Peter I am fascinated with this insight, and your wisdom. Seriously.
Thank you.
For those of us who are partnered and with passionate (I certainly would never say headstrong) other halves finding a way to cast our vision can be a challenge.
I still wrestle with this sometimes.
I hear ya!
I think if anyone posted a thread about
how to deal with partner and investing it would be the all time mother of all threads LOL
It seems from my observation: passionate active investors partner with cautious, passive investors.
Why? Maybe two passionates cannot work?
Personally my wife is wonderful, beautiful, supportive, hard working in our business doing accounts but stubborn, worrier and feels uncomfortable with building wealth.
She still sees us as simple country folk ( we grew up in country VIC) and I say, yes 20 year ago when we got married, yes but not now. Saying do you realise, the average person does not own PPOR outright, nor cars, nor XXX investments and does not go to Paris for Holidays (Oct 2012) does NOT help.
She is frugal on most things, she never buys expensive clothes and thinks hard about those purchases but i think she does not realise that others do not even have this option. I say great we don't have this worry but it takes ongoing work and planning to stay here. There is the issue you raise...
Anyway - now that we are in I can see potential for holiday let type opportunities that I would have sworn not to look at for this place (as its ours) and thinking about various future options. ie this house just feels like another piece of re now. The longer I have spent on it (and its still great please dont think Im whinging its a great family home) the less I feel I need to live here for 20 yrs. Now that its done I would happily move out (even just for a while) to try other things.
Its interesting the journey my mind has been on, and trying to translate that to mrs can be a challenge. Have to work out how to get buy in without causing fear or outright refusal.
How to get them to agree? You tell me, I have begged, put detailed proposals , ranted, stormed off, bribed, did I say beg?
I think you need to find her real reason and work around it.
For us the issue is her "fear of failure and fear of being judged".
For me the issue is "perfectionism and indecision"
Not a good mix as I am a planner and often asking her opinion to use as a reference to a decision that may not ever come and she frets getting it wrong and lives more in the moment. For both of us, frustrating.
She prefers to leave something as is, do nothing, or stay as is than actively consider options. She does not like to talk money as she sees that as being pretentious.
I see talking as learning. Hence I enjoy SS as I can talk away and learn so much. I grew up really poor so I want to consider all options, well into future, re income sources.
BE A GOOD DICTATOR
When we bought present PPOR I told her it was investment only and she didnt care. Then I said we we should move. She agreed in her heart it was best but really opposed moving from Sydney City to Country VIC, fear of change.
So I pushed the issue as the best with new child and our parents getting old. I was worn out in our business and needed a change. She agreed on that, worst case, we move back. So giving her the option to go back sold it. Perhaps you can advise wife you can just try it for 12 months? Or do it as weekends only as a trial, lessen the FEAR.
Our move worked but has been hard and longer than expected due to becoming parents and the changes that brings to lifestyle and living. She loves where we are now.
AVOID ISSUES
She does not see our investments etc as another source of income. (I think) she seems them as simply a house we own. Where I see them as investment tools, even the PPOR. At the right price, everything is for sale. She also has guilt about wealth.
So try to avoid pressing those buttons. Sometimes don't tell them your full or any plans lest they get upset. I.e. our Unit in Inner Sydney is close to Uni so when Daughter is 21, if she wants to go to Uni in Sydney, we have free accommodation. Wife gets upset saying why are your planning for that, I say why not. WIN WIN?. But she only see her "baby" leaving home. So don't go there. This one was hard for me as I like to talk things over.
SO FIND AN OUTLET to TALK
My best friend is also a heavy IP investor and has similar partner so we get together and lament about how they don't care but also do the pro and cons of our perspective strategy and actions. You may be able to do that here via PMs.
REMOVE THE FEAR, OVERLOAD WITH DATA and RED HERRING
Well the Heritage Cottage was always going to be BNB. So she was ok with that. We also considered CAFE. She was not ok. So I did my research and confirmed CAFE is hign input and high risks and not that much better. And with no experience, as I am a construction professional it screams classic, drop out to country and open a CAFE. I always knew this was likely but needed a "red herring" a worst option to kill off to make the real option appear better.
On BNB I went to local council and finally found someone with real knowledge and stats of demand and profile which you should have nearby. Get them to cut the gloss and get in to real vacancy rates, return, expectations and commitments. Many ring them with dreams of "renting a room with dollies for $400 a night" be professional.
Once I did that I went to to wife with feedback and she agreed with cottage but disagreed with barn. Too much privacy lost she said. Pointing out this was wrong did not matter. Showing our friends the plans and seeing them agree did. Perhaps she saw people she respected be OK so she was OK. Also for her Venture had to be private. No flash profile. Elegant, discreet. These two addressed the "fear of being judged".
So I think in my rambling I am saying you need the boil the frog slowly and let them have out options that are unlikely to be activated.
One option could be a long holiday via House Swap. 3 months away and she sees how much demand there is for your house. We put out unit on this market to go the France and was blow away with the quality we were offered. That opened wife's eyes to a long term 12 month stay in France in 5 years.
Anyone else with ideas on how to get partners to buy in?
Regards Peter 14.7