I hate the home we bought - what now??

[Aaron Sice]

sounds like you're going through what my wife is going through.

prob got more to do with the fact that your brain is starting to function again after having kids and you're craving more - more of what you don't know, but more.

stimulation, conversation, space, activity, change in routine....

am i close?

just move. sell the place, cop any losses and be thankful for any gains. write it off as "oh my god, what were we thinking?" moment in your lives.

 

[INVSTOR]

Was just discussing this subject with my friend while her hubby is at home painting the house.

Her house has bad orientation,is cold, and she hates it. She's looking to move to the country to have a lifestyle change.

I love my house. It has nice gardens, right orientation, a bit too big for our needs but I hate my neighbours. Every time my kids go outside they get bullied so they won't go out the front anymore. Even if we are driving some neighbours kids stick a fingers up or make "L" (loser) signs at them. If they are playing out the back and they lose a ball it gets taken or chucked down the drain by them. The mum isn't interested, she says her son is just showing off. Just about every adult and kid in the street is fueding against eachother also.

I was just asking my friend if she thinks I'm depressed or if it's just a depressing situation.

We've both decided our situations are a bit depressing and it's fun to move around and have a change.

I need a lifestyle change to. Planning on moving interstate for a year, next year. After that I might move house - see how it goes.

 

[moutard]

Hi all
Thank you so much for your kind and understanding replies. I am constantly impressed by how supportive this forum is...seems to bring out the best in people.

Well...yes...doctor's visit and guess what....post natal blues. I'm surprised how many people commented that I sounded depressed, and noticed!

Ah, Y-MAN, about the value of the property - it's currently at -14.89% capital growth, as per Property Investor magazine. Houses are strong, but units are down - I guess a town house is a unit. We thought of having a few agents thru to see what it's worth (sell or rent out), but will they tell us an honest opinion or just what we want to hear? I guess that's another project, to find a good agent.



Anyway, here's to better times ahead (ahhh...are the drugs kciking in yet...)

Thanks for your suggestions, I plan to put some of them in action. I've written a list of the jobs to do, have arranged for a babysitter for the whole day next week, so I can hopefully do something useful here, and I've decided to contact a number of agents to come through...one day if the house is ever tidy/clean enough. Also I've decided to keep a list of what I love - well I know what I love, inspiring views or at least beauty of some sort to look at, so when I wake up every day I feel inspired by the view, level yard with some beauty NORTH FACING!!! and big enough for kids to play in, plus a deck or some other outdoor dining/living space, North facing living areas and hopefully at least one bedroom NEaspect, 3-4 bedroom, brick/solid (not timber/weatherboard), low maintenance, 'character' charm eg an already-renovated old miner's cottage, walking distance to a corner store, a 'good' area, close to amenities, safe with little kids. I felt for you, previous poster INVSTOR with the unfriendly neighbours. That's one thing we have been blessed with, all neighbours are great. I hope you and your friend have a good turn around soon.

So, what I want is a reasonable step up price wise from this, and so realistically patience is called for. Plus we don't know if hubby will find a job locally or need to move. Thus no move will happen until he gets work...and he's very motivated and looking hard and has sent out applications ... anyone need a 29yo graduate environmental engineer?? So I guess an 'exit plan' is to focus on moving, as if we are going to move and do the jobs required to move.

I think what will really motivate me, in this time of uncertainty (ie job-wise for him), is rather than feel glum and 'stuck here indefinitely', is to act as if we will be moving in January next year. So do everything needed in order to move like de-cluttering, making things tidy. If we are going to move, we'll need to pack, sort things, look around at other areas in case he gets a job locally.

Any ideas what to do about chipped paint? When we moved in I painted all window frames, door frames and skirtings in gloss white OVER gloss timber varnish WITHOUT SANDING IT FIRST (WHY - and I'm an artist, I know about paint!!??) Now of course it's all chipped and shabby! Yes, it would be so much nicer if I stripped all the white paint off the window frames and skirtings - it looks shabby - but that seems a huge job. The other way is to just touch up with white paint.

With bathroom, I stupidly painted shower frame with tile paint !! it was pink and i painted it white. but looks awful - messy. But to replace it then leads to: should we replace all the tiles we tile painted over? Then it starts getting expensive. etc. Also, instead of spending money on beautiful things that make a difference (eg a new basin) I lashed out on designer taps?? (WHY??) but put them on the old acrylic basin and tile painted it white. Now it's all chipped and awful...ahhhh the joys.

