Mobile Phone Etiquette
- Thread starter redwing
- Start date
What does the school have to do with it? Also, stop snitching.
Our family tries 
I have a 13 and 16 yr old and generally we have managed okish so far with the basic context of "if you arent going to say it face to face dont say it via any other media"
I have done some specific research into this stuff via some academics in the area and its SCARY !
My personal experience and view is that a sub 13 yr old shouldnt have immediate and direct unsupervised access to any device..............
yeah I know, I going to cop an earful, and yes I know realistically its hard to police and implement,.....................
ta
rolf
I have a 13 and 16 yr old and generally we have managed okish so far with the basic context of "if you arent going to say it face to face dont say it via any other media"
I have done some specific research into this stuff via some academics in the area and its SCARY !
My personal experience and view is that a sub 13 yr old shouldnt have immediate and direct unsupervised access to any device..............
yeah I know, I going to cop an earful, and yes I know realistically its hard to police and implement,.....................
ta
rolf
I know one of my kids primary schools becomes very involved with issues as they consider themselves responsible to stop cyber bullying to their students.
I have to agree with this. It happened on school holidays and has nothing whatsoever to do with the school. Schools are responsible for educating our children, not for moral policing our children outside of school hours. Parents should raise their own children.
Schools feel responsible because parents do utterly stupid things like giving 11 year olds mobile phones and unsupervised internet access.
Say what? This girl's parents actually had a meeting with the principal because the teacher indirectly called their daughter/your son a baby? Isn't this exactly the sort of preciousness you were referring to in this post of yours from just yesterday which bemoaned the kid glove handling of children and teachers' lack of disciplinary powers? Anyway, what a waste of the school's valuable resources.
Neither your son nor his friend have met this girl in person? How many degrees of separation until you find somebody who has actually met this girl? How do you know this 11 year old girl is not a 50 year old man? Is it really appropriate for an 11 year old to be having intimate conversations with someone they met online?
In closing, throw the iPod under a bus.
Well said, Mr Fabulous and Fifth above. As if school teachers don't have enough to deal with without becoming involved in issues that arise from children misusing technology when they are under their parent's supposed supervision.
Why do 11 year old kids have free access to Facebook and the Internet? Bay view, I wonder what else your son is accessing on line without your knowledge?
I have to laugh at what society expects teachers to sort out (unpaid and in their own time) especially when reading one of Ralph's posts where he expects professionals in his field to charge $300 per hour for their advice. An incident such as Bayview raises would result in many hours of unpaid work for more than one teacher to sort out properly.
The amount of teacher bashing being directed at today's teachers is the result of idealistic politicians and their policies being drawn up by people who have never set foot into the classroom. This filters down to the lowest common denominator in society who expect teachers to sort out and deal with a myriad of today's social problems including misuse of technology, bullying, mandatory reporting, and of course producing kids who can blitz the numerous government tests tied to school funding including Naplan.
All this on substandard salaries, and poor resources.
Yep, get the school involved over this incident!
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I personally wouldn't and dont involve the school. My daughter was dobbed on for bullying another child by a (nutty) parent I had previously had a falling out with. (her child wasn't involved or bullied). It was pretty tame, my daughter said a student stunk and a few people agreed so they all got a talking to and a warning to intire class. She learnt a good lesson though that writing stuff is put out there for anyone to read.
My kids school is very interested in things like online threats to physically harm another student that attends the school even if it occurs elsewhere, actual serious physical harm outside of the school between students, incidences of breaking the law (ie. damage to property, grafitti, etc), and other very serious matters, but not feuds or other bad behaviour .
They require police reports or other proof, and where necessary offer their IT to have personal home computers not associated with the school checked to prove allegations of serious misconduct.
Consequently the school doesn't have too many issues because kids know they'll be expelled and be forced to leave the school.
I'd say they probably have LESS work cut out for them with behaviour issues because of their 'community' involvement, not more.
They require police reports or other proof, and where necessary offer their IT to have personal home computers not associated with the school checked to prove allegations of serious misconduct.
