruining our relationship. I'm so unhappy here.

....

Why did we buy it?
Rushed, was sick of looking, tightly held suburb so this came up and we got it


Sorry to hear Moutard.

Question for you - given it's 3 years and it's a "tightly held (for good reasons I hope) suburb - how much has it appreciated?

Remember that profits on a selling your own home is tax free....


The Y-man
 
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