Invited to lunch - how long are you expected to wait?

S

sunshine

Had a very dissappointing experience today. Maybe I am just being emotional!

A few weeks ago I was invited to lunch with some mums with my sons new school. I haven't met anybody at this school yet, so I was very keen to meet and have a chinwag.

Turned up at the restaurant and then waited half an hour and nobody showed. I confirmed what time the booking was for and that indeed there was one.

I feel like I was made a prank of, but nobody knows me, so tell myself it can't be that and that these ladies are just rude!! What a lovely welcome to a beautiful school!

Was half an hour too short to wait?

Sunshine
 
That's awful! I am sure people just forgot about it but the person doing the organising/ inviting should have been there on time. Surely they wouldn't have done it deliberately and when you mention it, I hope they will apologise and be quite embarrassed.
 
Maybe there is a 'mums of xxxxx school' initiation test?

Maybe they got mixed up with the confusion around daylight savings changes?
 
How traumatic. Was there a booking? Had it been cancelled?

Possibly they made the booking a while back and in the meantime, changed their minds, but with you being "new", you might just simply have been "overlooked".

I think if this happened to me, I would say something next time I saw one of them. If they genuinely had forgotten to tell you about the change, they SHOULD be mortified. If they were doing a "mean girls" thing (hard to imagine really with grown women) they probably will not seem genuinely embarrassed or sorry.

I would say something like "I went to the restaurant yesterday and nobody showed up. Did you cancel the lunch and forget to tell me?" or something like that. If they are genuine I believe you will be able to tell from their reaction.

If they brush you off, then find another group. I took nearly two years to feel comfortable when we moved a few suburbs away. I don't think I would cope well moving cities :eek:.

I didn't really meet anybody through school, but I am forever thankful to one particular mother who invited me into her circle and made me feel welcome. I had thought that with one at school and one at pre-school and a baby I would meet other mothers easily, but found that I didn't meet anybody really from school and the pre-school mothers were not overly friendly, and already had formed friendships from the kindy year. I am naturally shy and could easily be a recluse, but once I met a few mums, I felt "normal" again.

I would let one of them know you went to the restaurant and see what happens.
 
I'm with wylie, you have to say something. Perhaps it'll be a story that next year you'll joke about... when another new Mum gets invited to lunch you can jokingly say "make sure they turn up this time; they stood me up last year!".

I really don't think it would have been done on purpose, but I'm sorry this happened anyway. Give yourself a virtual hug from me. ;)
 
When I'm to meet up with someone, I give them 10 minutes grace period the first time, after that I wait five minutes and that's it. My time is important to me and I'm not going to allow anyone to waste any of it.

I used to have a friend who was a serial turn up late type person (read: didn't have enough respect for me to turn up on time). So I told her 'From now on, if you're not there within five minutes of the agreed time, I'm leaving.' She didn't take me seriously... until I actually went through with it the next time we were supposed to meet.

Anyway, guess who stopped being late whenever we were supposed to meet up from then on.

Mark
 
The lunch was supposed to be for all the mums in my sons class to get together and meet the new mums, there are 3 of us I think in this class, and a lot more in this grade. (New intake).

The invitation letter was sent home with my son, and I RSVP'd on the date given (last week). When at the restaurant today, there was definately a booking and the time was correct (I got them to check before I left).

They probably won't even know that they stood me up. I wouldn't know who they were and vice versa. My son has been invited to a birthday party (from a boy in another class), so I will be, surupticisiouly, (spelling??) asking questions!!

Thanks Hobjo - I needed the laugh, almost stopped the feeling sorry for myself tears!!

Icing on the cake for a crappy day. That was the third thing today. Looking forward to tomorrow - after a big downer like today its gotta be good!!

Thanks yoyo, wylie and ozperp - its good to know that I am not just being 'emotional' and I really appreciate the support.

Sunshine
 
don't be left wondering.

find out what happened, and deal with it from there.

this brief story is not about mothers groups, but how we all can be made to feel very vulnerable until we deal with the situation at hand

when we moved to frankston my son was be friended by some kids whos parents had seen him play sport at his previous school.

after being encouraged by these kids who were being pressured by their parents to have our son join their footy and basketball team, it was like he became infected with something.

fake people can only be nice for so long until they show who they really are.

in short our son now plays for the oppositon and is only too keen to play against the short lived friends.

our son has a gentle soul and took this very hard at first, to the point he wondered what was wrong with him....leaving these people behind was the best move we have ever made for our son. his confidence and his belief in himself .

he is enjoying his sport and his new friends, with no fake handshakes.

sooooo... if you find these people to be fake, move on quickly or you will wasting quality time on faulty clocks.
 
I just had a memory from a few years ago. I was the class parent representative and was asked to organise a morning tea for the class mothers.

I organised it REALLY well, sent out a note to the class, but got a few fundamentals wrong -

. Organised it for sports day, so many mothers would have chosen to watch their children over going to a morning tea.

