what if i'm on the receiving end of an unfair will.

[buster]

life aint fair

Jason if you cant double the amount you receive in 10 years ,and be far more advantaged by receiving it early, than perhaps you dont deserve it. Perhaps you coulld try to provide for yourself in your old age, if you are lucky enoough to live that long. How do you know you or your sibliings will live more than another 30 years. If you want fairnes does that mean if your sibling breaks an arm, goes blind , your arm should be broken and your eyes poked out to make it fair. Have a look at the news grossly unfair things happen every day to people. Just be grateful for what you have because there are many worse off than you. If you are envious of what others have you re going to be a miserble soul.

 

[wylie]

Its a good idea to expect nothing as then you won't be disappointed and if you do get something you will be pleased.

Spot on. We've always know we would inherit something but I never ever included it in my financial planning for our own situation. I'd hand it all over to have my mother back or to buy back my father's health, mind and memory.

I've seen a lot of people bickering and arguing over wills - even while the deceased is still warm, and it even happens before they are dead somethings.

This truly disgusted me. My father-in-law with days to live was being questioned by his deathbed by one daughter about what was in his will. It was abhorrent and just disgusting. Then a week after he passed away, they came out at the will reading, accused our solicitor and two siblings of collusion in not trying to have the will changed due to its content. Disgusting.

Warran Buffet has the view that people should work hard and not get rich because of winning the 'ovarian lottery' so he is just leaving a very small amount to his kids and the rest to charity.

Six hours after sitting with our mother in the early hours after midnight, whilst she took her last breath, my brother was back at our house so we could plan her funeral. He got a call from the black sheep brother, apparently passing on his condolences to me. (Hadn't spoken to me for years.) He then got to the real reason for his call... had the testamentary trust been set up yet? He needed money. OMG

It's going to be a circus when Dad passes away.

 

[lizzie]

I assume the OP is the parent and is trying to see how to set up with will from both their point of view, and the view of the children/grandchildren.

I'd just get back to 50/50 split between the children - gift some money early to grandies if you want for them to buy a car or towards house deposit, but keep it a small amount, ie less than $10,000 (preferably $5,000) so they have to be self-reliance to a point - and don't stress.

The money is not the problem with inheritance bickering, it is the underlying attitudes of the beneficaries (or not). You cannot control this. All you can do is make it as fair as you can.

I know with my ex - his grandparents came out after WW2 and worked their guts out to build up a dairy farm. Out of 14 children only one stayed on the farm way into his 30's to help and on a pittance of pay. The grandparents eventually had the farm valued and sold it to the "stay on" son. 6 out of the remaining 13 children went spare, claiming they had wanted to buy it, that it had been sold cheaply, that they hadn't been consulted etc etc blah blah. Tore the family apart - and the grandparents weren't even dead. Disgusting.

 

[Dazz]

Nice posts wylie - good contribution.

Ultimately the will your parents leave is up to them, and if that means one surviving parent changes his/her mind about how to leave things, there is little you can do about it.

I would suggest that you discuss your issues with the surviving parent, remind them of the promise, and ask why he/she plans on leaving things the way they now plan to.

This gets very difficult when the surviving parent verbally goes around to all of the children 'telling' them what they can expect, in a quiet reasonable individual manner....but then, due to their financial disorganisation, does nothing about the written will that has been sitting in a shoebox under the spare bed since 1978.

When the parent dies, suddenly everyone comes out of the woodwork saying "...but Dad said to me..." and "how can you say that ?? These were his dying wishes, he told me straight to my face....are you calling me and him a lier ??"

All you really have to go on is the written will. It gets ugly very quickly.

My wife's siblings are currently tearing each other apart, and have been for over 2.5 years since the death of my FIL. It's been the darkest period of their lives. I'm so over it.

Fortunately, we don't need a dime of it. The whole estate is a drop in our bucket, let alone the quarter share she's entitled to.

