difficult boss

[artemis]

any ideas of how to deal with a difficult boss?
i'm an educational psych and have been working at my current school for 7 months.
my boss, who happens to be the principal, is moody, irritable, unapproachable and seems to lack empathy and compassion for the students and staff.

i'm finding it extremely hard to work with her, especially when she doesn't acknowledge me or the other psychs or health professionals. if she sees any of us walking towards her, she turns her back and walks the other way. she refuses to believe that stress and anxiety affect performance, and instead punishes the students for not working hard enough. we tend to clash over the students repeatedly!

i am on a contract and really do need this job. how do i get her on side?
has anyone had to deal with a difficult boss and if so, what strategies did you use?

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

You don't. Just get on with the business of doing your job and deal with her only when you have to. No point in worrying about something or someone you have no influence over.

 

[mary&mat]

Hi artemis,

A childish response, but satisfying nonetheless...a work colleague rubbed his bare backside on a boss's keyboard one night when we were working late...many chuckles the next day when we saw her using it

She could be one of those office bullys. If so, there's probably no good way of dealing with her except to not let her see you reacting to what she says & does. Hopefully she will trip herself up soon & the school board will be on her back. Not a good situation for you, I wish you all the strength you will need to deal with her.

Regards,
M&M

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Here was my situation. I worked with a boss who was like yours. Moody, irritable and unapproachable. When I first started working with her, it was obvious almost from the start she didn't like me. What I'd done to her, I have no idea.

I would make small talk and try to strike up conversations with her, to no avail. After a while, I just gave up. At least you have an entire school to avoid this woman - where I worked, there were four of us working in a room that was about 5m x 5m.

So I just claimed a corner of the room as my own, dealt with her when I needed to and left her alone otherwise. I would just go in, do my job and during downtime I would read and use the time to my advantage.

 

[wylie]

Are you concerned about her interaction with the students? I read your comments to mean you are more concerned about the students and other staff than just yourself?

If it is just yourself, then I'd say ignore her and do the best you can with minimal contact. But if the students are suffering under her behaviour, then that is more difficult.

She may be there a looooong time. My kids are no longer at the school that I was no longer happy about. I kept thinking the person involved would soon be promoted and gone, but my kids are now gone and he is still there. Nobody is happy and everyone is waiting for him to go so the morale improves.

 

[weg]

Agree with Mark. Schools are big places so much easier to avoid someone like that than if working along side them.

If you're not being targeted personally I'd just do my job as best I can and keep contact where possible to a minimum (easy if she 'turns and walks away' ). That way the kids and you aren't compromised.

Our last principle was disliked by students and I heard, was not very popular with teachers either as he had very high expectations of everyone and a low tolerance for excuses, but did have the school running at a very high standard.

Could she be seeing that stress (?poor behaviour and achievement) as an excuse for not performing?

 

[.toe]

If you have to deal with her and cant ignore her then perhaps you can reframe your arguements in a way that suit her motivations.

If her assesment is always that a problem is solved by working harder then any problem which requires her input could be framed around work ethic. For example if a student has problems at home then instead of talking about a psychological issue with your boss you might talk about how the issues unavoidbly cut into the students productive time, so your help is required.

It wont make the two of you into best friends but maybe it'll help.

 

[weg]

if she sees any of us walking towards her, she turns her back and walks the other way. she refuses to believe that stress and anxiety affect performance, and instead punishes the students for not working hard enough. we tend to clash over the students repeatedly!

i am on a contract and really do need this job. how do i get her on side?
has anyone had to deal with a difficult boss and if so, what strategies did you use?

I think the person 'punishing' should be someone other than the psych and a separate issue to your counceling and any programs you set up for a child, in a school or institutional setting.

Punishment should always be the same for everyone with the exception of very few cases.

Is this where you might be clashing?

 

[Olly]

What do the other health professionals have to say about her? How do they cope with her? Have you talked amongst yourself about her attitude? Are they on contracts too and afraid to say anything?

Can you complain to the right people - Board of Education(?). If not, can you manipulate things in such a way so that students via parents make complaints so an investigation is started.

Horrible situation - don't envy you.

Good luck

Olly

 

[Dazz]

any ideas of how to deal with a difficult boss?

That's where you are going wrong. You don't "deal with" a boss, you work for them. Do as you're told and things won't be difficult.

i'm an educational psych and have been working at my current school for 7 months.

There's your glaring problem right there.

my boss, who happens to be the principal, is....

....in charge, outranks you in every respect, and has no doubt been there a lot longer than you and has inordinately more on her shoulders. Stop being a pain in the @$$ to her and start helping her run her school.

i'm finding it extremely hard to work with her

Once again, stop trying to work with her and start working for her.

she refuses to believe that stress and anxiety affect performance

Stop stressing her out and do as you're told. That should help the situation enormously. Your trouble is you think your opinion outranks your boss' opinion....when it doesn't.

we tend to clash over the students repeatedly!

Well stop clashing with her and do as you are told.

i am on a contract and really do need this job.

So button your lip and do as your boss tells you to do.

how do i get her on side?

You don't. She doesn't want you "on side". She wants you to shut up and do as you're told.

has anyone had to deal with a difficult boss and if so, what strategies did you use?

