Moral dilemma

T

TMNT

Yes! I have morals

My best friend of 30 years has a 16 yr old daughter,

She is one of those kids that every parent dreams of

Academic scholarship, part time model, too group of her school, academic whiz, also on the school A sports team, but yet really nice, grounded girl

Ie the basic opposite of me and my kids

Daddy is also a high achiever and a top bloke

I was going for a walk through the park last week and I bumped into her and another girlfriend whom I know fairly well

It was lunchtime, and they were both smoking, and drinking, and it was 11 am!

Would you tell your best friend if you were in the same situation?

I can't be anonymous as I bumped into her in the park , so she'll know I told her daddy

Im quite confident she'll be fine overall Ie won't become anboveracheiving alcoholic that cant function in society
 
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Absolutely.

She and her parents will hate you for it short term, but long term it could significantly alter her quality of life if its not nipped in the bud straight away.

I would go the approach that its ok to try those things and get it out of their system early, then move on. Say she knows better as it is widely known the affects of alcohol and especially smoking. She has her whole life ahead of her and bad decisions now could cost her significantly both in health and financially.

I say dob, with her best interests at heart.


pinkboy
 
Maybe its because i'm not a parent, but it doesnt seem all that bad to me.

Smoking and alcohol - sure its not great, but most of my friends who've turned out to be real life superstars in their field did the same. They're the most harmless of teenage experimentations i think.

No biggie, turn your head the other way and pretend it never happened.

My partner frequently comments that i'm wrong on most of these type of scenarios, so best take the opposite advice!
 
Treat her like the adult she obviously wants to be (partaking adult activities - oh how rebellious!), have a conversation with her and get an understanding of her view of the situation. She may make an informed choice from there to alter or continue with her actions. It's her own choice. I would possibly be inclined to talk to her parents if she continued doing this for a while after however.

BTW, as if kids still try smoking these days. It's not 1990 anymore.
 
I feel that cigarettes is more of "I'm so cool" fad that most do it for image

Plus it's stupid expensive
expensivenut expensive

But I'm more worried about the alcohol, I think it might be more addicitive, plus breezers taste pretty good even for me

Plus too many breezers can lead to unwanted pregnancies, cigarettes don't

Thank god I have three boys
 
Do I want my friend to tell me if they catch my kids? Of course yes.

What if it is reversed? I don't know. I think I would definitely have a strong word directly the first time.
Our friends don't have teenage children but most our friends treat each others kids as theirs and tough love is shared :)
 
If you're asking will the parents thank you for telling them what you saw, probably not.
Would I want to know if that was my kid, absolutely.
Friends can make or break a kid and what path they go in life.
 
Doesn't this come off as patronising and just a really awkward conversation to have? That seems like the conversation her parents should have with her if they did find out.

Also taking this approach kind of makes you a watchdog, so to speak. You're kind of committing yourself to a future situation.

I'd either go with dobbing or not doing anything at all. Having a chat comes off as a lecture, and playing the parent role.

CJay said:
Treat her like the adult she obviously wants to be (partaking adult activities - oh how rebellious!), have a conversation with her and get an understanding of her view of the situation. She may make an informed choice from there to alter or continue with her actions. It's her own choice. I would possibly be inclined to talk to her parents if she continued doing this for a while after however.

BTW, as if kids still try smoking these days. It's not 1990 anymore.
Click to expand...
 
Was it school holidays still then?

OK I think your mate needs to know - he can then decide what he wants to do about it

1. If you can talk to the daughter alone. Let her know that you are going to tell her Dad and give her to option of doing it herself if she'd like but that you will follow up with her Dad to make sure she does.

2. Tell her Dad. It's not being judgemental, just a simple. Something like "This is what I saw and I thought you might like to know - I'll leave it up to you what you want to do about it"

It may seem harmless to some but it might be a sign of things going wrong in her life, stress that she needs help with, peer pressure that is out of control, immature decisions AND can lead to other behaviours.

If it was my 16yo (boy or girl) I'd want to know. And no, I wouldn't shoot the messenger. We have a parents 'code' amongst my friends that if you see my child doing something wrong you can pull them up on it and report it back to the parent.
 
I'd let your friend know.

Chances are the girl is going to freak out about being spotted and confront the folks about it - and then your mate might ask why you didn't say anything to him.

Pretty normal teenager behaviour (from memory). Not looking forward to going through it with my girls :-(

Cheers

Jamie
 
Hmm seems like a good middle ground solution. Sounds better than my look the other way approach.

Tough, but fair.

westminster said:
1. If you can talk to the daughter alone. Let her know that you are going to tell her Dad and give her to option of doing it herself if she'd like but that you will follow up with her Dad to make sure she does.
Click to expand...
 
TMNT said:
Yes! I have morals

My best friend of 30 years has a 16 yr old daughter,

She is one of those kids that every parent dreams of

Academic scholarship, part time model, too group of her school, academic whiz, also on the school A sports team, but yet really nice, grounded girl

Ie the basic opposite of me and my kids

Daddy is also a high achiever and a top bloke

I was going for a walk through the park last week and I bumped into her and another girlfriend whom I know fairly well

It was lunchtime, and they were both smoking, and drinking, and it was 11 am!

Would you tell your best friend if you were in the same situation?

I can't be anonymous as I bumped into her in the park , so she'll know I told her daddy

Im quite confident she'll be fine overall Ie won't become anboveracheiving alcoholic that cant function in society
Click to expand...

Yes - this is a lesson my mother taught me.
You are not her friend - you're her father's friend. Her father should decide how to deal with it, not you.
With everything appearing so perfect on the outside, you need to allow him the opportunity to deal with the reality.
It's no biggie, for sure. She's probably trying things out to see what happens. By telling her parent, you're teaching her about loyalty, responsibility and consequences. She mightn't like it but she'll feel safer. Later, she'll be able to trust you.
 
YOUR good friend for 30 years, you are his friend not hers so I would tell him in a blokey sort of way.

I would not be ringing him up about it, I would casually mention it in conversation next time we were together. I would probably invent a reason for that to be sooner rather than later :)

I would be using a "kids will be kids" kind of approach, "of course you and him never did such a thing"

"Do you remember what we used to get up to when we were teenagers? Well your daughter is now a teenager"

Light enough to avoid any suggestion of bad parenting but conveying the message that you want to get across. Sympathy for coping with a teenage girl and all the mood swings could be in order too :eek:
 
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