. Organised it for a day when the cafe I chose was CLOSED :D

I was driving home from dropping my son to school and noticed the cafe doors shut. I live a few doors away, so I drove home and rushed back to the cafe. Doh!! closed Mondays.

I stood outside the cafe from the time we should have been meeting, but nobody showed up, except one mother who was on a power walk past. She had not planned on coming to the morning tea anyway. Nobody else came, so I felt rather foolish, but thought it was quite funny anyway. I suppose there could well have been others drive past and see the cafe closed or seen me standing there like a stale bottle of beer and realised what was up. I think they were all either at work or at the school oval.

My plan was that if anybody showed up, we would walk to my house where I would give them some stale bikkies and a cuppa :p

Anyway, I soon got over it and a few of the ladies from my class had a laugh about it. That was the last class morning tea I organised.

I felt much better after a meeting where other class reps said they would get maybe two or three turn up for a coffee morning or evening. People are just too busy, or not knowing anybody well enough to turn up on their own, decide to give it a miss.

Was funny in hindsight.
 
i wait 20 mins, you went 50% longer than i would.

that said, i have been in this situation before and it was because they couldn;t contact me. been freinds with them ever since and has never happened again.
 
I don't blame you, I'd be peeved too. It's bloody rude to not at least let people know what's going on.

I have a sister that is never on time. Always apologetic and has a ready excuse. After waiting around for her so many times over many years ... I don't bother inviting her anywhere now, or if I'm to meet her, I turn up on my time.

She does it to everyone and is known to just not turn up to events she has promised to attend if the wind changes.
 
Sunshine,

Take some advice from my wife and stay away from the mothers meetings, its like being in school yourself with all the gossip and back stabbing. Drop your child off and then pick them up at the end of the day. If you need something to fill up your day start up tennis, join a gym, or pamper your husband;)
This lunch sounds like just the tip of the iceberg.
 
OK, sorry, this eternal optimist just has to counter the cynics: my kids' school has an awesome bunch of mutually supportive, non-gossipy parents, who are all genuinely passionate about the school and helpful to each other. (Though it's a very small community school, which may have admittedly have something to do with it. It's too small to have cliques.)

If the parents at your kids' school aren't like this, by all means limit your involvement. But don't assume that they are like this before meeting them, or you may miss out on some really valuable support and friendships.

By getting involved at my kids' school, I've made some really good friends, gained a sense of extended family in a city where I don't have any, made some valuable property contacts, and had a chance to contribute to something I really believe in. It's all good!
 
Was there a contact mobile number on the invite? If I'm meeting someone for lunch or dinner or whatever and they are over 15 minutes late I will usually ring or text to see what is happening?

For no-one to turn up except you sounds like plans might have been changed and you were left out of the loop - maybe accidentally or purposely who knows. I would definately question the sender of the invite if you know who they are and depending on their response would let them know how I felt.

I don't think 20 minutes is an unreasonable amount of time to wait for a first engagement, but I wouldn't be as lenient on subsequent engagements.
 
ozperp said:
OK, sorry, this eternal optimist just has to counter the cynics: my kids' school has an awesome bunch of mutually supportive, non-gossipy parents, who are all genuinely passionate about the school and helpful to each other. (Though it's a very small community school, which may have admittedly have something to do with it. It's too small to have cliques.)

If the parents at your kids' school aren't like this, by all means limit your involvement. But don't assume that they are like this before meeting them, or you may miss out on some really valuable support and friendships.

By getting involved at my kids' school, I've made some really good friends, gained a sense of extended family in a city where I don't have any, made some valuable property contacts, and had a chance to contribute to something I really believe in. It's all good!
Click to expand...

Have to agree with that; the network of help and support for the school and other activities, other parents is excellent, and you can meet some great friends.

Almost all our close friends over here have been developed because of play encounters between my son and another child - either at the school or at the park.

It's just the "mother's club" discussion topics around at Brittany's or Mavis's house that are worth missing - if you are Simon (a man).

I should know; I've been Mr.Mom for two and half years, and I'm still waiting to hear a basketball or football score.

It's all about kids, where the specials are this week, or a few recipes, who cut your hair? and they sometimes talk about some hot guy/guys...yeah; I'm interested in all that.

Of course, Simon's motive for being there is totally different to the girls' motive I suspect!! ;)
 
Pablo said:
Sunshine,

Take some advice from my wife and stay away from the mothers meetings, its like being in school yourself with all the gossip and back stabbing. Drop your child off and then pick them up at the end of the day. If you need something to fill up your day start up tennis, join a gym, or pamper your husband;)
This lunch sounds like just the tip of the iceberg.
Click to expand...

I agree pablo! I have only been to one and did not enjoy the context of the conversations at all. I'm friendly to all parents at my kids school and socialise with them at birthday parties which my kids obligate me to go to but I keep lunches and cofees to discuss business matters with like-minded people that I know well and that I have chosen.

The whole idea of wealth creation is to make time so why waste it with people, things, events that are not going to enhance your life???
 
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