Yes, plenty of 'em...in fact - all of 'em. What "strategies" did I employ ?? None. I didn't "deal with" any of 'em.

I simply buttoned my lip and did exactly as I was told. All of a sudden they weren't difficult anymore...


Do you see a pattern forming ??

 

[jezza]

Do you see a pattern forming ??

Not really Dazz, what do you really think?


However there is 1 quote that really strikes reality, which I am sure your boss is aware of " i am on a contract and really do need this job"

Ultimately if you don't like it go and work for someone else,not sure your age or how many jobs you have had but this is how many businesses operate

Jezza

 

[WinstonWolfe]

any ideas of how to deal with a difficult boss?
i'm an educational psych and have been working at my current school for 7 months.

You mean you are a health professional with at least a double major in psych, and you are stumped on your first difficult boss? I'd ask for your HECs back.

Seriously though, tbh is a teacher and she finds the ed psychs at her place ineffective upper middle class DINKs who want to wrap all the kiddies in cotton wool (her language not mine). She reckons they don't believe 10yo's can be manipulative lying little PITAs. The kids run rings around them, then get sent back to class feeling special....and get time off for a series of 'special' consults. Most of them just need their parents to grow up and feed them 3 square meals a day and get them into bed before 9pm, without a bloody internet connection.

 

[AlmostBob]

DINKs, love such acronyms
20somethings in DKNY & FUBU

Dont
Know
Nothing
Yet

F----
Up
Beyond
Use

 

[angela1]

If you are being bullied or harrassed, you will have some formal grievance procedure to follow.
However, as you say, you are on a contract and you may find it will be terminated early if you ruffle the wrong feathers.
I have just been transferred into another supervising position, where the previous supervisor had been reported to the union over bullying issues. She was transferred rather quickly and quietly to another area, and now I have to clean up her legacy of a broken team, yay.

 

[pennyk]

I would make an appt with her and ask her directly if there is something you are doing that she is unhappy with, and what you can do that will support her more.
I have worked as a health professional in a school environment, and there is definintely often a clash of cultures and expectations. But you need to take the step in finding out what her expectations are and how you can better meet them.
Do you have performance reviews/ clear responsibilities/ outcomes etc? If not, I would ask her for her help to set something up, with some clear goals and responsibilities for the coming 6 months, and ask for monthly formal reviews to get feedback on how you are performing.
If, after this, you can't work together, then I would move to another job. But you should take it as a good opportunity to learn how to work with difficult people, because that is a clear requirement for a psychologist!!
To give you some hope, my current boss was impossible to work with for the first 6 mths he was there. He was irritable and picky and insecure etc. I had made several complaints about him to his managers and addressed issues directly with him, and nothing seemed to work. I'm not sure exactly what changed and when... I think there was a shift in attitudes on both sides. We've now been working together very successfully for around 4.5 years and I would gladly recommend him as a manager.

Pen

 

[WinstonWolfe]

On a nicer note Artemis, I agree with PennyK.
You cannot let this go on.....You need to confront her objectively and frankly, and ask her to be brutally blunt with you, off the record, what issues she has with you.....and how the two of you can have a more productive association.

THe worst thing you can do is talk behind her back with other staff and avoid bringing whatever is annoying her into the open. Depending on her character, she may evade a confrontation and attribute her irritability towards health issues, PMT or a host of other things, but I think you know she has a well developed antagonism towards you and others.

And I'd say the reason she hasn't been more open is she feels you are incapable of seeing the world through anyone else's eyes but your own......which isn't a strength for a counseling psychologist.

Before you approach her though for an off the record cards on the table confrontation, I'd suggest you revisit whether your views and actions have imposed unreasonable loads on teachers. Have your decisions/suggestions/reports been balanced in their respect of time and energy demands on teachers, as you try to help children with issues.

 

[Francine]

My kids went to a school with such a damaging priciple and the counsellirs were very important to get a situation dealt with humanely .

Some say u should talk to her .

I don't .

I think the world is full if heartless difficult bosses and nothing is achieved by drawing attention to ourselves .
We can try to laugh chat .
If it goesnt work we can stay away and watch for other job offers .



I was once told to pretend u r playing the
surviving work school Un. Family gatherings etc game .
Make urself easy to get along with and stay out if dramas as much as possible .

Some people believe in laws if attraction that our thoughts can effect our lives .
So imagine being happy at work and hopefully u will b led to experience that somehow somewhere or other.

Some believe that if we imagine twice daily for a few minutes giving presents to someone difficult , that it changes the energy and something will change . It sounds weird but when I've done I t it had immediate effects . Prople change , leave , try it if u like .
My heart goes out to anyone working with difficult people . Too often it's solved by leaving and causes illness stress and emotional scars .

Good luck

Francine

 

[artemis]

must confess that i had a bit of a chuckle with some of the responses!
some of the responses resonated greatly with me, so thanks

i ended up speaking with the senior psychologist and even he finds her difficult.
best advice is just to stay away on my side of the building until otherwise needed.

wistonwolfe - Most of them just need their parents to grow up and feed them 3 square meals a day and get them into bed before 9pm, without a bloody internet connection.
great philosophy but if everyone followed it, 3/4 of school psychs would be out of work!!