why is it that i'm not satisfied?

[luvvit]

Lizzie

You may benefit from reading Eckhart Tolle books. He has a way of making you look at your life, your mind and your mind-set.

Basically Eckhart believes that the mind takes over, and when we can quiet the mind, then we can see and appreciate the day to day joys of life, which in turn, provide much fulfilment.

I turned 40 on Monday, and have been putting my life under the microscope for quite a few months now.... might be making some big changes soon, may not... I'll just see what transpires.

One thing that I KNOW for certain is how much the Jones' can have their life. I have a handful of IP's no PPOR a neutral portfolio and time to do what I want to do (2 part time jobs)

Sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to slow down, look at my life and examine it for what it is... and heck, its GOOD.

Im off to Europe on Monday for a holiday for 3 weeks....Just felt like it.
my advice? slow the pace and actually LOOK at what you have. ...

 

[Perp]

happiness is in the middle of a line between fear and boredom. the restlessness or craving is part of the human condition. Buddists do a lot of work with it, but Im not sure thats the cure for everybody, in fact, Im not sure it necessarily needs a cure....

I agree with you, tobe. I think a certain degree of restlessness is necessary to spur you to change. I think it's possible to be happy whilst also seeking something; to learn to enjoy the journey. I can't imagine being totally satisfied and not wanting anything; what would motivate you to get up each day?

The tricky bit is to have just the right amount of dissatisfaction/restlessness; enough to keep you motivated and feeling that you're making progress towards something, but not so much that you feel afraid that you won't get there, or get overwhelmed by the road ahead.

 

[bespoke]

Lizzie,
You sound just like me. I have often wondered exactly the same thing and sometimes wished I could be happy with what I have, I could have a nice average PPOR in a nice suburb fully paid off, a nice holiday every year, not work or only part time. My husband and I have discussed it at length. My husband calls this having "IT". I have posted elsewhere about having "it". "it" is what has got you where you are today and "it" is what will get you further and further along whatever path it is you are going along.

I say thank god for people like you because people like you who keep striving for more are who start businesses that employ people, invent things, solve problems, conduct research that saves lives, keep charities going, start movements that change the world...................... I could go on and on. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone was content to have a little house, a average job and get up everyday and not go outside of the average or their comfort zone? A case of too many indians and not enough chiefs.

I'm guessing that underneath all of it is a desire to achieve a sense of achievement. If you won a million dollars would you sit back and say I don't have to do anything else? Probably not. I would hazard a guess and say you would start thinking "now how could I use this to achieve more"? Geez, how boring would life be if you sat back and said "I dont need to do anything else except the basics for the rest of my life". I think its about achievement, not money or possesions.

I have to say that we sound similar, the same age, same town but actually I have to give you a big compliment and say that I admire you, you are where I would like to be now and are striving to be hopefully in the next couple of years, developing, internet business, writing books. I want to be doing that but have for now got to go to work every day in a job that I dont particularly like.

Someone else posted that it was something that happens around the 40 mark and I tend to agree to a certain extent. I have always tried to better myself, not always got it right, but when I started approaching 40, I started to assess everything. Where am I going, where have I been, and the big one WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE WITH THE LAST 20 YEARS. It only seems like yesterday I was milling around with a dozen other scared 12 year olds on my first day of high school - and that was 1978!

You are an achiever, a dooer, a make it happen person, much like most of the people on this forum. Keep pushing on, wondering, striving even if you dont know what it is, who knows what great things you are going to do?

You probably have alot of secret admirers. I'd be proud of myself if I were you.

 

[lizzie]

sucks bespoke - you are wonderful. we MUST meet up some time. i think you nailed it about the need to 'achieve'.

now - gotta do the school run (sigh).

 

[cu@thetop]

I think it was Bernal Del Castillo who recounts Cortez's interaction with the Aztecs through interpreter when answering the Aztec's question of why the Spaniards had arrived and what did they want (bearing in mind the unfortunate timing of events under the Mayan calender).

"We Spaniards/white men suffer from an illness of the heart that can only be cured by gold".

Bhudda says something about desire being linked with suffering.