HEnce my motivation to do anything at all here is very low, as it seems I have the opposite of the Midas touch, and the 1000s we spent on 'doing it up' would have been better spent on the offset account! So I don't want to sink more $$s for no gain. I think the agents opinion will be worth while before we do anything else anyway, as they'd know the area etc etc.

 

[rugrat]

Glad to hear that you are getting help. It can be hard to ask for help, even if you are aware you need it, and if your are not aware....

Put a plan of attack together. Start by listing those things you 'hate' the most, and then go and ask everyone and their dog about how they would fix it in cheap simple ways. The end results might not be 'perfect' but they might be 'better'. Slowly work your way through the list. Don't get caught up on what hasn't been done yet, but just focus on one thing at a time and see how it goes.

 

[The Y-man]

We thought of having a few agents thru to see what it's worth (sell or rent out), but will they tell us an honest opinion or just what we want to hear?

....and I've decided to contact a number of agents to come through...one day if the house is ever tidy/clean enough. .

Why bother? Let them go thru without cleaning up. At least you might get the lower end of their estimates.

Discount what they tell you by 10%-20% and you'll probably have a ball park. Also keep an eye out for anything remotely similar going on to the market in your area (even if it is in the next suburb).

The Y-man

 

[Propertunity]

.... but just focus on one thing at a time

I think she'll find that once the meds kick in, that's all she will be able to do anyway.

Just a word of advice from someone who had a sister on those happy pills for a few years - have a plan to get off them as soon as you are able and as soon as medically advisable or - otherwise you'll find yourself in a mental fog with a blank kind of happy smile on your face all day long.

 

[Perp]

Well done to those who spotted depression; I was about to post agreeing with rugrat, marg4000 etc, when I saw that moutard has seen the doctor and been diagnosed today. Gees, we're clever.

Congratulations, moutard, on demanding more from life and taking positive steps.

sounds like you're going through what my wife is going through.

prob got more to do with the fact that your brain is starting to function again after having kids and you're craving more - more of what you don't know, but more.

stimulation, conversation, space, activity, change in routine....

You're such a SNAG, Aaron. You're spot on; I think that many to most SAHMs go through this when their youngest kids go to school. (And whatever happened to SNAG? - haven't heard that acronym for years, but it seemed apt. )

I've written a list of the jobs to do, have arranged for a babysitter for the whole day next week

Well done, that's amazing progress! If you haven't seen "Selling Houses" / "Selling Houses Australia" (Andrew Winter's show on Lifestyle Channel), watch it, or get somebody with Foxtel/Austar to record some episodes for you. His team does an amazing job of "turning around" negative features of properties. I imagine quite a lot of people whose houses have been transformed by his team end up wanting to stay! You might get some good ideas for your particular challenges. Or you could post a new thread here on Somersoft, asking for ideas to turn around the features that you most detest.

Just a word of advice from someone who had a sister on those happy pills for a few years - have a plan to get off them as soon as you are able and as soon as medically advisable or - otherwise you'll find yourself in a mental fog with a blank kind of happy smile on your face all day long.

Not necessarily, if you get the right antidepressant. Many modern antidepressants are incredibly targeted and low on side-effects, so I suspect this was either > 15 years ago, or it wasn't the right antidepressant (they're very different from each other and it can be an art to get the right one). I have a family member and a dear friend, both of whom I'm sure would have committed suicide by now, or would at least still be living in misery, if it weren't for antidepressants. They each had at least a decade of counselling and other therapies which they believed would help them prior to going on antidepressants, but got minimal results. In one case, the transformation upon beginning antidepressants was both rapid and spectacular, and I'm so grateful. He has his life back!

I would agree that it's always better not to take medication if you can avoid it, but I'm concerned, Propertunity, that it's exactly this kind of perception - that antidepressants or other medications will turn you into a zombie - which deters many people from seeking help, and stigmatises mental illness. I know that's not what you intended, but I felt compelled to balance your comments with some more positive stories.

 

[Rixter]

(And whatever happened to SNAG? - haven't heard that acronym for years, but it seemed apt. )

It wasnt politically correct. NOw theyre called mummy boys.

 

[marg4000]

Moutard, I am pleased you got a medical diagnosis. Do keep in touch with your doctor and follow through - it may take years for you to get back good health.

In the meantime, try to build a little success into each day. Tackle the jobs that you can and continue with your decluttering plans. One shelf of a cupboard a day will achieve wonders.

Sunshine and exercise are good for depression, so when the weather is kind bundle up and go for a walk with the kids.

Good luck, and remember, baby steps will get you there. After all, an ant can eat an elephant if it takes enough small bites!!
Marg

 

[INVSTOR]

Moutard, listen to your doctor for medical advice, Propertunity for property advice!

