maybe rather than trying to gain " smug forum victories" they were trying to help u consider another less drastic course of action because they cared about a long term forum member and were concerned of the impact the spying will have on your relationship with your son
Network Monitoring
- Thread starter WinstonWolfe
- Start date
maybe rather than trying to gain " smug forum victories" they were trying to help u consider another less drastic course of action because they cared about a long term forum member and were concerned of the impact the spying will have on your relationship with your son
WW, i monitor my daughter's internet use too
the difference between you and me is that she knows fully well that i can log in into her computer at any minute and see what she is doing, and can read the history of her actions.
that's what a lot of people have been trying to tell you, rather than spying on your kid you need to be open about your actions. especially when you are talking about young adult.
btw i was 17 when i came to Australia on my own. kinda hard to imagine that parents would baby sit someone at that age
the difference between you and me is that she knows fully well that i can log in into her computer at any minute and see what she is doing, and can read the history of her actions.
that's what a lot of people have been trying to tell you, rather than spying on your kid you need to be open about your actions. especially when you are talking about young adult.
btw i was 17 when i came to Australia on my own. kinda hard to imagine that parents would baby sit someone at that age
Stran, this 17 yo isn't on a ship to the other side of the world.
He is still a financial dependent at high school. He is free to head off into the big wide world if he wants to. I won't stop him.
But while he lives under our roof, he will live by our values.
As part of his punishment for lying, deception, and defiance, we told him his internet usage is to be restricted to school based activities. Hopefully he'll leverage off his expensive education to figure out that monitoring is part of that.
Incidentally, how many GBs of hard core non paedo porn do you think is appropriate for a 17yo to have on his puter while living at home?
He is still a financial dependent at high school. He is free to head off into the big wide world if he wants to. I won't stop him.
But while he lives under our roof, he will live by our values.
As part of his punishment for lying, deception, and defiance, we told him his internet usage is to be restricted to school based activities. Hopefully he'll leverage off his expensive education to figure out that monitoring is part of that.
Incidentally, how many GBs of hard core non paedo porn do you think is appropriate for a 17yo to have on his puter while living at home?
Very smart move.
WW,
I'm fast approaching my sixth decade and still carry the legacy of an overly suspicious parent.
PLEASE proceed with caution in deciding to covertly monitor your childs "communications".........I can't stress this enough.
I sometimes think some of you think I came down in the last shower.
OK, some decades ago, when dope wasn't easily procured and would get you expelled from a school, my younger brother had his first toke at 15yo. Shortly after he was dealing. One day, after some seniors from our school visited home but wanted him to go for a walk down the road, my mother finally cottoned on that something nastily subversive was going down. She had been suspicious for weeks that these guys were selling my younger brother dope.
She came into my room with the telephone in hand, saying "OK, tell me what xxxx (youngest son) is up to with yyyy and zzzz (guys from school). I think they are selling him drugs, and if you don't tell me what's going on, I am calling the police right now."
You should have seen her jaw drop, when I said "go ahead and phone the police Mum, but be prepared for them to arrest xxxx, and be prepared for xxx to be expelled, because he is selling drugs to the others."
My view is our concerned parents had the right to search our rooms, without telling us, and they did. I didn't end up hating my parents because of it. In fact as I matured, I respected them for making a big effort to keep us on a straight path. My younger brother was sorted out by my parents in no uncertain terms, and the unusual after school visits from older students to our street stopped.
Contrary to what some have heard on ZZZ or JJJ, authorities thought marijuana was dangerous in those days, as the science has confirmed over the last decade, and parents were deeply concerned about it.
Peggles, as I said to the lad last week, "do you understand the repercussions of losing our trust?"
I think parents who are afraid of being hated by their kids for trying to keep them on the straight and narrow have their priorities totally twisted. This whole consciousness of having to negotiate what is acceptable with your kids is BS in my view. I've seen enough kids who are treated like this grow up thinking everything is negotiable because all adults are giong to think they are as special as their parents think they are. Man, what a mistake.
