re:- Proposing to the person I want to marry

Hi,

I am about to propose to the girl I have been seeing. I have that idea since January but not too sure how to go about a few things:

1. Since this 'process' is important, I would like to make it as memoral as possible for her. A friend suggested walking the beach then half way thru, pop the question.

2. the ring. should i buy the ring when i proposed or should i pop the question first and then take her to the ring shop, so she can choose the ring.

3. Do we have to get engage first then get married? I would prefer to head straight to marriage.

constructive help will be greatly appreciated :eek:
 
"1. Since this 'process' is important, I would like to make it as memoral as possible for her. A friend suggested walking the beach then half way thru, pop the question."
It doesn't need to be elaborate or totally extravagant. I reckon if you're at the stage of a proposal, you would know where is a special place for both of you. Think of some place original...a place that's authentically defines the collective you - where you first kissed, your first bush walk, where you've had the most fun, etc...

"2. the ring. should i buy the ring when i proposed or should i pop the question first and then take her to the ring shop, so she can choose the ring."

No right or wrong answer here. it depends what kind of a girl she is. also depends how well you know her taste.

"3. Do we have to get engage first then get married? I would prefer to head straight to marriage."

Again, no right or wrong answer. But in a western context, that's the general expectation. But I guess depends on what your cultural background you're from, you may have a different idea of what engagement means. To me, it's just a preparation period for her and you mentally/spiritually for what's to come - to contemplate on your committment to each other. Also, logistically, the wedding day, reception, etc. it's also a nice time for the girl to get really excited, bond over the excitement of an impending marriage with her other girlfriends.
 
aww that's so romantic. hope it all goes well for you.

have you guys spoken of marriage or will she completely blown away by surprise?

I think it's the sincerity that will touch her heart. You just need to be honest and speak how you feel from your heart in a nice romantic setting. I've heard of extravagant proposals but some sound like too staged. Not all girls dig that. But the trick is to come up with a proposal so heartfelt that there's no way she could say no to you ;)...that's how my hubby got me to accept his proposal only 4 mths after we met and I was only 22y.o at the time. I was so touched that I cried for 15 mins and missed the whole proposal part. I also had no idea that he was going to propose. It was perfect and just like i had imagined it.

I also think it's nice to buy her the ring and put it on her finger when she says yes. It's something that you picked out for her and even if she doesn't like it initially...trust me...in 50 years times it will be the one thing she will treasure the most. My hubby bought a very small diamond ring because he didn't have much money but he still spent every cent he had on the ring and it means a lot to me. Initially I didn't like it and he pomised he would buy me a better one which he did a year later that I picked out myself. Although it's beautiful, it cannot replace the ring he bought and proposed to me with.

I think you can talk about it and decided on what's best...you can get married straight away f she's happy to do that. But surely you would need a bit of time to plan a wedding..no?

and lastly...am i invited to the big day?:p
 
will she completely blown away by surprise?

I saw a guy speak last week and he had this to say about marriage:

'If a guy proposes marriage to a woman and she is surprised, then she doesn't want to get married. If a woman intends to marry a man, she acts surprised, but has actually been planning it for a long time.'

Mark
 
In my case my fiance said 'I went to look at rings with my friends' and it sort of just, well, happened. Saved me a lot of headache about having to plan a proposal, actually. Didn't save me any money on the ring, but you can't win them all.
Alex
 
alex - your fiancee is easy to please..well at least she loves you a lot :) Proposal is great fun..she def shouldn't let you off the hook! you should propose properly hehehe:p

you know in Asia, they do proposal photography. some friends recently got enagged and they sent us photos of the whole thing. It looked very romantic but hmmm imagine the photographer telling you to stand here, put your hand here, smile here lol..oh and they always make it a point to not only take a photo of the ring but also the Tiffany box it comes in! so materialistic yet very typical lol

Mark - well that's not true. I have been proposed to twice, the 1st time I said no and kind of had an idea he was going to propose because we had been together for a few yrs but the 2nd time I had absolutely no idea and said yes...go figure. Funny thing is that my parents didn't even know I had a bf so it was huge shock to them when I told them I was engaged over the phone.

Kero- don't forget to ask for fil's permission too!
 
