To slap or not to slap...when it's someone else's child?

[mary&mat]

If anyone has read 'The Slap' (great premise, but the book wandered off into the personal lives of the characters too much neglecting the central issue)....

My daughter was playing in one of those tube slides, the fully enclosed ones. Like most kids, she likes to crawl up from the bottom to the top (at the moment, with my assistance...yes, it involves me getting inside the blooming thing & crawling up after her ).

This one kid about 3 crawled past her a few times. There's a bit of contact, but not much so I figure let him go. She's only 18mths so she gets in the way of the older kids a bit & I try to get her out of their way. Most kids are great & understand she's only a baby & doesn't really 'get it' yet. The parents are generally good too & tell their kids to 'watch out for the baby'.

Anyhoo, this one kid gets in the slide again, can't get past her & slaps her on the back I'm instantly enraged & it takes all my willpower not to grab the little blighter by the ankles, pull him out & watch his head bonk on the ground (not very adult of me I know, but that's what I thought in that moment).

So I point my finger at him & say sternly, 'Don't hit!'. I grab her & go off to another area.

I'm not one to hit kids at all & I know this was a very minor incident, but gosh it got me riled.

So, if the parent was not around, would you be tempted to discipline someone else's kid & if so, how would you do it?

 

[evand]

They're little kids. Get used it it.

 

[mary&mat]

Yeah, most of them are nice though, I'm talking about the bratty ones.

 

[Casserole Dish]

OOooh good one! Your post has got my heart pounding as I have MANY a time been in a similar situation...

My kids are sometimes not 'pushy' enough and therefore tended to get knocked aside, pushed, shoved etc etc from some other feral (usually in those glorious playcentres).

The first time it happened to me I grabbed the other kid pulled him back to me and yelled "NO!" in his face, man was I angry! Then I saw the look on his face and let him go. I looked around for a parent or sim but just saw blank stares from onlookers. Phew, I think I was lucky as I could have got myself in some deep doo doo if big grumpy Mumma saw what I had done.

My advice is get good at growling and knashing your teeth as unfortunately you can't really touch another person's kid in today's society. You've got to protect yourself (and your kids) from further issues. BUT your own kids have got to still see that there are consequences if you kick, push, throw something at, shove etc. another kid.

 

[Casserole Dish]

They're little kids. Get used it it.

Wanted to add that I get cranky due to the seemingly total lack of supervision.

Half the time I'm thinking "Where ARE the parents?"

So yeah, evand if it was just about the kids, then sure, you're post would be really helpful. Unfortunately it's not.

 

[Luv2Travel]

Something similar happened on the weekend to us. My five year old nephew who is only little for his age, was playing in the park and I saw a big fat older kid throw sand at him, so my nephew threw it back. Some parent told my nephew off, I was annoyed but didn't say anything as he had thrown sand too.

Then he came running over to us crying his eyes out as this fat kid had thrown sand at him again and he had some in his eyes. At this point I also saw him throw it at my four year old niece. That was it, I was up in a second and yelled at the kid not to throw sand.

I wouldn't dare touch another person's child, however a good growling can sometimes scare a kid probably just as much.

 

[weg]

Yeah, most of them are nice though, I'm talking about the bratty ones.

Most mothers see the bratty ones do this to their younger, smaller child but rarely see their child do the same to other children (notice how the mum wasn't there in that incident).

If and when they do see it they rarely feel the same anger towards their own child .

I remember seeing my son hit and pushed twice by an older, sweet, shy type of girl.

The behaviour stopped because my smaller son pushed her back twice as hard the second time .

 

[ianvestor]

At playgroup one bully pulled my girl's hair with all her strength.

I immediately grabbed the little ***** in both hands and literally through her to her dad like a football, with a yell to match.

Probably bruised her arms.

 

[jaycee]

Yeah, most of them are nice though, I'm talking about the bratty ones.

Evan was probably including the bratty ones as kids too

 

[jaycee]

Wanted to add that I get cranky due to the seemingly total lack of supervision.

Half the time I'm thinking "Where ARE the parents?"

So yeah, evand if it was just about the kids, then sure, you're post would be really helpful. Unfortunately it's not.