OK, some decades ago, when dope wasn't easily procured and would get you expelled from a school, my younger brother had his first toke at 15yo. Shortly after he was dealing. One day, after some seniors from our school visited home but wanted him to go for a walk down the road, my mother finally cottoned on that something nastily subversive was going down. She had been suspicious for weeks that these guys were selling my younger brother dope.
She came into my room with the telephone in hand, saying "OK, tell me what xxxx (youngest son) is up to with yyyy and zzzz (guys from school). I think they are selling him drugs, and if you don't tell me what's going on, I am calling the police right now."
You should have seen her jaw drop, when I said "go ahead and phone the police Mum, but be prepared for them to arrest xxxx, and be prepared for xxx to be expelled, because he is selling drugs to the others."
My view is our concerned parents had the right to search our rooms, without telling us, and they did. I didn't end up hating my parents because of it. In fact as I matured, I respected them for making a big effort to keep us on a straight path. My younger brother was sorted out by my parents in no uncertain terms, and the unusual after school visits from older students to our street stopped.
Contrary to what some have heard on ZZZ or JJJ, authorities thought marijuana was dangerous in those days, as the science has confirmed over the last decade, and parents were deeply concerned about it.
Peggles, as I said to the lad last week, "do you understand the repercussions of losing our trust?"
I think parents who are afraid of being hated by their kids for trying to keep them on the straight and narrow have their priorities totally twisted. This whole consciousness of having to negotiate what is acceptable with your kids is BS in my view. I've seen enough kids who are treated like this grow up thinking everything is negotiable because all adults are giong to think they are as special as their parents think they are. Man, what a mistake.
I've been involved with raising many kids from birth, many of them are now adults, so I've got some opinions.
I think a 17 yo should control his finances, not the parent, who shouldn't be using most of them for thier own benefit, thinking they deserve a return, as if he's an IP
I think all kids should have full control of thier finances, from as soon as possible, say approx 5 years old. Parents should be honest and informative with money, and grant children the freedom to make thier own mistakes with money, which they will learn from. I really liked how Dazz mentioned introducing his kids to shares, which would be an excellent learning experience for children. I wouldn't be surprised if his kids become totally awesome entrepreneurs
A 17 yo sholdn't have to hold party behind the parent's back, the sort of party that can easily lead to people ending up in emergency rooms. I don't think the correct response to that is not to treat him like a total criminal either, which will only lead to more problems
I think all kids should be free to have regular parties with thier friends, from as soon as possible, say approx 2 months old (parent groups). Parents should be honest and informative about playing with other kids, and grant children the freedom to make thier own mistakes when playing with other kids, which they will learn from.
By the time a child is ~16yo, they should be allowed a few get togethers per year, on school breaks. They should be allowed to have alcohol if they choose, and have the freedom to get drunk if they choose, and be free to make mistakes if they choose. They might end up damaging the walls, windows, garden, etc of the house, which is not a reason to put a halt to the party - they will have to pay and repair for the house to look like new, which teaches them both responsibility and renovation skills.
I think a 17 yo should control his finances, not the parent, who shouldn't be using most of them for thier own benefit, thinking they deserve a return, as if he's an IP
I think all kids should have full control of thier finances, from as soon as possible, say approx 5 years old. Parents should be honest and informative with money, and grant children the freedom to make thier own mistakes with money, which they will learn from. I really liked how Dazz mentioned introducing his kids to shares, which would be an excellent learning experience for children. I wouldn't be surprised if his kids become totally awesome entrepreneurs
A 17 yo sholdn't have to hold party behind the parent's back, the sort of party that can easily lead to people ending up in emergency rooms. I don't think the correct response to that is not to treat him like a total criminal either, which will only lead to more problems
I think all kids should be free to have regular parties with thier friends, from as soon as possible, say approx 2 months old (parent groups). Parents should be honest and informative about playing with other kids, and grant children the freedom to make thier own mistakes when playing with other kids, which they will learn from.
