"this is a giggle, no offence intended!!"

[WebBoard]

From: The Wife


> This is a bit of a giggle, replace the word cow with the word house, and the word milk with the word rent, and see how fast you stop laughing, to close to real life , enjoy )

> World Ideologies (Referencing Cows)
>
> Feudalism
> You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

> Pure Socialism
> You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
> with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
> government gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism
> Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of
> the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government
> gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

> Fascism
> You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
> them, and sells you the milk.

> Pure Communism
> You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all
> share the milk.

> Real World Communism
> You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
> about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile,
> no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

> Russian Communism
> You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes
> all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
> black market.

> Perestroika
> You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all
> the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"
> market.

> Cambodian Communism
> You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

> Militarianism
> You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

> Totalitarianism
> You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
> Milk is banned.

> Pure Democracy
> You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

> Representative Democracy
> You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
> milk.

> British Democracy
> You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The
> government doesn't do anything.

> Bureaucracy
> You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
> them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then
> it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
> drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing
> cows.

> Pure Anarchy
> You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
> neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

> Pure Capitalism
> You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

> Capitalism
> You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,
> because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

> Enviromentalism
> You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

> Political Correctness
> You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
> phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged
> (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

> Surrealism
> You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
> lessons.


TW
~Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away. And you have their shoes~

 

[asy]

Reply: 1
From: Asy .


...always wanted to take harmonica lessons...
am finding it difficult to milk the giraffes, though... any suggestions?

asy



There are no problems, only solutions which have not yet been discovered.

 

[Robert]

Reply: 2
From: Robert Forward


The Capitalist Cow.

You onsell both cows that you've used Other Peoples money to buy, you collect money from the "Farmies" (aka: wrappies) for the cow and a portion of milk for the next 25 years.

Cheers
Robert

The Sydney "Freestylers" Group Leader.

 

[asy]

Reply: 2.1
From: Asy .


Someone just emailed me this!!

Since the world situation is making us think about how governments, religions, and business effect us, this simplified explanation might help us to better understand . . .

A Christian: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbour.
A Socialist: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
A Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?
A Democrat: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous.

A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A Fascist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

Democracy, American Style: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point where you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

Capitalism, American Style: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Bureaucracy, American Style: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

An American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A French Corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A Japanese Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A German Corporation: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An Italian Corporation: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You count them and learn you had five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A Mexican Corporation: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge for storing them for others.
A Brazilian Corporation: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. You soon have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

An Indian Corporation: You have two cows. You worship them.
The Taliban/Al Queda: You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.

hehehe

asy


There are no problems, only solutions which have not yet been discovered.