Spending the kids inheritance

[Mr. Fabulous]

Thommo,
In the first paragraph, I said this:
some people would have the position of not believing they 'need' to leave anything for their kids - which I agree with -
Maybe that's a little confusing, what I'm saying is that I agree that parents need feel no obligation to leave an inheritance for their children.

Geoff,
In my second paragraph, I said this:
just as most parents wouldn't jump on a plane to the Bahamas if one or more of their children were destitute, I don't think many children would leave their parents to suffer if they were in severe financial dire straits either.
In your reply you said this:
I owe them.
You owe them what? In my opinion, children owe their parents nothing. I firmly believe that parents are the ones that have obligations to their children, not the other way around. Parents have the responsibility of looking after their children UP TO A CERTAIN POINT (this generally being when they move out of home), after that the children can look after themselves.

I still don't understand this feeling of obligation to look after my parents? They made choices in their own lives (just as I have made in mine) and they can live with them. I didn't ask to be brought into this world.
I first moved out of home when I was 19 and on the dole. I never asked for or expected hand outs from my parents in that period of time when I wasn't working either. Even when I only had $10 to last me a week to buy food.
Increasingly these days, I come across people that are working and still living at home, even in their late 20's/early 30's. None of these people (that I know of) are saving for home deposits or anything, in fact in most cases they spend all their money on useless crap and save nothing.
I know it's easy for me to say, since I have no children, but how are parents helping their children by allowing them to live like this? They have never (nor are they ever going to, it seems) learn even the most basic money habits.
It's no wonder that we see so many young people claiming that life is getting more expensive - the usual passing of the buck. It's not that life is getting more expensive, it's that they are unwilling to actually save for anything, cause all they know is how to put their hands out when they need something.
Oh well - that's cool, just means that the rental pool will continue to grow over the years.

 

[stanley]

In my opinion, children owe their parents nothing. I firmly believe that parents are the ones that have obligations to their children, not the other way around... I didn't ask to be brought into this world.

I think that's a sad comment and is probably reflective of the general Aussie culture. I personally believe i owe my parents a great deal for bringing me into this world, sheltering me, feeding me, clothing me and educating me.

Mark, Even though you didn't ask to be brought into this world, i'm sure you appreciate it now. Yes, life is tough and it is a cruel world, but i reckon you should appreciate the short time you have on this earth because one day it will be your last. It's not how long you're alive for, but how long you're dead for that puts things into perspective for me.

I won't be sticking my folks in a home when they get elderly... i'll be right there to care for them to the very end.

 

[Jamie]

I still don't understand this feeling of obligation to look after my parents? They made choices in their own lives (just as I have made in mine) and they can live with them. I didn't ask to be brought into this world.

Hi Mark,

Youd prefer youd never been born?

"They made choices in their own lives and they can live with them"

Are you serious?

I first moved out of home when I was 19 and on the dole. I never asked for or expected hand outs from my parents in that period of time when I wasn't working either.

You were on the dole for 10 years werent you? So you werent dependant on your parents, you were just dependant on the Australian taxpayer? For 28 of your 30 odd years you had no stake in contributing to the financial welfare of yourself or the betterment of our country - why so quick to judge others now you have 3 years of financial education behind you? One Navra seminar and you second guess anyone who doesnt share your current perspective?

My viewpoint is similar to that of Stanley and Geoff. My parents both grew up with nothing, and worked their arses off to provide their children with things they never had. You obviously werent forced to drop out of school at 14 to contribute to the family budget, were you? Many of our mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles did that... so young people like you and me could be afforded access to an education and opportunities that werent available to our parents. Our parents didnt think of providing for themselves 30 years down the track - often it was difficult enough ensuring a family of 5 could eat for the next 3 days.

I, for one, am grateful that my parents endured a world Ill never have to see, so that I can achieve everything I want in life. The education their sacrifice has afforded me means Id be happy, more like honoured, to assist them in any way I can should they need it at some stage in the future.

Jamie.

 

[Aceyducey]

I'm firmly of the opinion that while I don't 'owe' my parents in the - pay up or we'll break your legs - sense, I do owe them a great deal morally for their friendship, support & trust and the stable childhood they provided for me. While I may not agree with everything they did, and they certainly don't agree with everything I do, the underlying stability was very important in helping me become who I am today & achieve the successes I have had.