...and the other thing....farms....big lumpy assets with more emotional and sentimental attachment than you can poke a stick at. Bit difficult when one of the assets is worth 65% of the estate, and no-one is prepared to tip in any cash to take it over, no-one is willing to work together (need at least 3 out of the 4 to agree), no-one actually wants to be a farmer....but everyone agrees the farm cannot under any circumstances be sold.

Nightmare.



Best solution / attitude by far is this ;

NEVER expect anything in a will; take full responsibility for your life and plan for your own retirement

Kudos.

 

[Nemo30]

We had an interesting situation recently. My grandmother has two daughters and divided her personal possessions equally between them- she wanted to give her stuff away while she was still alive. She gave my mum an item of significant sentimental value about 12 years ago - my aunt was given an equal item.

My mum died last year and left this item to my sister. A few weeks ago my Grandmother rang my sister (her granddaughter) to ask for the item back as she wanted my aunt to have it.

If you give something away early, should you still get a say in where it goes if that person dies?

 

[lizzie]

If you give something away early, should you still get a say in where it goes if that person dies?

nope ... you gifted it so it's gone. Who did your grandmother think her daughter was going to leave it to anyhow?

However - and no offence to the elderly - they do get rather strange about "possessions" as they get older and doddery.

 

[Piston Broke]

My wife's siblings are currently tearing each other apart, and have been for over 2.5 years since the death of my FIL. It's been the darkest period of their lives. I'm so over it.

And this is why the surviving parent should sell them both NOW and live it up as best as they can if siblings reach a certain age just expecting an inheritance!

 

[Dazz]

Unfortunately the MIL died many years ago, the FIL was the surviving parent.

2.5 years of acrimony and bitterness....with absolutely no end in sight whatsoever.

I asked the wife to read this thread and perhaps just walk away....we don't need anything from the estate. Her reply was she's entitled to a 1/4 of the estate and why should she just give in....

 

[Aaron_C]

When my auntie died a few years ago, my cousin ended up getting some money from the estate (To buy a car) while the other nieces/nephews didn't get anything. But luckily our family doesn't really care about small money like that so we just let it go. He's unemployed so he needs it more anyway...

 

[HomePage]

Her reply was she's entitled to a 1/4 of the estate and why should she just give in....

Because it isn't worth all that heartache over money you don't even need. Heck, when my parents die if I get my third as I could reasonably expect I may, I'm going to give it anyway to my older brother who's had a far tougher life than I have. I've got enough money to retire upon now and having more money would likely just turn me into the materialist person that I've pride myself on not being.

In short, don't be greedy for the sake of being right.

 

[random]

It's their will , property , money , mind , they can do with it all what they like and see fit to and why not I reckon.

If somebody was going to help me into old age then I'd like that their choice not forced onto them but at any rate , why does anyone fully capable need help into old age anyway ? If that was to come my way , real nice but hey probably ain't too likely and what would I care.

 

[jasonp3]

Thank you for the imformation.

Noone in our family is waiting for anyone to die or waiting for the money. We all have that much genuine care and class.

I am not the 'fighting over inheritance type'. In fact, I voluntarily gave up a huge amount some years ago so that my parent would have more for her old age despite that she probably had way more than was good for anyone, already.

I was made a promise that was clear and simple 2 kids 2 properties and
all would have been happy.

Except that then this promise was forgotten

I remembered it but never raised it again, because like you say i didnt feel its in good taste

In fact it would have been better if i had raised it because now relatives have gotten together with little foresight of consequences and made a real mess of it for everyone.

Instead of many people being helped for many years, noone will get much for long at all, let alone the actual 2 children
and who knows which kids or grandkids may need it in future and could easily be helped over the LONG TERM if things were done more wisely.

Each individual situation is very different. I understand where everyone is coming from from their comments relating to their own situation. I do not want to clarify more about this specific situation .

