'Tis better to give than recieve....but what to give?

[Graingrower]

My Brother in law is getting married in two weeks and I'm stumped as to what to get for a gift. He and his bride are already living together in their own house so they have everything that they need. These days people buy themselves gifts as they desire so any desires that haven't already been met are outside the price range of most gift budgets.

We (society in general) seem to be heading down the 'gift voucher' path, but I think if you are going to do that you may as well just give cash. Personally I don't look forward to christmas and birthdays as my house is already full of stuff I don't need and the gifts I recieve just add to the pile.

Should we become a society of 'no gifts please'.

Thoughts and suggestions please!

 

[INVSTOR]

I'm just starting to get rid of some wedding gifts that I don't use. Nothing personal, just sick of storing stuff. Because we were moving interstate after getting married a lot of people either gave us Myer gift cards or cash. We were able to buy a $1200 bed with the gifts. Cash is good!

 

[The Y-man]

Had a similar issue recently - was visiting a relative overseas (on my wife's side) - and they are quite well off (ok, let's say very well off).

A big question was - what to take as a gift? I was toying with the idea of a jar of air from Melbourne, but fortunately we received a message that the uncle would like some persimons. Saved our day! (They live in the tropics, so not much cold weather fruit there)

For city folk, we now give things like plants we have propogated (it's a novelty for them) or fruits and veges we have grown.....

How about something "unpurchasable" - i.e. something made by you or your family? (could be time to take up some rapid pottery classes or something?)

The Y-man

 

[FormerLurker]

Buy a few lunar silver coins from Perth mint (or the host of shops/online stores that sell them) that way they get something valuable, something that has meaning (the year they got married), something permanent and it looks nice to boot.

 

[VYBerlinaV8]

Find out what they like to drink, and get them a very nice version. That way they can have it for a while, enjoy it, and then it's gone.

 

[gottabespotless]

When it comes to weddings, I give cash. As you say, most people have everything they need and have already 'set up house' prior to the wedding. If they are going on a honeymoon, your gift of cash can be spent on their special holiday and I'd bet they would appreciate it more than another set of towels.

At the risk of sounding like an extremely ungrateful sod here - I remember opening the gifts after my own wedding day and having to force one of those 'I'm smiling but thinking this gift is cheap and crappy and you are one miserable tight-a#### cheapskate' smiles. PLEASE PEOPLE - whether you give a gift, cash, gift voucher, whatever, it should atleast be to the same value that it would have cost the bride/groom/their families to have you (and your partner?) at their wedding. I usually go by what it would cost us to have dinner at a nice restaurant, plus a few alcoholic drinks as a guide.

 

[lizzie]

We have a "no gifts" rule at our adult birthday parties etc, but BYOG instead.

Sometimes still get gifts but they end up being really neat personal things. If totally stuck can't go past quality, crisp white sheets!

 

[jaycee]

Cash is king I've been told

 

[Kristine..]

Give a Wedding Set of Mint Coins from the Royal Australian Mint

http://mintissue.ramint.gov.au/mintissue/product.asp?code=210008

There is a pocket inside to put a photo of the Happy Couple into the presentation case, and a small decal plaque to engrave

We gave a Set to No: 1 Son when he married. The Value of Marriage is enduring and there were lots of jokes about The Best Investment of your Life etc,

I asked that they leave the Set open in front of the Cake and a lot of people came over to me and asked where I had got the set from

Everyone was most impressed: The Marriage, and the Coins, were in mint condition that day, and will, we hope, improve in value year on year

Hope this helps
Kristine

 

[wylie]

When it comes to weddings, I give cash. As you say, most people have everything they need and have already 'set up house' prior to the wedding. If they are going on a honeymoon, your gift of cash can be spent on their special holiday and I'd bet they would appreciate it more than another set of towels.

At the risk of sounding like an extremely ungrateful sod here - I remember opening the gifts after my own wedding day and having to force one of those 'I'm smiling but thinking this gift is cheap and crappy and you are one miserable tight-a#### cheapskate' smiles. PLEASE PEOPLE - whether you give a gift, cash, gift voucher, whatever, it should atleast be to the same value that it would have cost the bride/groom/their families to have you (and your partner?) at their wedding. I usually go by what it would cost us to have dinner at a nice restaurant, plus a few alcoholic drinks as a guide.

