Control freaks

N

Nemo30

I need to vent... and what better place than Somersoft (actually this is the only place people dont know the person I'm talking about)

I work in a small team. For about 5 years we had a fantastic team of 5 people - we worked very collaboratively together, but we all had distinct roles. We all got on very well.

Over the last year 3 people have left the team and we have new some people. I clash with one of the new people big time - lovely person, but she is driving me insane!

She is a control freak. She needs to be in control of everything and I mean EVERYTHING! Doesn't matter if I'm supposed to be looking after it, or even if people in other states are supposed to be looking after it. She needs to be involved.

Today she seriously annoyed me and I told her so - but all my colleagues think I've snapped because of stress (I have! but not the stress they are thinking). I've been dealing with a sensitive matter with a stakeholder and today she decides she will get in on the action. Unbeknownst to me, she starts emailing the stakeholder with all sorts of requests and tells them she needs to be copied in from now on.

I've never met anyone like her. We are the same level, but she questions what I am doing all day - she must have asked me 10 times today what I was doing. She'll do it nicely or through an email so my colleagues dont know she is doing it. She gets on fine with most of the other team members - maybe its me.

How do you deal with a control freak? Why do people need to be control freaks?? This woman is driving me crazy!!!! Enough to make me consider leaving my job. Arrrgh!
 
The Fence said:
Send an email back saying:

"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, LEAVE ME ALONE!...please"
Click to expand...

Ouch! Don't! From personal experience, this can spiral out of control really quickly. It needs to be handled sensitively or the person on the receiving end and winds up the victim.
 
Send her to a doctor to obtain a prescription for 5kg of ankle rock to be inserted into 5000 megalitres of water.
 
I've worked in conflicted teams so can empathise with you.

Do you have a work code of conduct?
If so, it will probably address how to manage conflict in your organisation. I've outlined below what this would look like in my organisation.

Usually the first step would involve speaking with the person directly (obviously professionally) and seeing if you can resolve the matter. I'd suggest the "cup of tea" approach. (or coffee...), ie an empathic, gentle approach , so literally over a cuppa might work! You may find she has something going on in her life, some stressors unknown to you, or be unaware that she is causing you angst. She might have quite an anxious, perfectionist style, which leads her to micromanage things around her as a way of coping with her own stress.

If things don't improve, the next step is to speak to your line manager to see if they can help you both find a solution in a collaborative way. If not, the line manager can then take it further.

I'd try not to discuss with direct colleagues as this may divide the team further. Can be helpful to discuss if you have a peer support group/mentor or supervision.

Important for you to look after your own work/life balance. Can help to maintain perspective.

Good luck and hope this helps.
 
I know the feeling - and I don't miss it! It reminds me of my APS days - there's always one!

Since most of the team have left, could it be a good opportunity to transfer to another area of your workplace (if possible - and of course if it's what you want) and work with a different team?

If not, is there someone higher up that you can let know who will actually address the issue?

Working with someone you can't get along with is a terrible situation to be in. It really drags you down - especially when you're spending 40 hours a week with them.

Cheers

Jamie
 
They say, some people are just idiots..

I know it seems hard, but if you could only learn to not let people affect you and simply brush things off you wouldn't be writing this. I know it's tough to start with but unfortunately this individual is bothering YOU with THEIR problems
 
Thanks everyone.

Our boss is fairly new (arrived in November). This is contributing a little to the situation as the new boss is still finding her feet, so there is a bit of a leadership void which control freak is trying to fill. I feel like if I go to her I will be seen as the whinger. Control Freak woman is very good at schmoozing and has been making a point of sucking up to the new boss.

Having said that, the new boss isnt stupid.

pinkboy said:
You should settle this school yard style:

'You; me; 5:05 on the front lawn; Mano un Mano! :D


pinkboy
Click to expand...

It nearly came to this today!!
 
Have you tried ignoring her constant requests for information? Alternately you could choose to reply only intermittently (i.e. twice a day or only every third enquiry). Is there any reason why you need to respond immediately to every one of her interventions? After all there is no power relationship here, she is only a colleague as opposed to a superior. By becoming less 'reliable' in her eyes she will become frustrated with you and will most likely begin to pester someone else on the team.
 
The same thing is happening at my wife's work and the up lines are simply not leaders, but squelchers. They do nothing despite repeated complaints about this one person.

It's driving me nuts.

But my wife keeps reassuring me that it's just the system.

Namely, NSW health.:rolleyes:
 
If she's that bad you need to put your psychopathic hat on and do the opposite to what you think the result she wants to achieve is (if she's a control freak but nice person this should have some effect, or at the very least have her thinking about how she deals with you).

This could mean

- you being professional but distant towards her

- doing the opposite to what she expects of you, ie. if she thinks you will complete a report today do it tomorrow (she's not your boss).

- telling her only bits and pieces, or mislead her so the info backfires (stops her from seeking info from you and interfering)

- answer her emails days later or not at all (shows her she's not important to you and getting info is unreliable)

- cringe slightly or put on a death stare when she overdoes the behaviour

- if it calls for stronger action, perhaps start bossing her around and start questioning her all the time, or criticize her work a little, to her face

Keep it subtle while others are about, and keep behaving your normal self with them.

Do all this without giving her any grounds for bullying and hopefully she either changes her behaviour or avoids you.
 
I don't know the context, but there are several angles to this and I'll give her the benefits of the doubt:
1. She's new and insecure and not sure what she supposed to do, hence asking you what you're doing daily so she can get an idea

2. She was hired/ told by higher up that her role suppose to be oversee the projects, but this hasn't been communicated to the team at all. Hence she's just trying to do what she supposed to do... without realising that this hasn't been communicated at all (happen to a friend of mine - once she know the problem, she talked to management and her title changed into a more senior one)

3. She thought she's being proactive and didn't realise it come across obnoxious

Some sentences
"You don't need to be in this project as xyz is ultimately responsible and accountable. Having stakeholders include you in the email cause confusions and ultimately slow down the project {insert other impact here}"

"I don't need help right now, but will let you know when I do"

"Yes, I have meeting with stakeholders in 2 days. You don't need to be in there as this is for the key people in the project. We want to keep the number small for productivity"
 
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