I have learnt to be careful what I wish for as I may get it.

Make not a rod for your own back. The universe unfolds for you as it will.

 

[daniellee]

Another reminder why I invest in property...

Enough said...

 

[Rockstar]

I can't imagine being totally satisfied and not wanting anything; what would motivate you to get up each day?

You would be motivated by the very same things that created that satisfaction Ozperp. You would become extremely active and motivated to help yourself, family and society - which leads to deeper satisfaction.
The "wanting" or "desire" does not cause suffering. It can cause great good in your life and the lives of others. The suffering results from the reaction of the mind toward a desire not being fulfilled.
I am sure you will find that the most deeply contented people in life are very actively involved in helping others - they are not lying on the bed like a vegetable keeping their happiness to themselves. They are out there sharing it with others.

 

[bespoke]

sucks bespoke - you are wonderful. we MUST meet up some time. i think you nailed it about the need to 'achieve'.

now - gotta do the school run (sigh).

Yeh good idea.

 

[Perp]

You would be motivated by the very same things that created that satisfaction Ozperp. You would become extremely active and motivated to help yourself, family and society - which leads to deeper satisfaction.
The "wanting" or "desire" does not cause suffering. It can cause great good in your life and the lives of others. The suffering results from the reaction of the mind toward a desire not being fulfilled.
I am sure you will find that the most deeply contented people in life are very actively involved in helping others - they are not lying on the bed like a vegetable keeping their happiness to themselves. They are out there sharing it with others.

I agree with everything that you say.

Once one need is satisfied, the "dissatisfied/restless" personality again become "dissatisfied" (in the positive, not the negative sense), because now what you want is that next goal. So I'm saying that a little bit of dissatisfaction is a good thing; it spurs you on. You can be dissatisfied but also happy and content.

 

[Rockstar]

So I'm saying that a little bit of dissatisfaction is a good thing; it spurs you on. You can be dissatisfied but also happy and content.

I disagree (and am nitpicking).

Does that mean you don't need to increase your levels of satisfaction since you have accepted that you need a little bit in your life?

Dissatisfaction and happiness/contentment cannot co-exist. They are opposing states of mind.

Saying this you are an eternal optimist so you see everything as a good thing. But this trait is more likely to be that you do not get bogged down in reactions to things not going according to your wants. You're a "glass half full" person. You have natural detachment that maintains higher levels of contentment in your life compared to most - well, that is what I am assuming.

 

[MichaelW]

Did I mention that my new cheapie, run-down, 3 bed rental place in Brisbane has this huge tree in the backyard? I built this enormous Tarzan swing on it and Aden just loves swinging on it. Its so long a swing that at the top he's higher than the clothes line. He loves it. The latest game has him doing it on his belly. I push him away then catch him in a cuddle, his arms around my kneck. I kiss him and say in a funny voice: "I love you so so very very much" then squeal "watch out" as I 'drop' him and he falls away into another big swing laughing.

Who knew self-actualisation was so readily achieved...

Cheers,
Michael

 

[Perp]

I disagree (and am nitpicking).

Does that mean you don't need to increase your levels of satisfaction since you have accepted that you need a little bit in your life?

Dissatisfaction and happiness/contentment cannot co-exist. They are opposing states of mind.

Wow, I'm out-pedanticised!

Perhaps it's about how you define "dissatisfaction". How about I re-phrase it as "you can be happy and content, and simultaneously seeking more". Because I think for many of us, it's the striving, not the goal itself, that's so enjoyable.

 

[southbrisbane]

See the below story, it is a 5 min read but well worth it, I saw it on another website time ago and it has stuck with me.

story-

Food for thought...


A boat docked in a tiny New Zealand sea side town.

An Australian & American tourist complimented the Kiwi fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long, answered the Kiwi.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the Australian.

The Kiwi explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The Australian asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and have an afternoon nap with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the town to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvad and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

And after that?" asked the Kiwi.

With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Sydney, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Kiwi.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the Australian.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting, answered the Australian, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks buying & selling property and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Kiwi.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a town near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a afternoon nap with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

And the moral of the story is:

Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

 

[Rockstar]

Wow, I'm out-pedanticised!