The best way I feel I can repay this is to both ensure that my children grow up with a similar sense of security so they can develop to their own level of potential AND to ensure that my parents do not spend the last years of their life alone, uncared for & unsupported.

Part of our financial planning has been designed to help support our parents as they get older. Not purely in financial terms, but also in the many other forms of support required.

Mark, it sounds to me as if you have some very severe underlying issues in your relationship with your parents. I hope that you can mutually resolve these at some stage and learn to appreciate each other.

I would also suggest you be very careful when you have children. Is the attitude you hold towards your parents the one you would wish your children to have towards you?

Cheers,

Aceyducey

 

[sbe]

Agree heaps with Acey's post.

I would NEVER allow my father (mother deceased) to truly suffer. I have however 'guided' him in some hard choices about giving up certain activities that consume money for little / no benefit. Life's hard at times. I have let him have to negotiate 'uncomfortable' situations so he can learn (while providing guiding)

My point was he spent money going OS when that money COULD have paid for his little hobbies. His loss. It was a choice, and I tried guiding, informing, then outright telling him straight the outcomes of his choices. It strained the relationship a bit (and the family - 2 siblings saying go, 1 neutral, me saying DONT), but he had to know what he was choosing. He went, and now he has the consequences of those actions.

I also had to tell him point blank that if he kept spending money at the rate he was, we WOULD lose his house - the question was when.

I guess Mum ran the money side.......

Mark - wow. Yes your parents had choices. But they also could have abandonded you. I love my parents and am VERY thankful for the sacrifices I KNOW they made, so that I could have a good education etc.

You do make some good points about todays youth (some of them anyway).

Thommo - Great solution. Unfortunately wouldn't work for me. I love my Dad, but I couldn't live with him. There's reasons and they're quite valid. But I'd never abandon him either.

Geoff - My dad looks like he'll live for a fair old while yet - the reason I've been on him to make sure he has enough to live on for a while. When mum passed away, he got some $30,000 odd insurance. Not a huge sum, but even at 5% would give him $28 per week for hobbies etc - FOR LIFE. Basic stuff here. He spent that on a trip & some junk he didn't need.

Jamie - Well said.


Simon.

ps: I've told my dad many times I expect nothing in terms of inheritance. He earnt it, let him spend it. Just not all in one year dad !!!

 

[Garry K]

So far quite an even poll, with the last option (plus,plus) taking the lead recently.
I wonder whether that is more of an outcome of the "driven investors" who responded, who will always be looking for opportunities to increase their wealth, even in retirement. It's just in their blood.

GarryK

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Jamie said:
You were on the dole for 10 years werent you? So you werent dependant on your parents, you were just dependant on the Australian taxpayer? For 28 of your 30 odd years you had no stake in contributing to the financial welfare of yourself or the betterment of our country - why so quick to judge others now you have 3 years of financial education behind you? One Navra seminar and you second guess anyone who doesnt share your current perspective?

Wow! Bit harsh isn't it? Yes, I was on the dole for a few years, but I was also working odd jobs at the time. I left the town I grew up in to pursue employment in Melbourne - if I had stayed where I was, I wouldn't be where I am today.
I'm a little confused - who exactly am I judging? If my opinions come across in this way, it certainly isn't intended. I judge no one - I can only make choices for myself, and I respect the choices others make - even those I don't agree with. Maybe it's you who is judging me?
Again, I don't second guess anyone - everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I respect them for it. I am not ashamed or embarrassed to say that there are many issues from my childhood that I am grappling with, but at the same time, I stand by what I believe. Not everyone's relationship with their parents is all peaches and cream. Yet, I am currently in the process of dealing with my own demons and maybe one day my views may change.
However, to attack me for my personal stand on this issue then chastise me for 'judging others' seems a little silly, no?

 

[phm]

This won't be a problem!

Hi there,

Our situation will be different. I'm saving up so that I can buy my parents a home so they can, in their old age, live without fear of having to move.
My husband's parents separated and while his father is wealthy because he only gave his wife a set amount of "grocery money" each week, when he dies we will be running the other way because of how messy it is all going to be.

I don't believe that I am entitled to anything that my parents had earn't because it is theirs. I think they should spend as much as they want because they have worked hard to earn it.... if they had anything!!!