This is pretty much how I feel. I am a 51 year old female but as a 26 year old bride I also had to force that smile in front of my future mother-in-law whilst opening a gift from the "very successful, millionaire relatives" - full of expectation - to find the cheapest plastic clock with tacky gold trim and fluro butterflies on painted flowers. It was hideous. They didn't travel to the wedding (but travel plenty of other times for holidays) but instead sent "the clock".

I also probably sound like a spoilt brat, and it would have been better if the mother-in-law wasn't rabbiting on about how rich and successful these folk were, how their taste would be fabulous, yada, yada, yada.

We would have loved some second hand, quality crystal glasses or vases from a second hand or antique shop, but it seems people think you want everything new... or a toaster.

I was really peeved when we went as a family recently to hubby's nephew's wedding. They had lived together for a few years, had a house already, so they requested a "wishing well". We put in $200 and I'm still waiting for a thank you. It was a country wedding, catered by her family, nice, but certainly not expensive. $200 for five of us was acceptable in my eyes and would certainly have more than covered the per head cost for us to be there, and I would guess it would have been at the higher end, knowing the rest of the family .

The thing that riles is that the parents on both sides would be saying things like "the young ones today have no manners", but where is the direction from either set of parents that wedding gifts need a thank you card, phone call, heck I'd be happy with a bloody text saying thank you.

Rant over now

 

[jaycee]

This is pretty much how I feel. I am a 51 year old female but as a 26 year old bride I also had to force that smile in front of my future mother-in-law whilst opening a gift from the "very successful, millionaire relatives" - full of expectation - to find the cheapest plastic clock with tacky gold trim and fluro butterflies on painted flowers. It was hideous. They didn't travel to the wedding (but travel plenty of other times for holidays) but instead sent "the clock".

I also probably sound like a spoilt brat, and it would have been better if the mother-in-law wasn't rabbiting on about how rich and successful these folk were, how their taste would be fabulous, yada, yada, yada.

We would have loved some second hand, quality crystal glasses or vases from a second hand or antique shop, but it seems people think you want everything new... or a toaster.

I was really peeved when we went as a family recently to hubby's nephew's wedding. They had lived together for a few years, had a house already, so they requested a "wishing well". We put in $200 and I'm still waiting for a thank you. It was a country wedding, catered by her family, nice, but certainly not expensive. $200 for five of us was acceptable in my eyes and would certainly have more than covered the per head cost for us to be there, and I would guess it would have been at the higher end, knowing the rest of the family .

The thing that riles is that the parents on both sides would be saying things like "the young ones today have no manners", but where is the direction from either set of parents that wedding gifts need a thank you card, phone call, heck I'd be happy with a bloody text saying thank you.

Rant over now

I've never been offended over not recieving an official thank you..
Though I was pleased to receive one

 

[gottabespotless]

This is pretty much how I feel. I am a 51 year old female but as a 26 year old bride I also had to force that smile in front of my future mother-in-law whilst opening a gift from the "very successful, millionaire relatives" - full of expectation - to find the cheapest plastic clock with tacky gold trim and fluro butterflies on painted flowers. It was hideous. They didn't travel to the wedding (but travel plenty of other times for holidays) but instead sent "the clock".

*tries to breathe as laughing so hard*

 

[wylie]

I've never been offended over not recieving an official thank you..
Though I was pleased to receive one

Maybe "thank you" cards are considered old-fashioned nowdays. Am I sounding like an old fart?

But if somebody... anybody gave me $200 I would thank them. There is so much tradition tied up in a wedding. They want all the traditional stuff but don't want to do the traditional "thank you".

When we saw this couple a few months after, we didn't get a thank you in person either. I should have done what hubby suggested and put in $50 .

 

[Jacque]

When I turned a significant age recently I elected to collect donations for Youth Off the Streets- a charity run by Fr Chris Riley, whom I think is pretty special. I really don't need anything I don't already have (ok apart from peace and quiet from the teenagers and the occasional two days off in row!) and couldn't see the point of people coming laden with gifts I really didn't need. It felt a lot better to support others who really needed it.

