What happened to good manners?

[travelbug]

I learnt this the hard way myself. I used to give a friend informal financial advice (much like you did) for free. Many hours of advice, sitting with her going over things several times until it clicked. She used to do shiatsu massage. One time I asked her for a massage and she said no problem, I'll even give you mates rates.

When I pointed out that I'd given her free advice, she said to me 'hey, I didn't force you to do that, you did that of your own free will.' Now, I was pissed! But after a while, I realised she was right. She approached me a little while later looking for more advice. I told her I'd give it to her - at a price, with the money payable up front. Suddenly she didn't need any advice, lol.

Mark

I can relate to that. I'm a teacher and transfered to friends kids school. Their kid was struggling so I said send her to me 2 mornings a week and I'd tutor her. I did this for 6 months. No mention of it by the parents.
Next year, first day of school they send her to me. Sorry no time this year.

I also helped another friends child (free tutoring) at my home one afternoon a week for months. Tax time. I asked if her hubby (accountant) could do my tax. She replied yes but we don't do discounts, that's our business. No more tutoring (that's my business- I could be charging $50 for that.

i blame the parents. for her to make such an impression there must be an awful lack in the rest of society.

it doesn't take much to add please and thankyou to the vocabulary - and it makes such a difference.

So true. It IS sad that we are surprised when someone has good manners. I'm a teacher and we talk about it all the time (how to improve manners etc) but the truth is, if it doesn't come from home, no amount of teacher prompting will make it ingrained. Sure, they might say thank you at school (because they have to) but it's not automatic.

I'm going out to by my PM a box of chockies tomorrow. Sure he's been doing his job but he has been working hard to save me a lot of heartache with winging tenants. He deserves more than just his commission and I want to let him know.
I have a wonderful friend who has a desk full of little gifts. If she sees someone upset or if she thinks you need a thank you she randomly hands out these gifts. Wouldn't it be great if everyone were like that!

Last year I had friendship week in my class as the children were arguing etc. Each day they were supposed to give someone a compliment. They ALL failed (only 6-7 years old but still). I was VERY disappointed. Why is it so hard to give compliments. It really made me think. Now I make a point of giving at least one compliment every day.

 

[travelbug]

You guys are ALL so wonderful I really appreciate the things I have learned on this forum.

Make that 2 for today

 

[pendo]

I spent almost 7 years operating a newsagency in Umina. Very few of my customers were bad mannered. Even the kids were by and large well mannered.
I've been out of it almost 4 years now, and many still stop me for a chat in the street.

Sure you would get the occasional hothead, and, we always commented that unfortunately, you always remember the bad mannered ones over the good mannered ones. Only because it disturbs the even flow of the day. Bearing in mind that many of our customers were elderly, and from an era of great sacrifice.

Also, when you do have this automatic flow with people coming in at over 2,000 transactions a day, and then this hiccup happens, where you go 'Oh! a nasty one.

Sydneysiders, by and large were more aggressive and abrasive in manner, and on more occasions than I can remember, a local customer, would eloquently make a witty comment to diffuse that brash Sydney type of insecurity. Not all of course, but noticeable all the same.

 

[steveadl]

I reckon our generation changed everything. When I was a kid all adults were Mr or Mrs Surname or parents friends and neighbours were Uncle or Aunty first name. I never called any adult by their first name alone until I was an adult myself. Even if I met my old neighbors today I would be hard pressed to address them by their christian name.

Ha, same here! Met my old accounting teacher on a couple of occasions at AIG's and still called him Mr Xyz, just didn't feel right calling him by his first name!

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Understand where you're coming from Mark but you're kidding about this comment, aren't you?

No I'm not. Did you do it because you wanted to or because you expected a thank you?

Mark

 

[willair]

This was just one example of someone who obviously doesn't. Perhaps you come across more hardened individuals than myself, Willair. In fact, I feel sorry for you if that's the way you feel and treat others- as numbers, in any industry.

Thanks for the compliment,the last time i looked in this country it is not a criminal offence punishable by imprisonment to have my own opinion and don't feel sorry for me i have all the love in the world that i need..willair..

 

[Simon]

No I'm not. Did you do it because you wanted to or because you expected a thank you?

Mark

If someone helps you out at some effort for no cost would you thank them?

 

[Petal]

Jacque did it I think because she is a good person who does think of other people than herself and she thought she would at least get a thank you because she would have automatically thanked someone who did something for her. I don't think "business" had anything to do with this situation. It could have been Jacque doing something else for this person that had no relationship to her Buyers Agent skills.

It is simply about what I call "bubble people", i.e. they live in their own little bubble and are only concerned with themselves and how everything around them affects them, with no thought to others feelings or needs. These people are not mean or nasty people usually, it just not occur to them to worry about anyone else other than themselves and I bet they would be shocked to know their behaviour was found by others to be rude.

 

[Jacque]

Jax, I'd like to personally express my thanks for everything you have done for me. For your friendliness everytime we have met and for the happiness you seem to infect everyone around you with.

You are a sweetie ....but Simon, you're the type of person who always appreciates others and says thankyou anyway. If only the world had more people like you, it would be a nicer place!