 

[AlmostBob]

You do 'more wisely' with what you earn
the parent does whatever they want with what they earn, own, were deeded, aquired by whatever means.
If you don't like, agree with, are more wise than, bad Fword luck, use that infinite wisdom to acquire Your Own legacy to decide how to distribute as you see fit

or

Do you get dizzy as the world revolves around you?
Does it burn when the sun shines from your a__?​

build a bridge & get over yourself​

 

[Deltaberry]

I guess the answer again is see an estate lawyer

But this question is the opposite of what i asked before i guess.
What if i'm on the receiving end of an unfair will.
If my surviving parent had promised that 2 properties will be divided between the two children
and now has forgotten that promise
and is wanting to include many grandchildren.
this means before i would have had enough to live on for the decades of my old age,
and enough to help my children and grandchildren during those decades

How its done now everything will be sold to distribute portions
the income producing property will be GONE
the money will be GONE within a few years or less

I wont have enough to live on for my old age
and i wont have enough to help children or grandchildren for decades as i would have before.
In my mind everyone loses.

what if they want to give me a small portion sooner, and then give a much larger portion the the other child and grandchildren. .
This means for being given my much smaller portion 5 or 10 years sooner
i will receive half the amount of the other sibling
who will then have double the amount for the last 30 years of their life
while i will have half of the amount they receive for my last 30 years of my life
because it was given to me earlier
even though i didnt ask for it to be given earlier
and i certainly dont want less because i was given something earlier

It's your parents' property and they can do what they want with it.

Unless you wasted years adding value to the property or had any foregone losses because of the promise, you should just accept their decision and move on.

It irks me every time to see middle aged people think they are entitled to their parents' estate. Time to grow some back bone and buy your own estates.

 

[Piston Broke]

I asked the wife to read this thread and perhaps just walk away....we don't need anything from the estate. Her reply was she's entitled to a 1/4 of the estate and why should she just give in....

What's the price of years of drama on you and your family's life?

 

[pennyk]

What's the price of years of drama on you and your family's life?

maybe similar to the cost of feeling bitter and resentful because she'd been bullied out of her inheritance?

I'm so grateful that our family has so far managed to deal with my parents' estates without any major conflict. It seems to be very unusual.

I think the distribution of the estate in the will is probably less important to some extent than the person/people chosen to be the executor.

In our case, I have 5 siblings (all of whom are strong willed and strong opinions etc,). My brother and I are executors. (we are 4th and 5th in the family in age). My brother has been absolutely unbelievably fantastic as executor. I'm much less patient than he is. But anytime there's been potential for conflict, he has made sure everyone has an opportunity to have their say, worked out compromises and managed to negotiate a solution that everyone was reasonably content with. We were fortunate that the will was very clear, but there are still plenty of things to fight over.

So, I would suggest making sure you think very carefully about who the executor of your estate is... it can make so much difference to how everything turns out. (and dont just put one person........ its a huge job, and really helpful to have someone to bounce ideas/ thoughts off.

 

[Terryw]

And make sure that your nominated executors are willing to act in the role. Have a two back ups too in case they change their mind or die before you.

The executor can be liable in some instances and it is not an easy job.

 

[RightValue]

I guess the answer again is see an estate lawyer

But this question is the opposite of what i asked before i guess.
What if i'm on the receiving end of an unfair will.

I wont have enough to live on for my old age
and i wont have enough to help children or grandchildren for decades as i would have before.
In my mind everyone loses.

Have you ever thought about working hard, saving and investing and creating your own wealth for your old age and to help your kids and family?

If this is your mentality to wait for an inheritance then you will definitely need to help your kids if they follow in your footsteps.

Relying on an inheritance as the mainstay of your financial future is fraught with danger.

 

[mary&mat]

Life's what you make it. Suck it up, move on & appreciate what you have here & now.

Leave the bickering to those with selfish hearts & too much time on their hands

 

[jasonp3]

Having a large inheritance as a large contingency in your life does affect how you run your life. You choose to spend more than you normally would on luxury items/holidays etc because you know that there is a strong possibility you will get an inflow of cash when your father/mother dies. So often the mere presence of a large amount of money is detrimental for such a prolonged period of time that by the time the money arrives, it is too late to teach the beneficiary how to use that money wisely.

This is not the case at all. Perhaps in some situations, but again its an invalid assumption in this case. Both children live within their means and help their children with any surplus. Noone in this case is living larger because they will receive a will.