By the time a child is ~16yo, they should be allowed a few get togethers per year, on school breaks. They should be allowed to have alcohol if they choose, and have the freedom to get drunk if they choose, and be free to make mistakes if they choose. They might end up damaging the walls, windows, garden, etc of the house, which is not a reason to put a halt to the party - they will have to pay and repair for the house to look like new, which teaches them both responsibility and renovation skills.
WW, you don't get it.
It's not about being friends with your Son, it's about not losing the relationship you have with your Son.
what stops you from doing exactly that?
I think I see where you're coming from Strannik but sometimes it is hard to differentiate the two. As my son has aged, I think (like to think anyway) I've gone from laying the law down (when a minor) to trying to discuss things more openly (once an adult). You never stop being a parent though (not suggesting you were implying that).
WW, tough call mate. I would just be trying to salvage the trust and the relationship that I have with my son whichever way I went. In saying that, I understand that sometimes in life, big and sometimes unappreciated decisions must me made. Hope all settles down in your household soon.
Regards
Marty
without going into whats right or wrong about monitoring a sons pc one of these could be the go if the son uses a pc, you plug it in between the keyboard and the pc and it records key strokes
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/KeyLlama-4MB...tem&pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a5a5d7498
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/KeyLlama-4MB...tem&pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a5a5d7498
i'm told this works,anyone with the right mix of parental paranioa and entrepreneurial skills could make a fortune selling this within the private school system,or you only need one strand of hair and test them for OxyContin ..imho..http://www.securatrac.com/
thx.....am aware of those but it is a notebook.
random audits are in the pipeline, which only requires a login password hack.
Will, there's GPS Tracker software available for iphones that does the same. a kid is less likely not to have his phone with him 24/7.
random audits are in the pipeline, which only requires a login password hack.
Will, there's GPS Tracker software available for iphones that does the same. a kid is less likely not to have his phone with him 24/7.
Why go to this extreme when you can simply check for trackmarks
.No true druggie is going to waste this drug on swallowing it.
Seriously, if this is one of their drugs of choice, you're going to know they're on drugs and hanging out with serious druggies well before the need for a strand of hair.
I doubt narcotics is a big issue in private schools.
Don't have kids yet, but I wouldn't have any problem monitoring what they're doing on the internet. How many stories have we heard about kids being harmed or killed by people they met on Facebook etc? How damaging is viewing hardcore porn repeatedly over numerous years from a young age? How many kids have been so desperately depressed for one reason or another and shown signs of it in chat rooms or looked up suicide techniques? Ask one of the parents who's kids killed themselves if they would like to turn back time and monitor their kids activities a little closer.
A lot of people seem to be focusing on the age of WW's kid, as if it's not appropriate because he's 17. So would these same parents not monitor they're 12yo's internet and not be concerned if he was looking at hardcore porn at that age? So what age do you stop monitoring?
It's more to do with the individual kid and their maturity. There will be a lot of immature idiots at the age of 20 still living with their parents, a lot more immature than the next persons 15yo son.
A lot of people seem to be focusing on the age of WW's kid, as if it's not appropriate because he's 17. So would these same parents not monitor they're 12yo's internet and not be concerned if he was looking at hardcore porn at that age? So what age do you stop monitoring?
It's more to do with the individual kid and their maturity. There will be a lot of immature idiots at the age of 20 still living with their parents, a lot more immature than the next persons 15yo son.
the main focus is not on the monitoring itself, but on the fact that WW wants to do it secretly.
i don't think anyone here objected to monitoring provided that the kid knows he is being monitored.
with my kid, monitoring was part of the deal of having a computer in her own room. no monitoring = it has to be in the study room
OK I may have read the thread through too quickly, but I'm sure there were comments earlier on how 'he's 17yo' and 'what age do you stop' etc. These are the comments I'm referring to with my post.