Great to hear you're on the right track. If your on the right meds you should be thinking clearer and have more energy soon.

I think my luck is changing too. The worst bully egged and smashed glass all over a neighbors property who has camera's all around his house (and you wouldn't want to mess with him). So now there's police involved and restraining orders, and the parent of the child is wanting to sell ASAP. Yah!

All the best with your health and your move!

 

[radelaide]

Get the handyman in and fix everything you dont like, change the curtains, get the floor done, give it a new paint job. Then if you still dont like it I would rent it out, at least now it will be ready for rent. But you might find that the changes you have made means you can put up with it for a few more years until you are finacially better off.

You have to start off slowly and work your way up - I moved into a flat with my GF at the time, the whole size of the flat would fit into the size of a normal lounge room, we lived there for nearly 2 years before upgrading. Its a means to an end!

 

[moutard]

INVSTR, I'm so happy for you, that is GREAT! Because at least with my home gripes, it is in our power to change it whereas nasty bully neighbours' kids is harder. Hope you get fantastic new neighbours!

Ok guys, life is looking up. Thanks to your help, I bought a mouse trap and got the mouse that I heard scuttling behind the fridge...eeeeuuuwwwwwhhhhh...my man did it all so I didn't have to see it. I also rearranged our loungeroom and put up flowers and some photos of my little people. And I got rid of the junk on the bookshelf and got out my most favourite books that I've had for years but have been in storage and put them on our loungeroom booksehlf so it feels like more of a home. Baby steps but it's a start...also, someone suggested there's TAFE course/s in handyman skills??
I'll find out from TAFE, or if anyone knows of any other such courses - ideally short courses not like a four year handyman trades course!

Will keep you posted....

 

[Casserole Dish]

Good to hear of the help you are now getting. Sometimes just having a professional put a name to it helps a lot. Your post after seeing the Dr has so much more 'zazz' to it which you will see yourself when you re-read this all back to yourself in the future.

Don't beat yourself up with the errors you have made (or think you have made) with the home. I bet we can all admit to stuffing something up that cost us money at some point. What have I done? Well I got the carpets steam cleaned and said "Hey do that mat in the living area too thanks..." Trouble is, it was sitting on newly polished floor boards which are now a paler colour under the mat like a big water mark.

 

[RumpledElf]

I'll find out from TAFE, or if anyone knows of any other such courses - ideally short courses not like a four year handyman trades course!

Bunnings runs heaps of little DIY sessions, I'm not sure what they have or if all stores do them but that's well worth looking into as well.

 

[random]

Ahh yeah , unfortunately I've been there done that.

A place we bought 4 yrs ago , it was an 18 mth settle while the division was finished. So we did the contract , signed , deposit and then moved in until settle on a Licence agreement setup .

But , by 18 mths , we knew we'd made a biggie but the other problem was this paticular place wasn't worth buying , renovating and the reselling , we'd have been lucky to break even after costs .

So , we rang the company with an excuse , backed out and managed to get 80% of our deposit back , then left the building .
But even with the deposit loss , in that way it wasn't so bad because with this one we were only paying $100pw on the licence agreement and , payed nothing for the first 7 mths anyway because there was a hold up with the contract.

I've never been sure if we did the right thing , still hate that area now and the neighbours , but maybe we should have done the buy , reno'd and resold but to this day the numbers still don't stack up anyway so , probably not !

Good luck

 

[brrmm]

Hey there, you're sounding more upbeat now - you go girl !!

Baby steps. Bet that bookcase is looking great, now what next ?

Bunnings is a good idea - take a look at your local shop and see what they're offering. Failing that, does your local high school offer evening adult classes? Sometime they offer stuff like Interior Decorating; Handyman stuff and even Gardening in Pots or something along that line and they usually run for about 4 weeks. Be a a great thing to get away from the kids for a bit and talk to some other adults.

 

[marg4000]

Good to hear you sounding much happier Moutard.

It is not forever, even if you stay for a few more years you will enjoy it much more with the little steps you are taking to make your surroundings more home-like.

Keep up the good work, and enjoy your little ones.
Marg

 

[heidi]

OP, just hanging one single picture in my home can bring me many moments of pleasure. Don't do too much at once....give yourself the chance to enjoy the little things you achieve.

Aaron, I agree with perp.

 

[stevie_sloth]

Wow, I didn't really ever expect to find someone else who felt the same way I do about a home they bought!!

I was looking for info on White Knight tile paint and came across this thread! I had to read it all the way through...