1. Since this 'process' is important, I would like to make it as memoral as possible for her. A friend suggested walking the beach then half way thru, pop the question.
I agree with those who say it should be something specific to the two of you - perhaps where you met. In my case, it was memorable for being totally unromantic and makes a great story. Hubby very suddenly got overwhelmed with the urge to propose, and turned up at my share house (where I'd just finished telling my two male housemates that he'd never be ready to get married and I was thinking about cutting my losses :rolleyes: nothing like cutting it fine) - with some woefully pathetic flowers from the service station, and asked me as soon as he walked in the door, with my two housemates present!
2. the ring. should i buy the ring when i proposed or should i pop the question first and then take her to the ring shop, so she can choose the ring.
I think you should talk to a jeweller and ask if you buy a ring, could you exchange it within 7 days. I think many would agree to that. It is nice to have a ring when you propose, but I'm a bit more focused on the actual ring than Sue :eek: and would definitely want to have a say in choosing. I'm going to wear it every day for the rest of my life!
3. Do we have to get engage first then get married? I would prefer to head straight to marriage.
It can be a short engagement. Engagement is just a term for the period of time between the proposal and marriage, so you're going to have some length of engagement regardless. There is paperwork that needs to be done, so you can't get married at the time you propose. (Unless you're in Las Vegas.)
constructive help will be greatly appreciated :eek:
I would definitely recommend marriage education (pre-marital counselling). The course we went to, 2 out of 15 couples decided not to get married, during the course. That says to me that at least 2 divorces were prevented. I believe the best preventatives against divorce are having compatible values, meaningful communication skills, being committed to working things through, and having a genuine friendship (enjoying each other's company).

Best wishes to you both as you embark on this exciting journey. :)
 
go straight for the marriage.....what's the point of being "engaged"?

my husband proposed to me after 6 weeks of dating in the most totally unromantic way possible. We didn't bother with the ring or an engagement....just went straight for the wedding (albeit 4 years later!)
 
alex - your fiancee is easy to please..well at least she loves you a lot :) Proposal is great fun..she def shouldn't let you off the hook! you should propose properly hehehe:p

you know in Asia, they do proposal photography. some friends recently got enagged and they sent us photos of the whole thing. It looked very romantic but hmmm imagine the photographer telling you to stand here, put your hand here, smile here lol..oh and they always make it a point to not only take a photo of the ring but also the Tiffany box it comes in! so materialistic yet very typical lol

It's fun for the girls, I know. I come from a different perspective.

We're doing wedding photos. And I certainly didn't save anything on the ring! (Unless you count getting the VAT back.)
Alex
 
Ozperp's idea of a pre marriage counselling is brilliant. You can do them through relationship australia. We also did one of those and another two year of marriage enrichment.

hahaha...initially the ring did matter to me...it still does. I actually have 3 engagement rings. I picked another one from US Tiffany style solitaire 6 prong which I decided wasn't big enough and not practical (sitting too high) and then bought a total 1.4 carat low setting. But last year my mother in law lost the ring that fil bought her (he passed away 1 yr ago) and she was really devastated. Yeah, so I am really glad my hubby bought me something that he picked out himself and presented to me in the most romantic way...something very special and memorable. I feel that my proposal is just as memorable as my wedding day.

Kero - if you can, get the ring from Asia...it's way cheaper and better quality. It's a great time to buy diamond since it's priced in US dollars and the AUD is so strong atm. Search diamond databases for a good quality diamond. For example a 0.50 round brilliant E, VS2, excellent cut set on platinum would cost about AUD$1500 from US or Asia but in OZ high street stores that would cost about $5000 and many of them don't even stock that high of a quality. Do your research...can go to diamond talk forums.
 
Hi Kero

Good on you, marriage is the best thing I've ever done so I can recommend it!

I don't think you have to go over board, a nice dinner or a walk on the beach, whatever makes you feel most comfortable (because I've been reliably informed it's the most nerve-wrecking question a guy is ever going to ask!!). I didn't get a ring then and it didn't really matter, I got an engagement watch later that we chose together.

My husband has since found some lovely ways of giving me jewelery - one Valentines day I found earrings in my drink which were had been frozen in an ice-cube he brought from home. Another time I found a pendant in a lilly he gave me.

You can't get married without both of you agreeing that that's what you want to, so that's all the engagement really is. We started talking about the wedding straight away and had the ceremony a year later. While we had a great wedding I still think the engagement was the most important part of the beginning of our marriage as it confirmed the commitment (I didn't expect a proposal as we'd only been together for a short time).

Good luck!!

Cheers

kaf
 
It's fun for the girls, I know. I come from a different perspective.

