Somers' laws of computing

Ian Somers

Staff member
Somers first law of computing is "There is always one more bug!".

Somers second law of computing: "When you have found it, refer to law 1".


Ian actually posted this as a test message in our test forums before we went live. I thought it was profound enough to move it to the Coffee Lounge ;)

For those of us working in IT - especially software, this is oh, so true !
The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.
The second rule of Fight Club is you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

Whoops...wrong forum

'no hat, some cattle'
GoMichael's first law of computing, which I refer to as "HAL Syndrome":

If you lie to a computer, you'll end up with a mess that accumulates patches the way bull dung accumulates flies. ie. if you take short cuts when modelling the real world in software, you'll end up paying for it.

I hope this contribution was sufficiently property-related to be acceptable ;)
From the office notice board:

"Real Programmers Don't Write Specs"

Real programmers don't write specs - users should consider themsleves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Real programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real programmers don't know how to spell quiche. They eat Twisties, Dim Sims and Pizza.

Real programmers programs never work right the first time, but if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.

Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If real programmers are around at 9 am its because they were up all night.

Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after the age of 12.

Real programmers don't write in VB. VB is for wimpy M$ loving script kiddies.

Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.

Real programmers don't document. Documentaion is for simps who can't read the listsings.
Having nowt else to do this fine evening...

Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the
network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, that sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

God the Computer Programmer.

You know, many important theological questions are answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier versions.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the maintenance phase.

Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
A decade on and I'm reading old posts from my IT days. I must have been wired on coffee to come up with such wisdom.

Hmm, 9:30pm, still in the office. Need more coffee...