Consequently the school doesn't have too many issues because kids know they'll be expelled and be forced to leave the school.
I'd say they probably have LESS work cut out for them with behaviour issues because of their 'community' involvement, not more.
The primary school is very pro-active on the subject of bullying and cyber-bullying.
It is their policy to report any to the teacher, and/or the Principal.
I think it's a great idea.
Often times, to try to sort it out with the kid's parents s to deal with older boneheads, or a parent who is oblivious to how bad their brat is and won't be cooperative, so it's futile to do that.
No; a visit to the Office for a chat with the Boss has a better effect in most cases.
As for snitching - how do you figure that?
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As was said in my last post; the school encourages active roles in the monitoring and stamping out of bullying.
Personally, we fight our own fights, but the school is very happy for any bullying to be handed over to them to handle.
You may think it stupid, but it is the reality of the world in which we now live.
All the grade 5 and 6's at my son's school are now using computers in their classrooms. Many of the kids have phones (my son doesn't have a phone), and we are as vigilant as we can be with the texting on the IPod. He at least comes to us to talk if their are problems as well...you have to be as involved as you can with your kids and not hide them away from the rest of the world; better to try and make them aware of the dangers in life and try to guide them through the minefields, I reckon.
No, it was because the teacher openly addressed the class about the behaviour of a certain student in his class - basically; public ridicule and not necessary.
I have no problem with a teacher asking the kids aside and giving them a blast and any punishment they see fit, but to do it in front of 20 other kids is humiliating. The poor girl felt bad enough as it was because of the events that had led up to this.
There's no preciousness about it a all. There are ways to handle how kids behave at school, and this would also apply to anyone in the workplace as an adult.
No one likes to be dressed down in front of colleagues or students - the teacher did the wrong thing by the girl.
How is it a waste of the school's resources? I haven't involved the school at this stage - merely threatened to...but the school want and encourage the parents and kids to be their own watchdogs and report any of these sorts of incidents..I see it as a bloody good school for that.
Teachers' lack of powers I refer to are the inability to take a strap or cane to the real idiots who keep reoffending.
Most teachers never need to do it, but they still can impose detentions and suspensions. Bullying at my son's school can carry a suspension and expulsion...they have a zero tolerance attitude towards all forms of it.
This is true, which makes the whole scenario even more ridiculous to us adults. But, these are 11 year olds who are still learning, and need guidance using a tool that can help them and hurt them if they are inexperienced - and they are.
I'm glad I had the opportunity to be able to show my son the mistakes those three made, and teach him how to respond correctly next time.
Who would know? The whole text program allows these kids to meet anyone from virtually anywhere - just like Twitbrain or Farcebook..
My son is often on Xbox Live - talking to kids on the other side of the world while they play. They can hear each other's voices, there is very little policing of language etc; it can get quite vocal and nasty, but generally not that way. It's a great thing; I wish we had it when I was a kid!
They can facetime the person they are talking to.
We have had numerous discussions with our son - so have their teachers at the school - about the dangers of using social media. It's no different to teaching them to learn to drive a car; it can be dangerous, but we don't stop them from doing it - we teach them the dangers and how to control the vehicle, and hope for the best. All you can do really.
Depends what you call intimate. I get to see his conversations on Kik etc, and it is mostly harmless chat.
They say stuff like "you're hot", and "do you like One Direction?" etc...no doubt there are some more advanced kids who are talking about sex, and of course; they can all swear like sailors already, but other than that; just the normal stuff kids talk about as 11 years old.
It's the nasty stuff and threats I can't cop - same as the other parents I've talked to.
It is mostly no worse than things I used to talk about on the phone with girls I knew when I was 11.
That is not really a solution to helping kids learn, or for us as parents to stay in touch with things they are interested in, or to keep a connection with them....
Further to my first post about this; today I took my son around to the boy's house and met with him and his mother.
It turns out that after I texted him to act his age and behave or I'd take it to the school to handle - he told her what had been happening- it must have scared him big time apparently and he fessed up to is mum.