And I know what you mean about calling elders Mr and Mrs. I went to my Gran's funeral yesterday and the number of older people whom I still call Mr and Mrs is certainly a reflection of my youth. It just feels plain weird to start calling them by their first name when you've addressed them all your life as Mr or Mrs. Old school I guess, and I don't even consider myself old

 

[Takestock]

in the real world no one cares less, you are just a number like everybody else

Only someone who truly believes this would make such a comment. In my 'real world' people do care and are not just numbers...What type of business are you in? I certainly don't want to use your services if I'm just another number that you couldn't care less about.

are u unhappy because you did not make the sale for a few hours work,or are you unhappy like so many Real Estate sales people that the walkins have stopped,moneys tight, and now you have to work very hard to make that sale,either way if you are going to start to worry about the small items then the big one will burn u over time..willair..

I think this comment demonstrates Jacque's point exactly. Here we have an individual who has probably never met Jacque and does not seem to have even a basic grasp of what her business entails yet, feels totally justified in making unfounded comments about her current work situation.

Manners...it is so easy in the business world to become consumed with sales, marketing and advancement that basic respect becomes the first casualty.

 

[Takestock]

Thanks for the compliment,the last time i looked in this country it is not a criminal offence punishable by imprisonment to have my own opinion

Oh good grief... wheeling out the old 'I have my opinion and can say anything I want' barrow... That's such a tired and overused line.

 

[Takestock]

Here's my take on it. You entered a business transaction (at the client's request - I know you said it was an acqaintance, so it wasn't a friend). You fulfilled your side of the transaction and then chose without coersion to provide your service free of charge. So essentially you made a business transaction for free.

When did Jacque say it was a client? How do you take the giant leap required to convert 'helping an acquaintance' to 'conducting a business transaction for free'?

Sadly, I find there are more and more people who just can't seem to grasp that there are truly nice individuals out there who want to help.

I'm always polite, but don't act like they did me a favour.

How are you polite to them? Obviously you don't thank them. Does being polite mean that you don't threaten them or get angry with them? Being polite used to mean 'please' and 'thankyou'.

I guess people just have different mindsets based on how they were raised and their experiences after they leave home. I personally would always say thanks to people who have helped me, even if I paid for their services. A quick 'thanks' to the hairdresser, or the doctor, or the cleaning lady in a food court who clears my rubbish is just the polite thing to do.

So essentially Jacque, it seems to me that you shot yourself in the foot in this situation. Best to just learn the lesson and not do it again!

Mark, Mark, Mark...I think it is you that is still to learn the real lesson.

 

[Ian (WA)]

From Pendo:

"Bearing in mind that many of our customers were elderly, and from an era of great sacrifice."

".......an era of great sacrifice." So poignant.

From me:

Sacrifice can manifest itself in a myriad of ways, but no matter its guise or degree, I believe......sacrifice creates appreciation, appreciation brings gratitude, gratitude generates thanks!

No you don't have to have sacrificed to say thank you, but i'll gaurantee you that the person who has sacrificed will always find time to say thanks.

Cheers,

......and thank you forumites!

Ian.

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

If someone helps you out at some effort for no cost would you thank them?

Without hesitation! But not everyone is as wonderfully marvelous as I am.

Mark

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Mark, Mark, Mark...I think it is you that is still to learn the real lesson.

Firstly, don't take that condescending tone with me. Secondly, I grew up in a very strict household where manners were rigidly enforced. I say 'please' and 'thankyou' and hold doors open and all that good stuff without even thinking about it. I also don't get in a huff if someone else doesn't do the same. I exhibit manners because I am a gentleman, not because I look for recognition.

Mark

 

[travelbug]

Did you do it because you wanted to or because you expected a thank you?

Mark

I don't understand where this logic comes from. Normally people don't walk around thinking. "Will they say thank you if I do this?". Well some people with very low opinions of themselves do things for others in the hope of approval but that's another story.

Basically people are thoughtful and want to help others. It's just you feel undervalued when you get no response.

It's like in traffic when you slow down to let someone in and they don't wave thanks. It's not that you did it SO they would wave it's just that when they don't wave you think "Oh I let a rude person in, I shouldn't have bothered".

 

[BayView]

You voluntarily provided your service for free, so I don't reckon a thank you is warranted.

I hope you are not teaching your kids this mindset.

In any circumstance, when someone does something for you, or helps you out; you say thankyou, and maybe give 'em a smile as well.

It's common courtesy, good manners, and used to be something that most Aussies did.

 

[kissfan]

It's common courtesy, good manners, and used to be something that most Aussies did.

Unfortunately, the face of our great country is changing, and not for the better.

Regards
Marty

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

I hope you are not teaching your kids this mindset.

Gotta have kids first.

Mark

 

[lizzie]

even if I paid for their services. A quick 'thanks' to the hairdresser, or the doctor, or the cleaning lady in a food court who clears my rubbish is just the polite thing to do.

ditto - a thank you costs nothing, but makes the world a much friendlier place. i too let people in whether it is traffic of in a queue, if their needs is obvious, and always wave if another driver is courteous to myself - harks back to the "friendlier place".