The family thief/lier

[Ridin-High]

Does anyone here have a problem with a family member stealing their possessions and lying? We have locks on the doors to our rooms because my sister comes in and takes things and then says they don't have it etc. She is 17 years old (works not at school)

Some examples of the top of my head

- Took 2 digital cameras, one i found tonight ontop of her computer after she swore black and blue that she didnt take it (over a yr ago)

- coles gift card this has just "gone missing" i'll be checking online the usage

- Mum lent her $7,000 for car. She told mum she had 2k for insurance and rego, after buying the car she goes "i don't have 2k, i never told you i did" so mum forks out for that.... (adds it to the loan)

- Taken money from safe which was caught with

When confronted she has a spastic fit and starts crying/screaming. She is very good @ lying and can do it easily to a family members face. Unfortunately the ruler of the roost doesn't do anything to stop her

 

[vincenzo]

Your last sentence explains it

She really does sound like a totally spoiled brat, always given whatever she wants, never having to earn it, and no punishments for bad behavior... turning her around now wouldn't be easy, she's spent 17 years getting used to behaving this way!

Worst part is, all the poor guys she's gonna hook up with, and really make their life a living hell... they'll have a list just as bad as what you've posted, after the first month

I hope you can move out soon, and I hope you don't have to slay any friends or family

 

[craigb]

This behavior is typical with a gambler, or drug user that has been caught out , the screaming "spastic behavior" is the pretend last bastion when they are caught out, people of this nature swap from family member to friend, stealing/lying about money untill they push every one they use away from them.
ask some work collegues if she owes them money, then some of her mates , i suggest the answer would be yes.

Her only cure would be to allow her to seek her lowest low, this will only happen when the money runs out.

 

[Ridin-High]

Just when i think the brother/sister relationship is improving she hones in on this weakness and starts stealing again.

My mother says the same as you vincenzo in regards to her bf's.

It's cheaper for me to stay at home obviously and plug more of my income into wealth creation, mum knows ill look after here once im at the top of the mountain. On the other hand my sister won't get anything

 

[Macca]

I just classify them as "users" and laugh at their attempts to manipulate people.

Once they realise that I won't be used or manipulated they usually move on to the next potential victim and leave me alone.

She will NEVER change, she has been encouraged by her success and will always be that way now that she is 17.

If you succeed in life she will always be coming to you for money with self created sob stories and straight out lies, she will then blame YOU because you won't give her what she wants.

I think you need to find a balance in your mind and accept that she is a user, always will be and no matter how hard you try to be kind, fair or considerate she will always blame you for her problems.

She can't be helped by helping, she will only learn when she is left alone to hit bottom in the hole that she has created.

Tough love required ASAP.

 

[lizzie]

unfortunately you can choose your friends but not your family.

as others have said, she's been trained to get away with this for 17 years by being rewarded (not punished). until she hits rock bottom and acknowledges she has a problem, you will not be able to change her. rock bottom will be either when the money runs out or she ends up in court having stolen from someone (employer, ex-friend etc) who is not prepared to let it ride.

i cannot give you any advice except to look after your own territory - lock on the door and/or your own safe in your room (can buy them from bunnings). it's a sad state of affairs.

although, i do admit i used to take small amounts of money to spend at the school canteen when young - and still feel guilty about it.

 

[Piston Broke]

I used to think I had problems...seems I live in heaven. So far anyway

Though I don't believe "never change".
People change when they want to, though more often when they have to.

 

[weg]

Sounds like behaviour that should have been nipped in the bud 13 years ago.

Mum should have got her a bike instead .

 

[kathryn d]

Ridin High,
Maybe take some of your sister's things and give her a taste of her own medicine. See how she likes it.

 

[skater]

Sounds like behaviour that should have been nipped in the bud 13 years ago.

.

I know of a family that was having some problems in this department with their young child. The parents found out and made the kid repay every cent that they could prove went missing. As it was a substantial amount and items were bought with the proceeds, these were returned to the stores. The child was given a good talking to and told that if it happened again they would get involvement from the police.

This scared and embarrased the child, who immediately changed their ways. This was some years ago now and the child in question is now an honest and reliable adult.

I think the key here was that it was caught early on and dealt with. For the well being of the individual, you can't leave this kind of behaviour unchecked.

 

[pully]

unpleasant situation to be living in, particularly since it sounds long standing and tolerated behavior.

it sounds unlikely to change so you need to decide how much you will tolerate, albeit cheaper and convenient to live at home?

she has no reason or insight or personal values to change her behavior.

if she steals at work or in places other than her home, she will face consequences if caught. she has none at home.

how long do you intend to stay home?