She approached it much the same way as I did as it turns out - she gave him a huge blast, told him to stop acting like a little child and be civil - or the IPod and all other gadgetry would be going in the cupboard for 3 months....she also threatened to take the issue to the teacher for further discussion; none of which any of the kids want.
Both boys shook hands and apologised - until the next fight, next week no doubt
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When I played up at school, the school dealt with it (when my parents found out, I copped it at home as well). When I played up outside school (as in your son's case) my parents dealt with it directly. Cyber bullying? Please. Your son seemed to be holding his own in that conversation, but then we are only getting one (very biased) side of the story. He came to you voluntarily, with full evidence of his participation? Really? Reading between the lines, he came to you to get sympathy when the girl he was keen on took the other boy's side, expecting you to sympathise with him.
If your son is having issues outside the school, deal with it directly. Again, reading between the lines, this so called 'bully' was trying to impress the girl by appearing more alpha than your son in order to win her approval. This is going to happen to him throughout his life. If you go to the principal, holding his hand, he's going to look like a beta wimp. Of course, none of that was a conscious choice on the boy's part. It's all a part of growing up. You need to separate what really is bullying and what isn't and deal with each issue as it arises.
In this case, the lesson appears to me to be an opportunity for you to teach him to be an honourable man and if girls he meets don't show appreciation for that, then they are not worth his time and he should move on and find girls (and later on, women) who do - and there are a lot of them who will.
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This is still the case.
Same here, and we did/do with our son. I said that in the last post.
There has been an ongoing series of taunting and remarks over several weeks....Almost all to do with how much time my son spends with another/other girls in the playground at school. It's hard to read; quite possibly the boy is resentful or jealous of this, and is expressing himself by being a smart@rse and rude, with the tone of conversations getting worse and worse over the weeks. It culminated with my son having to tell him if he didn't stop he would belt him one...the boy didn't stop, so he belted him one....two, actually
. But, as you know; the silliness has boiled over into lies and foul language on their texting vehicle...it's endless. Hence our discussion with the parent yesterday.
There is an element of bias - I am aware that this can colour a view, which makes me more sceptical that there is one offender in this - but I know there never is, and I told my son this...he knows I know that he is partly to blame somehow. The conversations are all there for anyone to read, and it is easy to see he (my son) was trying to do the right thing throughout. He had learned his lesson about language and with nasty comments from the lecture he got over the last incident.
Yes, he did. I know that all kids (and adults) lie, so my BS antennae is always up in these sorts of situations.
Yes and no; he came to me for my advice on what to do, because only 2 mins earlier in the conversation he was chatting quite happily with the girl, until the boy came into it and said something to her in a private text - which was a straight out lie, and unfortunately the girl believed the other boy. As I said before; these kids are 11 year olds.
I can't repeat a lot of what was texted by the other two kids here because it will be edited by the swearometer, but it involves lots of items referring to sexual preferences and actions associated with those preferences and various body parts as a description for a person.
For sure, he was also upset that the girl would turn on him like that. Previously, he would have given her a nasty repsonse, but he has been told not to ever do it again after how the last issue ended up trough texting nasty stuff. He came for further advice and I'm proud of him for that.
We did, as I said.
As I also said; I only threatened to go to the school to shut the boy up and put the frighteners into him...it worked.
And as I said; the school would be quite happy and supportive for any of these types of incidents to be handed back to them. I would never do that unless I couldn't sort it out myself...as I said.
We know this, and was explained as a possible scenario to our son, but it is prt of a pre-existing pattern, which we believe could be jealousy.
The problem becomes a form a bullying when he is asked to stop, and doesn't.
Of course, this incident deteriorated to my son having to belt the kid in the mouth - which he didn't want to do..and yet the stupid kid still insists on continuing with the silly behaviour.
Mate, you're trying to tell us how to suck eggs.
He is well away of this possibility, and he is also aware not to use violence unless physically threatened, but there is also the dilemma of not wanting to be seen to be running to the teacher like a sook as well.
