Invited to lunch - how long are you expected to wait?

[lizzie]

pablo is right - the brief chat at the school gate at pickup time is enough for me.

some days they're real friendly and other days they don't even make eye contact and smile ... not worth the time.

i also lasted only one day at mothers's group - obviously i wasn't gossipy enough (couldn't stand it).

better to find your own friends who have similar interests.

 

[josko]

I agree pablo! I have only been to one and did not enjoy the context of the conversations at all. I'm friendly to all parents at my kids school and socialise with them at birthday parties which my kids obligate me to go to but I keep lunches and cofees to discuss business matters with like-minded people that I know well and that I have chosen.

The whole idea of wealth creation is to make time so why waste it with people, things, events that are not going to enhance your life???

Totally agree,

However, I do know what it is like to be in a new area though and how hard it is to meet someone you can really talk to and call a friend.

I didn't do the mothers coffee thing, but I did coach my son's soccer team for four years, and met one of my best friends through coaching. Her husband is a Project Manager for Asutraland.

If you don't find them, they'll find you. _ Law of Attraction.

 

[AlmostBob]

In my son's primary school days i was invited to the 'mothers' functions, I got so sick of being fixed up with xxx 'she's single too' I just used to go to school and drive the tractor mower, built the ramp used to load the garbage bins into the dumpster easy stuff like that,

Mothers are SCARY

 

[Dazz]

However, I do know what it is like to be in a new area though and how hard it is to meet someone you can really talk to and call a friend.

Ya reckon...my experience has been that men can work together in a close environment and spend 8 or 10 hours a day for up to 15 or 20 years and not really talk.

We invited one of my bosses up to our beach-house for a weekend with the wife and kids etc. Wife & kids had not met before. I'd worked with him closely every day for 5 or 6 years. Wives had not really spoken except at formal work functions for the usual 5 minute formal greeting.

It didn't take the wives (both experienced mothers) more than 10 minutes before they were both delving into the "plumbing" issues....for all concerned. I learnt more about Gareth and he about I in the next 15 minutes than in the previous 6 years. We both agreed on two things ;

1. Mothers don't muck around - they hook straight into the gory details.
2. Mothers love to play "amateur doctors". I read such and such recently.....Jenny said the other day.....Mary just had an op for.....Jack's knee is better after.....apparently there's new pills for.....Brad's wife just had surgery for.....it goes on and on and on......

 

[josko]

Ya reckon...my experience has been that men can work together in a close environment and spend 8 or 10 hours a day for up to 15 or 20 years and not really talk.

We invited one of my bosses up to our beach-house for a weekend with the wife and kids etc. Wife & kids had not met before. I'd worked with him closely every day for 5 or 6 years. Wives had not really spoken except at formal work functions for the usual 5 minute formal greeting.

It didn't take the wives (both experienced mothers) more than 10 minutes before they were both delving into the "plumbing" issues....for all concerned. I learnt more about Gareth and he about I in the next 15 minutes than in the previous 6 years. We both agreed on two things ;

1. Mothers don't muck around - they hook straight into the gory details.
2. Mothers love to play "amateur doctors". I read such and such recently.....Jenny said the other day.....Mary just had an op for.....Jack's knee is better after.....apparently there's new pills for.....Brad's wife just had surgery for.....it goes on and on and on......

Just small talk and the sort of conversation I find boring and try to avoid.
It is however, polite, common ground and without any risks.

I use it also when I attend my husband's formal Christmas work dinner and need to make conversation for hours with women that I see once a year.

Woman are just better at social ettiquette than men.

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Woman are just better at social ettiquette than men.

I guess that's why I'm not really a social person. I can't stand small talk, it's just a complete waste of time. Like Winston and his telly, I'd much rather be doing something productive than shooting the breeze about some subject or other I couldn't give a toss about.

Mark

P.S. Simon, I'd be happy to have a lunch with you anytime! Miaow!

 

[josko]

I guess that's why I'm not really a social person. I can't stand small talk, it's just a complete waste of time. Like Winston and his telly, I'd much rather be doing something productive than shooting the breeze about some subject or other I couldn't give a toss about.

Mark

P.S. Simon, I'd be happy to have a lunch with you anytime! Miaow!

So what do you call it when you have to go out for dinner with your wife's bestfriend and her husband, or when you have a BBQ and you need to speak to people you see twice a year......deep and meaningful?

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

So what do you call it when you have to go out for dinner with your wife's bestfriend and her husband, or when you have a BBQ and you need to speak to people you see twice a year......deep and meaningful?

- Something to avoid?
- A nightmare?
- A good excuse to claim being ill?
- An opportunity to take a stand and not do something you don't want to do?

Plenty of options.

Mark

 

[Twitch]

So what do you call it when you have to go out for dinner with your wife's bestfriend and her husband, or when you have a BBQ and you need to speak to people you see twice a year......deep and meaningful?

being polite.

 

[tubs]

Xenia and Lizzie

You sound like the kind of people my wife WOULD get along with.

She went to a couple of those first time mothers, has met the mothers at kinder etc and she can't stand them. Most dont talk to her, they just talk in their little cliques and all they talk about is their kids, gossip, kids, gossip. Its so boring. Why can't they talk about something intellligent?

She went to a first time mothers group once, and all they talked about was how their babies were getting along. She wanted to get away from all that and talk about something else.

So no, she hasnt made any friends this way, and doesnt damn well care.

 

[sunshine]

An update

It was me who stood them up!! They were at the restaurant apparently at a different table to what the 2 yep TWO waiters told me they were and both told me "the party hadn't arrived yet". The organiser is going to check with the restaurant, as its not good enough. If that is the case then yes it is appalling. BUT if you were expecting someone, would you not notice a lone female waiting for bloody half and hour... Oh dear, maybe they did...

