My daughter was at the receiving end of a racist attack

V

virgo

Hiya

So, precious daughter (age 14) comes back quite unsettled....apparently she was happily walking and chatting with her friends, one Indian and one Chinese when 3 young "tradie" types walked past and hissed "get out of our country":eek:

My daughter is a "halfie"; ie what her friends call in friendly half jest: half Chinese and half Caucasian...

Recovering from her shock, she then proceeded to give them the beady eye and up shot her rude finger:eek:

When Mum heards she applauds :D go girl!

But Dad comes home in the evening and proceeded gently to tell her she has done the wrong thing blah blah blah...

What is your take???
 
That's a really hard one.

Firstly, by sticking up her middle finger, psychologically she probably feels better in her own skin in terms of standing up for herself. This should not be understated as emotional trauma can be quite destructive.

However, by providing an aggressive (and possibly inflammatory response), she could have escalated the situation.

Dad is probably concerned with her physical safety because as a guy he is more aware of the threat of physical violence (as in some blokes feel that swinging at another bloke is more socially acceptable than a bloke taking a swing at a schoolgirl). Not trying to say Mum in particular is naive, but I have noticed that some females seem to think that their gender will preclude an attack. These people can have an unpleasant shock when SHTF.

tl; dr version - there is no cookie cutter solution against verbal and physical violence. Each situation is different.
 
virgo said:
What is your take???
Click to expand...

Smile :D and give them the bird:

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Cheers Spades.
 
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My daughters have faced similar- on top of all the normal things teenage girls go through in the harassment area.

Unfortunately it doesn't stop at school. My daughters are half Mexican- and they get comments in Mexico. The upper class is pure white, and they don't like the 95% of the population who aren't. Generally though there appears to be less prejudice in Australia.

You've just got to help her through, to work it out in the way she best feels comfortable, so that she can learn to deal with it herself in the future- preferably in a non aggressive way.
 
Any retaliation to an aggressive verbal attack (racial or otherwise) can cause enough provocation to escalate a situation.

Unless you know what you're dealing with it's best to just ignore people like that, although it's probably more likely a boy will be assaulted in that situation than a young girl.

Unfortunately nowadays there are a lot of feral types out there who would be itching for more than a verbal assault, many who are quite young, which is why I'm with your husband - who is obviously just trying to keep your daughter safe.
 
I'm sickened that bunch of scum not only think racism is fine, but that teenage girls are an appropriate target.
 
For those who perceive Australia as been a none racist country is delusional, unfortunately it does exist here. It is our social problem. Overall, I don't think it is as bad as some of the other countries.

My best advice would be that to encourage your daughter to be proud of who she is. There are billions of people on earth, and yet no identical DNA can be found, which suggests that every one is cut up differently, learn to rise above the rest (especially against those low lives, in this case been those tradies)

You simply cannot expect others to behave in a certain way, but you can change yourself and your attitude towards life, (LOL this is the core philosophy of Buddhism I believe)
 
virgo said:
Hiya

When Mum heards she applauds :D go girl!

But Dad comes home in the evening and proceeded gently to tell her she has done the wrong thing blah blah blah...

What is your take???
Click to expand...

I'm half-caste and grew up in an era where mixed race couples were less common and racism was possibly more openly encountered than it is today.

When I was a kid, I would possibly have done the same thing as your daughter. As I got older, racist comments no longer bother me. It's not just that I learnt to ignore them but rather I understand that they simply come from ignorance, a closed mind, lack of experience, etc.

I think I actually agree with her dad. Giving the finger means you're stooping to their level, could potentially inflame a situation, and just gives them the satisfaction of knowing they got to you. Much more effective to give a quick smile and continue on your way!
 
In addition to flipping the bird, if I was her, I'd also have said "My family and other relatives are buying all the houses in your street!"
 
Tough one but IMHO I would suggest just laughing at them & continue walking on her merry way...


While the three of them flip the bird :D
 
Some times I just despair humanity ... I know in hindsight it's easy to think of what you "should have" done - but at least she can be prepared for any future events.

What should she do? - smile and give them a wave. Then there is no aggressive comeback - and the idiot might then become the butt of jokes from his "mates" for being a dick.
 
geoffw said:
My daughters are half Mexican- and they get comments in Mexico. The upper class is pure white, and they don't like the 95% of the population who aren't. Generally though there appears to be less prejudice in Australia.
Click to expand...