He told the kid to stop, the kid didn't..he belted the kid....twice.
He came home crying - not because of the bullying; because he smashed the kid after I told him not to use violence as an answer...he was scared he'd get into trouble from me.
You're not reading the previous posts very well it seems...the school make it very clear about their stance on this sort of behaviour..every parent and child at the start of each year have to sign off on it on one of those PC forms they dream up..."your rights as a parent/student", "your responsibilities as a parent/student" etc.
I think after 52 years I can differentiate - to a reasonable degree between the various forms of people's' behaviours, and what their agendas are in their words and body language.
Quite right.
Being 11, he is still naive about lots of things. He was quite shocked to see someone turn so quickly and easily in those texts as this girl did - especially from a comment made by someone she has never met. We did point out to him that unfortunately there are people like that in the world, and that she was not worth another wasted keystroke, to block her and move on...the mother of the other boy said exactly the same, so we're all on the same page on that score.
None of this is new to us; she also has a 20 and 16 year old, I have neices and nephews in their 20's and 30's and amazingly; we both were kids once ourselves.
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Our family tries
I have a 13 and 16 yr old and generally we have managed okish so far with the basic context of "if you arent going to say it face to face dont say it via any other media"
I have done some specific research into this stuff via some academics in the area and its SCARY !
My personal experience and view is that a sub 13 yr old shouldnt have immediate and direct unsupervised access to any device..............
yeah I know, I going to cop an earful, and yes I know realistically its hard to police and implement,.....................
ta
rolf
Our kids are just 21,23,24,29
While they lived with us, only my daughter (oldest child) had a mobile phone when she turned 16,which she paid for with her afterschool job. At that time, there wasn't any internet on the phones, few even had cameras,and texting wasn't all that common.
One son still doesn't have a mobile phone..mainly because he hates them.
The other just bought one, because his friends don't answer the phone. Even according to him, his friends don't use it as a phone, but for texting.
Our 3rd son, bought one a couple of years ago.
Parents should stop this foolishness now.
Children do not need these gadgets.
They serve no valid purpose.
Our computers were required to be in the loungeroom room, where they could be monitored.Rob had lockouts on these so no porn could be accessed.
The internet can be a very useful tool, when used correctly.
Any parent who allows a child to have these gadgets, needs their head slapped.
In a way I agree; to a degree (not about me getting slapped in the head
) the phones are not really necessary, and our boy won't get one until he can fund it himself (a fair way off I'd say).I also agree with no computers or tv's in their bedrooms - always in an open area among the family.
Having said that; one of our friends has an 18 year old son who has a computer in his room. We have been to their house numerous times and he has not been sighted - in the bedroom playing Xbox and god knows doing what else. Sounds bad, and stereo-typical of what many adults are frightened of kids being like these days.
But; he has turned out a terrific young man, works hard, is polite and helpful, intelligent and so on. He's a credit to the human race.
So, it's a bit hard to say it's all bad, just because there are arguments online now and then. I mean; god - look what goes on here, and we are supposedly sensible, intelligent adults.
I like the idea of kids having a prepaid phone for emergencies etc; and they can pay for it themselves. A text is easy and cheap to say "Dad, please come and get me; I've lost my wallet and can't catch the bus" etc.
I remember being stuck in places far from home for various reasons as a kid, and no phone in sight. Woulda been handy back then.
The texting is an interesting one, and as I've said; it's a double edged sword. Useful but also dangerous when kids are left to their own devices with them as we all know.
I don't think it's that big a deal as long as parents are involved and engaged and part of their kids' lives.
We've had a "fun" few weeks with these issues
, but there has been an enormous amount of learning done by those kids concerned....That's what it's about with kids; give them a bit of responsibility, guide them and allow them to learn from their (and our) mistakes.
In a way I agree; to a degree (not about me getting slapped in the head
I also agree with no computers or tv's in their bedrooms - always in an open area among the family.