I agree with your wife Pablo, but as Jasko and ozperp have said - would like to find out if they are worth it first.... HMM better start going to the gym, maybe I have a friend waiting for me there...

Now got to sort out the other more important challenges from yesterday - other child being bullied and dealing with the school's policy. Incident reports, victim statements - really this is not what a 10 year old should be dealing with. I really really just want to kick this kid up the backside. My son now has to have 2 minders with him (kids from his class which is lovely of them, but at the teachers request). Hubby is frustrated as he can't be here to help - probably a good thing he isn't as we might have an assault charge to deal with

Then number 2 challenge from yesterday - dealing with w@anker bankers, cross collat disaster and blackmail. Nightmare, and really is a few threads on its own....

Hence why I was looking forward to the "light relief" of a mothers lunch...

Sunshine

 

[josko]

Originally Posted by josko
So what do you call it when you have to go out for dinner with your wife's bestfriend and her husband, or when you have a BBQ and you need to speak to people you see twice a year......deep and meaningful?

Posted By Twitch: being polite.

Glad to see there are some men with manners out there!

An update

It was me who stood them up!! They were at the restaurant apparently at a different table to what the 2 yep TWO waiters told me they were and both told me "the party hadn't arrived yet". The organiser is going to check with the restaurant, as its not good enough. If that is the case then yes it is appalling. BUT if you were expecting someone, would you not notice a lone female waiting for bloody half and hour... Oh dear, maybe they did...

I agree with your wife Pablo, but as Jasko and ozperp have said - would like to find out if they are worth it first.... HMM better start going to the gym, maybe I have a friend waiting for me there...

Now got to sort out the other more important challenges from yesterday - other child being bullied and dealing with the school's policy. Incident reports, victim statements - really this is not what a 10 year old should be dealing with. I really really just want to kick this kid up the backside. My son now has to have 2 minders with him (kids from his class which is lovely of them, but at the teachers request). Hubby is frustrated as he can't be here to help - probably a good thing he isn't as we might have an assault charge to deal with

Then number 2 challenge from yesterday - dealing with w@anker bankers, cross collat disaster and blackmail. Nightmare, and really is a few threads on its own....

Hence why I was looking forward to the "light relief" of a mothers lunch...

Sunshine

Glad you sorted out the restaurant thing - unbelieveable.

But you certainly have your hands full! What a horrible situation.
My son was called up the Principal's office for kicking a bully in the shin in retaliation.. . . .when I spoke to the Principal later he said under his breath. . . ."I would have done the same thing"..........

 

[ethereal]

She went to a couple of those first time mothers, has met the mothers at kinder etc and she can't stand them. Most dont talk to her, they just talk in their little cliques and all they talk about is their kids, gossip, kids, gossip. Its so boring. Why can't they talk about something intellligent?

She went to a first time mothers group once, and all they talked about was how their babies were getting along. She wanted to get away from all that and talk about something else.

I thought this too at first but now I see after 5 years of pregnacy, birthing, breastfeeding, poo, puke, crossing legs to sneeze, no sleep, mashed veges, wiping snotty noses, toilet training..... that for many mums there is nothing much else to talk about. 'Plumbing' issues that are off limits to non-parents feature highly on the list of daily concerns, sadly. 'Kids' are what 'Mums' have in common. Whatever else we all do/did before, the mothering just tends to takes over because there isn't much time left for anything else.

I tried at first when I had a baby to keep up with competition spearfishing. At the end of a competition day when everyone else was milling around in their wetsuits on the beach with a beer watching the weigh-in, I found myself struggling to get my breasts out of my wetsuit to feed my starving child and not giving a stuff about my score.

Now I admire those who can be satisfied and fulfilled with just mothering as I think my inability to do so puts a lot of stress on my whole family. My house is just not that clean and my cooking leaves a lot to be desired (mistaking oven cleaner for cooking spray is just one of many).

I am very anti-Gossip though.

Louise

 

[wish-ga]

An update.....It was me who stood them up!! They were at the restaurant apparently at a different table to what the 2 yep TWO waiters told me they were and both told me "the party hadn't arrived yet".

I'm so glad I persevered with this thread! Phew, at least it was just a mix-up.

A shame the hostess herself didn't see you alone and 'twig'. But the mix up situation of preferable to the prospect of a venue change and you being outta the loop.

I hope you make the acquaintance of some supportive people.




{Makes you realise how hard it must be for your little guy to be a newie at school. And also a reminder adults have '1st day at school' feelings at various points throughout our life. Like groundhog day!}

 

[sunshine]

I hope you make the acquaintance of some supportive people.

Thanks wish-ga. Me too. Been here 14 months now, seem to be able to meet acquaintances, havn't found a friend yet. I feel one is on the way though

sunshine

 

[wish-ga]

Ethereal, if I was allowed to give you more kudos points I'd give you pips for that post! You are a classic

(I used up my "kudos" points for you in another thread, sorry)

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

(mistaking oven cleaner for cooking spray is just one of many)

Hahahahaha! That's one way to solve the 'family' problem.

*makes mental note to not go over to Louise's place for dinner*

Mark

 

[our obsession]

Louise............you rock!

An absolute classic observation of life and juggling balls in the air...and the struggle within.

Well said mate.

I did try to whip up a kudos too, but your running hot and I can't send green stuff either.

 

[DavidMc]

Did you have the contact details of at least one (pref two) of the people you were meeting?

A quick 30 second call should have sorted this out.

What I find usually happens is people forget to get the details or are too shy to call...

Good to hear that's all it was anyway!