Well said Steve. Some people place more importance on protecting and developing their kids' bodies, than their minds. Which is more important to their life success I ask.
Even when my kids are 25 30 40, they won't be able to do whatever they want when they are at my place. If they want to light up a bong, drop acid, snort coke, inject heroin, they'll be asked to bugger off.
I will never understand why so many believe their ethics are so negotiable, that they are prepared to compromise, just to appease the underdeveloped life views of minors, and their peers.
I can only conclude that people who compromise on serious issues have not yet discovered a set of values and principals worth holding to firmly.
And yes, there are various levels of maturity amongst 17yo's. And even when you think they've hardened up and in control, they can let you down in a lapse of judgement. Why? because so much of what they do is for the first time.
As for the risk of losing my kids' respect, I'll take a chance on them disrespecting me at 17 and respecting me at 27, than the other way around.
Even when my kids are 25 30 40, they won't be able to do whatever they want when they are at my place. If they want to light up a bong, drop acid, snort coke, inject heroin, they'll be asked to bugger off.
I will never understand why so many believe their ethics are so negotiable, that they are prepared to compromise, just to appease the underdeveloped life views of minors, and their peers.
I can only conclude that people who compromise on serious issues have not yet discovered a set of values and principals worth holding to firmly.
And yes, there are various levels of maturity amongst 17yo's. And even when you think they've hardened up and in control, they can let you down in a lapse of judgement. Why? because so much of what they do is for the first time.
As for the risk of losing my kids' respect, I'll take a chance on them disrespecting me at 17 and respecting me at 27, than the other way around.
Oh WW, how I don't envy you right now
I completely agree with you wanting to protect your son:
(i) too much porn warps young minds
(ii) drugs are readily available & you should do what you can to keep him away from everything including marijuana
(iii) monitor him secretly & I believe you will destroy any repsect/love he has for you
Testing boundaries is what I believe drugs are about. I'd say 99% of people have tried something. If he is dealing, it's probably to 'be cool'.
Perhaps you can take him to a hospital ward & show him the effects of an 'E' on a young 28y.o. male who can no longer feed himself. After taking many 'E's', over many years this young man took one more & it was this one that resulted in him being pretty much a vegetable for the rest of his life. (My sister in law was one of his carers so this is true.)
Alternately, I would take him to a jail for hard-core offenders & let him talk to them for a while (& yell out things like 'fresh meat' as he walks by), just to scare the bejeezers outta him.
I'm seriously contemplating what I would do if my daughter were in this situation & these are the two I would try.
If he's ready to be a man in his mind, then he's ready to face some of the harsh realities of life, like prison.
Good luck WW, I really feel for you & your partner, but please please, please don't spy on his computer usage. That would be the ultimate betrayal. (Make him get his own account & pay for it & then he may stop downloading so much porn!)
I completely agree with you wanting to protect your son:
(i) too much porn warps young minds
(ii) drugs are readily available & you should do what you can to keep him away from everything including marijuana
(iii) monitor him secretly & I believe you will destroy any repsect/love he has for you
Testing boundaries is what I believe drugs are about. I'd say 99% of people have tried something. If he is dealing, it's probably to 'be cool'.
Perhaps you can take him to a hospital ward & show him the effects of an 'E' on a young 28y.o. male who can no longer feed himself. After taking many 'E's', over many years this young man took one more & it was this one that resulted in him being pretty much a vegetable for the rest of his life. (My sister in law was one of his carers so this is true.)
Alternately, I would take him to a jail for hard-core offenders & let him talk to them for a while (& yell out things like 'fresh meat' as he walks by), just to scare the bejeezers outta him.
I'm seriously contemplating what I would do if my daughter were in this situation & these are the two I would try.
If he's ready to be a man in his mind, then he's ready to face some of the harsh realities of life, like prison.
Good luck WW, I really feel for you & your partner, but please please, please don't spy on his computer usage. That would be the ultimate betrayal. (Make him get his own account & pay for it & then he may stop downloading so much porn!)