Perhaps it's about how you define "dissatisfaction". How about I re-phrase it as "you can be happy and content, and simultaneously seeking more".

Yes, yes, I am satisfied with that now. No more disagreements for the time being

Because I think for many of us, it's the striving, not the goal itself, that's so enjoyable.

True, striving and determination (with a wholesome intent) lead to wonderfully productive results in ones life.

 

[pudestcon]

Happy but not satisfied

I'm the complete opposite.

I firmly believe that if nothing is ever enough for you, if you can't find satisfaction at some point, you can't ever be happy. Happiness is completely tied to your ability to be satisfied by something.

We have a modestly comfortable home. We can afford to eat out if we don't feel like cooking. We can afford a cleaner to do the hard work once a fortnight. We can put as much wood on the fire as we like without worrying about whether we can afford it. We can go to the doctor or the dentist or the vet when we need to and not worry about whether we can afford it. I'd like a second bathroom and a few minor updates to the house, but generally speaking? That's good enough for me. I think I have a fantastic life.

My only motive for investing? To be able to maintain that standard of living without going off to work every day to keep it. Because my life is so fantastic that I would really like to live it all the time instead of just evenings and weekends.

deejay,

I see where you are coming from but for me I am very happy in my skin, the financial place I'm at right now and my professional career. But, I'm not satisfied to sit on my laurals and let life mark time whilst I'm happy. I believe most people by nature are on an endless quest for improvement (its in the genes) in some way or another - otherwise what's to live for? An example (only one) is my professional career where I am very happy doing what I do but I also have goals which require pursuing some advancement. You see its all about (for me) when my life is done I can look back with satisfaction and say I achieved a great many things and I'm happy with that even though I will still have further goals...... Now where is that elixir of eternal youth

 

[--(< PJ >)--]

I dropped by to read what's been posted since I was last here. What a great thread! What a thoughtful, heartfelt, and deep thinking bunch - a stark contrast to the shallow investor/landlord stereotype we so often suffer. Lovely. I look forward to reading more later.
Have a great weekend all,
PJ

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Hi Lizzie,

Just a suggestion. Maybe you need to stop asking yourself 'Why is life so complicated?' and ask yourself 'Why am I making my life so complicated?'

Mark

 

[lizzie]

story-

Food for thought...


And the moral of the story is:

Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

have seen the story before - and my immediate thought is always "what happens when he reaches 60-65-70 and cannot work any more so has no income, needs a double hip replacement as is living a life in pain, the house is falling into disrepair, the kids have all grown up and move to another country .... "

the basis of the story is good - but it is not reality.


hmmm - mark - why do i make life so complicated? good point. my personality type is that i like to do everything "yesterday". why put off for tomorrow what you can do today. it's just me - always has been - hence, i try and cram to much into a day, and am always thinking about the things that need doing that i haven't been able to do yet.

i'm really looking forward to the renovations being finished so i can sit down and watch "red dwarf" for an entire day!

 

[handyandy]

have seen the story before - and my immediate thought is always "what happens when he reaches 60-65-70 and cannot work any more so has no income, needs a double hip replacement as is living a life in pain, the house is falling into disrepair, the kids have all grown up and move to another country .... "

the basis of the story is good - but it is not reality.

Snap!!! exactly my thought whilst reading the story

The sad thing is that you see the lack of planning over and over again.

Maybe the story should be - ' stay out a bit longer each day so that you can put a bit aside and use this to invest in an IP or 2 you can still make time to enjoy those things but are more likely to have something at the end of the day or even when you can't take the boat out'

The story simply picks the wrong motivation.

Cheers

 

[aussierogue]

Handy handy and Lizzie - its a parable and imo it is very true. Its about knowing having perspecitve and not doing for the sake of doing...

So let me get this right - your gonna spend 60-70 years being perpetually dissatisfied because you are worried about falling apart in old age?

maybe if you were less worried NOW you wouldnt fall apart when you are 70.

Your original question imo is a spirtual question as much as a practical question. Ignore either at you own peril.