We're doing wedding photos. And I certainly didn't save anything on the ring! (Unless you count getting the VAT back.)
Alex

why would you buy a ring in the UK? it's so expensive. hubby bought a crappy 0.15 carat from HSamuel for 450 quid... complete rip off.

yeah...wedding photos can cost as much as the wedding. You can get a cheaper package, take a holiday to asia and get one of those pacakaged studio wedding photos in asia and it will still come up cheaper than wedding photos in Oz. My friends ave $10k to $15k in wedding photos. Mine was only $5k but my wedding book is only half as thick as theirs. I spent the other $5k on honeymoon, another mini banquet and studio pics in Malaysia. I think it cost about AUD$800 which included all theoutfits, make up, hair, on ehuge wedding album, postcards, small album, 2 huge canvas frames and a series of little pics and also gifts for other people. It's fun...you will end up looking like a movie star. You have to do asian studio pics!! it's a great laugh.
 
Kero - if you can, get the ring from Asia...it's way cheaper and better quality. It's a great time to buy diamond since it's priced in US dollars and the AUD is so strong atm. Search diamond databases for a good quality diamond. For example a 0.50 round brilliant E, VS2, excellent cut set on platinum would cost about AUD$1500 from US or Asia but in OZ high street stores that would cost about $5000 and many of them don't even stock that high of a quality. Do your research...can go to diamond talk forums.

absolutely. My parents in law got us a pair of basic 25ct white gold wedding rings with small diamond for 4million rupiah (approx. AUD500 at the time of purchase), and for that price here u can only get a fun ring. I'm guilty of being pragmatic, but I promised my wife I"ll get a big diamond ring for her when we get to go to Dubai and/or South Africa (I worked out that the saving we get is probably more than the airfare itself anyway :p)
 
why would you buy a ring in the UK? it's so expensive. hubby bought a crappy 0.15 carat from HSamuel for 450 quid... complete rip off.

Ah, you're under the impression that I had a choice in the matter. Actually we timed it so that I got the VAT back, which is about 16%.

yeah...wedding photos can cost as much as the wedding. You can get a cheaper package, take a holiday to asia and get one of those pacakaged studio wedding photos in asia and it will still come up cheaper than wedding photos in Oz. It's fun...you will end up looking like a movie star. You have to do asian studio pics!! it's a great laugh.

We're getting Japanese wedding photos done. That should be fun.
Alex
 
Ah, you're under the impression that I had a choice in the matter. Actually we timed it so that I got the VAT back, which is about 16%.



We're getting Japanese wedding photos done. That should be fun.
Alex

don't tell me u're going to wear "chonmake" hair style? :p Maiko and bushi style photo with kiyomizu-tera background will be fun I reckon :D
 
don't tell me u're going to wear "chonmake" hair style? :p Maiko and bushi style photo with kiyomizu-tera background will be fun I reckon :D

Nah, doing the slightly more modern style. We're just wearing the traditional stuff, but the studio we're going to has these 'modern' wedding costumes. Looks like something out of Final Fantasy. Or a cosplay club.
Alex
 
A woman who works for me proposed to her b/f. She took him to a posh restaurant for dinner. He got up to go to the loo between mains & sweets. When he got back to the table, his sweets were there with "will you marry me" written in chocolate around the edge of the plate. He was gobsmacked...and loved it. Ofcourse the staff at the restaurant were quite chuffed too! She took a photo of his sweets plate ... how's that for a memory? :D They chose the ring, together, the following week.
 
Nah, doing the slightly more modern style. We're just wearing the traditional stuff, but the studio we're going to has these 'modern' wedding costumes. Looks like something out of Final Fantasy. Or a cosplay club.
Alex

cosplay club? lol you are a game man! I've seen japanese studio baby pics and it's well cute. Are you getting it done in Japan?
 
Gee Alex, you got off easy mate!

I had to propose three times, with two rings for one wedding.

It went something like this:

Proposal 1: I bought the ring in advance and proposed after a nice dinner at Darling Harbour. She accepted. Problem was, I didn't go down on one knee...

Proposal 2: At our engagement party, I rectified my error by going down on one knee in front of all of our guests and repeating my proposal publicly. She accepted again. Problem was, she wanted a different ring with a huge diamond on it...

Proposal 3: I sourced an exceptional ring that was custom made by a personal friend of mine who is a professional jeweller and sourced the diamonds himself from South Africa. It cost more than her car. I waited until another fine dinner, this time at Manly, and once again proposed to her on one knee, with the perfect ring! Problem was: she accepted again!! ;)

You'd think I had learnt my lesson by proposal three wouldn't you. :D

Anyway, go for it! Marrying Kay is the best thing I ever did. Added more to my personal "wealth" than any amount of money ever could...

But just in case I've over sold it, here's a nice quote to leave you with:

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?" ;)

Cheers,
Michael.
 
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