We bought our (first) property 2.5 years ago and have been living here for just over 2 years now. I've never been happy here. Not ever. Before we moved (but after we bought), I was stressed and sad and didn't want to move, but was distracted by some slight renovation planning (which I love doing), so pushed the sadness down. I assumed I'd be alright later.

For the first 6 months of living here, I cried every night, missing our old place. Mainly the location and just the FEELING. Our new place was nicer in many ways...newer, nice kitchen, new carpet, nice new paint, neutral soft colourings throughout, my own choice of various decor, dishwasher, ensuite, which our old place didn't have, it wasn't as hot in Summer, it was quieter in terms of neighbours, I could walk to work in 10 minutes, etc, etc. All better on paper, and yet...

6 months later we got our 2 beautiful cats. That's another plus - that we could now have pets, whereas we couldn't at our old place as we rented.

Another 6 months went by and by now the novelty of the good points had worn off and the drawbacks of living here were hugely getting to me - cafes closing by 2pm each day, a quiet, "dead" and DARK feeling at night in the main street, neighbours now becoming loud (mostly renters now. The other owner occupiers have since left), public transport a NIGHTMARE (we don't drive and had NO idea it'd be this awkward before we moved), and I just missed being so HAPPY living somewhere...just sitting on the couch, looking around the room and feeling CONTENT.

For a while I spent quite a bit of money trying to improve things...new paint, etc...but I sort of stopped myself after a while, realising it just wasn't working. It's just kind of a combination of the fact I feel totally squashed and cramped inside, it's dark inside, we're on the ground floor and I feel totally exposed and like I can't go out on the balcony cause there are always people around, I don't like how I FEEL in our place and never have (Feng Shui, layout, vibes, etc), AND I don't like the area either. We chose it cause it was close to stuff (albeit we didn't know about the public transport issues at the time), and we could afford it. Our old (favourite) area we couldn't afford. That's the only reason we moved away from there.

Also, it's little things like we can't hang many pictures on the walls. We've got some, but SO many just randomly fall off!! We've got stupid gaps where pictures SHOULD be but they're not because of this. Nails fall out of the walls, of pictures fall off frames. We've had a huge picture smash and shatter completely when it fell off the wall because the person next door was using a drill and it vibrated our wall. Another picture has fallen off 3 separate times cause it's on the wall that backs onto the stairwell / foyer area and whenever someone slams the building door, it shakes our walls. So we've also got gauges out of the walls because of this too.

Also 3 months after we moved in, the dishwasher leaked everywhere and damaged the new carpet, newly coloured and conditioned grout in the tiles, and the kickboards. Insurance covered the kickboards but the grout was re-coloured a different shade. We also had to buy a new dishwasher.

Then a year later, the hot water system died and we had to buy a new one of those, and also claim on insurance the damage from THAT. *sigh*

These things wouldn't bother me anywhere near as much if I was happy here.

I finally told my partner how I felt, crying hysterically, and it felt good to get it out.

So fast forward to now, and for the past 6 months we've been looking everyday online for a new place...but it's difficult. Around here, there are SO FEW places, and we are very restricted in terms of locations we want to live and CAN get to by transport or on foot.

It felt better just to be actively LOOKING though...except we can't sell before we buy, because we could realistically take a YEAR to find something else, and we would then have to throw money (which we don't have much of) in renting, IF we could find anywhere that'd let us have our cats.

A few weeks ago we found a place we LOVED, but...it went too high at the auction, so we're back to the very sad drawing board and both so depressed.

I think I've been depressed for 2 years now because of this. I feel numb and dulled by it all. The weekends used to be fun...now they're not because it's a struggle to get anywhere on the bus and then I don't want to come home after we've been somewhere I actually LOVE being.

At the same time I feel guilty for feeling like this. There's nothing WRONG with our place! It's lovely. It's just not for ME.

We also feel trapped because it seems as if our place has gone DOWN in value since we bought. *SIGH*

I've had people suggest to me that I was depressed and unhappy for OTHER reasons and blaming the place, which in a WAY is true, but only maybe 20%. I wasn't depressed before we moved. I've never felt this way before anywhere I've lived. They've all had the "feeling" until now. That happy, content feeling. I know I'd be happy again if I could get that feeling back. *sigh again* It's 80% caused by my surroundings and situation. The other 20% is the fact I place SO much emphasis on those things for my happiness.

 

[Perp]

I wasn't depressed before we moved. I've never felt this way before anywhere I've lived.

Because you weren't depressed when you lived anywhere else.

Have you sought treatment for depression? If not, please talk to your GP ASAP. Depression is really awful and, fortunately, often easily fixed. Before you make any decisions about your home, you need to have a look at it through non-depressed eyes.

Good luck!