JOKE: Top 10 Reasons to be in Prison

[Mike]

Top 10 Reasons to be in Prison

1. In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
   At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
   
2. In prison you get three meals a day.
   At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
   
3. In prison you get time off for good behaviour.
   At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
   
4. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
   At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
   
5. In prison you can watch free-to-air TV and playing games.
   At work you get fired for watching free-to-air TV and playing games.
   
6. In prison you get your own loo.
   At work you have to share.
   
7. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
   At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends on the phone.
   
8. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
   At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
   
9. In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
   At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
   
10. In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
    At work we have managers.
    [/list=1]

 

[Simon]

Manager vs the Engineer

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He
reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a
bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I
promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're
in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above
the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north
latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me
is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of
your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly,
you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've
delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or
where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to
a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which
you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath
you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly
the same position you were in before we met, but now,
somehow, it's my fault."

 

[bbruham]

G'day Mike,
The one thing you left out was the main reason for not being in
prison. Lots and lots of sex.
First encounter extremely pain full.
Second encounter very pain full.
Third time, uncomfortable.
Fourth time, I like it!
Joking of course, my management screws me all the the time,
But then I am a government worker,hard working, under pressure
etc, etc.
Bruce.G.(Sydney)