These terms have been updated to fit today's times:
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET-A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET-A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the spouse gets no presents, and the investor gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING-The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO-The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER-What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR-Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST-Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT-When your spouse and the lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER-A person whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION-The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO-What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR-Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT-an archaic word no longer in use.
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET-A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET-A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the spouse gets no presents, and the investor gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING-The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO-The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER-What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR-Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST-Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT-When your spouse and the lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER-A person whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION-The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO-What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR-Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT-an archaic word no longer in use.