 

[mary&mat]

Ridin High,
Maybe take some of your sister's things and give her a taste of her own medicine. See how she likes it.

Completely agree!

Sounds like she's never had to work for anything She doesn't appear to appreciate how good it feels to purchase something with your own earnings, nor how bad it feels when someone comes along & helps themselves to things you worked hard for.

While it's not exactly 'right', it may help her understand if some of her things 'go missing' ...although I guess she'd just get more from your folks & she didn't earn them anyway ...so........maybe yeah, just get the hell outta there!

 

[Shaneelastic]

i cant believe you have locks on the bedroom doors

 

[Sheryn]

How can you have the same parents & live in the same house & have different values

Ridin-High

Personal experience tells me your sister is on the slippery slope down hill.

What a sad life she has to look forward to and live.....
Stealing from family & lying, esculating to stealing from friends & lying, stealing from employer & lying (substance abuse) gaol, downhill socially & economically, unemployable due to their stealing & substance abuse habits, violence, early death.

Manipulation of brothers & sisters

A parent always supporting them - this is the kicker as it enables & supports them to dig a bigger hole for themselves.

Ridin_High
You will have to be the implementer of 'Tough Love' IMHO. Plan your strategies and actions, be consistent if you love her enough as it will be tough.

You know all this!

Good Luck
Sheryn

 

[skater]

I definately believe in general, there's not enough discipline these days and blame that for a lot of the issues in society today,

Yep! I agree 100%. Kids at school are taught their rights but not their responsibilities. They are taught that it is abuse if a parent attempts to discipline them. Parents are busy trying to be "friends" with their kids instead of being their parents.

 

[Dazz]

Unfortunately the ruler of the roost doesn't do anything to stop her

By the way you describe it....I'd contend the ruler of the roost is not who you think it is.

 

[Dazz]

I definately believe in general, there's not enough discipline these days and blame that for a lot of the issues in society today

Agree with you 100%. A dose of the ol' Sgt Major in bootcamp for a few months would do everyone good.

I also believe there are personality traits of some people that you just can't change no matter what.

Disagree with you 100%. A heavy dose of the ol' Sgt Major in bootcamp changes smart @$$ recalcitrants quick smart.

My cousin told a story a few decades ago now about when he first rocked up on the cadet bus at Kapooka (sp??) I think it was. Everyone was immediately ordered off the bus quick smart and told to line up for inspection. One lippy so-and-so didn't want to get in line. He wanted to be an individual and craved some special attention. He got plenty of it.

Eventually the SM squared everything away, and the CO, a major came down for the formal inspection on Day 1. This ratbag didn't like authority and didn't have a father to guide him. He rocked back, took aim and punched the major square in the face, sending him reeling backwards.

SM quickly grabbed him and took him to the brig. Not a fun place. It took about 30 minutes before he was like a little lamb and grovelling to please anyone who came in.

He'd foolishly signed up for 6 years, and when the SM found that out, he apparently grinned a huge smile.

The boy (19) spent his 2,190 day stretch doing fun stuff like ;

Shifting trailer load amounts of dirt, running from one end of the footy oval to the other, one teaspoon at a time.
Painting entire centre squares on ovals, with a tiny brush, red on one side of the blade of grass and yellow on the other side.


Suffice to say, he ended being a model citizen.

I gather the point of difference was the authority figure he was rebelling against had full recourse to smash the living cr@p out of him whenever he stepped out of line, something that he was never threatened with at home or on civvy street.

Girls might not approve of that stuff, but us boys generally respond well to that type of persuasion. He certainly did....or so my cousin reckons.

 

[weg]

We were brought up with the same sets of rules, in a strict household where swearing wasn't tolerated let alone stealing and lying!

I had my father, brother and sister who would help themselves to things in my bedroom and lie about it.

It sounds like stealing and lying were acceptable practice by a father role model, so not strictly a no stealing or lying household.

I'd say his 'influence' was much greater than your mothers where your siblings were concerned.

 

[BayView]

When confronted she has a spastic fit and starts crying/screaming. She is very good @ lying and can do it easily to a family members face. Unfortunately the ruler of the roost doesn't do anything to stop her

20 or 30 open hand slaps to the head region would solve this problem.

A few closed fist ones to the throat would also help.

sorry; just kidding.

 

[Ridin-High]

20 or 30 open hand slaps to the head region would solve this problem.

A few closed fist ones to the throat would also help.

sorry; just kidding.

advice has been taken on board =) lol jk

Last time i shouted @ my sister when she didn't clean the bathroom and left it in a mess, she called my mother and told her that i hit her (not true). Mum calls me and is like why you hit your sister...