Adoptees & Birth Families
- Thread starter angela
- Start date
hehe that made me giggle.
My younger brother was adopted and I wasn't. When he was old enough to understand, Dad told him how he had been specially chosen and how we had all gone along with a big teddy bear to pick him up.....etc etc.
Anyway brother was extremely chuffed at all this so Dad thought he'd done it well, only to find me sobbing in my room cos "I'd just come, I hadn't been chosen" !!
Penny, That is terrible.
What a shock! I remember my parents telling me when I was around 6 or 7. I was a little confused for about 2 minutes, asked a few questions and then moved on.
I can't imagine finding out at 18...and I have dark hair, eyes and skin...I was adopted by English parents so they all have blonde hair and blue eyes!
I don't think it has to do much with your parents generation...my father would have been 74 this year. Your parents made an error in judgement. Some get it right, others don't. It would be a hard call for any parent to know what the right thing to do was.
So do you mean your brother knew for years and was told not to tell you?
Regards JO
Honestly, I think my parents did what they felt was right, and I don't feel that bad about how they managed it. I don't think my brother does either. (If my dad were alive, he'd be in his 80's, so I still think there are some differences in attitude to adoption for his generation).
I think my parents didn't want us to treat my brother any differently. My parents had adopted because they'd been told they couldn't have kids, and when they proved that wrong, again and again and again... , they didn't want him to be treated differently to their birth children.
My brothers birth mum died when he was a teenager (thats when he found out) and there weren't any siblings, so theres never been another family for him to discover. So, it was kind of a non-issue.
My brother was much older than me, so he could also have told us if he had wanted to. I think you just take it as it comes. It was certainly a shock, but I don't think the situation would have been that different if I'd known earlier.
Pen
I shouldn't laugh, I suppose, but I'm assuming you're now "over it", and have to admit this gave me a chuckle.
I have a 4-year-old god-daughter who is very close to me. When I tell one of my sons that I love them, or that I'm proud of them, she puts her hands on her hips and puts on a grumpy face, with the one-eyebrow-raised questioning look. If I play the game and ask "What's up?", the hands go out in a "duh" pose and she says "You don't love HIM, you love ME!"
Thank you all for sharing your experiences.