I have a caucasian friend who has been living in South Korea for 10 years. Married a Korean lady, have a half caucasian/asian son. He said they recieve a lot of racisim (himself, his son and his wife). Also, if he divorces his wife and loses custody of his son, he will have to leave the country.

I agree racisim exists in Australia and that it's an ugly thing. Hopefully one day there will be no discrimination at all. However I don't think we should single out and bash Australia in particular so much for being so 'horribly racist', given it's more prevalant in almost all other countries.

Brazil and possibly Canada are probably the only countries I know that I would consider 'less racisit' than Australia. Mind you, I've travelled extensively but obviously not to every country. I'd imagine it may be less prevalent in the Scandinavia countries as well.

I think we are labeled 'racisit' (particularly from the US) as we are in general less 'PC' about most things... calling fat people fat, people with red hair gingers, etc. I have a theory on the surface we are more 'racist' than the US but deep down they are more racist than us.

Racisim is a tricky one. I know people who might say something like 'an Asian probably drives that car' when pointing to a gold Toyata Camry, but they would have many Asian friends and wouldn't discriminate based on race in a job interview situation (for example). Is that person racist?

I don't think so but I know people who would. Mention anything related to race and you're racist (even if it's pointing out observations, like African people being taller, Asian people having black hair or taxi drivers more likely to be Indian guys).

Naturally, this does not excuse any racism in Australia - what your daughter experienced was a terrible thing and I'm sorry to hear about it. It's a tricky question, on one hand she's probably better off ignoring it for the most part, however I think it was a psychologically healthy response to demonstrate that it does not affect her at all. Maybe a laugh, headshake and/or shoulder shrug is the nice in between option.
 
For me, personal safety concerns should be the number one priority. Returning an insult for an insult just takes you down to their level anyway. If someone stole something from you, would you steal from them? How would that end?

It sounds like she was quite shaken though. As a result, I would probably take her into the local Police station, tell them what happened and ask for some advice about what her options are should it happen again. You might be disappointed in what they have to say but I expect you will likely get some reasonably practical advice on what should be the best course of action in these circumstances in future. Police have a lot of experience in trying to de-escalate situations like this and can tell you what needs to happen for the line to be crossed from their POV.

It also shows you take the incident and her safety seriously and might help inject a few street smart skills that we all could likely use more of.
 
Agree DMc it's pretty silly to say Australian born people are racist when people who live here but weren't born here can be equally so. More like individuals/people can be racist.

What virgo's daughter experienced was racism directed at her by a group that were clearly moronic to start with - picking on defenceless young girls who were obviously not causing anyone any problems is both aggressive and juvernile.

Civil, mostly well adjusted people would never say what they did even if they harboured some racist thoughts.

Husband who is very fair was aggressively called a skip and told this wasn't his country (on a tram in Melbourne believe it or not :D) simply for telling a couple of Middle Eastern looking youth about 14-15yo to stop vandalising the tram we were on - they were trying to cause significant damage and scare passengers in the process.

Husband did not say anything racist to recieve that verbal response.

They looked like they wanted to take it further but hesitated, probably because husband was much, much bigger and fitter than both and looked like he could have easily taken them out in one swoop had they tried :eek:.

Friend who comes from very multicultural Birmingham say the violence related to racism there is terrible, but that the greatest problems were between the mix of different nationalities not the second/third generation English born.

virgo, you should emphasise to her daughter that there are morons amongst us who probably don't quite fit into society and are angry with the world and who look for an excuse to blame others -be it the opposite sex, smaller/fatter people, people different in some way- for their shortcomings.

Definately advise her not to retaliate or provoke like my husband did.
 
virgo said:
Hiya

So, precious daughter (age 14) comes back quite unsettled....apparently she was happily walking and chatting with her friends, one Indian and one Chinese when 3 young "tradie" types walked past and hissed "get out of our country":eek:

My daughter is a "halfie"; ie what her friends call in friendly half jest: half Chinese and half Caucasian...

Recovering from her shock, she then proceeded to give them the beady eye and up shot her rude finger:eek:

When Mum heards she applauds :D go girl!

But Dad comes home in the evening and proceeded gently to tell her she has done the wrong thing blah blah blah...

What is your take???
Click to expand...

People do that. They would have found the first thing that came to their minds to say. If she wasn't of a different race, they would have gone with fat or skinny or rich or poor or tall or short or hotty or ugly or whatever.

I wouldnt think much of it. You can't control other people, only your own reactions.
 
Wherabouts in Sydney? Cue for the shire comments.. :D

I am somewhat surprised as its not like we are still in the 1980s they deserved the birdie...
 
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