Snappy Answers

[bundy1964]

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.

&nbs! p; Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his
hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


and finally

#5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death
in
your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say! if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have
to write the exam with your other hand."

 

[Simon H]

Classic stuff Bundy !!

 

[jahn]

Hi
Well done Bundy
Years ago I saw a Lady at the checkouts of a clothing store asking for a refund on a pair of undies (worn).
The supervisors snappy answer was - 'certainly madam'
She then picked up a rule from under the register, picked up the undies with the rule, held the undies in the air as she walked around the register and let the undies slide off the rule into the garbage bin, in clear view of everyone, and proceeded to organise the refund.

And years ago, in a caravan park in the Central Coast, when van sites were a separate charge to electricity connection, a caravan travaller, when told the rate for electricity, loadly protested that it was only half that on the Gold Coast, where he had just come from.
The very snappy reply was "You'll need a bloody long cord mate."

jahn

 

[geoffw]

There is the (I think) well known story of the man at the aitport whose flight had been cancelled. He was trying to get onto another flight- but that one was already full.

He said to the person at the counter,
"Do you know who I am?"

To which the person behind the counter made an announcement to the whole airport:

"Attention please travellers. There is a gentleman at gate 67 who does not know who he is"






And that leads to another.

There was a university exam, with 200+ sitting. Everybody finished within the allotted two hours- except one person.. He sat for another 30 minutes completing the exam, while the supervisor watched and glared.

When the student finished, the supervisor asked, "Waht do you think you're doing?"

The student asked,

"Do you know who I am?"

The supervisor said, "NO!"

So the student stuck his exam paper in the middle of the papers already handed in, and ran off.

 

[geoffw]

"I need a screwdriver"

"Maybe you do, but don't call me driver"