Reno Tool Glossary ...

Some of these tools will be familiar to anyone who has done some reno work. Maybe Somersofters can add some more to the list?

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use..

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh*t!"

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
 
I have one to add ;)

BENCH PLANER

Commonly used to convert timber from just a little bit too thick, to way too thin. Can also be used to make all three middle fingers the same length.
 
STUD FINDER
A device that goes off when ever I'm around :rolleyes:

MULTI-GRIPS
Although fully adjustable rarely fits what you want to grip

CHISEL
A blunt object used to split the edge of a door or door frame

BOLSTER
A cheap immitation of a brick saw
 
STUD FINDER
A device that goes off when ever I'm around :rolleyes:

Prematurely?

:p;)

Do you reckon I will get in trouble for adding the above Definitons into our 'new subcontractors' administration pack for a laugh / joke or will I get feedback this is inappropriate as you never know when someone is hyper sensitive to what majority would laugh at in our Oz culture?


I laughed
Sheryn

PS - My Stud Finder is sound asleep in a reclining chair with TV on at 6pm.
 
ANGLE GRINDER:
Used to fling hot bits of metal at bare skin and combustable items. Never found in close proximity to dust mask, ear muffs, safety goggles.
 
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