Open letters to people or entities who are unlikely to respond

Jamie

Jamie

Stumbled onto one of the funniest sites Ive seen and thought I would share it.

McSweeney's Open Letters to people or entities unlikely to respond

My favourite would have to be An open letter to umlaut

Dear Umlaut,

You think you're so damn cool, huh? Just hanging out, chillin', above all those vowels. You're all, "Ooh, look at me, I'm a chic umlaut. I make girls' names look modish, like Zoë and Chloë, and I rock with strung out '80s metal bands!"

Well, guess what? You're only an umlaut if you're modifying the pronunciation of a singular vowel, like in "Führer" or "über." If you're stressing the second of two consecutive vowels or one that would usually be silent according to common English usage, you're just a plain old boring dieresis. How 'bout that, you naïve jackass? God, you're such a poseur, umlaut. You're nothing but two measly dots. You're a Eurotrash colon lying down. Nobody thinks you're cool.

Sincerely,
Josh Abraham
Kew Gardens, NY
Click to expand...

Some other great ones include:

An open letter to the gentleman at the bar who asked if Id like a piece of him

An open letter to Vice President Dick Cheney's underbite

An open letter to the totally impractical size chart for women's clothing

Enjoy :)
 
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