Over the past 5 yrs I've also noticed a real trend towards donations as an alternative to gifts- whether or not it's buying a goat or a well for a third world village or donating to a favourite charity it's easy to organise and guests don't need to agonize over what to give you. There's even been weddings of members on here who've elected to collect donations for good works, rather than collect more pots and pans

Another relative of mind recently had a party and collected for the Celebral Palsy Foundation. Another friend asked for donations to The Cancer Council and raised an impressive $5K- not bad for a small party. Why not ask your BIL if he would like a donation made in his name as an alternative?
Enjoy the wedding!

 

[Jacque]

Hehe the clock story reminded me of a friend who attended a wedding and watched in horror as the bride unwrapped a crystal vase that her groom had given to one of the aunts as an Anniversary gift some 5 yrs earlier..... luckily he didn't notice but apparently the box was showing its age so it was obvious it had been sitting on a shelf for some time

 

[Cdro]

Hehe the clock story reminded me of a friend who attended a wedding and watched in horror as the bride unwrapped a crystal vase that her groom had given to one of the aunts as an Anniversary gift some 5 yrs earlier..... luckily he didn't notice but apparently the box was showing its age so it was obvious it had been sitting on a shelf for some time

I'm torn - is that strategy stingy or just highly practical....

GG, when we got married a couple of years ago, we lived together, but still got lots of house stuff that we really liked. Or favourites were a small coffee machine, some towels that actually matched (very important for people like us who love some order in our lives!), and some nice silverware. We also got a toaster that I was super excited about because it could do 4 slices at once - it took breakfast to a whole new level of efficiency!

There are also some more uncommon kitchen items that would be ok if they like to cook - juicer, breadmaker, icecream maker, pasta maker. Or maybe nice recipe books? Or if they don't cook, maybe a voucher for a nice restaurant? Or a weekend away somewhere? I'm not sure where they live, but maybe a voucher for the theatre if they like that sort of stuff?

If in doubt, glassware is the safest generic gift that it's possible to purchase. But maybe too generic for family....

What about 5 bottles of wine, all of different ages, for them to enjoy at each of their first 5 anniversaries? You can probably even order them online and get the labels personalised. Or, if they like wine, maybe a nice decanter?

Or, if none of these work, I find that google is my best friend when I'm looking for gift ideas. Good luck!

 

[MangoMadness]

I dont give (or expect) presents very much but when I do I like giving presents that have a personal touch that hopefully noone else would give them

Maybe a set of custom poker chips, or an embossed leather notepad cover or a hardbacked poster with a personal image in the middle with a heap of space around the outside that people at the event can sign or give a message and being hard backed would last a long time. Or even just buying a wicker basket and filling it with stuff that those people like like a few bags of M&M's or something.

To me a store bought gift is generally something that people buy as a chore, a gift that takes some thought or effort to get together is more personal and has greater impact.

 

[Belbo]

Weddings? For non-relatives, $500 cash. For relatives, $1,000 cash. It's ordained by the universe to get you off the ****-list and guarantee a 'thank you' every time. Adjust by rounding up for the CPI and you'll be considered visionary. But if your family and friends aren't scrimping, I'd agree wholeheartedly with the charity drive. Never done it yet (was honestly always too poor when it counted way back when), but think it's an excellent idea for better-off people to consider. Plan to re-marry the missus for the heck of it one day (sshhh!): That'd be a good time to do it!

 

[chrispy]

A cousin asked that we all give a goat, cow etc instead of wedding presents. She goes to India on her annual holidays and sets up palative care centres and teaches people to run them. Her new husband is totally supportive and helps where he can.

Knowing their passion for the villages we all did as we were told

Chris

 

[jaycee]

A cousin asked that we all give a goat, cow etc instead of wedding presents. She goes to India on her annual holidays and sets up palative care centres and teaches people to run them. Her new husband is totally supportive and helps where he can.

Knowing their passion for the villages we all did as we were told

Chris

I'd have liked to see all the guests bring the gifts to the reception centre