Evan seemed to be responding tho the original poster's post, which was posted all about the kid and his bahaviour and no metnion / concern was about any lack of parental supervision or otherwise..

 

[evand]

Ahhh...modern parenting......dont get me started.

Kids are kids, and always will be. Most parents are paranoid and over parent these days. Constantly coming to the rescue of every little incident.

Do you think its the first time your children will cop some grief in their life. They have to learn to deal with life at a young age.

But......if it got beyond that, i would step in. But kids have been doing this stuff for ever. No biggie.

So yeah, evand if it was just about the kids, then sure, you're post would be really helpful. Unfortunately it's not.

 

[weg]

Wanted to add that I get cranky due to the seemingly total lack of supervision.

Half the time I'm thinking "Where ARE the parents?"

Will probably get knocked for this but providing the children are in a safe environment, I don't think parents are necessarily doing the best for the child in the long term by hovering over them at all times.

Saving the child everytime means they will be less able to cope when they're eventually away from the parents watchful eye.

That said, ideally little children/babies should have separate play areas to older children in public places.

 

[evand]

So, who's the bully then? Its a little kid FFS! Most parents impose adult values on kids. Wrong!

At playgroup one bully pulled my girl's hair with all her strength.

I immediately grabbed the little ***** in both hands and literally through her to her dad like a football, with a yell to match.

Probably bruised her arms.

 

[rugrat]

I don't think you are EVER entitled to hit / slap anyone elses kid. But if someone elses kid is behaving badly or in a dangerous manner, and their parent / guardian is not stepping in, of course you can tell them "no" "don't do that" "be careful" etc. In fact I would think you have an obligation to as the adult present.

Just be sure you are telling the right kid off, you are not being overly agressive (adults can be scarey), and you are explaining to the kid your reasoning at the same time.

I don't have a problem with someone telling my kids to stop something they shouldn't be doing - but I have also been in a situation where a parent of a young child (who likely shouldn't have been playing where the bigger (3yrs and 5yrs) kids were anyway) completely overreacted about something that was clearly an accident (to anyone who had actually seen what had happened) and had my 3yr old child in tears! That is NOT on.

Too many times at play area you see older kids being rough who aren't properly supervised, but too many times you also seen parents (usually first timers with just one kid) being completely overprotective and failing to realise kids are kids, and they don't 'notice' the same things adults do - including the 1yr old who is crawling / walking, where they intend to walk / run.

The other thing is kids fight. Sometimes it is best to let them solve some issues themselves (whilst keeping an eye on them so it doesn't escalate) rather then jumping in at the first oppertunity.

And if there really is an out of control kid there, who won't listen when you tell them to stop and who parent refuses to get involved, sometimes you need to be the adult and redirect your own kids somewhere else or leave.

 

[ianvestor]

But......if it got beyond that, i would step in.

Evand, I normally do as you say, let them experience bad stuff too... but in this case, it got 'beyond that'.

I'm glad I refrained from doing what I felt like doing, which was punch her in the face.

 

[rugrat]

At playgroup one bully pulled my girl's hair with all her strength.

I immediately grabbed the little ***** in both hands and literally through her to her dad like a football, with a yell to match.

Probably bruised her arms.

And you are proud of that!??!?!? You are supposed to be the adult! Don't you everwonder where kids learn their bullying behaviour?

 

[Indifference]

So, if the parent was not around, would you be tempted to discipline someone else's kid & if so, how would you do it?

I would never touch another person's child without due provocation. Ie. Unless they are in the process of striking, hitting, biting or scratching you or your child.

The outcome has a higher probability of not ending in your favour if you resort to physical acts. A stern voice is often enough to startle them, but I would choose to remove myself (& my child) from the situation. This same technique is used throughout your entire life, unless you seek conflict, drama and visits to the police station.

If you choose to take action by standing your ground, life has a habit of knocking you far from your perch, sooner or later. Escalation of conflict rarely ends well....

 

[Kinnon Bell]

 

[ianvestor]

I don't think you are EVER entitled to hit / slap anyone elses kid.

What if the other kid presents a real danger to your child? You're saying I'm not entitled to protect my own?

 

[ianvestor]

And you are proud of that!??!?!? You are supposed to be the adult! Don't you everwonder where kids learn their bullying behaviour?

So proud yes.

I'd do it again.