Having said that; one of our friends has an 18 year old son who has a computer in his room. We have been to their house numerous times and he has not been sighted - in the bedroom playing Xbox and god knows doing what else. Sounds bad, and stereo-typical of what many adults are frightened of kids being like these days.
But; he has turned out a terrific young man, works hard, is polite and helpful, intelligent and so on. He's a credit to the human race.
So, it's a bit hard to say it's all bad, just because there are arguments online now and then. I mean; god - look what goes on here, and we are supposedly sensible, intelligent adults.
I like the idea of kids having a prepaid phone for emergencies etc; and they can pay for it themselves. A text is easy and cheap to say "Dad, please come and get me; I've lost my wallet and can't catch the bus" etc.
I remember being stuck in places far from home for various reasons as a kid, and no phone in sight. Woulda been handy back then.
The texting is an interesting one, and as I've said; it's a double edged sword. Useful but also dangerous when kids are left to their own devices with them as we all know.
I don't think it's that big a deal as long as parents are involved and engaged and part of their kids' lives.
We've had a "fun" few weeks with these issues
That's what it's about with kids; give them a bit of responsibility, guide them and allow them to learn from their (and our) mistakes.
Bayview,
I will agree it is so much harder now for parents , when all the other kids have these devices.
For now, I think the potential for problems, outweigh the positives.
For us, it would still be a no. Most of their friends would have a phone, so I know, they could still contact us should they need us.
I respect your decision, and strength for being able to say NO.
There is potential for problems just walking outside yer front door and crossing the road though, so cyber tanties are down the list for us in terms of life dangers - if it's managed..
I don't think it is harder; my wife and I have had numerous discussions about whether to allow gadgets or not.
We've chosen to, obviously.
Not because the other kids have them either; our son is not yer sporty type; he is the artsy, creative type...more likely to be a computer animator or something like that...it's tough to say no; we reckon the idea is to support them in their fields of interest...
We are sorta in 2 minds; yes to the Ipod, Ipad, and computer, but no to the phone for now (he can't afford to run one).
I think the key with all this is that if you make the decision to allow these devices, you then have to make the decision to be a lot more involved with the kids while they are using them...
I think that is where it potentially gets harder, but raising kids was never easy and I reckon if you don't want the worry and work and lack of sleep and commitment; don't have them.
Too many parents do that; have a kid just because, then farm them off and spend zip of their growing years with them.
We are not alone in this gadget debate; we know of other parents who have allowed gadgets and have had issues, but it's just another problem in the life of raising kids. We all laugh about what the kids do and move on...
Next week it'll be something else.
In the old days (sorry to chuck the "when I was a kid" stuff at y'all) it was the common thing for parents to say to us; "get outside and play you kids!".
Talk about no involvement.
That is more dangerous in many ways.....
But we can't wrap 'em in cotton wool forever.
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A girl my son went to school with committed suicide about 18months ago. While not directly responsible, I dont think facebook helped.
For my 18yo son and his friends it really put into perspective all the silly nasty comments they post about each other on facebook.
In terms of phone, I really like that he has one. He's always out and about with his friends - I can call at any time and find out where he is. Its very handy when I need something.
For my 18yo son and his friends it really put into perspective all the silly nasty comments they post about each other on facebook.
In terms of phone, I really like that he has one. He's always out and about with his friends - I can call at any time and find out where he is. Its very handy when I need something.
I'll go as far as saying they bring people closer together too.
We all text each other through out the day to mention what we've seen or heard.
It's not always to communicate that we need something or to know where someone is.
My 20yo is always sending me pictures of food - both food he's made or food he's purchased out - or to ask what's for tea for example
.Almost 15yo has had a phone since his 13th birthday and I can't say there have been any problems associated with that, and like Nemo have found it's great for keeping in touch when they're out and about.
This younger one is out a lot, but I find I don't worry much because I know when he's going to be late coming home, when he's moving to a different location and that he's able to contact me in an emergency.
He likes it mainly because it keeps him in the loop with friends - more so than Facebook I'd say.
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